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By The Betches on

Obviously, stoners are much more chill than your average betch. This is partially because we are just more lax people in general, but it's mostly due to the fact that we are far too high to get riled up about anything. Naturally our largest pet peeves in life revolve around the most pivotal part of our existence: marijuana. With that, we present to you the few things in the world that have the potential to invoke any sort of emotional distress from within, even in our most dazed of states: our biggest stoner circle pet peeves.

10. When people don’t corner the bowl: This is refined smoker etiquette but should not be overlooked. It is courtesy, especially if you are smoking in a group of 3 or more, to only hold the lighter over the corner of the bowl as you hit it, so that those following you can also smoke fresh greens opposed to your booted aftermath. Don’t be the Jessica Simpson of smoking and hog the whole fucking thing.

9. The person who N-lips the piece and/or puts on chapstick right before smoking: Because everyone loves a cherry flavored j moistened with your second hand minty blistex. Seriously nothing puts a literal damper on the smoking process more than placing the blunt to your lips and experiencing more moistness than K Stew’s vagina. Also, that awkward moment when you're handed a wet blunt, and you get blunt juice on your lips or teeth and don't notice, but it's everywhere. Seriously, there’s a reason no one wants to smoke with Lisa Rinna.

8. The girl who needs you to light it for her: After she makes a few sad attempts at lighting her thumb ablaze, the girl who can't light the bowl will pathetically whine, waittt can one of you like, help me light itttt? You should agree to this but know that you forever reserve the right to call her out for her deficiencies.

7. A rushed blazing process: Whether you’re smoking between classes, trying to hotbox your sister’s room before she comes home, or simply being rushed by your annoying friend so you can get to the next activity, being hurried while blazing is as frustrating as it is heart wrenching. Being prohibited from fully enjoying the smoking process is like stopping peeing halfway through or pausing sex to watch Two and a Half Men.

6. The person who reveals they are recovering from long-term mono after sharing an entire blunt with you: The only thing worse than this is someone’s revelation to the rest of the group that they suffer from oral herpes. Keep your contagion off my fucking blunt.

5. The girl who can’t stop coughing: A few chesty coughs is the sign of a bong well ripped, but when it starts sounding like a person has terminal smoker's asthma this shit gets annoying. I think I have the black lung Pop!

4. The person who continually messes up the smoking order: There’s always the idiot who insists on passing the piece to their left when we are passing it TO THE FUCKING RIGHT. It’s the circle of life, and it moves in ONE FUCKING DIRECTION.

3. Ash-related party fouls: There are soo many ways to fuck up when it comes to ash. From not ashing the blunt for too long so a fat blob lands on your lap, hitting the slide against the coffee table to clear it out and then breaking it, burning a hole in any couch/sheet/car roof, losing the joint whether it be in between the seats of the car, through the decks on your patio, or dropping it in a cup full of water or the hot tub. Smoking party fouls obviously increase the higher we get but unfortunately, just like STDs, there is no way to fully prevent them other than abstinence. Pass...the blunt.

2. The paranoid smoker: Like the hurried smoker, this is the bitch who thinks it’s necessary to keep surveillance watch while hotboxing, who refuses to go into the restaurant because we smell like weed, who won’t stop shushing while we smoke in the park because “they’re gonna call the cops!!” The paranoid smoker has the ability to ruin a smoke sesh unlike any other because, like laughing and munchies, paranoia when smoking is contagious. It only takes one false alarm siren on the radio to stop everyone’s heart and decide to “put the piece in the dash. Just for a sec…”

1. The person who holds the blunt hostage while they tell a fucking story:  Though nearly every stoner has been guilty of this on multiple occasions, it is by far THE MOST ANNOYING aspect of blazing in a group. And unfortunately, as the session wears on, it occurs with more and more frequency because everyone gets high and doesn’t realize they’re doing it. After 30 seconds of this bullshit, it becomes the responsibility of the rest of the group to get the rotation back in motion and tell this bitch to stfu. Hopefully, the accused feels instantly ashamed of their retardation and will therefore learn their lesson to smoke before they fucking speak.

48 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. that's a joke says:

    in what fucking world do you pass to the right

    Posted on Reply
    • right?! says:

      counterclockwise? I don’t think so.

