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204. Your Doorman
As we’ve stated several times, #50 guy friends don’t really exist for betches. With the exception of your GBFF, there’s always that underlying tension...
THEBETCHLIST
Your life, in list form.
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203. All Things Neon
Neon sneakers, neon crop tops, neon nail polish. Like thunder announces lightning or Kristen Stewart's casting announces a movie will suck, wherever you...
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202. Getting Shit For Free
It’s well known that most betches are rich as fuck. Be it from a long line of old trust fund money like former betch Paris Hilton or via hard work...
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201. Being Gluten-Free (sometimes)
Every betch knows that gluten is super bad for you. And by bad for you, we mean it's bad for people to think you eat any. You don't need to be Dr. Drake...
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200. Snapchat
If 2011 was BBM and 2012 was iMessage, then 2013 is Snapchat. Aside from giving us another excuse to take selfies of the most beautiful person we know,...
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199. Chasers
"Chasers are a very big thing for you" - When Harry Met Vodka When it comes to drinking liquids, whether it's #44 diet coke, #54 iced coffee, or semen,...
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198. The Instawhore
You may not know the hashtag but you definitely know the girl. She's the one who's constantly pic-stitching a sunset with a vodka soda, photographing her...
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197. Overreacting
As betches from birth we've obviously gotten used to a life of #192 getting whatever the fuck we want right now. And while that's true 99% of the time,...
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196. Not Having a Sense of Direction
As we’ve seen before, a cornerstone of the betch life is a lack of caring about boring things like world news and other people’s feelings. But the...
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195. Equinox
When it comes to betches and exercise, from Soul Cycle to Smart Water we've covered nearly all the bases (not really, fuck baseball) of #118 working...
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194. Calling Out The Serial Cheater
John Mayer. Hugh Grant. Tiger Woods. Eddie Cibrian. Jesse James. Jude Law. Ryan Phillippe. The time has come for us to #88 stop and chat about a...
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193. Expensive iPhone Cases
If the iPhone is the gateway to a betch's soul, then the outer shell which protects it is practically as sacred as the gates of fucking heaven hell. ...
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192. Getting Shit NOW
“Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself” –Kelly Kapoor It’s Friday night. You're running 200% late to the...
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191. Whole Foods
As you already know, betches and food go together about as well as Christina Aguilera and a shower. From our early tweens we had to train ourselves to...
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190. Black
Mascara. Your Chanel bag. Maybe your iPhone. Sunglasses. Jay Z. What do all these things have in common? They're all black, and they're all betchy....
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189. Nail Polish
“If you want a scary black lady to like you, compliment her nails. It always works for me at the bank” -- Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock Let’s travel back...
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188. The Former Fat Bro
Leo: You shouldn’t have lost all that weight man. There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man. Ira: I know, it’s lame right? Leo: Yeah, no...
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187. Homeland
Sometimes when a high quality but kind of unbetchy show starts on a premium channel we'll get really into it but won't be sure why. In Homeland's case it...
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186. Starbucks
It all started in middle school when one of our more mature besties suggested we try this new amazing thing called a frappucino. She said it's like...
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185. Giving Dirty Looks
There comes a point in every betch’s day when someone says, does, or eats something so offensive that words cannot possibly express your overdramatized...
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184. Perfume
Perfume is every betch’s secret weapon. From making bros subconsciously fall in love with us to causing our professors to lean in just a little closer...
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183. Classy Equestrian Shit
A true betch comes into the world on a high horse, which is why equestrian shit is a natural part of our upbringing. This is where we hone our...
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182. Sorority Lineages
As we’ve already established, betches love the greek system. Not only does it institutionalize passing judgment upon others based on the whiteness of...
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181. Cleanses
“Iʼm getting my life together, Iʼm going on a cleanse to detox!” - a statement that gets us through our Sunday morning regrets like blow gets models...
