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By The Betches on

As we’ve already established, betches love the greek system. Not only does it institutionalize passing judgment upon others based on the whiteness of their teeth, but it also implements a social hierarchy by which its members are forced to abide. It’s basically a real life beauty pageant but with secret handshakes and bump groups.

However, there's one aspect of greek life we haven't discussed but make no mistake, it's just as important to being in a sorority as the sluttiness of your mixer outfits: your lineage. The big/little relationship is different from all other fraternal affiliations because, unlike the rest of your sisters with whom you can easily cut all ties the minute one gains seven pounds or like, annoys you, the bond between you and your lineage is permanent.

The big and little kinship is also different from all others because it certifies that one of you is subservient to the other. It is the big’s job to be the matriarch, inviting her little over to #23 pregame before every event, helping her with school work (by giving her adderall), and lending her the advice and wisdom that only a big could supply--don't have sex with every member of a fraternity. It is the little’s job to compliment her big at all times and make her feel cool and mature. If you two remain close after college, this dynamic will still remain.

Let’s talk about how the big/little relationship forms: very drunk. Usually within the first few weeks after rush, when the sophomores are on the prowl for their future littles, they will begin to stake claim on the freshmen based mostly upon looks and their prof pics. “OMG Jenna R is sooo presh she is GOING to be my little!” Once you’ve set your sights on a little one, the key is running into her while you’re out and having some sort of interaction or moment which brings you together. There’s no single way to lock down a little as everyone’s bonding experience is different, just make sure it’s memorable and indicative of the relationship you will form. For example, you find sisterly love through a blackout smoke sesh in the bathroom of a bar or you realize you've found your match after bumping into her at the bars the day after she got her stomach pumped. There is no wrong way. 

juice cleanse"NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE I DO"

Next comes big/little week aka the most stressful week of the semester and by far the most annoying. If you’re the little it’s fucking great. You spend the entire week getting showered with presents and all you have to do in return is complete such intense tasks as “go to Sigma Chi and take a pic with the social chair.” But for the big, this is the week from hell because not only do you have to spend hours crafting a bunch of dumb shit with puff paint and hot glue guns but you will also spend upwards of 300 dollars on said shit, and your little will probably throw most of it away next week anyway. Ungrateful bitch. This gives you that magical once in a lifetime opportunity to shower a female with more attention than any self-respecting guy ever would.

Once you’re officially big and little, be prepared to have more photos with this person than you have with any other person you’ve ever known. Even if the two of you aren’t very close you will be in more photos with your little than your actual friends simply because your relationship has a label. A “best little on earth <3” caption is mandatory.

Some sorostitutes are very big on the big/little/grandlittle relationship but this is generally rare because in most lineages there is a misstep every third generation. Meaning, for every three consecutive family members one will either drop, get kicked out for drugs, or just fucking suck and therefore be disowned by the other family members. Yes, we are still talking about greek life…God, Zeus it's so mature.

So for all you first semester rush betches, we know big/little week is soon and we hope you’ve already started laying the groundwork to find yourself the perfect little. After all, no one wants to be tagged in a bunch of pictures standing next to the chubby lazy-eyed legacy.

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12 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. crafty betch says:

    the worst thing is when all the fucking wooden letters are gone at Michael’s like three weeks before big/little week and there’s not another craft store within miles of your campus, and every monogramming store has a week-long waiting list

    Posted on Reply
  2. R says:

    my life this week </3 but obligatory….LOVEEE MY LIL

    Posted on Reply
  3. KKG says:

    We do rush here sophomore fall and KKG girls have their littles for four weeks! My big already gave me the lilly collection, enough alcohol to start a store, and an embarrassing amount of food/crafts…apparently we have one of the only fully intact lineages in the chapter and my great grand-big will be here at homecoming. If you’re good enough, your lineage won’t get a dud. That stuff is for poor people and like, brunettes.

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    • k says:

      thanks for sharing…. we all really care…

      Posted on Reply
    • sorority betch says:

      how can you claim to be a betch and be in KKG? i’m actually laughing.

      Posted on Reply
    • an embarrassing amount of food? says:

      idk where you go but i’m guessing that you ladies are the fat sorority on campus. maybe instead of crafts your big should have gotten you nikes..

      Posted on Reply
  4. Brunette KKG says:

    Speak for yourself sweetheart- my brunette lineage is fully intact, alive and fabulous…

    Posted on Reply
  5. sorority JAB says:

    Sent this in my pledge class listserv….amazing!!

    Posted on Reply
  6. Hahaha says:

    I died at the swimfan reference.

    Posted on Reply
  7. brunette says:

    uhh agreed, i have a perfectly brunette lineage, my great great grand big just graduated and still comes out with us and now with my little we have 6 hot brunettes for our lineage photo

    Posted on Reply
  8. leahfabulous says:

    Two shit littles and thousands of dollars down the tubes on dumb shit. Not to mention the time spent making the dumb shit. Whatever it was worth it. If I paid for my friends, it was the best money I ever spent.

    Posted on Reply
  9. umm says:

    $300?! I wish!

    Posted on Reply
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