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By The Betches on

Dear Betch,

I've been in denial for about eight months that my boyfriend can not be this controlling psychopath, that all my friends think he is. He constantly brings up my past, such as hook ups, partying and dumb shit like that... before I even knew him. He begged me to know everything (bad move on my part to tell him) and now he cant handle it. When he brings it up, he wants me to make him feel better and reasure him that he was still my first everything... because the guys before him didnt "count".

This usually starts a fight... me trying to make him feel better... than me yelling at him to get over it. He always needs to know where I am, when I get into bed, when I get out of it, who I'm with and what I'm doing. I guess boyfriends are supposed to want to know... but to what extent!? Advice please!!! Don't suggest breaking up with the lunatic.. I'm trying to fix this.

Love,

Controlled by my past

Dear Controlled By My Past,

Holy shit I can't believe you're dating Jay Gatsby. You can't repeat the past! "Sure you can, old sport," your boyfriend proclaims as he leaves you letters suggesting that if you can't tell him that you never loved Tom he'll simply murder you and your besties. I can't believe it isn't painfully obvious that you should break up with this insecure psycho.

Any relationship where the girlfriend begs me to tell her not to break up with a guy and then refers to him as 'the lunatic' obviously does not have a very bright future. Your boyfriend sounds completely deluded and in need of serious psychological counseling. A guy can either accept you as you are, while knowing about that one time blackout threesome or he can date someone else who fits his weird virginal molding. This guy is trying to change who you were to make you into the perfect girl for him and what's worse is that you put up with that shit. If he doesn't like your past he doesn't like you. He's obviously trying to control where you are and what you're doing because he doesn't trust you and is so insecure that he thinks any moment that he's out of the loop is the moment you're hooking up with someone else. This guy needs to work on himself before he can be in any kind of real relationship and accept the person he's dating the way she is. Move on. This shit sounds creepy.

Sincerely,

The Betches

12 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. SugarfreeHazelnut says:

    “Don’t tell him to break up with me”
    “When he brings it up, he wants me to make him feel better and reasure him that he was still my first everything… because the guys before him didnt “count”“

    This guy is seriously so freaky, and you’re obsessed. It does NOT sound like a good relationship, at all. I totally agree…if you’re sitting here calling him a lunatic and know how he treats you is wrong, and then you sit there and say “don’t tell me to break up with him”, then you need help. He’s trying to make himself feel better too by saying oh, the guys before me didn’t count (which they totally do.

    This sounds like a relationship I’d see in some type of freaky serial killer horror movie. You need to move on and possibly grow up..

    Posted on Reply
  2. seriously.. break up says:

    i dated a guy like that and he seriously drove me insane. he would throw everything i did before i met him in my face and even though i had other relationships i had to tell him over and over that he was the first person i ever “really loved.” he even would force me to tell him every guy i’ve had sex with who had a bigger dick then him!!! eventually i realized he’s a psycho and was extremeley happy when i broke up with him

    Posted on Reply
  3. Threesomes says:

    Speaking of that one time blackout threesome (with 2 guys)... if threesomes comes up random in conversation or, say, in a game of never-have-i-ever, do you tell your bf or keep that to yourself?

    Posted on Reply
    • Lisa says:

      Keep it to yourself. Unless
      - your friends know and are liable to let that slip
      - you’re willing to have another one with him

      Other than that, I wouldnt say anything.
      It’s hard to wife-up the girl you know had a 3some.
      Not meant to be rude/judgy…you asked so that’s my opinion.

      Posted on Reply
    • Never says:

      Divulge the entire truth to your boyfriend. No one needs to know about all the crazy shit you’ve done.

      Posted on Reply
  4. I agree says:

    I totally agree with “Seriously..break up” and the Betches.  While his psychopathy may not necessarily be a symptom of being a creepy, abusive control freak a la “Sleeping with the Enemy”, and may likely stem from feeling inadequate/insecure (two separate “types” if you ask me), it really doesn’t matter.  You can’t live like this, and you don’t want to. I was in a similar situation for THREE years, and I tried to “fix” things.  The guy needs counseling, and you can’t do anything to change it.  It’s like telling someone who is anorexic to eat.  They won’t if they don’t want to.  I’m sorry to tell you this, but you really need to break-up.  You might be miserable for a good 6 months, but eventually you’ll be happy again.  I know it’s hard, but you should.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Trust and Believe says:

    It’s only going to get worse the longer you’re with this guy. You won’t be able to fix him since you aren’t the one who broke him.

    What he is doing (whether aware of it or not) is slowly breaking YOU and your confidence because he needs to have all the control and your past is something he obviously can’t control.

    These are red flags and deep down you know they are. I wasted 2 years of my prime with a guy like this and it got worse and worse until I lost it.

    Posted on Reply
  6. NO WAYYYYY says:

    This sounds kind of like my boyfriend when I told him how many people I had been with. It’s his own psychological bullshit that made him decide I was “too experienced” and then he got insecure because he realized I probably had been with a guy with a bigger dick, and I had to keep reminding him that I have had better sex with him than anyone because I love him so much and for girls it is more about the connection (in addition to how you use it) which is 100% true for me. He eventually got over it. It took him about 2 months ... maybe 3 months to stop bringing it up and he accepted it and forgot about it. He doesn’t control me or anything and we are doing well after a year. I’d say if your bf remains insecure LONG after you tell him all this and acts controlling because of it, it’s definitely time to move on.  In retrospect you’ll remember him as a douche who always controlled you and just like Trust and Believe says, wonder why you wasted so much of your prime with a dingleberry. lol.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Save yourself says:

    Just incase the other girls commenting before me didn’t get through to you, I’m yet another example of why you should dump this crazy boy. I was emotionally abused and controlled for almost three years until I finally realized I could be happier on my own instead of being with a guy who made me think he was the best thing to ever happen to me. You think it will get better, but it won’t. Save yourself time now and go ahead and end it. Clearly if you’re writing to the Betches you’re already having second thoughts about this douchebag. Noone deserves to be treated like that.
    If you’re looking for a sign, this is it.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Olivia (voice of experience) says:

    I AM TALKING FROM EXPERIENCE. DUMP HIS ASS. I know you don’t want to. I went through the same thing and more with my ex-boyfriend in high school. He wouldn’t let me do anything, hang out with ceratin people, tried to control what college I chose, everything. I tried to fix it so many times because he spoiled me, complimented me, and we had an AMAZING time in bed. But looking back, I wish I would have left his ass sooner. It would have been hard, but I could have gotten a restraining order. He is taking up your precious time, and you will regret the wasted time you had as a young adult.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Ditto says:

    I JUST left a relationship like this…it’s been hard because I still love him, but at the same time it’s been a relief to not have to worry about every word I say or if my haircut is too short (seriously…caused a fight once).  Screw him.  Set yourself free.  On the plus side, I feel SO much better that I have fellow betches out there who went through the same thing.  I felt for awhile that it must have been me, and that’s lonely as sh*t. 

    P.S.  He’ll never get over it. 

    I was told a million times if I walked through past encounters with him (seriously…he wanted details of my past sexual encounters-YEARS before him), he wouldn’t make me do it again.  Yeah, right…until the next time something set him off.

    Posted on Reply
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