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By The Betches on

So we've concluded that the reason this show has been getting worse every episode is because there's a direct relationship between red Sharpie screen time and entertainment value. They need to make this show back to how it was. We liked when Emanda would fuck someone up and then cross them out of that one pic. It was so.....what's the word for it...realistic.

Who the fuck knows what's going on now, we're so not following any plots anymore. All we know is that out-of-juvie Emanda actually would remind us a lot of Cher (Bono), if her favorite thing to do was blackmail people and not sing songs that inspire cross dressers.

We did notice however that little Emanda sports some sick Sperrys. Also, Nolan's shirts have been getting more gay as he gets more gay with Tyler.

Anyway we can't wait until next week, the preview looked sick. But when are they going to explore how Charlotte is a Clarke, we can't wait for the paternity test ep.


revengeThis happens all of the time in the Hamptons


Call Outs

The Vic-Daniel-Emanda lunch date is so Oedipal. The more Daniel touches Emanda's hands the angrier Victoria gets, it's like she wants to fuck him… too much weird sexual shit on this show.

Declan moving in with Charlotte: You're like 5 years old and poor and you're getting an apartment with the girl you've known for 5 minutes whose parents wouldn't mind, no rather they'd totes be thrilled, if you disappeared. Ridic. Charlotte would never move in with Queeny McVanderWoodsen.

Regarding the creepy ominous music when Daniel comes into the pool house to confront Tyler. Chill out ABC.

Another OC correlation, Gingy lives in the pool house making Nolan Marissa Cooper by default. He does have her bone structure lanky bod.

Why does Nolan think that Tyler the gingy midge can hurt him? Also Ty, throwing his comp in the pool? We're happy that's one less PC in the world, but do you really think THE NOLAN ROSS doesn't backup?!


Is the South Fork Inn the only fucking hotel in the Hamptons? How is South Fork a convenient place to hold business meetings.

LOL Moments

Emanda and Mr. Miyagi talking shit about Daniel in Japanese, so internationally betchy.

Daniel is so handsomely stupid he would think all it takes to get a 50 million dollar investment is "I’m gonna be like, really careful with your money, yo"

More on Mr. Miyagi because we can't help it... he’s so Jackie Chan. Instead of creepily stalking Emanda from the side of her house why not just text her ‘ur 2 into ur bf, I’m dunzo’. People with 50 million dollars to throw around at some rando revenge plot usually have better things to do with their evenings, like teach karaté. Unagi....Ah salmon skin roll.

Why would Emanda’s dad hire a divorce lawyer to handle his appeal? That seems like a great way to get out of life in prison.


revengeLook at all of the guys and then Declan.


Memorable Quotes

"Ty must have that magic touch" - Punny Daniel, little do you know.

Victoria on Tyler still living in the house: "I rather like that Tyler's there" - Who doesn't love an in-house prosti?

Jack to fake Amanda Clarke: "I can't tell you how good it feels to have you back" - Would you really remember someone you hadn't seen since you were 5 when you're 25 and miss them that intensely, like no...OOoooo that sand-art was our secret treasure

Charlotte to Declan: "You don't wanna move in with me?" - Is it so surprising that a 16 year old boy isn't ready for that just yet? Have his balls even dropped?

This ending is so Mean Girls. Emanda told Daniel that Nolan was too gay to function. Nolan to Emily : You’re a mean girl Emanda you’re a betch! Emily to Nolan: I want my pink shirt back!”

Last week's recap>>


23 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. GBFF says:

    Ok so as a ghey, at first I was like “Ok, this show has great betch material (via Victoria and Emanda), but like where are the homos?”  And then there was Nolan.  He looked like a total tool in the first episode in his bro-tastic nautical pants…but then I researched and found out he was actually a model and is actually sexy.  Real talk: I’d hit it.  Tyler though, EW.  Ginger is a bad look on anyone.  He’s totes going to shoot Mr. Grayson (no major loss there).  But like, don’t pretend you have shit on Nolan, he’s worth 50 times your family’s net worth even before they went povo-broke.  He needs to go ASAP so I can be cast as the new Nolan fuckbuddy, who doesn’t need to be on the payroll.

