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By The Betches on

Season 2, Episode 20: I Now Pronounce You Paul and a Healthy Colon

We'll admit last night was a littleee boring but we guess they had to end season 2 on a positive note, which they did by giving us Kevin Lee dressed like he just stepped off a gay 70s porn set, and a beautiful million-dollar wedding regurgitation of the Barbie Store inside a tent. Anyway we can't wait for the reunion eps, especially the part where Kyle calls Lisa manipulative. WHAT WILL LISA SAY IN RESPONSE!!??

As usual, Lisa won, probably because she was the star of the episode, not because we're extremely biased.

Oh and before these recaps are dunzo, note to Bravo: it's so tacky when you display the prices of things the housewives buy. Cake: $9,500. Class: priceless.

 

Lisa:

"Life in Beverly Hills is a game, and I've officially won this season's competition on BetchesLoveThis.com" 5 points

 

+1: "We wanted it intimate, so we just used part of my tennis court. If I weren't so rich this wouldn't be a problem but what can I say, I have a large tennis court."

-1: For her little pole dance on the tennis court while saying "it'll be perfect for CAMILLE" ... sorry Lis take a look around, no one's pole dancing except you.

scott disick

+1: You actually look so pretty in your tank and leggings, a hard feat for a 50 something year old. Way to show off your skinny arms.

 

+2: How many Mexican immigrants does it take to make a Vanderpump wedding?

+2: Max looks very very high. I guess we would be too, the food is probably going to be epic.

-1: The triplet clone makeup artists were creepy. And still, 3 makeup artists and Pandora's doing her own eyeliner?

+1: Awkward that Lisa looks skinnier and prettier than Pandora on her wedding day. Also awkward that Pandy's dress cost less than the cake, but what else to expect. Ok fine, she actually did a good job with her wedding diet. And despite all the pink, the wedding was beautiful and we wish we'd been invited to such an intimate affair (of merely 200).

-1: It's hard to walk down the aisle with the VDP swag/waddle.

+1: For bringing pics of Pandora's wedding to Kyle's get together. What a great way to make sure the entire episode is about you even though someone's husband just committed su, so betchy.

[The Ken's Speech: Kinda weak. He didn't even say Pandora was pretty, he said she's part of a pretty couple - awkz. But way to go with dropping Lisa's book title "Simply Divine" in there. You might get it in for that.]

scott disickLooks like something Lisa would vomit

 

 

Camille:

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, apparently this new bitch Elizabeth is?" 2 points

 

+1: You invited your friend over to help you pick out a dress, aka tell you that you look stunning in what you already picked out. Wait, who's this new girl Elizabeth? Where's DD? Free DD! -1: Was your dress by Pamela Dennis? Were you paid to mention that? +1: You want to convert to Judiaism because of what the yarmulke represents... so what, a turban was too big? +1: A new boyfriend who's straight! Good for you!

 

Adrienne:

"Having it all isn't easy, it means we have a lot of colonoscopies too" 1 point

 

-1: Paul has had several colonoscopies? EW Bravo, TMI. If there's one thing I'm not interested in it's the inner workings of Paul Nassif's colon. +2: You're there to "support" your husband but you walk out immediately. "I'm all for moral support but Paul asking me to do something I don't want to do? Like, no."

scott disickHitting the tanning beds a little too hard, Jas?

Kyle:

"I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills, as you can see by my husband's lack of clothing" 0 points

 

-1: Mauricio doesn't own a tux?? And he's supposed to be a rich pro? Even Giggy has a tux! +1: For not crying this week...we can't even believe we're awarding points for this. What the fuck happened to you Kyle?

 

Kim:

"People try to figure me out, but if they really want to, they should just read Kyle's book section on 'Sisterly Love'" 0 points

 

-1: Why aren't you at this wedding? Too busy packing...your percocets? +1: On a serious note we're glad you went to rehab and more importantly dumped that psychotic cyclops

 

Taylor:

"No one's been this nice to me in fucking years" -1 point

 

-1: Writing your memoirs? Even YOU can afford a ghost writer.

