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By The Betches on

Season 2, episode 18: It's My Party And I'll Call You Out If I Want To

This week on Beverly Hills, Ken is still fucking ugly. We don't feel bad about saying this because (well when do we ever really care about anything?) Anderson Cooper ripped him apart during Watch What Happens Live, and that man is one sexy mother fucker. No but really, the unimaginable occurred this week. Ken, the Hunchback of Beverly Hills, wore a shirt that dropped him off the attractiveness-scale. Like he's now in the negatives. I mean, that's what happens when you wear a shirt that looks like a Hawaiian bowel movement. We wouldn't be surprised if the ratings go down after this episode after showing that close up of his face. Now this is just awkward.

Vomming on, Kim was the star of this episode, saying the most ridiculous shit as usual. "Everything happens for a reason." Yeah, no shit. You missed the plane and the boat and 'the reason' was that you were late. Fucking duh. So in honor of tonight's especially disgusting display of reality TV, we'll be calculating Kim's points in relation to the number of inches my food went back up my esophagus while watching this episode.


Lisa: "Life in Beverly Hills is a game, and I refuse to play with all these bloody imbeciles" 4 points

-1: Kens face as he does his hair looks like chimpanzee, in an electric chair, coked out. +5: You look so fucking hot in your green dress, even better than Brandi. Kudos, probably stepping it up now that bra-less Brandi is fucked up and ready to get fucked.



ken and kimGenetically challenged meets punctually challenged



Brandi:"Turns out I'm not actually an idiot because I finally realized that the way to everyone's heart is through Lisa's" 3 points

+1: We decided we like you. It's prob because you got the Vanderpump approval, but whatever. +1: Your legs are so long you can't fit inside of a bus seat. +1: Must be thrilled that your arch nemesis Kim is garnering all the shit talking this episode rather than your nipples.



Kyle: "I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills, but if US currency were tears, I'd be fucking loaded" 1 point

+1: You actually look gorg in your towel. No homo. +2: Oooooh shit Mauricio, stirring up drama. "It's my birthday I can cry if I want to" -3: Stop fucking crying all the time. There are repercussions for arriving late to Hawaii, Kim! You will never swim with the Hawaiian fish with me again! NEVER!!!!!! +1: Your cycle:     1. Leave people behind or kick them out of your parties.     2. Cry about it     3. Do it again.



camilleFuck you, Frasier



Adrienne: "Having it all isn't easy... no wait, actually it's pretty easy" 1 point

+1: "Cheers to you...and me" -2: OMG that makeout session, we haven't seen that much tongue/drool since Not Another Teen Movie, or like the 6th grade. +2: "Your face was kind of like, wow," says Ken to Adrienne after accusing her of talking shit about him. She has a lot of botox, tard. All her facial expressions look the same.



Dana: "My nose is the color of a combination of everyone's ass hole." -4 points

-4: We know you probably haven't gotten any in a while, but telling Taylor that you love her and that you're 'psyched to know her' wont get her to fuck you, despite what guys have done to you in the past.



Kim: "People try to figure me out but I don't know why I'm so hard to understand. I speak clearly, my eyes are always open, and my boyfriend is totally gorg." -11 points

+1: You finally showed up, it only took 2 days -2: Why does Kim constantly speak like she's having a weird coke drip? +2: Taylor left Russell..."That's because she wants to come to the next dinner" - HAHA so true Kim, SO TRUE -3: "If you had coffee you can rub me all night." Gross. -2: "I'm a Virgo, I'm very prompt. I'm also a huge liar, and apparently a marlin fisher." -4: "We had the most amazing lunch over looking the lobby..." -3: Ken is retired? From what? Swamp dwelling?


Last week's recap>>


36 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    “Ken is retired? From what? Swamp dwelling?” Bravo betches, this may be one of the funniest posts ever. You literally read my mind.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    hahahahahahhahahhaha spot on betches… i could barely compose myself to type that.

