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By The Betches on

Upon Mitt Romney’s accidental spillage during tonight’s debate that he has “binders full of women” we knew it was only hours before the truth came out. Betches Love This has found and released a copy of Mitt’s Burn Binder which says mean things about all the girls in Congress. Fuck the wage gap, shit just got personal.

Anderson Cooper – Too gay to function.
 

Michelle Bachmann made out with a hot dog (one time)

 

Candy Crowley is fat virgin. **Note: Still half true

 

Nancy Reagan tried to sell me marijuana tablets.

 

China is a grotsky little biotch.

 

Hilary Clinton. Dyke.

 

Monica Lewinsky - fat whore

 

This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. DO NOT TRUST HER. She is a fugly slut!


Upon the release of Mitt's Burn Binder, some politicians were clearly upset. Luckily they gathered in the auditorium oval office where they all talked about their issues because Barry threatened to cancel the White House Correspondents Dinner, even though they knew he wouldn't because he already paid the DJ.

 Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super-jumbo tampons. But I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.

 

"Condoleeza, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed." - Mitt

 


Maybe we're not in that book, because everybody likes us. And I don't wanna be punished for being well-liked. And I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.

 

I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...

 

She doesn't even go here!

80 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. anon says:

    This is the best post i’ve seen from you guys in a long time

    Posted on Reply
    • Batch says:

      I appreciate this so very much and I appreciate your speedy post. Mazel Tav Betches.

      Posted on Reply
    • Nellie says:

      Agreed. Lmao!

      Posted on Reply
    • Ashley says:

      That is so fetch!  Hilarious post!

      Posted on Reply
  2. truth says:

    on point betches.

    Posted on Reply
  3. betches for prez says:

    This is the greatest thing ever. Classic betches!

    Posted on Reply
  4. sarah says:

    this is so perfect! love it!

    Posted on Reply
  5. Betch says:

    Beyond amazing. One of the best betchiest articles yet.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Sierra says:

    fan-fucking-tabulous. love u betches

    Posted on Reply
  7. BB says:

    Pure Gold.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Katie says:

    Congratulations, I laughed. A lot.

    Posted on Reply
  9. uberbetch says:

    this is the best thing youve ever written betches…

    Posted on Reply
  10. i die says:

    amaze.

    Posted on Reply
  11. M says:

    PS: Candy Crowley is a Chappaqua betch

    Posted on Reply
  12. anon says:

    HA this is amazing.  you people might be smarter than I thought.

    Posted on Reply
  13. TC says:

    Can’t stop laughing! Great job, betches

    Posted on Reply
  14. anon says:

    on tuesdays, we wear pink

    Posted on Reply
  15. anon says:

    this was absolutely perfect and clever

    Posted on Reply
  16. Julia says:

    You should do one on Obama too

    Posted on Reply
  17. HAHA says:

    It’s nice to see that the original betches still take over when an important post is called for

    Posted on Reply
  18. momsy betch queen says:

    You Betches Rock, You ladies really should be political analists(Is that betches that do analysis of anal experts?).No need for poles-we need only read the betches column to see what is happening. You girls are really “The Shit” when it comes to politics!

    Posted on Reply
    • uhhh says:

      wtf does this even mean?

      Posted on Reply
      • Hahaha says:

        Honestly though??

        Posted on Reply
  19. Kat says:

    I’m a republican and I find this hilarious!!

    Posted on Reply
    • Natasha says:

      I am a communist and I do not understand the joke.

      Posted on Reply
  20. A Betch says:

    Looooooooooove

    Posted on Reply
  21. uh says:

    absolutely AMAZING. perfection

    Posted on Reply
  22. Megs says:

    uhm, i love this betch… so hilarious!  thanks mucho for a great laugh on hump day!

    Posted on Reply
  23. love. says:

    this was so good i cant even handle it! LOVED IT

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anon says:

    DYING. The betches are back!!

    Posted on Reply
  25. B says:

    incredible. perfect. thank you. dying

    Posted on Reply
  26. omgggg says:

    SO F*CKING FUNNY

    Posted on Reply
  27. CANDY... or jim says:

    Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by Barack Obama…..


