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By The Betches on

In life there are many symbols that alert us to the culture of those around us. The French have Hermes, our gay BFFs have black v-necks, and nicegirls have no plans this weekend. But you can spot a WASB by her pearl earrings, J. Crew garb, and Hotchkiss diploma.

Sounds like a nicegirl right? Wrong. While it’s true that WASBs are definitely Jackies, not Marilyns, it’s also true that they’re not Taylor Swifts. They wouldn’t cry tears over a guitar because they’d never touch a fucking guitar. WASBs are White Anglo-Saxon Betches, read: the betch subset of WASPs. The only thing bluer than a WASB's blood is the circa 1998 Range Rover her fam keeps at the country house.

If you aren’t a WASB, the chances are you don’t know any personally. WASBs are basically positive that they are the greatest people anyone will ever meet because their parents said so. The WASB never wanted to watch Gossip Girl because it “brought back bad memories.” And just like Dan Humphrey, you can’t get an invite to join them because what you really need is the right white fucking womb.

But for all their exclusivity, the WASB isn’t that hard to find, thanks to her sprinkling of homes in a few locales. She’s in her purest form in New England but can also be found throughout the South and in Southern California. Growing up, she went to prep school, where she had hobbies like horseback riding, ignoring the help, and dating lacrosse legacies.

For college, the WASB goes to schools like UVA, Yale, Vanderbilt, William and Mary, SMU, USC, Washington and Lee, Georgetown, BC and Duke, where she joined a sorority and likely followed her mother’s footsteps and majored in something totally marketable, like being a republican's wife. Her last name holds the door open for her, and you can be sure it doesn't end in a vowel because her ancestors like, invented the green card.

The life of a WASB is actually like, really Xanax, as it's considered poor form to show things like cleavage or emotion. When she does decide to take a much-needed hard-earned vacation, she’s usually just going to another WASBy locale. They can be found in places like Newport, lounging poolside at the Maidstone Club in East Hampton, or Nantucket for a week of wholesome sailing where her dad can show off how awkwardly good shape he's still in. The last time a WASB and her fam went on a cruise it was the Mayflower.

WASBs can drink most betches under the gingham tablecloth. Between four years of boarding school, four years of Bates, and a lifetime of alcoholic parents, pregaming kind of just comes naturally. WASBs are also a bit more aggressive than the typical betch, but that's really just the token of a good field hockey player.

The WASB can also be spotted based on her vocal patterns and taste. WASBy girls even talk differently, but their lockjaw’s from Locust Valley, not too many blowjobs. She dresses like it’s Easter six months out of the year, thinks cashmere belongs at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and they are who we have to thank blame for the continued existence of Lilly Pulitzer. 

When it comes to bros, nothing makes a WASB sweat like a bro in a sweater vest and pastels. She can easily spot the difference between a wannabe in boat shoes and a pro who is truly yacht. She wouldn’t be caught dead on something as poor as match.com, and anyway, she’s got the fucking Catalina wine mixer, and some guy named Teddy who her mom's been forcing her to hook up with since she was three. She typically meets guys during a round of mixed doubles at Everglades. Or after a round of champagne at Doubles. Or, if she’s desperate, some late-night at Dorrian’s.

Basically, WASBs are like totally down to earth, just not the same earth that hosts McDonalds, bat mitzvahs and struggle. I mean, WASBs can’t help it that they’re so popular and everybody takes Amex... and that their grandparents are like, kinda racist.

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91 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. C says:

    As a WASB, I’ve been waiting for this post for a while. Don’t forget the Tory Burch flats that are glued to our feet and the Van Cleef and Arpel jewelry that we wouldn’t be caught dead without.
    PERFECT POST

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      Oh do you love pairing your Tory flats with a strand of fake pearls and a Longchamp? Go home.

      Posted on Reply
      • C says:

        back off you psychopath

        Posted on Reply
    • K says:

      Van Cleef & Arpels shout out. There are plenty of wannabes running around in Yurman, but a true WASB is one who keeps Alhambra on hand, or neck, or wrist.

      Posted on Reply
      • N says:

        Van Cleef & Arpels for life! I received my first piece when I was 11 years old.

        Posted on Reply
  2. gaybff says:

    wait, this isn’t even humor. it’s just legitimate fucking anthropology. first car…’98 range rover. college…UVa. boring practical major…business econ. and i’m only half episcopalian!

