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By The Betches on

Today is a day to celebrate because we’ve officially named a new characteristic by which to judge people based on traits they’re born with and have little chance of changing. We can hardly believe it’s taken us this long to put this phenomenon into words, mostly because it technically only exists in words. It is Resting Betch Voice and just like your Resting Betch Face, it serves to intimidate and inform the world that you’re just not fucking interested.

You probably experience so much Resting Betch Voice in your daily life that you may not even notice it, simply because everyone you know speaks this way. Think Kelly Cutrone, Victoria Beckham if she ever spoke, or Kourtney Kardashian whining, Scaaaahhhttttt whhhat do you think you’re dewwing? Even when telling Scott he needs to curb his alcoholism and punching of mirrors she conveys as much emotion as I do when my mom calls and I have to act disinterested so she’ll want to stop speaking to me.

The key to a successful RBV is almost whining except you don't care enough to whine, so RBV reflects the sound of extreme boredom instead. Less is more, so the more monotonous you sound the better. If your voice in any way fluctuates or expresses any small degree of interest in the topic at hand then your voice is neither resting nor bitchy. Always remember octaves are the enemy.

Some people think that sounding disinterested in others may be rude and try to make up for that with enthusiastic or nice words. You should obviously never do this because that would be just like apologizing for who you are, and you will also risk sounding like Anne Hathaway. 

So like my therapist once said, “your external chaos will always be reflective of your internal chaos,” or something zen like that. Obviously this means that if you yourself are a betch who loves napping, then your voice should be just as well rested as you.

21 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Finally says:

    I self diagnosed myself with Resting Bitch Voice a few months ago.  Thanks for raising awareness.

    Posted on Reply
  2. ann coulter says:

    ANN COULTER is the queen of this

    Posted on Reply
    • stannygrl says:

      except ann coulter is basic and not a betch at all. ew.

      Posted on Reply
      • Allison says:

        There is literally no quicker way to say “I’m basic” than by using the #1 meaningless insult of the moment. Fucking duh.

        Posted on Reply
        • stannygrl says:

          There is literally no quicker way to say “I’m basic” than by implying that you like ann coulter. Awkward.

          Posted on Reply
  3. Your Name says:

    “monotonous” I think you meant monotone…

    Posted on Reply
    • lol no says:

      you suck open a dictionary.

      Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        monotonous |məˈnätn-əs| adjective
        dull, tedious, and repetitious; lacking in variety and interest: the statistics that he quotes with monotonous regularity.
        • (of a sound or utterance) lacking in variation in tone or pitch: soon we heard a low, monotonous wailing of many voices.

        monotone |ˈmänəˌtōn| noun [ usu. in sing. ]
        a continuing sound, esp. of someone’s voice, that is unchanging in pitch and without intonation: he sat and answered the questions in a monotone.
        (of a voice or other sound) unchanging in pitch; without intonation or expressiveness: his monotone reading of the two-hour report.
        • without vividness or variety; dull: the monotone housing developments of the big cities.

        Clearly monotone is the right choice. Don’t be such a bitch next time.

        Posted on Reply
        • lol says:

          stop trying so hard. either choice works. read your own fucking definition of monotonous and please shut the fuck up next time

          Posted on Reply
          • Hoya betch says:

            Actually either choice doesn’t work. I’m not one to get into grammar fights but it’s annoying when people throw the first punch with an uncalled-for comment and are completely off. SO…
            The way it’s phrased calls for an adjective (ie monotonous), not a noun (ie monotone). In other words, Your Name you’re still wrong, as your own annoying AF copied/pasted definitions show.

            Posted on Reply
            • ... says:

              actually the definition clearly shows that monotone is both a noun and adjective

              Posted on Reply
        • linguist betch says:

          They come from the same root. Monotonous is describing how you should sound and is the adjective form. Would you prefer to say something like “the more loudness you sound..”? Nope. Loud. Adjective. Boom.

          Posted on Reply
      • Shut up says:

        stop crying and get back to not caring like a real betch

        Posted on Reply
  4. GBFF says:

    Omg one of my old jobs used to tell me I sounded bored when answering the phone and that I needed to have “high energy”.  The fact that I was at work was doing enough work in itself and now you want me to act like I am super thrilled every time I receive a phone call?  Thank you this (like most posts) makes me feel better about my betchy behaviors.

    Posted on Reply
  5. ..Your Name says:

    comments like those above make me not interested in this site. there should be a better filter before these shit comments are posted.

    Posted on Reply
  6. kat says:

    this dumb bitch who was head of HR at the clinic i worked at (because she was fucking the boss) felt for some reason that it was ok to ask me, “why do you always talk like that? what’s wrong with your voice?” ...because i am fucking BORED and people who think they’re dying from a sore throat are annoying, thus i am monotone.

    Posted on Reply
  7. A Bro says:

    this shit will never be broslikethissite so just give up now and save yourselves the embarrassment, being a ‘betch’ i.e. dumb slut will never be anything like being a bro

    Posted on Reply
    • LipglossKisses says:

      Ugh yet another man-worshipper with mommy issues..
      the I’m-gay-confession site is THAT way

      Posted on Reply
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