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180. Going to the Bathroom in Groups
Unfortunately for betches everywhere, Bridesmaids let the world in on the longest kept secret in history: girls shit. That scene also shadily tapped in...
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179. Expensive Workout Clothes
Whether you consider yourself a psychotic marathon betch or the lazy fucker who has decided to channel her inner zen Buddah before bi-annual yoga,...
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178. Hummus
As betches who reserve the limited space in our hearts for items of true value like gold studded iphone cases and red sole shoes, it's obvious that the...
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177. Online Shopping
We’ve already established that #77 shopping is one of the betchiest pastimes, alongside getting biweekly manicures and classily drinking until you pass...
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176. Not Giving a Shit about Change
"Why the fuck do they even make dollar bills?" Maybe you read the title of this post and were slightly confused. We're obviously not talking about...
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175. Being A Vegetarian (sometimes)
We all know the betch whose reason for being so trim isn't that she worships at the #168 Soul Cycle cult or that she's always #5 dieting. She just calls...
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174. Collar Boning
As betches across the globe mourn the beginning of the end of summer, things can get really depressing. While most of us have been raging hard all...
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173. Talking About Celebs
When it comes to filling free time, bros have sports, nicegirls have Judy Blume, grandbetches have mah jong, and betches have #1 talking shit. But there...
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172. Getting Ready
As betches, it goes without saying that we're naturally beautiful. Few creatures walk the Earth boasting chiseled abs and perfect features on the same...
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171. Philanthropy Events
Giving back to the community is one of the most important things a betch can do in life. If there's anything Zoolander taught us, it's that pretending to...
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170. Naps
There are few activities betches love more than those that solely benefit ourselves. Be this working out, doing drugs, charging shit to our dads' credit...
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169. Reflective Surfaces
As hot betches, people are always staring at us and wondering what genetic miracle happened to create someone so amazing looking. But occasionally, we're...
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168. Soul Cycle
For betches who embrace #118 working out as a lifestyle, no two words are trendier than 'Soul Cycle.' I mean, it’s part exercise, part cocktail party....
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167. Forgetting Names
"I’m going to walk up to him and say the four most vicious words you can say to a person you’ve already met. ‘Nice to meet you’" - Jenna Maroney...
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166. Investment Bankers
PR girls majored in him. He’s dead to at least a few people. You don’t need a JP Morgan access pass to find him, but you will need to prepare for a sense...
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165. “My Life is a Joke”
It's Friday morning, you just woke up and you realize that you’ve completely forgotten the night before. You call your friend and she explains how you...
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164. White Anglo-Saxon Betches (WASBs)
In life there are many symbols that alert us to the culture of those around us. The French have Hermes, our gay BFFs have black v-necks, and nicegirls...
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163. Being Cold
Since it's hot as fuck outside and we naturally need something to bitch about, we felt the time was right to share our love for the betchiest state...
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162. Hating On Public Transportation
While any idiot would say that everyone hates public transportation, we’re here to clarify that nobody hates it quite like a betch. No, it's not because...
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161. Drunk Brunch
What’s only available on the weekends, doesn’t exist before 12pm, and is always blackout? Betches, fucking duh. Oh, and brunch. ...
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160. “Dying”
This week’s lesson in betchy linguistics seems somber at first glance, but as with all things associated with being better than everyone, there is so...
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159. Drunk Bonding
So you’ve been at the frat with your besties for like 15 Avicii songs now, and despite your extensive pregame it’s time to hit the fucking bar. You’re...
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158. Foreign Bros
Name: Foreign Bro Age: Legal to drink in my country Location: Club tables Current Relationship Status: Always single Current BBM Status: “NYC for...
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157. Hating the WGG
As a social betch with a drinking schedule more jampacked than Octomom's fallopian tubes, we often find ourselves in the same room as annoying bitches....
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156. PLL
Lets be frank and call a spade a fucking spade. Whether you're in your tweens, teens or twenties, you shadily watch Pretty Little Liars. If you say you...
