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By The Betches on

Holy fuck I love this episode. Few things are as exciting to me as the collapse of a hedge fund. But then Emanda impersonated a homeland security agent and I completely lost my shit, chill out Harriet the Spy. Where did you even get your doctor's coat? How did you break into the hospital records room? Why the fuck are you wearing glasses?

Let's talk about our favorite part aka the narration. Absolution is the most powerful form of forgiveness. Is it? Is it really? Whose job is it to devise these revolutionary idioms and where can we apply? Absolution is a washing away of sin. The best among us will learn from the mistakes of the past. The rest will get high on oxy and call it a day.

Anyway, exciting as it is, the whole premise of this show is seriously fucked up. Like, there's no way anyone would look twice at either of those Porter boys let alone be in love with them. They're short and flaccid.

On top of that, all the sudden it's like, Occupy Wall Street is here! How'd they all get over to Riker's? Isn't that shit supposed to have some security, like the maximum kind? And really, writing MURDERER on Daniel's car? If no one wrote murderer on Casey Anthony's car, a baby killer, then no one's writing it on some hot Hamptons boy's car... a ginger killer.


And how does everyone get around the tristate area so quickly? Hamptons? Manhasset? Pennsylvania? Must have some serious sports cars...must be the one and only Lexus GS!


Despite all this absurdity we need this show like Declan needs a haircut. We counted at least three bitch slaps in the scenes from next week and we can't wait... Will Charlotte go to Promises? Will Mandy go Kill Bill on the man with the white hair? Which fine Italian knits will the wardrobe department select for Nolan's outerwear?

Call Outs

I like Emily's 'do whatever it takes ruin as many people's lives so long as she can make a name for herself as an evil avenger of her father' mentality.

Finally they give us another revealing photograph for Mandy to potentially make cross-outs on. Though I think it's time to face reality: red sharpie's contract was only for a half-season, the dog days are not over, RIP red. But more importantly, who dates their photographs in pencil in 2002? It's called a digital camera and they had them at this point.

Seriously Charlotte?! What couple casually feeds each other pills in the hallway of their private school? What a scandal somebody alert Julie Cooper.

However Declan, stop being such a narc, you need to calm down about the pills...maybe take one.

Hey Nolan, thanks for reminding us you have a multinational company to run. Up until now we thought your job was to sport as many flamboyant polo shirts and sweaters as possible.

Ambitious Ashley trades in her soul to Conrad Grayson for...a brand new car! What do you think costs more, this Lexus GS or this product placement?

LOL Moments

occupydanielSweet eggs Aunt Carol


But who could CM be? Why of course, it's Carol Miller.

And where did Mandy find Carol Miller? Oh, just on this sick website, GoQuestGo. That's like,

So what was the point of the Aunt Carol plot exactly? Carol is like the go-to name for television aunts ... obligatory Aunt Carol plot.

Conrad's all like "I frequently kill and frame people because I do what I need to protect the family." WTF is this the Godfather...go to the mattresses Connie!

We loved the scene with a barred out Charlotte on a walk through a winter wonderland with her mother, when they chat about David Clarke. There are so many things about you that remind me of him. Your eyes, your laugh, your affinity towards stray dogs.

A guy visited Conrad Grayson with a head full of white hair and bright blue Santa?


28 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    the last two lines….killer. i love you, betches

    Posted on Reply
  2. lafemme says:

    “whatever it takes ruin as many people’s lives so long as she can make a name for herself…” LOL

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    loved the comment on nolan’s maybe-gay outfits. i just rewatched episode 1 the other night, and nolan was wearing bright pink pants. love it.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Christine says:

    “What a scandal somebody alert Julie Cooper.” i absolutely love all the OC references… i am dying

    Posted on Reply
  5. E-mandy Is THE Betch says:

    I loved the OC comment and I have a prediction that Ashley killed Tyler “I help Danny with his interview because he’s done so much for me” take the blame for what she did. What else has he done except provide her with a souless, gay, schizo for a boyfriend?

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    but who could CM be? of course. carole miller. hahahh.. what a joke but i can’t stop watching. love how victoria is suddenly selling all her info about her husband.. wasn’t it all her idea in the first place to frame emanda’s dad?

    also, do the writers even know where the hamptons are? lancaster pa? no one was curious where emily went?