    Posted on Reply
  3. c says:

    obsessed. “and that their grandparents are like, kinda racist.” i can’t even.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Yeah.... says:

    I think I’m going to have to stop reading this website..

    Posted on Reply
  5. Gay WASB says:

    “Basically, WASBs are like totally down to earth, just not the same earth that hosts McDonalds, bat mitzvahs and struggle.”
    Dying. Way too fucking accurate. Well done

    Posted on Reply
  6. JASP says:

    Although I hail from the 5Towns of LINY where there is indeed a portion of Americas oldest money, an array of historic mansions, country, yacht, and yes a hunt club with grass tennis courts. Although I have camp friends who’s parents were executive producers for NBC or HBO and classmates with family descendant of Academy Award winning celebrity and CEO fathers of fortune 500’s; I could never consider myself either WASB or JAB.

    As a J-ewish A-cquired S-ocial P-owerhouse I have been exposed to the lifestyles of many of the most elite betches in North American high society. First of all in my humble neck of the woods I was blessed with the ancestry of a small Sicilian/German family who at some point down the line got their green cards and made it in America.

    My Aunt is a southern belle from Birmingham AL who married into our family with the graces of a private education and of English and Native American descent.  Not your typical New England stereotype but a WASBy lady of decorum and eloquence none the less.

    My ‘Adopted Jewish Mother’ a woman with whom I speak to more than the lovely dame that gave birth to me was born in Woodmere, NY raised by parents of children post WW2, most certainly classified as one of the original JAB’s of our time, and holds true to her heritage of JABiness to present day with a couple of quilted Chanels tucked away for when her boychickila has a little betch of his own.

    My influences are certainly ingredients in the creation for one of the Betchiest GBF’s that exist on the east coast.

    Seersuckers, a Marc Jacobs T-shirt, Sperrys, and a Michele watch; AND looking bad fucking ass the whole time…. what you know about that?

    Posted on Reply
    • educated JASP? says:

      I didn’t check my grammar after having re read this.
      Let me re enter what should have been spelled correctly with a few additions to the comment.


      I hail from the 5Towns of LINY where there is indeed a portion of Americas oldest money, an array of historic mansions, country, yacht, and yes a hunt club with grass tennis courts. Yes, you read that correctly GRASS tennis courts.

      Although I have camp friends whose parents were executive producers for NBC or HBO and classmates with families descendant of Academy Award winning celebrity and CEO fathers of fortune 500’s; I could never consider myself either WASB or JAB.

      As a J-ewish A-cquired S-ocial P-owerhouse I have been exposed to the lifestyles of many of the most elite betches in North American high society. First of all in my humble neck of the woods I was blessed with the ancestry of a small Sicilian/German family who at some point down the line got their green cards and made it in America.

      My Aunt is a southern belle from Birmingham AL who married into our family with the graces of a private education and of English and Native American descent.  Not your typical New England stereotype but a WASBy lady of decorum, eloquence, and true Betchiness none the less.

      My ‘Adopted Jewish Mother’ a woman with whom I speak to more than the lovely dame that gave birth to me was born in Woodmere, NY raised by parents of children post WW2, most certainly classified as one of the original JAB’s of our time, and holds true to her heritage of JABiness to present day with a couple of quilted Chanels tucked away for when her boychickila has a little betch of his own.

      My influences are certainly ingredients in the creation for one of the Betchiest GBF’s that exist on the east coast.

      Seersuckers, a Marc Jacobs T-shirt, Sperrys, and a Michele watch; AND looking bad fucking ass the whole time…. what you know about that?

      Posted on Reply
      • Uhm... says:

        Thanks for the bio?

        Posted on Reply
        • sb betch says:

          fuck off. please throw your stupid life story to someone who gives a shit. or just down the gas station toilet where it belongs.

          Posted on Reply
          • JASP says:

            I’m just relating to the topic because I am an avid follower of BLT from the beginning…and gas stations have toilets? who even knows that? gross

            Posted on Reply
            • You're trying too hard says:

              Ew do not ever call this site BLT again, I feel fat just seeing that.

              Posted on Reply
      • an actual wasb says:

        clearly you’re still a jap as the amount of weird bragging in your post reeks of trying too hard. get a life, mud blodd.

        Posted on Reply
        • TXbetch says:

          So true haha.  The hardest part of being a WASB is that everyone in the fucking country wants to be you and actually thinks they can be/are.