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155. Instagram
"The invention of Instagram. For those of you who aren't familiar, it's about to be the next big thing, so you better get on the Instagram train and...
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154. Rolling Deep
As a hot and likable betch with many friends and minions, you're bound to have a lot of #144 anxiety over your packed social life. You would never refer...
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153. “You Would”
"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" - Girl with Skechers, 10 Things I Hate About You ...
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152. Expensive Skin Shit
When we say expensive skin shit we are obviously referring to the large collection of skin and body products that, as a betch, it's your duty to...
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151. The Limbo Bitch
As friendships go, most betches have an array of besties. From ones they've known since they were two years old, to those they met in college, to the...
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150. Country Clubs
Ever since slavery was abolished, there have been few institutionalized ways for rich white people to show how much better they are than everyone. But...
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149. Themed Parties
Nerds, business women, Jersey Shore castmates, midwesterners, duct tape. What do all these things have in common? They're people who like to do work,...
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148. The Maybe Gay Bro
Yes, you know who we're talking about. It's the guy with the chiseled abs whose summer polos perfectly match his boat shoes, the one who hooks up with...
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147. Titanic
So recently there is a 3D movie craze that everyone is obsessed with. Along with the American public's hard on for motion pictures with multiple...
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146. The Shared Guy
We all know this bro. He's the one with whom you and all your friends have drunkenly made out. The guy who's your #50 guy friend until you're too high to...
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145. Day Drinking
Whether you live in a place like Miami where the weather is always nice, or New York where it's finally just starting to get warm, it's inevitable that...
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144. “Having Anxiety”
"This post is giving me anxiety" - The Betches If there's anything celebrity meltdowns and The Bachelor have taught us, it's the huge toll that...
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143. Jewish American Betches
Chelsea Handler. Sloan from Entourage. Rachel Zoe. Joan Rivers. Cher Horowitz. Larry David. What do all these people have in common? They're not goyim,...
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142. “Stoppp, I can’t”
Imagine your bestie says to you, "Omg, I didn't tell you!" Your ears immediately perk up because you know you're about to hear some seriously interesting...
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141. Calling Out Hipsters
As you all know, we've thoroughly discussed who the betch is and her amazing ways. But now it's time to delve into the only thing worse than a nice girl,...
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140. Tequila
With #26 Spring Break upon us, betches all over the world are taking a break from drinking their vodka sodas to support a business from south of the...
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139. Losing Shit
It's 11 am on Saturday morning. You pry your eyes open between the layers of mascara attached to your face and awaken to realize this is not your...
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138. “I Meeaannn”
Like we've said before, being a betch can be challenging in that we often have to deal with outsiders who don't get us. These are the people who don't...
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137. Being Bored
You're bored. We know this not because it's Monday, but because being bored is a fundamental creed of The Betch Life. We're almost willing to bet you...
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136. College Athletes
When it comes to college, a betch will usually encounter a plethora of guys who bring something special and douchey to the table. But with their sick...
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135. Party Fouls
Considering a betch's standard morning usually begins with a more thorough investigation of just how she wound up in her bed (or someone else's) than...
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134. Dancing on Tables
It's Friday night and you and your besties are at a bar, talking to bros, drinking, giving dirty looks, the usual. All of a sudden the music fades out...
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133. Gum
Ever since we were young betches-in-training, people have been telling us to stop chewing gum. No gum in class, no gum at the dinner table, no gum during...
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132. New Year’s Eve
As Decembetch comes to an end betches everywhere begin to reflect on the year that's just passed. Who got a boyfriend this year? How much more fun was...
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131. Being Sick
So it's Decembetch and along with being the betchiest month, it's also a prime month for gross illnesses like the flu and winter coughs. Whether the bro...
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130. Driving Like a Fucking Idiot
As smart betches, we know that happiness in life lies in the journey, and not just the destination. Understanding this makes us value the car we drive,...
