This week on Sexts and Subtext: There's now such a thing as "Delusional Friending", and someone thinks Head Pro was born yesterday.
Dear Head Pro,
I was hanging out with this pro for a few weeks and we were really into each other (or so it seemed) up until last week when he started getting sketchy. He stopped texting me all the time like he had been before, and when he did he told me about how busy he was and blah blah blah. I can take a hint, so I deleted his number and went on with my life. But then, last night I get this from him.
It seems like he's being honest about not being in the right place in his life right now (he complained about his job almost to the point of it being annoying). I need to know if he's being legit. Does he actually want to be friends, and if so, how do I go about being friends with him since I'm still into him? If I stay cool about this, could it lead to something in the future?
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused,
To answer your questions: Maybe, don’t, and no. Him feeling genuinely bad about being rude and feeling like he genuinely can’t handle a relationship are not the same thing. This first part could be 100% true, but the second part is likely bullshit. The first red flag is the vagueness of what he’s saying. “I’ve been going through a lot in my life”. What, is he a 15 year old emo kid? Is he going to put on some eyeliner and a Circa Survive album and cry? If you guys were really that hot and heavy for several weeks, he ought to be a little more concrete, like that his job is really busting his balls or that there are some family problems he has to deal with.
Even if that was the case, it wouldn’t be a legitimate reason to end a relationship. Your significant other should be a source of strength when you’re going through a hardship, not a distraction. Maybe he doesn’t see you filling that role, or maybe he just doesn’t like you anymore. Or maybe he likes someone better. Either way, trying to stay anything more than casual friends with him is going to be more stressful for you than anything else. Good job telling him that you weren’t going to wait on him. Now go out and walk the walk.
Dear Head Pro,
So this guy I have known for a while is always texting me and flirting with me even after his girlfriend made him delete me on Facebook. I blow him off because I know he has a girlfriend and nothing other than kissing has ever happened between us...until recently. I saw him at a bar a few weeks ago and he told me how he was broken up with his girlfriend and missed being single. So like any other Betch, I got blackout and made the mistake of going back to his house and having sex.
Then a few days later I find out from my best friend that he is back in a relationship with his girlfriend and she is posting statuses up about how much she loves him and couldn't live without him (so sad). There is no way in hell I am going to let this scumbag get away with cheating on his girlfriend, especially since she is out on FB making herself look like a fool. So I of course texted her to let her know, but she never responded. He has since sent me nasty texts saying I had no business texting her, that it was so wrong and that I should have never done that. Well guess what....they are still together and he somehow convinced her I was obsessed and crazy and just trying to destroy their relationship, when in fact I was trying to help the poor girl out! So I am putting this scumbag on BLAST.
Catch a Cheater Betch
Dear Catch a Cheater Betch,
Who are you, fucking Joey Greco? Let’s all be adults and get real here: You’re not mad about this bro’s lack of scruples or otherwise motivated by some moral obligation to protect his girlfriend’s image. You’re butthurt because you’re the one made to look like a fool, a slut, a homewrecker, or a combination of all three. And in that regard, your anger is justified to a certain extent. But you didn’t say that. You claim to be mad for a whole bunch of other reasons, all of which are horeshit.
For one thing, who’s to say that he cheated at all? It’s very possible that they had a fight and broke up that day and then got back together after they talked things out the next morning. So when you ever-so-classily went home and fucked a guy whose morals you claim repulsed you up until this point, there’s a fair chance that he wasn’t technically in the wrong. And if that’s the case, how lame is that? You, claiming to be the morality police in this situation, immediately go to pound town with this guy (whose girlfriend was apparently justified in being wary of you) the second he’s single? Yeah, you’re a real class act.
You’re not fooling anyone by saying “she deserved to know”, because it sounds like she has enough on her hands dating this sketchball as it is. You didn’t do her any favors, because if you hadn’t stuck your nose in her business, guess what? Absolutely nothing would be different. Your actions in no way improved anyone’s situation. All you did was make a spectacle of yourself and pile more drama on top of what sounds like an already fucked up relationship.
You can be mad that you were duped, or mad that she gets to keep him (lucky her) and you were just used for sex. Just don’t try to pretend you’re mad about someone else’s morals. I’ll believe Amanda Bynes isn’t crazy before I believe that.
Send your sextual conversations to firstname.lastname@example.org ... I mean I'd rather you don't, but the betches make me do it.