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By The Betches on

It was a fateful night in 2004 and we were just getting ourselves out of our post-camp depression, when something magical appeared on our not-yet-HD televisions. What is this ridiculously good-looking car-jacking that's happening before our eyes? I remember thinking, Is this Law & Order Laguna edition? Not quite. As soon as we heard the first witty convo between Ryan Atwood and Sandy Cohen, a beautiful piano melody began and thus our obsession with The OC was born.

When Ryan and Sandy drove past Marissa on that sunny California afternoon, it began one of the most intense, poorly acted onscreen romances we've ever seen. We hadn’t even met Seth and Kirsten yet, but we already knew that this show was going to give us one of our all time favorite ensemble casts.

The first season pretty much focused on Ryan’s culture shock, I mean, he went from breaking into Ford Foci to driving a Range Rover in like 3 months. Seth also melted our hearts whenever he unleashed one of his little sarcastic Jewish quips. The combo of his dorky smile, buttoned up polos and weed smoking made us want to make out with him and play with Captain Oats. And obviously Sandy, Kirsten, Julie and Jimmy were like the chillest parents ever. Granted they were pretty fucked up and constantly collarbone deep in dramz, but who didn’t want to get invited to one of those OC dinner parties where like alternate universes exist and Taylor is your spirit guide?

Josh Schwartz, the father of ensemble incest, created so many love triangles it made our heads spin on an obtuse angle. Ryan-Marissa-Luke was obvi the original and it was so heated that a model home was literally burned down over it. Then there was the Ryan-Marissa-Oliver, and we're not gonna lie, we were rooting for Oliver up until he turned out to be cray.

On the Mary-Jane/Spiderman Summer/Seth side, there was the Summer-Seth-Anna scenario; Summer dressed up as Wonder Woman like singlehandedly jumpstarted my eating disorder. Then came Ryan-Marissa-Theresa, Ryan-Marissa-Jonny, Seth-Summer-Zach, Julie-Caleb-Jimmy, the list goes on and fucking on, like driving down the 101. Also remember when Marissa was casually a lesbo with Olivia Wilde, making her the first girl to try the trendy lesbo-for-a-minute thing.

The Bait Shop and The Diner were both places that we always wanted to go. Did they not have the best fucking line ups of relatively unknown yet mildly famous bands to ever play at a bar? And despite the fact that they frowned upon weed smoking, we all dreamt of one day being a part of this crew. For some unexplainable reason neb-head Taylor Townsend got to fucking fill that role. Fuck you Taylor Townsend, why don't you go force another lock-in to make friends, we agree with your mother: YOU FUCKING SUCK.

After the shock of the Marissa-Ryan relationship coming to an obviously temporary end, we knew that the overdosing bitch wouldn’t be content with finding some Newpsie jock to fill the void. After all, last time she dated one he ended up like fucking her mom. The only person who could replace Muscle Tee wearing Ryan in her life would be tanktop/leather jacket combo wearing Volchok. Quite possibly the hottest person to ever come out of the public school system, we would be totally ok if he committed breaking and entering into our house and then into our jean shorts. This romance became the cautionary tale of why rich girls should never date poor dudes, because it will legiterally kill you.

Finally, we can't ignore the more valuable lessons the OC taught us, like how to celebrate cultural diversity through Chrismukkah and Bar Mitzvakahs, and so much more: 

1)  Even if you're defending yourself from being raped, don’t shoot your boyfriend’s brother because you will get expelled and sent to public school.

2) Don’t get drunk and climb up a cliff, as often as this may appear to be a good solution to your problems. RIP Povo Jonny.

3)  Don't date random gingers because they may turn out to be the illegitimate love child of your adopted mother's father.

4) Don’t kick your sister out of your house if she throws a rager, she will become a stripper and give your son a lapdance.

5) The Valley was a show within a show, are we unknowingly characters in a show?

6) Don't get into fights at philanthropy events, this is the rich people equivalent of airing your dirty laundry. People in the OC don't even have laundry.

7) As long as your iPod contains a healthy dose of Sufjan Stevens and Rooney, happiness is never far away.

8) Be wary of the environmental forces of Ivy, it can drive even the most snobbish of girls insane and make you become a granola.

