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By ivyleaguebetch on

#129: Hating wanna-betches

If you’re a
true betch then you’ve seen these girls. They’re the girls wearing the knock-off coach sandals at the last all-white party of the season. They’re the girls who talk really loud about the sub-par club they went to last night so everyone can hear them. They’re the girls who advertise to the whole universe that you’re their best friend even though you probably only said, “get out of my way” that one time in Intro to Psych class. Ugh. They’re worse than the Dud, the UGH, or you’re bestie when she’s pissing you off: they are the wanna-betches.

These girls
desperately WANT to be like you, but never will be. For example, you might be at a party, talking to some of your guy friends, going shot for shot with a potential pro, when your bestie or someone else mildly tolerable walks over and says “Alexandra won’t stop talking about that dumb rave last night. Like, who still listens to Benny Benassi anyway?” You look over and see her. Of course, Alexandra is standing in the corner, surrounded by a bunch of other ugly wanna-betches (usually brunettes) who are laughing just a bit too loud for their own good. And they’re drinking vodka cranberry instead of hendrick's and tonic...what?

and her friends – and all the other wanna-betches aren’t always easy to identity. Don’t mistake us, there is a HUGE difference between a true betch and a wanna-betch. Betchiness is something your born with, then you refine…its not something you cultivate from scratch, duh. You can’t aspire to betchiness without looking like your trying hard. And betches never try hard. They’re at the top of their game without putting in any effort at all. The wanna-betch is the worst kind of person – she doesn’t even know who she is.

Another bad
thing about the wanna-betch besides their lack of taste and social obnoxiousness is that they are almost always TGF. Wanna-betches are missing the classic betchiness characteristic – confidence and power. That’s something you’re definitely born with. These girls need to be reassured of their “good looks” (more like post-wretch looks) by bros with no possibility for becoming pros. The guys that hook up with wanna-betches can get confused between the betch and the wanna-betch. Guys, we’ve come up with a few signs for you so you can spot the difference next time.

·  She’s
wearing a knock=off of any kind

·  She
keeps sneaking away to “use the bathroom,” and when she comes back, you notice how she smells like vomit, gross.

· She
keeps referring to these “other girls” (the true betches) in either a really positive or really negative light

· She
asks you about your club connections or your Hampton summer house completely outright (stupid social climber…)

If you
think this post is harsh, you can shut up. Nothing is worse than pretending to be something your not. But, there is one good thing about wanna-betches. If you don’t have at least one wanna-betch trailing behind you, giggling obnoxiously all of the time, then you’re probably not a betch yourself. A betch isn’t just measured by how many fratbros she hooked up with that one Thursday night, or how many Prada purses she owns, or how many G&Ts she can down in 5 minutes. No, a
betch is also measured by the amount of wanna-betches that want to be just like her. So, in a way, wanna-betches do have a purpose, however annoying they can be.




17 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Your Name says:

    You are obviously a TTH.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Agreed says:

    with above statement

    Posted on Reply
  3. Wannawhat says:

    I would not know who these girls are because I do not pay attention to anyone else.
    Sorry. Def TTH.

    Posted on Reply
  4. supbetch says:

    i didnt even read this past the first paragraph because it screams hypocrisy and reeks of TTH. grow the fuck up no one cares about your lame additions to the betch list

    Posted on Reply
  5. Hahahahah says:

    Who is wearing Coach sandals, real or otherwise? PLEASE.

    Posted on Reply
    • LOL says:


      Posted on Reply
    • sotrue says:

      Exactly what I was thinking

      Posted on Reply
  6. Ugh. says:

    Regarding the above comment about Coach sandals… SO TRUE.

    Also, your incorrect use of the word your/you’re (multiple times) shows you’re not a betch, as a true betch would’ve gone to an elite and expensive school where they know better.

    Posted on Reply
  7. ok says:

    first of all you are trying wayyyyyyy to hard to do the betches job.  You are not the only offender on this wethebetches thing who does this so I can’t just criticize you, however its annoying and you should stop.  However, your grammar is AWFUL.  From beginning to end there are obvious mistakes that even the non-grammar experts can and will easily notice. (not gonna point them out, don’t care that much)

    Also, your “advice” to guys so that they can notice the “wanna-betch”, or so you call it, is absurd on so many levels.  If you think any straight, drunk guy can legitimately tell the difference between a knock-off or a real whatever it is you are crazy.  Not to mention the fact that he probably doesn’t give a fuck.  The only thing he cares about is if the girl is hot or not, and if hes trying for more than a quick hook up, he will notice if she is a freak based on her personality.  And the one about the girl referring to the other girls in a really positive or really negative light is real descriptive let me tell you.  You are really too full of yourself, trust me, no idiot cares enough to be talking about you to a guy they wanna hook up with.

    Then the last part of your little post you say “A betch isn’t just measured by how many fratbros she hooked up with that one Thursday night, or how many Prada purses she owns, or how many G&Ts; she can down in 5 minutes”  This is just ridiculous.  A betch is not measured by this at all.  If you think its cool to hook up with a lot of frat bros in one night, then you are certainly not a betch.  You are a slut.  and no person with a brain measures people based on any of these standards.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Fail. says:

    First off, you clearly have too much time to write an essay on wannabes. Secondly, you just embarrassed yourself both through the content and horrendous grammar/spelling of your rant. And lastly, wtf is wrong with brunettes? Major fail.

    Posted on Reply
  9. elle says:

    i didn’t realize it was possible to “down” more than one gin and tonic in under 5 minutes

    Posted on Reply
  10. BW says:

    Stop taking yourself so seriously. You’re not royalty, you’re just some sad girl who has time to post a dissertation on “wannabe betties”. Get a life.

    Posted on Reply
  11. TTH says:

    $1,000 says the “betch” who had the time to write this novel is an ultra fake bleach blonde wannabe who has no idea she’s the dud of her bestie group.

    Posted on Reply
  12. srsly? says:

    3 words…get a therapist.

    Posted on Reply
  13. NorthShoreBetch says:

    This article is obvs written by some ugly wanna-be who decided to write an auto-bio. Remember that movie mean girls? In our JAB communities even the major losers wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a knock-off designer. Ew. Brunette means your dads either a rich lawyer/doctor and we all know the easiest way to spot a “wanna-betch” (fucking not clever) is someone who gives a fuck. So go back to your gross little life Wanna-betch and leave this sight to the real betches.

    Posted on Reply
  14. GossipGirl says:

    Yup that’s right I read GG when I was still a betch in training and it looks like you think your a character…. you obvs don’t have a summer house in the Hamptons because a real betch doesn’t need to tell others how great they are. Fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
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