#129: Hating wanna-betches
If you’re a
true betch then you’ve seen these girls. They’re the girls wearing the knock-off coach sandals at the last all-white party of the season. They’re the girls who talk really loud about the sub-par club they went to last night so everyone can hear them. They’re the girls who advertise to the whole universe that you’re their best friend even though you probably only said, “get out of my way” that one time in Intro to Psych class. Ugh. They’re worse than the Dud, the UGH, or you’re bestie when she’s pissing you off: they are the wanna-betches.
desperately WANT to be like you, but never will be. For example, you might be at a party, talking to some of your guy friends, going shot for shot with a potential pro, when your bestie or someone else mildly tolerable walks over and says “Alexandra won’t stop talking about that dumb rave last night. Like, who still listens to Benny Benassi anyway?” You look over and see her. Of course, Alexandra is standing in the corner, surrounded by a bunch of other ugly wanna-betches (usually brunettes) who are laughing just a bit too loud for their own good. And they’re drinking vodka cranberry instead of hendrick's and tonic...what?
and her friends – and all the other wanna-betches aren’t always easy to identity. Don’t mistake us, there is a HUGE difference between a true betch and a wanna-betch. Betchiness is something your born with, then you refine…its not something you cultivate from scratch, duh. You can’t aspire to betchiness without looking like your trying hard. And betches never try hard. They’re at the top of their game without putting in any effort at all. The wanna-betch is the worst kind of person – she doesn’t even know who she is.
thing about the wanna-betch besides their lack of taste and social obnoxiousness is that they are almost always TGF. Wanna-betches are missing the classic betchiness characteristic – confidence and power. That’s something you’re definitely born with. These girls need to be reassured of their “good looks” (more like post-wretch looks) by bros with no possibility for becoming pros. The guys that hook up with wanna-betches can get confused between the betch and the wanna-betch. Guys, we’ve come up with a few signs for you so you can spot the difference next time.
wearing a knock=off of any kind
keeps sneaking away to “use the bathroom,” and when she comes back, you notice how she smells like vomit, gross.
keeps referring to these “other girls” (the true betches) in either a really positive or really negative light
asks you about your club connections or your Hampton summer house completely outright (stupid social climber…)
think this post is harsh, you can shut up. Nothing is worse than pretending to be something your not. But, there is one good thing about wanna-betches. If you don’t have at least one wanna-betch trailing behind you, giggling obnoxiously all of the time, then you’re probably not a betch yourself. A betch isn’t just measured by how many fratbros she hooked up with that one Thursday night, or how many Prada purses she owns, or how many G&Ts she can down in 5 minutes. No, a
betch is also measured by the amount of wanna-betches that want to be just like her. So, in a way, wanna-betches do have a purpose, however annoying they can be.