This week on Sexts and Subtext: IT’S NAKED PICTURE TIME! IT’S NAKED PICTURE TIME! (almost)
Dear Head Pro,
So, I dated this guy for about a year like 2 years ago. We became friends again this past year and he has been flirting with me a lot lately. But, the problem is he keeps sending me mixed signals. One minute he'll seem like the ultimate douche bag and want to be "friends with benefits" and the next minute he'll be all romantic telling me how beautiful I am and how much he cares about me. He also gets extremely jealous when i talk to other guys. I dont know if he just wants a hookup or if he actually gives a shit about me.
Hmm. Dated for a year, broke up for two, and now you’re “friends” and he’s flirting a lot. What about you, are you flirting back? I guess what I’m saying is, what exactly are you asking me and why? Do you want to get back together with him, do you want to engage in a fwb type thing, or do you want to maintain the friendship? It doesn’t sound like you’re into being fuck buddies, as you referred to is as “douche” (and ok, it kind of is when someone explicitly asks for it). So do you want to date him, or do you want him to pump the brakes and just be a friend? Since this isn’t an actual conversation we’re having and instead just me trying to fill white space, I guess I’ll never know.
I guess something to keep in mind is that “talk is cheap” isn’t just a thing sassy female R&B singers say. Talk is literally cheap, as in it costs nothing in terms of emotional investment. Telling you you’re beautiful, besides making him sound like a skeezy Persian guy hitting on a girl in a DC nightclub, means nothing to him. Besides, you already know he at least doesn’t think you’re ugly, on account of having dated you for a while. Actually, if you’re the kind of girl who confuses being told you’re beautiful as an expression of genuine feelings, you probably have some issues.
I can’t in good faith tell you he doesn’t care about you, but I know that if I were him, asking to see your tits isn’t how I’d go about expressing that.
Dear Head Pro,
So I met this guy back in april at a bar. we hooked up for a couple weeks, and then things sort of died out. about a month later we started talking again. by total coincidence we were both in the same place in the hamptons for memorial day weekend, and my friend and i ending up spending a great day/night with him and his friends (no not an orgy, sorry). anyway, we talked for a week or two after that, including him calling me every weekend, but then it stopped...until last night.
when we hang out he's really into me - and no i'm not a delusional dater, been there done that - but this move last night pretty clearly identifies me as just a casual fuck, no? sidenote: who the fuck does he think he is?
Dear ______, (fuck you guys and not leaving any kind of name)
So, you met in a bar, banged for a while, and then things were hit and miss from there. Isn’t that the definition of a casual fuck? You seem a little miffed that he’s approaching it that way, but at what point did you think it was anything else?
What a lot of guys don’t understand is that nudity is not a linear thing. They think “We’ll we’ve fucked and I saw her naked then, so she shouldn’t mind sending me some sweet naked pics, right?” That’s something to keep in mind; guys establish levels in our minds that we figure set some kind of standard once they’re crossed. If you’ve fucked once, we figure that’s how things will be, even if it was something you didn’t enjoy or regret doing. It’s not your obligation to uphold those expectations, but just know they exist.
Who the fuck does he think he is? He thinks he’s a guy who met and subsequently fucked a stranger he met in a bar, which is technically correct. In his mind, nothing about you screams the kind of moral turpitude that would prevent you from sending him a shot of your vulva. He’s obviously wrong, but how’s he supposed to know that?
Also, West Coast (vom), and “charity ride” (double vom)? The only “charity rides” I do is when I’m banging an ugly girl, and the only time I ride a bike 100 miles (or any miles, for that matter) is when my car, the metro, and every fucking cab in the city is broken.
Send me a pic?