9) Yoga+pilates = yogalates

10) Don’t fucking die at the end of season 3, because not only will the best show on earth become a blasphemous abomination, but your career will tank and your bodyweight will equal the amount of pimples on your face.

24 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. anon says:

    welcome to the oc betch

    Posted on Reply
  2. Marissa says:

    LOVE THIS! The O.C. was literally my favorite thing on the planet for 4 years (lets be real it still is, i’m not even going to pretend I don’t occasionally watch an episode). Taylor Townsend can go die because she is an annoying bitch. Also her graduation speech did nothing but entertain us, but way to throw in some latin! Plus Ryan was my dream husband for like 6 years during and after that show. Overall, one of the best shows of all time! Too bad Mischa Barton is a freak now.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Yes. says:

    This was my FAVORITE show!! Every week my besties and I would gather together at someone’s house to watch new episodes.I still have all four seasons on DVD somewhere in my basement.

    Posted on Reply
  4. OMG says:

    YES i’ve been waiting for this ever since the throwback thursday column started!  the oc is obv the betchiest show ever created…and as much as i love gossip girl it just will never be as amazing as the oc IMO.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Mini Coop? says:

    I feel like this is missing a shout out to betch-in-training Kaitlin Cooper.

    Still miss the OC.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anna says:

    The O.C premiered August 3, 2003 not 2004. You should probably know this if you have the seasons on dvd and the episode guide.

    Posted on Reply
  7. FTaylorT says:

    LOL! The OC lives on forever in our hearts…especially when that “how are things on the west coast..” song plays in whatever commercial it plays in these days…the only thing that’s awkward is all the money I spent on OC dvds and now dvd players are for poor people

    Posted on Reply
    • Good Shit says:

      Spot on about the DVDs. That shit isn’t even wide screen until the 3rd season.

      Posted on Reply
  8. love it! says:

    I’ll always remember the Thanksgiving ep where Seth is trying to hide Summer and Anna from one another even though they’re both at his house and Ryan says, “Maybe you have the Summer flu and you should take some Annabiotics.”

    So many great quotes from this show!!!

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      The best line hands down had to be “I love you” .... “Um, thank you.”

      Posted on Reply
  9. Summer was the best says:

    Summer for BOTW! She never did ANY work but still somehow got into an Ivy? Not to mention being the most gorgeous one on the show

    Posted on Reply
  10. *jacqueline says:

    Love this show so much it pains me. Totally go on an oc bender once a year on itunes.

    Posted on Reply
  11. BLESSED says:

    AHHHHHHHHH thank you. This was so magical. O.C. made my life.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anon says:

    I SWEAR to GOD Marissa’s dad is on my flight to Miami right now. Looks EXACTLY like him.

    Posted on Reply
  13. clare says:

    umm ew oliver was a cray loser. like why are you so obsessed with me. you can go shave your back now. also all proper betches know the oc ended after marissa died. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Ashley says:

    Thanks for putting the dear sister vid at the end….cherry on the cake!! smile lmfao! great post betches!

    Posted on Reply
  15. Welcome to the OC betch says:

    i need to thank you for this post. Ever since this came out I have been reliving my betchhood glory years and am watching all four season at college this year

    Posted on Reply
  16. Me says:

    The O.C. is the fucking shit. And number 10 is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Nathalie says:

    Its the best show ever ! I still watch it all the time in 2013 ! No show is or ever will be like the O.C.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Blondy says:

    Summer for BOTW.  Like fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  19. Ivy says:

    Greatest show ever. What about when Seth ran away from home in a sailboat but only made it to SB and then pawned his boat and took a Greyhound to Portland because he ran out of snacks.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Leigh says:

    Some of the best love triangles aren’t listed here:
    Sandy-Kirsten-crazy environmental chick from Sandy’s Berkeley days
    Seth-Marissa-Alex (lesson #11: throwing the lawn furniture in the pool didn’t quite piss off your mom enough? date some random girl for 3 days.)
    Ryan-Marissa-yard guy yard guy YARDDD GUYYYY
    Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper (speaks for itself)
    Sandy-Kirsten-alcohol

    ...and speaking of, what about that crazy psycho bitch from Kirsten’s rehab… I was waiting for the plot twist where she turned out to be related to Oliver.

    Posted on Reply
  21. samantha says:

    the oc started in august 2003 guess you guys aren’t that good at math

    Posted on Reply
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