      Posted on Reply
    • stonerchick says:

      agreed! everyone knows you PASS TO THE LEFT!!

      Posted on Reply
    • You're a joke says:

      MOST people, unless you are little broke Starbucks patio scum, do not really give a shit about RULES or exact rotation… Are you still in 8th grade?  When I roll a joint I hold it up in the air and say “Who wants to hit it next?” and thats the rotation. Why? Because no one really gives a shit.  What about matching someone or in a car?  Would you really adjust seating arrangements if they were sitting to the right?  You are either in middle school or you are a douche weed snob, either way you shouldn’t be on here.

      Posted on Reply
      • Claire says:

        Wow, You’re a joke, liked your comment…it kinda turned me on. You sound like a man who knows what he is talking about!

        Posted on Reply
    • too stoned to care says:

      just smoke the fucking joint instead and worrying which side to pass it to and chilllllll.

      Posted on Reply
    • naturally says:

      literally my first thought upon reading #4. Pass the dutchie on the left hand side, fucking duh.

      Posted on Reply
      • bluntski says:

        YES always to the right cant even believe this is being argued. UNLESS someone calls deuces then the blunt is directly passed to them

        Posted on Reply
    • Pass.... says:

      Pass the duchie from the left hand side!

      Posted on Reply
      • Technically... says:

        In reality the lyrics are ” Pass the dutchie ‘pon (upon) the left hand side” meaning the dutchie comes to you from the left being passed from the right.  Betch is correct.

        Posted on Reply
  2. soo true says:

    all of these are perfect. i knew, before i even clicked, what number one HAD to be.

    Posted on Reply
  3. LEGIT says:

    Betches, thank for for getting this out for the dumb girls who think “it’s like so weird that you’re mad because I keep messing up the rotation.”

    Posted on Reply
  4. dear that's a joke, says:

    in a world where clockwise is considered the dominant direction you dumb shit

    Posted on Reply
    • hmm says:

      when have you ever heard “pass the dutchy to the RIGHT hand side”

      Posted on Reply
  5. lefty says:

    left is law fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  6. AK says:

    Bowls and Blunts? How ghetto….

    Posted on Reply
    • m says:

      um, what do you smoke out of? vapes and bongs? like does it really fucking matter?

      Posted on Reply
      • AK says:

        I smoke a joint like a fucking human being. And yes, it does matter, get your head out of your ass

        Posted on Reply
        • Guy Rolling His Eyes says:

          Really AK? 
          A joint is quite simply the worst smoking option and the biggest waste of bud there is.  Thin paper means a J burns fast, a J can’t hold much unless you use a couple of papers together, and is just a 2nd rate backup level excuse if you can’t get a blunt or nice glass.  I’ve never understood why the J is such a fabled “classic” medium for smoking, sh*ts weak man and that doesn’t change despite whatever rolling skills you think you have that could ever make a J preferable over jack sh*t.
          Take your head out of your ass and get some nice glass, a vape, or learn to roll a blizzle not a J, little man.
          Just curious though, is your J preference b/c you don’t actually smoke, but watched How High or Half Baked and now you think you can troll people who aren’t either stupid or 5 years old?  Just my guess.

          Posted on Reply
          • GreenQueen says:

            I have multiple bowls, bongs, and I occasionally enjoy smoking out of my hookah. Stoners, Potheads whatever you want to call us enjoy smoking our weed however we want to. I prefer a nice J compared to a blunt anyday. And smashing the way people enjoy smoking? Weed is supposed to make you happy and carefree, not a jackass who thinks they are the guru of smoking.
            Peace.Love.Ganja <3

            Posted on Reply
        • I. says:

          joints are only acceptable when going on adventures. learn to rip a bong.

          Posted on Reply
    • Critic says:

      Nobody says “joint” anymore smh get your country ass outta here lmao

      Posted on Reply
  7. lax bro says:

    who the fuck passes right? stupid sluts

    Posted on Reply
  8. xx says:

    #1 is called MICROPHONE-ING! no one cares about your fucking story we’re only staring bc we want u to pass the blunt

    Posted on Reply
    • Kyl says:

      Truu don’t micro that bleezy

      Posted on Reply
  9. who cares? says:

    what rotation the weed goes in as long as its going? and since when are bowls and blunts ghetto? YOU’RE NOT A STONER IF YOU CARE THIS MUCH.