Last week's recap>>

 

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29 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. ny betch says:

    Remember the whole rant you betches went on about there being a different between a betch and a dumb bitch? You’re teetering on the dumb bitch side because camielles points should definitely be +3. It’s called proof reading, duh

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    Actually Kyle did cry… while Ken was giving his speech. She just can’t help herself

    Posted on Reply
  3. Georgetownbetch says:

    This was obvs written by someone different. AND ITS TERRIBLE. not even a little funny. seriously. Leave the writing to the pros. #killyourselffff

    Posted on Reply
  4. smag says:

    The Kung Fu Panda wedding, brought to you by Kevin Lee chichichi

    Posted on Reply
  5. xoxo gg says:

    no you dumb ass, look again.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    you’re obvi the dumb bitch who can’t do the math. +1-1=0, 1+1=2

    Posted on Reply
  7. betchhhh says:

    ^ 1+1+1= 3 3-1=2 ...duh

    Posted on Reply
  8. L says:

    Oh, sweetie..

    Posted on Reply
  9. Connecticutbetch says:

    Did anyone notice that Brandy casually disappeared from the entire finale episode??

    Posted on Reply
  10. Lawyer Betch says:

    You’re the dumb bItch who posted last week commenting on the incorrect math that was in fact….CORRECT, aren’t you?

    Posted on Reply
  11. .. says:

    Honey you spelt Camille wrong.. Maybe you need to double check before you speak.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    Giant yawn. This recap achieved the impossible - being more boring than the actual episode. Better get some new interns and whip them into shape asap

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    You know the recap is boring as fuck when the only things people have to say are contributions to an argument over the addition of 3 single digits numbers.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Kyle did cry… Check it out while Ken is giving his speech at the wedding… She’s behind him weeping.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Kyle did in fact cry this episode - during Ken’s speech the tears are flowing in the background.  Kyle, -100.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Betchofthemidwest says:

    Okay, none of you slores can count so riddle me fucking this instead: WHO WROTE THIS LAAAAAME POST?! Your grimy unpaid intern? Ann from istanbul? The egg on the Zoloft commercial is funnier than you are.

    And let’s settle this “score” like a real Betch… Ten fucking points to KEVIN LEE for putting Pandy’s million dollar bash on the back burner and making LVP sweat like a whore in church.  DUDE. IS. A. BETCH!!!

    Runner up: Rosita the latina housekeeper for dissing LVP’s hand-me-down kicks. No one likes a charity case. 

    Posted on Reply
  17. pa betch says:

    can we please talk about the best part of any housewives episode…watch what happens live.  Brandy and Gerard Butler?!?!

    Posted on Reply
  18. Kianna says:

    Kyle did cry during Ken’s speech. You can see her in the background sobbing like a little bitch

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    YOU should have wrote this review. BAHAHAHA Rosita is so betchy. Hand me down shoes? Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    this post sucked. whoever wrote this is not at all funny.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    Clearly the head betches are a step ahead of all you bitches. When this was first posted it added up to 3, ny betch saved the site from embarrassment.i suggest the rest of you bitches take a xan, relax, and upgrade to Siri so she can notify you the second a new post is posted. So until then save the third grade math lesson.. the rest of us and not impressed

    Posted on Reply
  22. anon says:

    This is so hilarious…please write more

    Posted on Reply
  23. anon says:

    yess kyle richards did cry in the background on kens speechh!! get it right betchesss

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    A little surprised you didn’t mention the LaToya Jackson cameo. Way to have the lamest possible celeb guest at your wedding, Pandy.

    Posted on Reply
  25. kbetch says:

    lollll Head Betches take notes from midwestbetch, or, even better, hire her.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    Unless you are from Britain or Australia don’t use the world “spelt” when you are correcting someone’s spelling.

    Posted on Reply
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