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By The Head Pro on

Dear Head Pro,

So, I'm in high school and I recently started talking to this pro-in-training.He's the quarter back of the football team, totally hot, but actually a genuinely nice person. We haven't been talking for that long, and have only hung out a few times. He seems like he's interested in me, but I just can't read guys at all. So, I was at a typical high school house party and drunk texted him. Everything was going fine, we were flirting, and this huge embarrassment happened.I tried to play off this whole miscommunication but I don't know if i succeeded. I'm really into this guy and don't want to ruin a great potential hookup because of my drunk texting faux pas. Did I totally screw up? Is there a way to salvage this? Whats a girl to do?

Overthinking Betch

Dear Overthinking Betch,

God, high schoolers can be so fucking cute sometimes. I’m assuming you’re concerned because you fear you tipped your hand, so to speak, correct? Look, it’s obvious that at least one of you is lying in these messages about who actually sent it, and it’s obviously you. But that doesn’t matter, because guess what? Not only did he buy it, but he was embarrassed too! That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, it just means one (obvious) thing: teenage boys are insecure, nervous wrecks. Even though your “fake” response to his “fake” invitation was positive, he was still a little bashful. That’s normal. He’s in high school, where you begin to figure this kind of shit out.

I know you love me and this site and want to be awesome and cool and have casual hookups and stuff, but given your age maybe try having a boyfriend or two first. If you’re “really into this guy” don’t try to fool yourself (or me) into thinking you’re worried about messing up a “great hookup.” If you like him, just say so and act accordingly. No one here’s going to think you’re a loser. There’s a time for flings and  casual hookups, and that time is whenever you don’t have to hide your condom stash from your parents anymore.

Showering You With Kisses,

Head Pro


I had recently moved to the city and was making a new group of friends when we all decided to go to this major house music party, I'm not normally into that genre but it was free for me and an excuse to get blackout. We all meet up at my best guy friends place and start pre-gaming, hard.

None of us had ever met his new roommate until that night..enter Jon ( my worst annoyance nightmare ever). That night he seemed totes normal. A little socially awkward but he's kind of dorky and that can be considered endearing sometimes. The night progresses and its obvious he think I'm hot and is totally try to kick (what little) game he has, but whatever, I'm well on my way to black out and he's offering to pay for my drinks and cab home later. Knowing its my friends roommate, when he adds me on FB and asks for my number the next day I play nice..b.c like whatever who doesn't like another option for free shit.

Anyway so we hang out later that week just casual and he's WAY more socially awkward than I remember. Maybe it's it was the brownie I ate or the half bottle of vodka at the pre game but this dude is the lamest kid I've ever talked to! So I get my friend to call me with an "emergency" and I bail. After that I don't really acknowledge he exists.  I rarely answer his texts, FB chats, random words with friends chat convos and I  see him only one more time at a group outing on the beach, where I barely talked to him or paid attention. The kid then buys me forever yogurt (the best fro-yo, outside pinkberry obvs) and tries to split it with me. Gross. Can you try any harder? I decide I just can't.

I start to just blatantly ignore his texts, but he doesn't get the message. Day after day of unreturned plan attempts and he just doesn't get it, so I try a route I don't usually take, I tried to be nice about it. I let him know in the most polite way that I think he wants something more than a friendship and I'm not trying to do that: read the texts some the most hilarious shit I've ever read:

OK so I hope you're still with me after that because it gets better!

So a few months later it H-ween and my friend decides to throw another awesome pre-game (per usual) at his place. His roomie, who had stayed very low key since the texts, was there and I thought I was dealing with a normal semi-rational human- I was wrong. I say hi and he childishly goes "don't talk to me" turns around and storms away. I roll my eyes and giggle b.c I'm not about to care about that shit and proceed to start getting black out. The person that never leaves my group thoughout the whole thing is fucking HIM! this kid who doesn't want to talk to me, stays 4 fucking feet from me all night and the end when I'm way past blackout decides it's time to have another little chat. Whatever it was that I said this is what I woke up to...

No one can talk sense into him and it’s starting to cause issues between my friend and I. No one even likes him. That said, what am I supposed to do? I miss my friends pre-games, his awesome rooftop bar and all around not having to endure a night with this lame ass trying to tell me how he hates himself and how I'm a horrible person. Please help.

WTF happened to men?

Dear WTF,

Jesus Christ, this was long as fuck but I published it anyway because it was too good not to. I’ve met and heard about some really bitchy, emotional men, but this guy takes the cake. This is the kind of guy even our gay bros and betches would look at and call “a fucking queer.” Your predicament is a tough one, kind of like trying to decide whether it’s faster to crawl out the beast-you-nailed-the-night-before’s window or just suffocate it with its pillow. Shut up, every bro’s been there.

What you’re dealing with is the kind of broseur who, for whatever reason, has been conditioned to believe that girls will eventually cave to him if he gets emotional enough. Maybe he got pity fucked one time, or maybe he had a girlfriend that he was able to guilt into staying with him every time she’d had enough of his crybaby bullshit. Whatever the reason, you have a problem if you ever want to see that rooftop again.