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129. Making Shit Up
As a betch, the art of manipulation is something we’ve been perfecting since we were in diapers, dragging our dads to Toys ‘R’ Us to buy us our first...
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128. Betch Code
Along with being a betch comes a few essential unwritten rules. It's pretty obvious to every betch that doing things like drinking regular Coke, dating a...
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127. Turning 21
Throughout our betchy lives we hit many exciting milestones. The first being the most amazing miracle since the immaculate conception: the day we were...
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126. Skiing
With Decembetch upon us we felt it necessary to introduce another favored sport amongst betches. Skiing, fucking duh, it says it in the title. A true...
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125. Decembetch
So like we said yesterday, we're declaring December to be the first official International Betch Month. At first we were just going to make a Betch...
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124. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
So it’s the end of November and fat season is upon us. Yes, gone are the hot nights of summer when all we needed was a high-waisted skirt and a crop...
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123. Hating People Who TTH
A fundamental tenet of the Betch Life is obviously #36 not doing work. But let's talk about the hard worker's fat cousin: the person who tries too hard....
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122. Being Inappropriate
As a classy betch, chances are you have no problem maintaining the appearance of poise and class. However, along with not giving a shit what people think...
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121. “Casual”
Another lesson in betchy linguistics: Casual is one of those words you hear everyday, be it from parents "How are you so casual about not getting a job...
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120. Serial Daters
We all know these types of betches and bros. They’re the ones who haven’t been single since they were twelve, and if they have been, it was for about 3...
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119. Magazines
When was the last time you thought, "Oh maybe I'll read a book that doesn't involve sex, drugs, or Lauren Conrad's autobiography." We bet it was back in...
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118. Working Out
As betches hate doing work and love going out, we're placed in an obvious moral predicament when it comes to working out. When running texting really...
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117. The Token Asian Betch
Lucy Liu. The psycho from the Social Network. Lily Pritchett. Lloyd from Entourage. Fook Mi and Fook Yu. What do all these people have in common?...
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116. Halloween
Everyone knows that Halloween and New Years are the two nights a year when the freaks come out. It’s when people nice girls who never go out do. Ugh. For...
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115. Dating Deal Breakers
Betches, we’ve all been there. You met this pro at a bar a few weeks ago and you’re rounding out the end of date three. Everything’s been going pretty...
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114. Salad
When a betch goes out to a restaurant with her besties, she immediately scans the menu for the soups and salads. Why skip the appetizers and the entrées?...
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113. Eyebrows
Every betch knows that eyebrows are shadily the part of our face that we devote the most attention and mental energy to. Why? Because your eyebrows are...
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112. Talking About Yourself
So let's talk about one of our favorite topics: ourselves and why everyone wants to be us. We're surprised there aren't college courses devoted to the...
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111. The 1%
For the past few days, we’ve been hearing murmurs about something called Occupy Wall Street. We assumed it had something to do with a fucking career...
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110. The Kardashians
After watching the thought provoking and completely necessary four hour special on Kim Kardashian's wedding, we found it was due time that the Kardashian...
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109. “Having ADD”
How frequently do you hear or speak the words "Ugh, I'm having such bad ADD"? If this term is unfamiliar to you, you're probably not reading this website...
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108. Being Late
If people are always telling you to hurry up or you're consistently late to everything, these are some of the tell-tale signs that you are a betch. As...
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107. Not Branching Out
Betches, take a look around you. Chances are you’re #23 pregaming with the same group of besties you’ve been drinking with since freshman year…of high...
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106. Betches Love This City: Munich
It may seem weird that betches would love some random city in Germany, although we heard there was a movie about it once. In honor of the last day of...
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105. “It’s Like, Whatever”
Another betchy linguistics lesson... "It's like, whatever" might be the betchiest expression in the English language. It incorporates two of our favs,...