    Posted on Reply
    • for shizzle my dizzle says:

      umm, DUH. agreed, a true stoner wouldn’t care WHICH WAY the blunt, j, bowl, bong, vape, etc. b/c she just wants to get fucking hiiiiiigh.

      Posted on Reply
  10. left says:

    You pass to the left.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Seriously says:

    This is the best post on this entire site so far

    Posted on Reply
  12. omg says:

    paranoid smokers annoy the shit out of me and somehow manage to get the whole group freaked out. chilllll guys

    Posted on Reply
  13. L says:

    I must admit u rly do deliver with the smoking posts. always good shit, always fucking true. nothing’s worse than the retard letting the entire fucking joint burn out while they try to remember some dumbfuck story about their fat sister no one cares about

    Posted on Reply
  14. L says:

    IN RESPONSE to those shitting a brick about direction.. its called a democratic smoking environment in which upon forming the circle the person next to the roller on either side who calls “NEIGHBOR” first gets the direction in their favor. its like shotgun. fair’s fair BIATCH

    Posted on Reply
  15. UNC2013 says:

    Aaaaaaaayy #1 is called bogart-ing at Chapel Hill.

    Posted on Reply
  16. yes says:

    I fucking love this but as a total stoner betch I must point out that you pass to the left ALWAYS

    Posted on Reply
  17. duh says:

    you call “neighbs” & then it’s passed in that direction or it goes in hierarchical order-> person who bought the weed, that person’s bf/gf/middle man, and in descending order of who knows the person who bought the weed… at least that’s it was done in my day

    Posted on Reply
  18. Derek Zoolander says:

    Thanks for the “Zoolander” reference. Hilarious.

    Posted on Reply
  19. too stoned to care says:

    why doesn’t everybody just smoke the fucking joint instead of worrying about which side to pass it to. CHILL.

    Posted on Reply
  20. NYUBetch says:

    Pass the dutchie to the left hand side Betches…anyone writing a stoner series should have that knowledge!

    Posted on Reply
  21. just yes says:

    Literally the best post yet. Always deliver with the Stoner Series lol good job betches

    Posted on Reply
  22. victor p says:

    The number 1 is true. shut the uck up and pass. How they say it. Puff Puff Pass.

    Posted on Reply
  23. WLT says:

    Mixing tobacco with pot should be top of the list.

    If you can’t handle straight ganja, you shouldn’t be smoking it.

    Posted on Reply
  24. forum fights are hilar says:

    who cares which way it goes or what the rules are. there are things that are just common courtesy. do what you do and fuck the rest. pass it to the left or right, or just call neighbor? for the ladies getting their panties all in a wad, maybe you should boof a chill pill and smoke a bowl.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Tastee says:

    I grew up and it was always pass left, unless you’re sitting in a car, then all bets are off. But I agree, don’t like the paranoid smoker, but can’t we all admit that that was /us/ at some point in the past?

    Posted on Reply
  26. SugarfreeHazelnut says:

    The worst type of person too is the one who acts like they’re soooo much higher than they actually are. The one who is rolling on the floor purposely twitching and laughing loud and hysterically while everyone else is rolling their squinted eyes at them…fucking lame. Just act how you feel and be cool. Don’t ruin everyone else’s high because you want to act like a fucking psycho.

    Posted on Reply
  27. lool says:

    I laughed so hard at #3 cause I have way too many effing burns on the roof of my car and I don’t even know how that happens and I hate #1 but not as much as I hate when someone says “its a blunt not a microphone”.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Zamalek says:

    honestly me and my buddies don’t give a SH*T about all these rules. we’re usually 4-6 people and we light 2 or 3 blunts at the same time. we pass when we feel like it or if the other person asks for the blunt. if someones talking and forgot he had the blunt/joint in his hand for long i just take it out of his hand quietly and smoke it while he finishes his story then put it back in his hand when he’s done. and we’re all cool, no biggies.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Daniel says:

    this is fucking sexist and dumb. I’m a stoner but stoners need to get over themselves

    Posted on Reply
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