          Posted on Reply
        • JASP says:

          If you’ve got it…own it. I’m no aforementioned WASB eating tuna salad made from the contents of a can/nobody in my family uses a vera bradley to carry their tennis equipment… And I’m not Jewish….so I couldn’t possibly be a JAP as you say. I stand by my post as one of the Betchiest GBF’s around.

          Posted on Reply
      • LOL says:

        You lost me and the rest of the internet at Although. STFU.

        Posted on Reply
        • JASP says:

          Oh no GPS on your flip phone?

          Posted on Reply
      • R says:

        aww…it’s cute that you think any of us care. stop trying too hard. seems like you posted this to convince yourself that you’re “betchy”. it’s funny that you’re trying to impress us with your tennis court. please. you are a joke…

        Posted on Reply
        • Ew says:

          Do you just go around this site posting critical responses to people’s comments? Find a new way to make you feel better about yourself…

          Posted on Reply
        • JASP says:

          Chapin, 79th and York, Watersedge, Silver Point, Samford, NYU, UMIAMI, BU….google that, it is really cute. lol

          Posted on Reply
          • Ha says:

            As a Chapin girl myself (before I went to Andover of course) I will say we have gotten a little jappier over the years. However, don’t disgrace Chapin as we’re not all like you. I left because they made us talk about our feelings and tried to shove the democratic party down my throat. And lets not forget, York isn’t East End—much less Park or Fifth.
            Maybe your new name should be JTTH?

            Posted on Reply
        • Gayim Betch says:

          Note taken wink I will no longer discuss this with any of you clodhoppers…
          x o x o
          ~J-A-S-P~

          Posted on Reply
        • JASP says:

          have a lifetime membership, lol, you’ll get in one of these days.

          Posted on Reply
      • LOL says:

        wait, so do you have Asperger’s or the other type of autism? so presh and sad…

        Posted on Reply
      • You're kidding says:

        Honey, you’re from 5 towns. SOUTH SHORE. Your kind isn’t welcome here because you’re trash. If I took out the trash I’d do it myself, but I suggest you walk out.

        Posted on Reply
        • asodifh says:

          Everyone knows there are plenty of WASBs on the south shore, they just DGAF more than the North, and unfortunately are confined to their own towns since there are definitely a bigger portion of towns to have to weed through compared to the north.  They’re there, just not as obvious - don’t group together an entire part of an island or you’ll look like an idiot.

          Posted on Reply
      • Are you serious says:

        That outfit sounds terrible.

        Who wears Michele? That company was acquired by Fossil 8 years ago. They sell that shit at Costco. Gross.

        Seersucker pants are for guys. I could maybe handle a skirt or dress if it’s styled correctly.

        Marc Jacobs TSHIRT? If I’m wearing Marc Jacobs, it’s definitely not a tshirt from Nordstrom Rack.

        You’re weird and dress like a lezzy. Go home.

        Posted on Reply
      • wow says:

        No. One. Fucking. Cares.  OMG but seriously, can someone please delete these comments? Your “bio” makes you sound much worse than you think it does, as does the fact that you cared enough to post it twice…

        Posted on Reply
      • Lol. says:

        “who married into our family with the graces of a private education and of English and Native American descent.”

        I assume that is refering to your Southern relative because there is no such thing as a Jewish person with that ancestory. Like, ever.

        Posted on Reply
    • hahah says:

      Are you serious? No one gives a shit.

      Posted on Reply
    • WASPY says:

      No WASB/JAPB whatever you are calling yourself has Sicilian ancestry and their parents are definitely not divorced.

      Posted on Reply
      • JASP says:

        It’s JASP you fucktard.

        Posted on Reply
        • Real WASP says:

          Honey, it’s not even a real acronym.

          Posted on Reply
        • betch says:

          It’s actually not even real and you made it up to make yourself feel better, so I think the fucktard here is you.

          Posted on Reply
    • BrittanyBetch says:

      Uh, can you shut the fuck up, Lea Michelle?!

      Posted on Reply
  7. USC no says:

    bowdoin, bates, colby, williams

    Posted on Reply
  8. Southern Betch says:

    Its time or the Southern Betch to shine because she is the ultimate WASB. Good Christian girls from a distance, but always seems to be a little hung over and you better bet she’s got a flask of whiskey and a bottle of Xanax in her Tory Burch bag.