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104. Token Hated Body Part
Whoever said nobody's perfect clearly never met a betch. However, going around telling the world what is obvious to everyone might make some extremely...
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103. Birth Control
The issue of birth control has been a heated one ever since the ancient Egyptians used gynecological papyrus to ward off their betch-hating babies (we...
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102. Betches Love This City: Barcelona
Be it studying abroad or just visiting for the weekend, every betch knows that when it comes to Europe, Barcelona is one of the betchiest cities. So...
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101. Makeup
While betches are naturally gorgeous, makeup is a necessary tool in bringing out our God-given beauty and exuding a certain impression. The art of...
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100. Talking Shit 2.0
We know, we've already written extensively on the importance of habitual shit-talking. We get it, and no, we haven't run out of fucking ideas. In honor...
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99. Betchhood
Growing up, our teachers taught us that it's important to know where we came from and to be familiar with our roots, like figuring out the origin of our...
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98. Borrowing Clothes
Every betch knows that it’s poor form to be seen wearing the same outfit twice. Given this unwritten rule, it gets tough to come up with enough outfits...
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97. Lil’ Wayne
One of the worst parts of being a betch is the fact that we're always bored and therefore need to be entertained constantly, usually by a combo of...
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96. The Ex-Boyfriend Life Cycle
Popular culture tells us that you’re allowed half the duration of the actual length of your relationship to get over it, but what they don't take into...
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95. Little Dogs
Sometimes life gets out of control and there’s no one in the world we can turn to. Enter the little dog. For betches, little dogs are like an animal...
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94. All Things British
There’s a reason that like, five of our Betches of the Week are British (and happened to be named Kate). This is because betches love British people,...
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93. Sexual Mapping
Remember that Karen Owens thing? While most of us are not stupid enough to allow that kind of detailed information to go viral, the Karen Owens...
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92. Love Triangles
As a betch, having many bros who are in constant pursuit of you can get tough at times. What happens when two bros you've been trying to keep #53 shady...
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91. Tennis
Naturally tennis is the betchiest sport out there. Side Note: Before anyone gets on our case about horseback riding, golf or squash being betchier,...
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90. High Heels
When a betch is getting ready, there are 2 questions she’ll inevitably ask her besties. “Whats everyone wearing?” and “Flats or Heels?” The latter is...
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89. The Back Burner Bro
As previously discussed, betches pretty much always have their pick of guys to date, ignore, or have sex with. Be this your #18 VIP, #53 SAB of the...
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88. The Stop and Chat
Every betch has experienced the stop and chat at some point in her life. Sometimes they can be annoying, but we generally like them because when handled...
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87. The Real Housewives
As we’ve said before, the only Real Housewives shows worth mentioning are New York and Beverly Hills. Betches don’t even know the other ones besides...
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86. Fraternities
There are very few things that control college life more than the Greek system. While it clearly has its ups and downs, it cannot be denied that betches...
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85. Freshman Roomies
One of the most stressful, exciting, and important part of a betch's transition to college is choosing her freshman roommate. The freshman year living...
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84. Hating Long Distance Relationships
There are many instances in a betch's life in which the dreaded long distance relationship decision comes about. Maybe you're headed to college and this...
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83. Sisters
Okay so while we’ve all seen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which taught us that with a little magic, it's possible for fat girls to share jeans...
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82. Being “Over It”
Every betch has been "over it" at some point in her life. "Over it" is one of those expressions we use a lot but takes on a whole array of meanings...
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80. Bitching
It's probably obvious that betches will happily bitch about anything and everything they can. This is what the #43 haters hate us for, but we're saying...
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81. The Movies
As it’s become pretty obvious from the fact that we’ve devoted an entire section to reviewing movies, betches fucking love going to the movies. Movies...
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79. Sexting
So it’s Sunday afternoon and you’ve just woken up, hungover as fuck and only moderately pleased to find that no one is sleeping next to you. After...