    Posted on Reply
  3. smag says:

    You’d have an amazing relaxing lunch too if you popped about 4 xanies before noon and washed them down with a Corona.  She has to be heavily sedated 24/7 to put up with Ken especially when he has to put in his one day of work as the troll under the bridge.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    Or was it just that she was pretty much silent this whole episode? Except for her drag make-up in those interviews…

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    please never stop these recaps

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    At noting Ken T’s hair styling face…

    Posted on Reply
  7. tall betch says:

    Take a shot every time:
    1. Kim says “everything happens for a reason”
    2. She tries to describe herself (“I’m a marlin fisher”)
    3. She attempts to mix metaphors (“Kyle is trying to pick a bone with me, she’s an egg beater, blah blah”)

    Also, did anyone else feel like Quasimodo/Ken was about to pull a fucking gun on everyone, Tyler style? I def got the vibe that he was off his meds. Fucking creep.

    Prediction: Kyle will become the new face of Jenny Craig

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    -5 for Paul trying to stick up for Ken. No one fucking cares what you think, doc

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    I think Mauricio was the betchiest one in this ep. Making people celebrate your birthday not just once, but for an entire week and with multiple dinners in your honor? So betchy. Also, he looks fan-fucking-tastic shirtless, not to mention he called out Kim & Ken on their shit.

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  10. Anonymous says:

    Shirt that looked like a hawaiin bowel movement.  Hahahhaha i died!!

    Posted on Reply
  11. * says:

    Um…Taylor and Camille didn’t make it on the list but Dana with her 30 second cameo did?

    Posted on Reply
  12. L says:

    So we’ve all seen “The world according to Paris” in which Kathy Hilton stops at nothing to try and turn Brooke “Rehab;take 19” Meuller’s life around. If you’re willing to walk into the lions den-and by lion I mean Charlie Sheen- and intervene, you cant help your SISTER out for a hot second and break up a relationship thats bordering on beastiality? Rude.

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  13. ***** says:

    Did anyone else notice Shrek’s (Ken) wedding band he was wearing? WTF is up with that? Is he still married?

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Literally LOL everytime i read that line

    Posted on Reply
  15. Lisa says:

    Why DOES Kim talk like she’s on a coke trip? Like stfu already. You guys are so right about their ratings dropping… I don’t think I can stand to watch another episode of so much Ogre and Kim.  Have to disagree with you on Brandi though. Lisa just likes to laugh at Brandi, def not betch worthy.

    Posted on Reply
  16. BB. says:

    You’re so right Ken is definitely the face of a serial killer.  Did you see the way he tried to confront Paul and Adrianne when they were “talking about him”.  That guy is fucking creepy.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    HAHA I love how there isn’t even a mention of Taylor in this week’s recap. She sucks.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    No one mentioned the scene where Lisa and Kyle jumped over the balcony to Kim’s rm and Lisa’s ASS got stuck. I almost died laughing. I was so nervous for Kyle that she would walk in on her sister doing that thing that looks like a cross between shrek and the hunchback.

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  19. ugh says:

    uhh seriously? dana needs to gtfo.

    Posted on Reply
  20. stoneybitch says:

    maybe i need another bowl but this one just seemed less funny.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    Ken looks like the dinasaur from Land Before Time. Just saying

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  22. Anonymous says:

    Kyle deserves -100 for wearing a plastic hair clip to dinner. I rest my case.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    OMG yes. spike. definitely. I was trying to figure out why he looked familiar!

    Posted on Reply
  24. anonymous says:

    does anyone notice that Kyle wears dresses circa high school prom days? It looks like she bought her dresses off that is so not betchy…

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    i kind of look forward to the betches recap more than the actual show. way to fucking funny.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. fat arm syndrome…

    Posted on Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    You forgot about .  Paul: Heyy Ken we were just talking about you! (happy)
    Ken: Yea I know and I don’t like it (serial killer)

    Wtfff? Freaky gay bull mastiff man

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    SO TRUE, her outfits are def not worthy of Mauricio.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    ugh serious. time to hit the gym kyle.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    + 1 for best bikini bod on WWHL

    Posted on Reply
  31. SBL says:

    If Kim mentions how much she “needed that AMAZING lunch” one more fucking time….

    Posted on Reply
  32. Jackie says:

    My roommate wanted to know why I suddenly started DYING of laughter. just the last line of this post. fucking amazing

    Posted on Reply
  33. Anonymous says:

    hahahah so true

    Posted on Reply
  34. Betch says:

    I just realized in the episode that Ken and Giggy look so much alike

    Posted on Reply
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