    Posted on Reply
    • ew says:

      WASB from the south? LOL. this is new england territory bitch.

      and btw tory burch? tacky, trendy and flashy to the max. not exactly classy wasb material. tory burch is for like, poor people and long islanders.

      Posted on Reply
      • ChiBelle says:

        Now, hush!  There are plenty WASB’s in the south, openly drinking brandy milk punch all day long, and NEVER carrying FOOD in our tasteful, logo free PURSE. (bag? Yankee.)

        Posted on Reply
    • ivybetch says:

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and they’re acceptance rates are like 20%
      gross.

      Posted on Reply
      • wow says:

        i think you meant ‘their’. good job ivybetch, i can see that education is really paying off

        Posted on Reply
      • BCbetch says:

        Seriously ivybetch? They’re means they are you idiot - it’s their.

        Posted on Reply
  9. unreal says:

    yes. but WASBs go to Colby and Bowdoin, not Bates….

    Posted on Reply
    • Bates says:

      People choose to go to Colby?

      Posted on Reply
      • EoE says:

        Bates is a joke.

        Posted on Reply
  10. lol says:

    Locust Valley lockjaw. Just died

    Posted on Reply
  11. limes says:

    I went to Hotchkiss…if you don’t sport nantucket reds and a matching house, why are you asking for my number?

    Posted on Reply
  12. SoCal WASB says:

    This is by far the best post yet. 
    I can’t even handle it… Literally every single sentence of this pertains to my existence. So fucking accurate.  While you missed a few key brands (read: KJP, Vineyard Vines, Lascoste, KATE SPADE), you really hit the nail on the head with this one.
    You go, Head Betches.  Keep it up!

    Posted on Reply
    • R says:

      kate spade? do you also think coach and d&b are really cute?

      Posted on Reply
      • too good says:

        i literally can’t. perfect comment.

        Posted on Reply
      • WRONG says:

        Coach and D&B are so fug because they plaster their logo all over every single one of their fucking products. I don’t know one WASB that doesn’t own at least 3 KS handbags (let alone bangles and shoes…)

        Posted on Reply
        • ....wrong says:

          really?? clearly not a betch with a comment like that…. hello louis vuitton. but at the same time I agree that coach and d&b are fug and “wt” (white trash)

          Posted on Reply
        • No, you're wrong says:

          Clearly you don’t know ANY actual WASB’s then. Kate Spade is pure wannabe material.

          Posted on Reply
    • Kings Point B says:

      “SoCal” WASB…....i can’t even

      Posted on Reply
  13. anonymous says:

    To ‘jasp’, please stop embarrassing yourself. Also, to to the previous commentator, get you’re shit straight: Van Cleef and ArpelS (note the ‘S’?) is for the tackiest of the tacky. To the betches, this post is really good and fyi we don’t actually like Lilly Pulitzer. Our grandmothers do and since our grandparents are rolling deep (money, not drugs-usually), we humor them.

    Posted on Reply
    • Jealous says:

      LOL you wish you could afford even one piece from Van Cleef & ArpelS.

      Posted on Reply
  14. Meg says:

    I die. Do one on Token Black Betches next!!

    Posted on Reply
    • Brair says:

      Yes please. I have literally been waiting for one for months now and I would die!

      Posted on Reply
  15. anon says:

    So is SMU southern methodist university? Is that like, a place people would want to go to?

    Posted on Reply
    • J says:

      Um yeah.. SMU is possibly the best school ever. Are you like a person people would actually like to be friends with?

      Posted on Reply
    • Dallas says:

      Way to end a sentence with a preposition. Idiot.

      Posted on Reply
  16. uhh says:

    Schools like UVA, CoFC, Trinity…

    Posted on Reply
    • gwen says:

      the two best public universities in the country. . .and i know, “public” is the problem. . .are UC Berkley and UVa. and no Wasp is going to 60% Asian-25% LGBT Berkley. no one to marry!

      Posted on Reply
    • alumni says:

      CofC smile the best! go cougs!!

      Posted on Reply
  17. Duh says:

    You’re a fucking idiot. It’s like the Greek-est school ever.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Switcharoo says:

    Is it just me or did it say Vineyard Vines yesterday where it says Lilly Pulitzer now?

    Posted on Reply
    • R says:

      The only one trying harder than Vineyard Vines is the JASP.

      Posted on Reply
  19. wasby says:

    wow let’s try harder.