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    we saw that takeda killed tyler. have you not been watching/

    Posted on Reply
  8. Eme says:

    I have never seen this site in my life. I was actually Googling whether or not GoQuestGo was real or not. Lol. (Tech Chick). But, I love a great writer and even though I’m not QUITE as betchy as these girls claim to be, I am loving it so far. Lol.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    Omg Emanda leaving a single rose on her father’s grave. So Phantom of the Opera.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    Also, I don’t get it why everyone’s calling Daniel an evil murderer when Tyler was like a complete psycho?  It’s not like an innocent little person was killed…Tyler was insane and a ginger.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Emanda should have left a bouquet of red sharpies instead of a rose on her father’s grave…

    Posted on Reply
  12. Nautical Betch says:

    um, someone was so angry that the red sharpie has apparently been killed off the show and therefore wrote in a GIANT red Sharpie on Emanda’s car. screw Tyler..

    Posted on Reply
  13. Bullwhip Griffin says:

    I enjoyed the rant on this page, even though I came to it in search of It was interesting and funny, but I find it curious that the author referred to “Emanda”, not “Amanda”, as the name is on the show and then at least two responders made the same mistake, obviously drawing their cue from the author, who needs a hearing aid replacement. I’m sure there are people named “Emanda” in this world, but none of them are on Revenge.
    Thanks for the laughs.

    Posted on Reply
  14. iloverevenge says:

    ashley sold daniels pictures which helped her career. vicky realized that and told ashleys future boss. that betch just doesn’t want anyone to be happy.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    emily + amanda = emanda
    don’t be a hater if you don’t even know what you’re talking about

    Posted on Reply
  16. Literate says:

    “Emanda” is a pun on Emily + Amanda- obviously. Get with it.

    Posted on Reply
  17. you're so amateur says:

    Emanda is the site’s nickname for E-mily + Amanada (because her true identity is Amanda Clarke and she is assuming the false identify of Emily Thorne)...duh. amateur shit.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    You betches have great SEO if people googling (I mean goquestgo-ing) “” are getting directed to your recaps. #winning

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    “And how does everyone get around the tristate area so quickly? Hamptons? Manhasset? Pennsylvania? Must have some serious sports cars..” haha so true! I’d love to know their secret. Nolan must have some serious Fast and Furious speed, though. Anyone else notice that he had clearly already been there for some time, looked to be overnight judging by that awful pajama-number the style-team put together for him.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Pappa Marcito says:

    I love this program.  It is really nice.  The commentary on this site is too bland though.  It needs more spice to add flavor.  There is a general lack of taste.  If it could be souped up to make it more robust and delicious, I would read it more.  Thanks for putting betches on it though.  It is classy.  Okay, it’s the opposite of classy, but it lets you know what you are in for (tackiness).  Your mom wouldn’t be very proud.  Flavor.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Emanda says:

    I think you’re wrong, the author of this page just messed up. It’s Amanda, not Emanda!  Get it right, or don’t make a lame sight like this!  (It is kind of lame anyway!)!

    Posted on Reply
  22. chris says:

    A few answers to your questions:

    -Casey Anthony was too broke to own her own car, and was escorted from jail in someone else’s whip—I think her lover/lawyer’s whip—so there wasn’t an opportunity to spray paint “murderer” on her car.

    -“Riker’s” (as you call it) had “security,” which is why Danny boy and Emanda were slightly ambushed after they were let through the prison’s entrance/exit.

    Other than that, I like the depth and pun in your writing, betch.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Michelle says:

    Same thing here…was doing the same search.  FUNNY!!!  And, LOVE the site!!!  I have to admit tho, I love the show.  Gives me a nice ESCAPE FROM reality.  I deal with too much reality w/my job, so I crave each week.  LOL!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  24. jetset says:

    well at least connie and vic use their heli

    Posted on Reply
  25. alchbetch says:

    best quote of the show “jack daniel didn’t kill anyone” blatant lie.

    Posted on Reply
  26. haha says:

    HAHA I caught that too, hysterical on behalf of the screenwriters

    Posted on Reply
  27. TXbetch says:

    The betch reviewers have been referring to her since day one as Emanda and have made a clear distinction between Amanda/Emily and our Emanda.  It’s clever and if you can’t handle it get the fuck off our site.  This is supposed to be an entertaining betch POV on the show, not an official recap for the common idiot who needs straightforward explantations or thinks a website like goquestgo could possibly exist.

    Posted on Reply
  28. ChrisGW IGGY says:

    I frickin LOLed reading this
    Then I ROFLMAO…
    I love ashleys ambition… I wanna make out with her

    Posted on Reply
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