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By The Betches on

Now it's a pretty well known fact that betches love reality TV. Be it watching bitches embarrass themselves on Jersey Shore, the Bachelor, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, or even American Idol, we have a soft spot in our hearts for making fun of the average TTH American. But great as these shows may be, they don't even come close to being the betchiest reality show of all time. Yup, we're talking about your favorite MTV shows from 2004 - 2010. Shows that highlighted the lifestyles of the young, hot, and rich. Shows that made us strive to go to college for a year, drop out, and get a sick internship in the fashion industry and then write a book about it. Shows that made reality TV seem not THAT trashy. Yes, these were the The Hills and Laguna Beach and we fucking loved them.

Back when we were merely Betches in Training, Laguna Beach aired and we got to witness first hand, the amazing game of former Betch of the Week Kristin Cavallari as she took on her #25 arch nemesis Lauren Conrad for the heart of Stephen "I'm the only one who actually looks young enough to be 18" Colletti. As our friend groups began getting torn apart, we knew we had to pick a side. The nicer girls went with LC, calling Kristin a manipulative bitch. While true betches had to admit she was like, poor we still admired her game and her ability to make Lauren look like a desperate delusional dater.  We got to witness the amazing drama between their #50 guy friends who were uglier but had trendier names like Talan, Trey, Dieter, and Fork.

Then came season 2 and with Kristin narrating, we knew it was going to be good. We were introduced to Jason, who would later date LC but who was currently perfecting his SAB lifestyle by dating Jess and Alex of rivaling, angry cliques. The drama was almost too exciting to bear. But then it was over and that was like, whatever. On to the Hills.

Ah the Hills, our dream come true. We too could be like LC, having continuous day parties with our besties amid going on fancy dates and clubbing with hot bros who would promise to treat us like shit and hook up with all our friends. It was like a betchy dream world ripe with the ultimate evil couple consisting of Spencer "blonde beards and crystals" Pratt and his frightening botoxed wife Heidi "Used to Go Hard" Montag. Now while all this drama was great and super exciting, it lead us to our next debate that still haunts us to this day.

Who is dumber? Stephanie Pratt or Audrina? Our friends went back and forth.

We even made a list:

Reasons for Audrina being dumber:

Starred in Sorority Row a movie which co-starred RUMER WILLIS. She even gave this retarded interview.

Hooked up with Brody while he had a girlfriend then thought it was chill to flirt with Brody around his girlfriend.

Dated Justin Bobby.

Reasons for Stephanie being dumber:

Went on a date with LC's ex Doug then tried to deny it in the funniest way imaginable.

Went to Rehab and AA after getting a DUI.

Tells Kelly Cutrone in her interview to intern for fashion PR that her dream job is designing handbags.

Shares the same DNA as older brother Spencer.

Has low brain activity.

Be it the fallout fights between Heidi and Spencer over Spence "TAKING SHOTS!??!!" with bartender Stacie, the drunken hookups and shit shows following Brody Jenner and every single girl on the show, the excessive use of the term "so much drama," and the five minute long camera shots of the girls just staring at each other, the Hills is up there on every betch's list of favorite shows that sculpted her into a mature, decent human being. Just kidding. Oh and If we didn't mention your fav moment, we apologize. Clearly if we started listing our favorite scenes from Lagunz and The HIlls we'd probably be here until next BOW. But in case you were wondering, the series finale 'it was all a set' blew our minds too.

Anyway, Laguna and the Hills are back on MTV so take these weeks as an opportunity to refresh your game, obsess over frenemy drama, and thank god that you weren't Morgan Smith from season 1. If the Hills taught us anything it's that we're glad to live in a world where Lauren Conrad is a best selling novelist and Stephen Collettii actually had a starring role in a primetime network drama.

And that is why for the past 3 years our friend group chat has been called Yay I Made Labels. 

14 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. LC says:

    literally love this post betches. the hills is so great just in so many different ways. “dated justin bobby” is just so quality. like wtf was audrina thinking? talk about sketchy….also heidi montag is the epitome of TTH, like excuse me bitch but you look disgusting. plus spencer, ew.

    Posted on Reply
    • Allie says:

      kk. time to shut the fuck up now.

      Posted on Reply
      • Richard says:

        I honestly think that you either have a condensed face, stubby legs or just really low self-esteem from a childhood of having no friends. I would not be surprised if you were a 15 year old with a sweet tooth who gets jacked up on all the cupcakes she wolfs down and then comes on this website to express her idiotic yet clearly over-thought opinions to people who DGAF.
        Please just go ask your dad for plastic surgery or therapy because bitch, you are deranged.

        Posted on Reply
        • to douchebag richard says:

          and your reasons for being a complete douchebag to a 15 year old who is clearly just BEING A 15 YEAR OLD are….?

          Posted on Reply
          • Richard <3 says:

            Amen. She’s so annoying.

            Posted on Reply
  2. LC was a nice girl says:

    When Christina went to audition for Broadway and it was the worst thing ever.

    Generally any scene with Christina and Morgan…they were so plainly out of place and disliked it hurt/it was the funniest thing ever.

    Literally the best thing ever. The only thing those fat bitches cared about anyways—pizza:

    Posted on Reply
  3. YES says:

    THIS POST IS AMAZING. i swear you betches just get better and better.

    oh and “allie”, how does it feel to be THE most hated person on the planet? lemme know.

    Posted on Reply
  4. lagunz? says:

    please never refer to laguna as that again. besides that little slip up, nicely done

    Posted on Reply
    • ya says:

      I actually cringed at “lagunz”

      Posted on Reply
  5. Love This says:

    Although I think Audrina is dumber 90% of the time and has those creepy Care-Bear-Stare eyes, I can’t forget that Stephanie Pratt didn’t understand that hamsters are a different species than guinea pigs… “It was a hamster. Now it’s a guinea pig.” So dumb.

    Posted on Reply
  6. thatbetch says:

    That Audrina vid just made me die ahaha sooo painfully dumb.

    Btw, no mention of Jessica?? She is THE definition of a delusional dater lol she was so pathetic throughout the Jason thing that I almost felt bad laughing at her.

    Posted on Reply
  7. staged says:

    haha these shows were the best…yet totally staged.
    Spencer and Hedi were supposed to be living in Hollywood yet i’m pretty sure they were living in Pacific Palisades (hence why i’ve seen them multiple times over the years).

    Posted on Reply
  8. yeahh says:

    morgan might have been the fat boring friend on the show, but you should see how she looks now!

    Posted on Reply
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