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By The Betches on

Last night's episode of the Real-but-clearly-becoming-more-scripted Housewives was definitely an improvement from the past few weeks of lameness, as we got to see the cast fight not just at Mauricio's rooftop soiree but also in Kyle's new dining room. And since Faye Resnick was invited (always good for drama when Alison DuBois is busy), plus the simple fact that it was a #51 group dinner, there was obviously an amazing fight. And according to this new hollywood woman with commendable botox, this fight was entirely Faye's fault. Sooo Faye casually became the villain on a show she's not even on. Obvi.

Anyway, whatever "secret" Kim revealed continues to comprise the main drama, except they still haven't said what it is. Half the footage of them fighting is wasted on me zoning out, trying to guess what they're even yelling about - surrogacy, domestic abuse, hemaphrodism? Seriously Bravo, this is a reality show, not a mystery novel, it's really hard to decide who to talk shit about without knowing what the fuck is going on.

Lisa +3 

"Life isn't all diamonds and rose it's also deciding what to name your new house"

-1: Are you seriously wearing the anti-cellulite flip flops. And more seriously, you let Bravo film you in them?
+3: For Ken's calling you for tea and biscuits, we knew that had to be a joke... except it's exactly like the kind of shit I pull with my mom, even when I'm not recovering from my hip replacement, but instead of tea and biscuits I call for iced coffee and money.
-1: For Ken's scar. I was totes unprepared to see an incision from Saw IV last night.
+3: Love the exploitative power of Lisa suddenly making her staff part of her "story arcs" promo for her new spinoff...and like she invites them all the way into her bedroom?
-1: ...Or perhaps it's just part of her shady obsession with poor people (see: Cedric, Brandi, that time she smiled at Taylor)

Brandi +3

"Money doesn't give you class, it just gives me my friend Lisa who teaches me to pretend to have class" 

+3: "Get 10 people in a room who love Adrienne, that aren't related to her." Hahah sounds like my next drinking game.

Kyle -2

"I was born and raised in Beverly Hills, this is my town, also my husband is perfect so suck on that ayayay."

-5: Keep your bitch on a leash. Faye's existence is so hiday.
+1: For Glenn. He really is the gemliest housewife.
+2: For Mauricio calling Brandi a gossip girl while the finale of Gossip Girl was airing. Does he have ESPN or something?

Yolanda -4

"I like to have fun, but I'm from Scandinavia so has a deeferent defineeshun"

+1: For #118 working out
-5: For trying so hard for the cameras during your workout that you and your gyrating could've been mistaken for Michael J Fox.

Kim -1

"I've lost myself"

-1: I'm SURE your son would want to spend his 21st birthday in Vegas with his SOBER mother. God Kim you are so stupid.

Camille +3

"The only difference between the last secret I revealed and this one is that mine was ACTUALLY REVEALED."  

+3: For telling Taylor that we're totes over discussing her abuse drama.


...Run and hide bitch, run and hide.

Last week's recap>>


15 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Your Name says:

    Why does everyone hate Adrienne? She’s rich and doesn’t give a fuck. Surely not a betch but definitely has some respectable betch qualities.

    Posted on Reply
    • AK says:

      She’s a fucking man! are u joking? She is the opposite of a Betch.

      Posted on Reply
  2. betches dont says:

    Trying to contain my love for this article cause betches don’t show excitement but ya.. it’s ok.

    Posted on Reply
  3. KC says:

    Faye is so annoying.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Your Name says:

    Uh oh. Somebody’s crying.

    Posted on Reply
  5. EA says:

    Brandi said that Adrienne didn’t carry her own children, and staged her pregnancies. Fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  6. MD says:

    Ugh, Faye is out of control.

    Posted on Reply
  7. gross says:

    Ew adrienne now that I know you never carried children around in your stomach you really have no excuse to not be way skinnier. Did she pull a desperate housewives and wear a fake pregnant belly?

    Posted on Reply
  8. betches? says:

    not going to call out kyle’s fugly diamante jump suit?  and the fact that brandy wore a black jumper too (but actually pulled it off)... awkward. almost as awkward as watching her try to escape/fit through the servants entrance to the kitchen.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Fucking duh says:

    Whoever said Orange County was the new Beverly Hills was seriously disturbed

    Posted on Reply
  10. uhhhhhh says:

    you forgot taylor. She gets -100 for being annoying and not stfu about her “secret” abuse

    Posted on Reply
  11. merp says:

    Faye’s hair and skin are the same color and that just freaks me the fuck out.

    Posted on Reply
  12. cazzie says:

    DUH Adrienne didn’t carry her own children, she’s 51 and her kids are like, what, 9 and 6 years old? She’s way too old to be getting knocked up

    Posted on Reply
  13. kitty says:

    team brandi

    Posted on Reply
  14. this is great says:

    “KIM: ‘I’ve lost myself’”
    Seriously…way to be a blonde stereotype, she doesn’t understand anything with teenagers/20-somethings and when to open her mouth to let something out [words] and not put in too much alcohol

    Posted on Reply
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