    PS. fucking brilliant.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Kaley says:

    Almost cracked a rib laughing, great post.

    Posted on Reply
  29. iubetch says:

    real betches rarely give compliments. that being said, well done betches. well done.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Glen Coco says:

    I CAN’T EVEN. SERIOUSLY DYING. STOP IT. TOO GREAT.

    Posted on Reply
  31. CBEAR says:

    Perfect. God this is amazing.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Newyork says:

    One of the best posts I’ve seen

    Posted on Reply
  33. me says:

    hoo-fucking-raaaah this is the ISH

    Posted on Reply
  34. its meg betch says:

    Greatest thing I’ve ever read about politics!

    Posted on Reply
  35. holy shit says:

    thank you for making politics entertaining for once. this is awesome

    Posted on Reply
  36. Tiffany says:

    Omg Paul Ryan at the end. I am dead.

    Posted on Reply
  37. BETCHES FOR PREZ says:

    ive been loving the betchocracy posts lately. way to go betches you’ve done it again.

    Posted on Reply
  38. lolz says:

    dying. so perfect. needed this. best one in a while

    Posted on Reply
  39. On pointtt says:

    You can tell when the original betches write on here because they were from Cornell and are actually smart and funny. This is too good.

    Posted on Reply
  40. jason says:

    I’m a mouse. Duh.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Z says:

    this is amazeb’z.

    Posted on Reply
  42. figger says:

    so goddamn funny.

    Posted on Reply
  43. G says:

    Good job Betches. You got all of Chicago laughing. A+

    Posted on Reply
  44. hahaha says:

    Bristol Palin: Don’t have sex. Or you’ll get pregnant. And die.

    Posted on Reply
  45. JK says:

    You are brilliant

    Posted on Reply
  46. THIS says:

    MIGHT BE THE MOST FETCH POST OF ALL TIME.

    Posted on Reply
  47. dumb says:

    this is ridiculous. romney was trying to BACK UP women…not put them down. not surprised by this post though, since this site is clearly run by JABS (democrats).

    Posted on Reply
  48. melissa says:

    this entire thing is perfection, but the last two are GOLD

    Posted on Reply
  49. A says:

    actually the funniest thing I have ever seen!!!

    Posted on Reply
  50. Judge me. says:

    This post is everything

    Posted on Reply
  51. well done says:

    great post

    xoxo political betch

    Posted on Reply
  52. k says:

    well done. this is amazing.

    Posted on Reply
  53. katherine says:

    this is so fetch

    Posted on Reply
  54. anon says:

    Bristol Palin: don’t have sex or you WILL get pregnant. And die.

    Posted on Reply
  55. betchy mcbetcherson says:

    “She doesn’t even go here!” Perfect caption. I can’t even.

    Posted on Reply
  56. Steve says:

    Next time be more original and don’t take all your quotes from the Movie Mean Girls. Yeah I called you out! Now what…..better luck next time beeeetches!

    Posted on Reply
    • AMS says:

      I’m afraid you may have missed the entire point of the post…better luck next time.

      Posted on Reply
  57. lmfao says:

    Betches you did it again.

    Posted on Reply
  58. HBIC says:

    Pure gold

    Posted on Reply
  59. e says:

    fucking hilarious, the betches rock shit forever

    Posted on Reply
  60. paul ryan says:

    I will not vote for Mitt, but i would let Paul Ryan sit on my face.

    Posted on Reply
  61. Trooth says:

    Finally, the betches make a post worth while.  It’s only been a fucking year…or so.

    Posted on Reply
  62. D says:

    I think we gays all want to know where you found that pic of Andy C

    Posted on Reply
  63. Where are you? says:

    Where have you guys gone? It’s really putting a damper on my elliptical time and my “oh I can’t stop and chat or even wave to you because I’m too busy with my phone” ruse the past few days.

    Posted on Reply
  64. ny betch says:

    this is the best post you’ve ever written. the only thing missing is a picture of rick santorum saying “don’t have sex cause you will get pregnant and die”

    Posted on Reply
  65. slexie248 says:

    hard to go wrong with mean girls references. nailed it. fucking duh. dying.

    Posted on Reply
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