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By The Betches on

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The endless debate over the best method of blazing has been a hotly contested one ever since the Stoned Age. Every stoner has their preferred method of THC ingestion and will probably defend their preference till the death bowl is kicked. For today's stoner series we'll discuss some of the pros, cons, and stereotypes of various smoking methods, but first we'll point out that these differences among stoners have never led to any wars or conflicts, and that is because stoners are a peaceful people. In the words of stoner poet Bob Dylan, everybody must get stoned, be it by blunt, bong, or brownie.

Bongs: Bongs could be described as the holy trinity of smoking. In a stoner's apartment the bong is equivalent to the original Degas in your parents' private study. Whether illadelph or Roor, bongs are precious beings and they should be treated as such, which is why naming your bong will probably be a more thoughtful and arduous decision than naming your children.

Blunts: A blunt is like the Roccawear of smoking, meaning you don't necessarily have to be ghetto to utilize it, but you probably are. Blunts have been brought out of the inner city to the general population primarily through Lil Wayne's lyrics and Snoop Dogg's instagram. Now don't get us wrong we would gladly share your blunt any hour of the day but grape swishers just aren't our first instinct when it comes to getting high.

Joints: For the stoner who's always on the go.

Vaporizers: True stoners won't let anything stop them from getting high, not even pneumonia or bronchial phlegm. Enter vapes. So obviously every seasoned stoner has used vaporizers on several occasions, but the vape enthusiast is actually pretty annoying. They won't stfu about how they “just feel better when I use vapes” and how much more "clean the high is." I mean, good for you but honestly my high could be as dirty as the bathroom in Lindsay Lohan’s apartment, as long as it’s a high I don't give a fuck.

Pieces: While small pieces and bowls can be written off as the amateur smoking tool, never underestimate their good use. For those times between classes or your lunch break at work, having a loaded chillem on your person is more necessary than Thomas Jay's epipen. Sure small pieces are not the most productive use of your weed, but as stoners I think we can all agree that productivity isn't really at the top of our priorities…getting high is.

Gravity bongs: No stoner I know would care enough to turn their blaze sesh into a science project.

Fruits/soda cans/bottles: You're homeless, smoke more crystal meth than weed, or are an 8th grader.... Or you're on vacation and you have no choice but to be crafty.

Spliffs: Spliffs are a somewhat hazy area for stoners. Some amongst us would never dream of mixing tobacco with our beloved greens while others, specifically Euro-betches, think it adds a lovely kick to the high. We personally believe it is a far better use of one's time to smoke your plants in succession but separately. Not only will you reap the benefits of both crops, but you’ll end up spending twice as long outside your office “making a call.”

Edibles: Obviously edibles aren’t the preferred method of marijuana use by betches because innate calories are not our thing. However, there is certainly a time and a place in which they are the optimal choice because they get you and keep you extremely high. They’re also great because they can be consumed anywhere and no one around you will know you’re mid-marijuana use, except maybe the cashier at Starbs who has to ask if you want room in your iced coffee 4 different times. Situations in which edibles are most desired: theme parks, airports, weddings, road trips (multiply edible intake by 3 if with your family).

31 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. perf says:

    love you stoner betches.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Uhmmm says:

    What about one hitters? Efficient and cute!

    Posted on Reply
      • eh says:

        ehhh no not nessasarily…. i get more than one hit from my chillum

        Posted on Reply
        • Jamblesquack says:

          I own a dugout and I absolutely love that shit.

          Posted on Reply
  3. candice says:

    this is my favorite part of betcheslovethis

    Posted on Reply
  4. hanners says:

    this post is my fav. thanks stoner betches.  we are one of a kind.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Hahaha says:

    Thomas jays epipen. I’m dying

    Posted on Reply
  6. vape says:

    the section on vapes is soooo fucking true aaahahaha the most annoying subsection of stoners

    Posted on Reply
    • Jamblesquack says:

      There are two vapes in my house, and I love them, don’t get me wrong. But you just can’t beat a good bowl.

      Posted on Reply
  7. Stephanie says:

    hahahahaha thomas jay’s epipen

    Posted on Reply
  8. ummm says:


    Posted on Reply
    • smoke much? says:

      pipe = piece, fucking duh.

      Posted on Reply
  9. Survivor says:

    making your own bong is like basic survival skills

    Posted on Reply
  10. Jackie says:

    Or Bubblers?  Bongs are for boys bubblers are for girls.

    Posted on Reply
    • wrong says:

      Bongs are for everyone.

      Posted on Reply
    • candice says:

      nooo my bong is the best purchase ive ever made

      Posted on Reply
  11. lcskeez says:

    oh please, gravity bongs? they take two seconds to make and will rip you out of your mind unlike anything else. easy call

    Posted on Reply
    • CantFeelMyFace says:

      agreed, gravity bongs deserved more credit. spend a minute to make one and you’ll be giggling like a schoolgirl all afternoon

      Posted on Reply
    • live on the g bongs says:

      gbongs. perfect anytime of day. the preferred method. gets newbies every fucking time.

      Posted on Reply
    • Doobieboy says:

      Agreed. Nothing has ever had me rolling on the floor except for the time I took 8 or 9 rips from a GB. Nothing hits harder.

      Posted on Reply
  12. The Master says:

    No self respecting stoner betch would even considering smoking a blunt rolled up from anything other than a Dutchmaster.  Swishers are totally out of the question.  Get it right betches.

    Posted on Reply
    • umm noo says:

      Are you seriously trying to class up a Dutch? You must be from a borough. :(

      Posted on Reply
    • eeeh eeeeh says:

      no no no no if a stoner betch is going to smoke a blunt, she’s going to rip open a white owl to pack an entire quarter inside, IF AND WHEN she chooses the blunt…

      the blunt’s only redeemable quality is its use for smoke tricks yall… rings etc.

      Posted on Reply
  13. THE Stoner Betch. says:

    Betches…You forgot Bubblers, the Bong’s baby sister. The cutest, and strongest/unexpected high you can get from a small piece.

    Posted on Reply
  14. southern stoner betch says:

    Ok. The gravity bong… definitely irritating, because who wants to find a random bathtub or body of water in the middle of their smoking? BUT you betches forgot the genius variation on the gravity bong known as the iron lung or gravity bag… replace the fucking irritating water aspect with a ziploc freezer bag taped to the bottom of the bottle. When you just bought an oz and the po confiscated your designer glass the week before due to a fake suicide call from a dud down the hall in your complex (true story), building an iron lung is the best thing a betch can do in a tight spot and you REALLY want to get REALLY high without an inconvenient trip to the head shop.. and it’s not a fucking science project I promise

    Posted on Reply
  15. Bama Stoner Betch says:

    gb’s are awesome.  they come in a variety of sizes from the 2-liter in the living room to the smartwater bottle in a frat cup that sits in the cup holder in your car. always convenient and weed-efficient, not to mention ideal when there are non-stoners around who you don’t want to waste bud on by passing around a bowl that they wont even inhale.

    Posted on Reply
  16. SugarfreeHazelnut says:

    Pipes are so easy, and you don’t have to use as much weed to get high. Like for a blunt, you have to use way more to roll when you could easily make it last twice as long with a pipe.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Jay says:

    What about parrys, aqualungs, buckys and shish hits? They’re classics

    Posted on Reply
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