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78. The Bachelor(ette)
Tonight millions of betches will be tuning in to ABC when playfully cute annoying as shit Ashley Hebert will be choosing her fiancé. Will it be Ben F.,...
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77. Shopping
As you're probably reading this while navigating the shoe section of Bloomingdales, it should be obvious that the holy grail of all betchy activities is...
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76. Hating Guys Who Give You Their Number
So you're at this bar and you met this guy you've been talking to for like, 25 whole minutes. He buys you a few drinks and suddenly your friends are...
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75. Froyo
As we've reiterated countless times, when it comes to food, a betch prefers to pretend it doesn't exist. Watching a few episodes of Half Ton Mom or hell,...
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74. Bottled Water
Between our incessant drinking and partying, betches rarely have time to ingest anything that's not loaded with chemicals, poisons, and/or caffeine. With...
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73. Gossip Girl
Okay, so we admit we haven't actually watched Gossip Girl since Season 3 because it jumped the shark sometime around Serena's fifteenth shady love affair...
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72. Sushi
When betches go out to group dinners, there's a limited choice of cuisines that are appropriate. Italian food has too many carbs, Chinese food is too...
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71. Betches Love This City: The Hamptons
We know, we're not morons, the Hamptons isn't a city. That's exactly what we fucking love about it. We also get that it's a New York thing and while we...
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70. Delusional Daters
The name of the post says it all. We use the term "dating" loosely because anyone who seriously believes they're in a real-world relationship when they...
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69. Besties
If you’re a true betch, a name should automatically ring when you hear the word “bestie.” We’re not talking about just a friend in your circle, we’re...
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68. The iPhone Switch
Soooooo, we fucked up. We understand that our readers take each post quite seriously, so we’d like to apologize for post #34, BBM. We’re saying sorry not...
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67. Curb Your Enthusiasm
We know not everyone watches or likes Curb Your Enthusiasm, it's niche humor...yada yada yada. Listen up betches, the niche that Curb fills is by...
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66. The UGH
Throughout our posts, we’ve discussed many different types of besties. From the #7 BSCB to the #48 Dud, it seems like everyone has their role within our...
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65. Sex and the City
Even if you don’t like Sex and the City, it’s a fact that any true betch has seen every single episode at least fifteen times since the series finale in...
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64. Hating Social Climbers
Since betches are naturally the most amazing people in the world, it's logical that everybody else is less cool than us. Enter the people who wish they...
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63. America
Betches are inherently narcissistic, so it’s no surprise that we believe that whatever country we were born in is the greatest nation in the world....
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62. Pros
The relationship between a betch and a bro is quite complicated. We’re not talking about the actual romantic relationship. No, the complex part lies in...
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61. Yoga
As we've talked about at length, working out is an essential part of a betch’s life. The extent to which you (pretend to) work out says a lot about who...
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60. Sunglasses
Betches can't rave enough about how much we love good weather. Other than the obvious benefits like #27 tanning and being able to show off our pedicure,...
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59. True Blood
Betches have a very limited choice of shows to like when it comes to TV that’s not reality. It gets hard to entertain ourselves in the off seasons of...
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58. House Music
As we’re sure it’s obvious to everyone, we’re living in the course of a musical revolution. And because betches are always one step ahead of the game,...
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57. Hating girls who are TGF
So you’re at the bar trying to master the art of seeing and being seen while really fulfilling your greater desire to text in the corner and have...
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56. Cutting Lines
We know we've professed our love for #20 clubbing many times before, but we've come to realize that the nightclub experience isn't universal. Unlike...
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55. Dads
So today is Fathers' Day but for betches it might as well be called Thanksgiving. It’s the one day of the year when we give back our moms buy Hallmark...
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54. Iced Coffee
So summer has arrived and that means we're due for a change of beverage. It’s time to throw away your hot water with lemon in exchange for the ultimate...
