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By The Betches on

10. George Clooney: His womanizing ways are more well known than his MGB tendencies, but make no mistake, our moms have been speculating about this one for years. Hollywood’s eternal bachelor may seem to be living every straight bro's fantasy, however it’s just as likely that his slew of foreign model girlfriends are of the mail order variety.

9.  Oprah and Gayle: Steadman is supposedly the Big O’s leading man, but we think her bestie Gay-le might really be the (wo)man of her chocolate dreams. As Tina Fey once so accurately stated: “Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re just like Oprah and Gayle! Only we’re not denying anything.”

8. Ryan Seacrest/Simon Cowell: Between the two of them, neither has a V-neck larger than a Gap Kids’ medium so even if they’re not gay, their nipples definitely are. Their Idol onstage banter could have easily translated into red-hot bedroom chemistry and it must be noted that in terms of homosexuality: spray tans speak volumes.

7. Jesus: I mean the man has been starring on Broadway for 45 years. Chose to have his last meal with 12 dudes. Gayer than Liza Minelli.

6. Kanye West: We're going to assume that the only reason he’s dating Kim Kardashian is because her ass reminds him of a giant set of balls. And hello he used to go out with Amber Rose, because there weren’t enough females without buzz cuts to choose from. Really though, Kanye is just in love with himself, so pretty sure that qualifies him as a ‘mo.

5. Jonathan Cheban: On the topic of Kardashian klingers, it's pretty clear to us that Cheban is as gay as his locks are long. He's never been with anyone on reality television (so it's definitely true) and if the extremely sharp and intuitive Kris Humphries can pick up on a gay vibe, you know it's there.

4. Zac Efron: We’ll give credit where it’s due, Perez has been calling this one for years. Zac-attack first burst onto the scene as a high school basketball star but damnit all he wanted to do was sing! Also, his high school sweetheart Vanessa Hudgens totally said that he only wanted to have sex once a month. So sorry Z, but the cat’s out of the bag. And the little condom falling out of your pocket on the red carpet stunt didn’t fool anyone-- that rubber never went near a vagina.

 

3. Will Smith: While many dumb Americans think Will and Jada are the 21st century Cosbys, it is well known in elite Hollywood circles that the Fresh Prince is as gay as Prince. And to answer your follow-up question, yes, we think Jada is a lesbian. Their marriage is one for-the-sake-of-procreation, which is great because really what would we do as a society without Willow's hair?

2.  Tom Cruise: I mean he’s the celeb originator of the Church of Scientology, aka the Church of self loathing homophobia, aka you’re gay but you reallllly wish you weren’t. We knew the minute he said 'I do' to poor Katie Holmes, some sort of child-bearing contractual agreement had been sealed...as well as her lips when it came to the truth about her husband's sexuality. When she finally finished her sentence this summer, the question of his homosexuality was definitively answered…with a big fat Mission-To-Be-Straight Impossible YEP.

 

1. John Travolta: Of the Big 3, Travolta is the only one to have been caught red handed. Literally. We'll just say we’re glad we will never be his masseuse. Not that he'd want anyone with a vagina to grease his lightning anyway.

22 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Fact says:

    Bradley Cooper

    Posted on Reply
    • Faye says:

      Chris Brown

      Posted on Reply
    • CHERRYBOMB says:

      BRADLEY COOPER?? HELL NO!!!

      Posted on Reply
  2. gbff says:

    Bradley coop!

    Posted on Reply
  3. taylor says:

    fucking Lautner! Tay tay is gay gay!

    Posted on Reply
  4. MommyDearest says:

    Tom cruise and john travolta are def not maybes.  It is more than established.  You forgot jake gyllenhall and matthew broderick

    Posted on Reply
  5. ... says:

    Um, Ders from Workaholics?!

    Posted on Reply
  6. sadly says:

    i hear james franco is bi

    Posted on Reply
  7. B says:

    Do a post on best pairs of besties!!

    Posted on Reply
  8. derp says:

    that was so wack

    Posted on Reply
  9. Charlie says:

    A lot of photoshopping on those pictures.  LOL

    Posted on Reply
  10. CHERRYBOMB says:

    Tay Tay is NOT Gay!!! I slept with him and HE IS NOT GAY!!!

    Posted on Reply
  11. cookie says:

    Just because you slept with someone doesn’t mean they are not gay or bi. It is a shame in hollywood that people are so concerned about who is and isn’t.  They should just embrass their sexuality and just move on.

    Posted on Reply
    • Ipis E'verywhere says:

      Uhhhh…..Cookie…...what is a “embrass”???

      Posted on Reply
  12. IVANA says:

    UHM! HELLOOOOOOOOO ROB KARDASHIAN

    Posted on Reply
  13. Terri says:

    George Clooney is so gay!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  14. Serge says:

    Gay? Not gay? Poop or lick it…they all have license to be happy.
    Everybody needs to do more drugs, sex and music until the USA hell party
    is over and the realm of Satan is reunited with its true leader, Beelzebub.
    Ask Caligula, the depravity and the degenerate party will stop and the
    wicked and fallen shall be judged wanting. Pray there will be mercy and leniency
    at trial for some of the sickness that infects the United States and the global
    horrible way of death, the twisted and filthy culture it projects. There is no hiding
    place for the criminals from the father of creation.

    Amen.

    Posted on Reply
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