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  2. Anonymous says:

    hahaha at Declan, he looks so dumb. Esp compared to everyone else.

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  3. bscb says:

    I am surprised you betches haven’t mentioned that Emanda’s dog Sammy would be long gone by now… the fact that the dog is still kickin and something that brings jack and emanda together was a major LOL moment for my betches and i…

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  4. Anonymous says:

    “You’re like 5 years old and poor and you’re getting an apartment with the girl you’ve known for 5 minutes who’s parents wouldn’t mind, no rather they’d totes be thrilled, if you disappeared.”

    Really betches? Wrong use of who’s/whose is so unbecoming.

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  5. anonymous says:

    you’re pathetic…its one word. Get over yourself

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  6. anonymous says:

    post was decent.. i really only liked it because of the friends reference. unagi, ah salmon skin rollll

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  7. Anonymous says:

    So I looked up the actor/model who plays Nolan… he definitely has amazing abs, but did you know he’s like 40 years old??

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  8. Anonymous says:

    Ew. IT’S not that hard.

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  9. GBFF says:

    If I wanted wikipedia info I would have done it myself, but thanks for doing my work for me betch(?).  Hot is hot.  If only every man looked like that at 40…

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  10. Anonymous says:

    if we are lucky, next week tyler will shoot himself.

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  11. Anonymous says:

    Are you like really insecure or something?  Someone else looking up an interesting fact and then making conversation about it is “doing your work for you”?  And that warrants making a snarky comment such as “If I was interested in that I would have looked it up myself”?  I was going to say you sound like more of a “bitch ” than a “betch”, but then I realized what you really sound like is a preteen.  Tired of all the girls on here tearing each other down all the time.

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  12. Anonymous says:

    im glad someone else got it, best part of the post

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  13. Sam says:

    The dog wouldn’t necessarily be dead by now. Assuming her dad was arrested when she was 7 (ish?) and the dog was clearly a puppy. Since Daniel is still in college, Emanda must be only like 23/4 which would make the dog 17 at the most…

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  14. Anonymous says:

    Obvi because everyone else is shown at the engagement party in the first episode. Duh.

    Way to fuck up your soap opera ABC

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  15. Anonymous says:

    What I don’t get is Emanda’s hair in juvie. Does she have a secret stash of hair dye and straighteners?

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  16. Sam says:

    That picture is such a gem..

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  17. Anonymous says:

    true but he could still shoot someone, and that person could live.

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  18. Anonymous says:

    “you know, if we made a reservation right now, we could be having some unagi in about half an hour”

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  19. kbetch says:

    omg bad grammar is so unattractive. good pick up, betch.  at least all the you’res are right.

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  20. Anonymous says:

    Seriously, this CANNOT be the same person who has written the other Revenge recaps!!! Calling EVDW Declan?? What happened here?! And even when you attempted the van der Woodsen, you fucked it up. This is wayy amateur….I’m getting a poor person vibe from this…

    Can we at least get an explanation from the head betches about why this is happening?!?! This is totally unsettling. If I don’t get one soon, I swear I’m gonna stop reading the site—this isn’t the that I fell in love with!

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  21. Sam says:

    Breathe, babe.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Chels says:

    I am so surprised there has not been a comment on how every week since the Mr Miyagi episode there has been a rerun! Every week I get myself all snuggled up on the couch. I go into my dvr, hit play and it’s an episode I have already seen. The disappointment is redic. WTF REVENGE? I am not a happy betch.

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  23. Anonymous says:

    why have you failed to point out that nolans using SHAMU as a hidden camera!! its tacky and disgusting
    even more unrealistic that no one notices the classless decoration from sea world ergh

    Posted on Reply
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