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53. Shadiness
Let’s talk about the shade factor. No, we don’t mean the jealous pasty betch’s BFF and relief from the sun. We’re talking about every betches' relief...
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52. The Gay BFF
If betches had a religion (no, we don't count going to synagogue or church once a year for 30 minutes before sneaking off to Starbucks), then our Gay...
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51. Group Dinners
As a betch, it's inevitable that you will have a jam-packed schedule filled with #23 pregames, parties, and nights out #20 clubbing. But we admit it can...
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50. Guy Friends
It goes without saying that betches are really popular. If at any time a betch wants to do something, there’s never a shortage of people who she can...
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49. Betches Love This City: Las Vegas
“Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!” So summer...
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48. The Dud
In the group of besties, it's necessary that everyone brings something to the metaphorical table. You have the friend who always wants to rage, the...
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47. Pick up Lines
As a betch, there will inevitably be a wide array of guys who will hit on you. The good, the bad, and the really fucking boring. You’re out at the bar,...
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46. The Environment
We know what you’re thinking, betches. The environment?! Betches don’t care about anything! Think again, the environment is actually the perfect cause...
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45. Graduation
There comes a time in every betch's life when she has to say goodbye. We know that all good things must come to an end, like your mom making your school...
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44. Diet Coke
As we’ve said before, betches are down to drink pretty much anything that gets us wasted. But on those occasions when you can't bear the thought of...
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43. Hating Haters
We realize that everyone has their own place in society. As betches, being on top means that our only real concerns are drinking, partying, and picking...
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42. Dressing Like A Slut
There are few things betches love more than the process of getting ready to go out. We’ll shower and moisturize, make sure our hair is perfectly straight...
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41. The Fake Smile
As betches, it's clear that we've cultivated habits that help us manipulate others to think that we’re good people and naturally gorgeous. We’ve learned...
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40. Formals
It's early Spring and that means many things. First off, it's time for finals! Yes, we know that the betchy thing to do is to #36 blow off your school...
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39. Twitter
So like, we get that at first everyone thought Twitter was retarded. We admit it, we were those people too. (I mean, how lame are Facebook status...
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38. The Frenemy
This post needs no introduction. We are all, unfortunately, all too familiar with the proverbial thorn in your side, muddy spot on your suede Tod’s...
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37. Betchy Moms
In the spirit of Mothers' Day we’d like to take this opportunity to express both our gratitude that we’re not mothers (thanks Plan B!) and to give a...
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36. Not Doing Work
It’s common knowledge that betches are always really busy. Between blacking out and #29 beauty days we really only have time for two or three hours of...
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35. Sorority Rush
Tons of betches love the Greek system, but there is no part of being in a sorority that betches love more than sorority rush. Why? It's an...
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34. BBM
As a betch, it goes without saying that you are, as a person, in extremely high demand at all times. We lead very busy lives, and it’s often hard to...
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33. Hating Nice Guys
So we realize we’ve been #1 talking a lot of shit about those whom we’d label “nice girls.” While these people obviously suck, we feel it’s a little...
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32. Winning
So there's this bro you've wanted to hook up with for a while now. Being the betch that you are, it's only a matter of time before you conquer him....
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31. Wine
While betches will always be down to drink pretty much anything that will get us inebriated, there is one category of alcohol that will always hold a...
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30. Graduation Gifts
As one of the saddest days of a betch's life approaches, it's important to think ahead and prepare. No, I'm not talking about having a job lined up or...
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29. Beauty and the Betch
As beautiful and amazing as betches are, we don’t necessarily wake up this way. There’s a lot of time invested in creating someone that looks this hot....
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28. The Drunken Brawl
Although betches are usually pretty good about keeping their shit-talking and insults on the down low, it's also widely known that the right amount of...
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27. Tanning
For three seasons of the year, betches march to the beat of their own drums. Our days are shaped by the classes we may or may not attend, yoga, and other...