    Posted on Reply
  20. trincoll says:

    TRINITY COLLEGE

    Posted on Reply
    • MassBetch says:

      Trinity = betchiest school ever. No doubt

      Posted on Reply
  21. sick says:

    you people are fucked up. i’m so glad i got out of boarding school without turning into a shallow, cruel, limited person like you all.

    Posted on Reply
  22. i can't even says:

    eww trinity? middlebury bowdoin bates colby (safety) williams amherst - anything south of rhode island is for irish people or something   and i have no idea what everyone is talking about otherwise - sound like a bunch of eww new yorkers

    Posted on Reply
    • xxx says:

      clearly youve never been to trin. because it is literally overflowing with wasps and is for sure the preppiest nescac by far.

      Posted on Reply
  23. StarboardSide says:

    No real WASBs would ever go to school on the west coast, where lax bros are replaced by long boarders, and Nantucket Reds are replaced by black skinny jeans. I mean, like, don’t ever date a guy who’s wearing jeans skinner than yours. And while many WASBs may have a rouge cousin who is chilling for a year or two in San Diego post-college, it’s not the kind of place for a cultivated WASB. Oh yes, some of us may have watched The OC during our youth, but come on, we’re old enough now to recognize all that as total “w.t” (white trash).

    Posted on Reply
  24. North.. Ew says:

    Why the hell would you aspire to go to school in the north unless it was an Ivy? The north is for liberals

    Posted on Reply
  25. Maidstone. says:

    Every one knows that you don’t sit by the pool at Maidstone. You aren’t the Nanny!

    Posted on Reply
  26. Isabella says:

    Very true! However, if she has a Hotchkiss diploma, it is unlikely that she would become a republican’s wife.  Hotchkiss is EXTREMELY liberal.  I currently attend Hotchkiss and the majority of Hotchkiss families are democratic.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Doll says:

    Okay, like why does that WASB up there wear Marc Jocobs t-shirt instead of bags or skirts? And who the fuck still uses ‘hail’? Surely you should be wearing Burberry and Stella McCartney.
    Uhm and like the WASB’s constant olden day braggery is tedious! That just inspired a -roll-my-eyes reflex. Gosh.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Samuel says:

    You are a terrible writer.  “The last time a WASB and her fam went on a cruise it was the Mayflower.”  You apparantly write as you speak, paying no attention to grammar.  And profanity?  Be profound, not profane.  This “article” is so simple yet irrelevent that it matches the intelligence of the thoughts of your readers.  It’s a close race to find who is dumber:  the writer or the reader.  It is indeed the writer.  The readers become brainless after reading this shapeless piece.  Go back to school and have the courage and integrity to write about something that truly matters and more importantly, something that people can learn from.  Unless you are thirteen years old.  If this is the case then carry on, for you are on your way to becoming a good writer.  Just completely change the topic and try to keep your opinion out of it.  Teach something besides ego.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      youre clearly not seeing that betches love this…(despite the purpose of the writers because i sincerely don’t know…even though ive been reading these articles since they came out) is an incredible site. They pin point every stereotype and ridicule all the obnoxious and ridiculous things the people who are part of this society do now in days. Readers who take this seriously are clearly brainless and trapped in their own bubble of reality but truly this site points out all that is wrong with our…or this society where people aren’t aware of ANYTHING. Every single post points out all the negative stereotypes that pertain to that post…this one specifically ridicules the WASB ‘omg jcrew! i totally fit into this stereotype!’ some readers feel the joy of relating but really what they should be feeling is embarrassment. THE ARTICLE IS MAKING FUN OF YOU. What ever it is these are well thought out and written and I appreciate them. Samuel I think you are missing the point

      Posted on Reply
  29. really? says:

    i just wanted to share my laughter at someone from 5towns declaring herself a “social powerhouse.” people from 5towns drink boxed wine, get out.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Jap says:

    Jewish people are the most powerful and wealthy people in the world. Try picking up a book or reading a newspaper.

    Posted on Reply
  31. T says:

    The main problem with this post is no self respecting WASB would be in a sorority. We have all the connections we need from our parents and boarding school.

    Posted on Reply
  32. HAHA says:

    hahahah this is perfect! dead on with all the stereotypes the typical ‘wasb’ follows. cant wait to use all these to make fun of all the people i know who fit the stereotype ugh i love betches love this…. i come up with stereotypes on my own but these posts are right on! love making fun of people. I also love how people don’t get the sarcasm of the posts… its not praising you you dumb fuck its making fun of you.

    Posted on Reply
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