BETCHES LOVE THIS

Pink...the beautiful mixture of harsh yet passionate red with  pure, clean white. This exquisite color is associated with gaiety and the effervescence of youth. Unfortunately, not everybody deems pink

the Queen of Colors. Some embittered souls complain that girls are coerced by society and the media into liking pink since birth. After all, it's no secret that baby girls are expected to wear pink, while boys are expected to wear blue. Logically, it makes sense that different colors are appropriated to different genders, since most babies look like androgynous, amorphous little blobs as is. When you see a baby in pink you automatically know it's a "she," thus avoiding possible social faux-pas such as "Aw, he looks just like his father!"

It is true that girls are almost predestined to acquire a predilection for pink, just as fetuses fostered
in the wombs of alcoholic mothers have a higher likelihood of growing into adults who hide flasks in their pea coats and dream of pink elephants. Since most toys, blankets, and clothes for baby girls are pink, we are simply around the color more. As a result of such social conditioning, some girls
revolt in protest and are determined to shun pink from their lives. When they are grown and able to make purchasing decisions for themselves they adamantly avoid the happy hue- a sad mistake. Instead, one should be prudent and accept the fact that pink was forced upon us, a sort
of serendipitous twist of fate. If we had been born the opposite gender, we would never have the opportunity to wear soft, pink satin shirts without being labeled either a)metro b)gay or c)overly confident. Only Jay Gatsby can pull off a bright pink suit, and he does not exist.

When the term "girly
girl" comes to mind, one usually imagines a Barbie-doll type girl laden in
pink. Pink clothes, pink nails, pink lipstick, pink '57 Dusk Rose T-Bird...pink everything and anything. The more of a girly girl one is, the more pink there is in her life- and no, this does not apply to eye-shadow. Pink simply makes everything better and reaffirms one's identity as a girl while making the necessary objects of life (blow-dryer, tweezers, etc) and the hopelessly boring ones (graphing calculator, protractor) a lot more aesthetically pleasing. As Elle Woods showed us, it can even make law school bearable.

Remember, just like after snacking on one too many chocolate truffles or deciding to have a
third piña colada, you can make yourself sick from too much pink. Though pink may be the alpha and omega of colors, remember that at least a little moderation is usually wise in certain situations. If you're going to paint your bedroom walls pink, do not make them a gaudy shade of hot pink, which will nauseate you after a mere few days. Your bedroom should be your haven, your refuge from the outside world, your safe space- not a place which molests your eyes every time you enter it. If you have a penchant for hot pink, simply use pink accents on a white or cream-colored wall. If you insist that your entire walls  be pink, choose a delicate, pastry-colored shade. If you decide to wear pink, do not wear pink on both top and bottom- you will look like a tawdry baby prostitute. A touch of
pink can add a lot of life to blacks and browns, and adding pink to a white ensemble will make you the fairest and daintiest princess of them all. If you wear pink lipstick, make sure it resembles a natural shade, not something that Nicki Minaj would ever wear. There is a very fine line between fashionable and outright tacky.

Audrey Hepburn's oft-overlooked
classic film "Funny Face" emphasizes the superiority of pink over
other colors. The Editor-in-Chief of the fictitious Quality Magazine boasts:

"Think pink! think pink! when
you shop for summer clothes.

Think pink! think pink! if you want that quelque chose.

Red is dead, blue is through,

Green's obscene, brown's taboo.

And there is not the slightest excuse for plum or puce

—or chartreuse.

Think pink! forget that Dior says black and rust.

Think pink! who cares if the new look has no bust.

Now, I wouldn't presume to tell a woman

what a woman oughta think,

But tell her if she's gotta think: think pink—!"

Most enlightened folk appreciate
just how special pink is. For example, Aerosmith's hit song, "Pink,"
is an ode to that irresistible color. Steve Tyler confesses that "...pink gets me high as a kite" while not so eloquently defining pink as "like red but not quite." Victoria's Secret brand marketers appeal
to their teen customers with their PINK line, while their general image is focused around pink and girliness. Even Picasso went through his French-inspired Rose Period (rose is "pink" en français) from 1904-1906, using heavy tones of pinks to cancel out with his previously somber Blue
Period. Is it a coincidence that when Picasso finally started emerging from his deep, two-year depression AND simultaneously fell in love, he decided to change his theme to pink? I think not.

Remember, pink can make everything in life more fun and beautiful, if used correctly. If you're feeling unhealthy or pale, dab some pink blush on your cheeks for instant rejuvenation. If you feel frumpy, throw on a pink shirt with some cute accessories. If you want to stand out at a party, don a pink dress (too many girls opt for the slimming, unassuming black, which is just boring and unimaginative). Wearing pink shows that you are PROUD of your femininity, that you embrace it despite the Feminazis who ceaselessly insist that girly girls set back America fifty years. If your girlfriends are coming over for some chick-flicks and gossip, why not make that lemonade pink? And if you're wondering what color to frost your cupcakes, need I answer?