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26. Spring Break
It's sometime in March and the Golden Age of The Betch Life is upon us. Spring. Fucking. Break. Betches all across the land are dismounting their...
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25. The Betch Arch Nemesis
Although betches usually have lots of besties around, we don’t always feel the most positive vibe toward betches we don’t know that well, or those...
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24. Insensitivity
“I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.” – Charlie Sheen Although betches don’t necessarily idolize...
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23. The Pregame
Since betches always have a lot of shit going on, we often have to pick and choose which activities we can squeeze into our busy schedules. However,...
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22. The Group Photog
Facebook is an extremely important part of The Betch Life, and we all know why. Would anyone give a shit about Facebook if it were a collection of...
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21. Abbrevs
Since betches are such a powerful force in society, it seems natural that we should have our own language, which thankfully we already do! If you’re a...
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20. Clubbing
Thanksgiving Eve, New Year’s Eve, Memorial Day weekend, Tuesday. What do these have in common, besides being the days your grandma calls you? “No...
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19. Ugly Hot
It goes without saying that a betch is very aware of her own beauty and hotness. We know that it’s never okay to stray from our #5 diets, and that even...
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18. The Fuck Buddy
After a girl has been the #16 breakup betch for a while, the logical next step is to find someone new. However, as we’ve already described a betch in a...
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17. The Lucky Sperm Club
Although betches are generally obsessed with themselves, it gets tiring to constantly think only about oneself. We sometimes have to take a break and...
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16. The Post-Breakup Betch
On the rare occasion that the #14 date over winter break or the summer turned into an actual relationship, a betch will sometimes temporarily become a...
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15. Justin Bieber
You're sitting there, your face and body are getting all hot and tingly, you start breaking out in a cold sweat, your heart is racing, and you’re trying...
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14. Going On Dates
A lot of scary things happen when a betch goes out and isn’t drunk enough. Usually she’ll be like, really bored and chilling with her best friend, her...
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13. Sunday Morning Regrets
Though betches have few feelings, we sometimes have regrets. These are usually reserved for one day. Sunday. In the spirit of the second worst day of the...
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12. Tailgates
Out of respect for the fact that it’s Saturday, generally considered the best day of the week, we’d like to address one of the best ways to get blackout:...
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11. Jersey Shore
Right now, betches all across the land are anxiously awaiting tonight’s episode of Jersey Shore. We’re SOOOO excited to get our weekly fix of important...
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10. Candyland
Sometimes our drug dealers are on vacation too lazy to deliver (to my dealer: this is not how you run a business!) so illegal drugs are just too hard to...
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9. Nicknames
How many betches can say that they call their besties by their real names? The answer is like, NONE! Why? Because names like Sara and Jane are fucking...
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8. Not Having Sex With Bros (Sometimes)
It's 2am and you're hanging outside the bar thinking of ways to distract yourself from eating while on your #5 diet, even though the pizza place is...
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7. Token Crazy Friend
Although betches all have certain things in common, there are some betches that stand out and are different than the others. Every friend group can and...
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6. Mobile Uploads
Because betches are the most important people around, it's their duty to keep all their besties and betch followers updated on their every move....
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5. Diets
When betches are sitting around doing what they do best, #1 talking shit, one of their favorite things to do is point out the recent weight fluctuations...
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4. Birthdays
Ask any betch what her favorite day of the year is, and she’ll for sure say, “My birthday, obvs!” Birthdays are a chance for betches to dress way nicer...
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3. Studying Abroad
Naturally, there’s nothing a betch loves more than a four month vacation that’s fully funded by their parents under the guise of being “culturally...
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2. Not Keeping Up With The News
“Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo casual, but in some parts it’s considered cool to know what’s going on in the world.” –...
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1. Talking Shit
There’s nothing a true betch loves more than talking shit. Be this talking shit about other girls, guys, their best friends, celebrities, professors,...