The solution, I think, lies in your bro friend. I don’t believe, not for one minute, that Sir CriesALot actually went to his roommate and said “I just can’t be around WTF, the memories we share are too emotional. Please respect my feelings and don’t bring her around anymore.” Are you fucking kidding me? No, I’m sorry. Even the most understanding of bros would tell his roommate to shake the sand out of his vagina and stop being such a fucking pussy. This shit happened months ago. Trust me, any guy who hears enough of that will either grow a pair or move out.

I don’t think he’s honestly said shit to your friend, so now it’s your turn. Show him these messages (on this site or your phone, your call). Show him what he’s living with. He knows him better than you do and will know what to do to get him to either come around or at least make himself scarce when you’re there. Also, tell your friend to not live with a fucking 15 year old girl next time.

Fragile Kisses,

Head Pro

Have funny texts/sexts and want advice? Screenshot and send to

18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Ew says:

    That second post just gave me cancer. “House music party”? Really?

    Posted on Reply
  2. fiduciaryb00ty says:

    i blame Judd Apatow entirely for the new age of “men”; seriously the glorification of” it’s okay to be a shitshow”/non-pro at life in film is killing the nation and everyone’s boners

    Posted on Reply
    • agreed says:

      guy here. we’ll start acting like actual men again but it’s only with the condition that you ladies start acting like women again

      Posted on Reply
  3. M says:

    Thank God. Putting that hilarious 2nd one in overshadowed the weird high school one….

    Posted on Reply
  4. Not being nice says:

    Stage-5 Clinger, shouldn’t have even replied after the first signs of crazy.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Pound the alarm says:

    I think head pro is right but not taking it seriously enough.  That behavior is actually really scary, like I’d be concerned for your safety.  This does not sound like a normal person you are dealing with, sounds like a certifiable psycho based on the shit he wrote and his inability to let things go.  It’s his obsessiveness that is very worrisome.  Do NOT get black out around him and don’t be around him when he is black out.  He seriously sounds legitimately insane and you could get assaulted physically or sexually

    “shake the sand out of his vagina” - HA to imply that this behavior is feminine.  What an insult.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Lmaoo says:

    ” Look, it’s obvious that at least one of you is lying in these messages about who actually sent it, and it’s obviously you.”
    Haha i just died. Worst way to play it off ever

    Posted on Reply
  7. ew says:

    2nd post makes me vom, like even if that was a girl and not a “guy” (questionably) I’d still vom.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Poor guy says:

    To the second post:
    The roommate clearly has psychological/emotional issues. He needs therapy and you don’t want to get involved with that.. i’d say steer clear and be happy he does not want you around his apartment!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Your Name says:

    honestly, people need to stop bashing high schoolers for writing on this site. I’m in college but I truly believe the only girls that should be asking for guy advice on this site should still be in high school. i’d hope that most people learn how to deal with men by the time they graduate.. i’ve seen more pathetic posts then hers.
    as for the 2nd girl, you did something to lead him on and you love the attention. he obviously has issues so you should leave him the fuck alone. tell your friend how psycho his roommate is and hope your friend sees it, but for now why are you even appeasing this guy by answering? just stop.

    Posted on Reply
    • AD says:

      I graduated college and I still ask for guy advice. Don’t pretend like you don’t talk with all your girlfriends about the guys you are interested in. Even people in serious long term relationships ask for advice. Get your head out of your ass.

      Second point, who are you to say she loves the attention? I think it’s pretty clear she would prefer no attention from psycho roommate so she could go on living her life with the other people she cares to be around. It’s been months, even if she did lead him on a bit he needs to get the fuck over it.

      Posted on Reply
  10. Ummm says:

    I reallllly hope that crazy doesnt find this site and read that!!! He sounds very unstable, how are you not scared? What a creep!

    Posted on Reply
  11. jesus says:

    christ that boy on the second e-mail just reeked of female puberty. comletely agree with whoever sent this in, no one our age behaves and talks like this.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Marissa says:

    Comparing a weird, clingy man in the second post to a woman by alluding to “getting the salt of out his vagina” and calling him a “pussy” is extremely anti-feminist.  Don’t insult a man by calling him a woman unless you feel like bringing us back 50 years in time.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Kelly says:

    I actually think the high school one was very sincere and answered very well. Props to you, Head Pro.

    Posted on Reply
  14. happy girl says:

    that was a man? I just cannot seem to believe it was a real conversation between two adults. Basically I got “If you won’t be with me, then I am going to punish you” right….?> Thank all of goodness and light you WEREN’T interested in dating that particular person. No-one should until that person, male or female, get some serious help!

    Posted on Reply
  15. Clearly... says:

    This bro in the making has psychological issues. Lay off the dude and tell him you understand if he needs to talk—he needs psychological help—drugs, a therapist? Mom? People don’t normally get this way—only after trauma and deep shit like that.
    Be a friend cause clearly he doesn’t have any.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Lol says:

    Good to go to the blackout party’s maybe but stay the fuck away from him before he does some crazy shit to you -2nd post

    Posted on Reply
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