Tracker Pixel for Entry
By The Betches on

While it's much easier to judge best and worst dressed at most awards shows and events, the Met Gala is in its own fashion judgement field. The theme last night was Punk: Chaos to Couture or Avril Lavine: If She Had Spent Her Fortune On Her Clothes Rather Than Her Skateboards and Collection of Choker Tattoo Necklaces. Yes, that's actually what Anna Wintour told us in an encrypted text convo the two of us shared while she was in her limo en route to the gala.

However, we're not really interested in discussing the celebrities who were dressed objectively well. The people we're dying to talk about are those who thought they were robing for the Year Eleven Formal: so randohhhhm.

Ok fine we'll indulge you for a minute. Met Gala 2013 Non-Questionable Hotties include Nina Dobrev, Rooney Mara, JLo, Beyonce, Blake Lively, Andy Cohen, Tay, and our girl Jennifer Lawrence.

Here are our thoughts on the celebs that could have been best or worst dressed, it honestly didn't matter.

Miley Cyrus

While we admire the girl's dedication to #42 dressing like a slut, we do not condone using jizz instead of gel. This isn't a Simple Plan concert, no one's going to be a-dick-ted to you if you're walking around smelling like Liam's spunk.

 

Kim Kardashian

Some people are saying that she looks like the upholstery of their grandma's divan and we totally agree. The only thing missing is a plastic covering and a cat headpiece and you're suddenly transported to Nana's house in Queens. But the best thing we've seen regarding Kim's Gala outfit is this picture:

 

Oh and Kanye was there too.

 

Mary-Kate and Ashley

Grandma must be really pissed off because all these celebs are borrowing things from her house. MK's took her bathrobe while Ashley, that sneaky devil, borrowed Grandpa's creamsicle flavored XL condom.

 

Madonna

Despite what you psychos will say (she's Madge, she can wear anything blah blah) we will have to disagree. You're old, why you gotta make things so complicated? It's one thing to make a statement but it's quite another to look like Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb. It rubs on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

SJP like, really misses playing tenor sax at her high school marching band competitions.

 

Sienna Miller

CAF. Chic as fuck.

 

Anne Hathaway

What's a Betches Love This post without a comment about Ban Hathaway? To be honest, she doesn't look so bad. She's not trying too hard, her blonde hair isn't hurting my eyes, and her dress is super slutty. The only thing that really pisses me off is that I LITERALLY JUST SAID THOSE THINGS. Where are my meds?

 

Ginnifer Goodwin & Elle Fanning

Did you guys get your makeup done at the MAC stand at Saks or by the Crazy Lady that feeds the pigeons near my apartment?

 

Chloe Sevigny

There's something about the fact that she looks like she just cleaned my dishes that makes her look totally chic.

(Anytime we mention Chloe, we must always share this video that our #52 gay bffs showed us)

 

Nicole Richie

We're fucking obsessed with this and Nicole Richie. As badgal put it, "this bitch makes me throw up!! #bestdressed." What this Mensa scholar meant was that Richie looked sick and we totes agree. Gray hair? Why not. Grandma-vogue was apparently in last night. Unlike some people like Kelly Osbourne whose name we won't mention, she absolutely pulls it off. The outfit, not her hip.


Cameron Diaz

Capes are like, really in these days, I even wore one to get iced coffee this morning.


Katy Perry

IDK. Mixed feelings. Something about this outfit screams, "I think I'm the queen." Maybe it's the crown. Like I said, IDK. But for some reason I can't stop imagining Katy going to the bathroom in this dress and like, crouching over a toilet, in her crown.

 

Katie Holmes

CONFIRMED: These are the sheets on which Katie and Tom consummated their marriage, chopped up. There is no word yet on whether Suri had anything to do with it.

 

Nicki Minaj

Even though she irks us, Nicki Minaj's dress wasn't that bad. Best way to describe her dress is, "meh."  It was her hair, however, that received a health inspection grade of a C on account of the roach and rat infestation later found by Gala Security.


And then there was one:

Note: if there's anyone we failed to mention it's because we didn't really care to comment and/or wanted to hear your opinion in the comments. Not really, but whatever.

24 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. YES! says:

    Well done. Finally.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Heh says:

    So you can totally tell that some crappy interns are writing the articles now. Bring the Betches back, they are a lot more funny.

    Posted on Reply
    • OMG yes. says:

      First thought. Who wrote this betches? Seriously fire them

      Posted on Reply
  3. love says:

    I effing love that video

    Posted on Reply
  4. omg says:

    a lot of these looks really scare me.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Chic says:

    Totally forgot Cara Delevingne. She killed in Burberry

    Posted on Reply
    • cara says:

      I was waiting for the Cara pic. Betches how have you not posted about her yet? She’s the biggest betch of all.

      Posted on Reply
    • AK says:

      Stop trying to make Cara happen, she will NEVER happen

      Posted on Reply
      • Um.... says:

        Cara has happened. Deal with it.

        Posted on Reply
        • Betch says:

          Um Cara is literally NOT high fashion at all like she needs to stop TTH

          Posted on Reply
          • Elle woods says:

            Whoever said cara was the new kate moss was seriously disturbed

            Posted on Reply
    • lovecara says:

      agree, cara def should’ve been in there. SO FUCKING CHIC.

      Posted on Reply
  6. day says:

    no emma watson?!?!??
    homegirl killed it

    Posted on Reply
  7. blah says:

    Cara Delevingne looked bad ass

    Posted on Reply
  8. yaaa says:

    Loved the Summer Heights High reference in the beginning!

    but ya what about Betch of The Week Gisele?? she looked amaziinggg

    Posted on Reply
  9. GayBetch says:

    Totally not confirmed. Im sure some gbff from Tinseltown would have told you by now how Tom has this ritual where he has his bodyguards go find him a muscle bunny at a gay club, bring him back to a hotel where two bodyguards stand by the door while Tom has his ass face up, face down on a pillow the whole time so when the he gets pound it the other boy wont know which hollywood celeb he just fucked.

    Posted on Reply
  10. omg nicole says:

    nicole ritchie looks like jay from america’s next top model
    also is it crazy that i liked katie holmes’ dress?

    Posted on Reply
    • Hoya betch says:

      Hahahaha totally agree that Nicole Richie looks like ANTM’s Jay or like maybe a character from the Hunger Games. And Katie Holmes’ dress is gorg…I don’t think the betches necessarily hated it. And if they did they’re crazy (enough to like Nicole’s look).
      I will never comprehend why the betches and everyone are raving about Nicole. No, she most definitely did NOT pull it off.

      Posted on Reply
  11. cara duh says:

    not even a big fan of hers but she looked PERFECT

    Posted on Reply
  12. casualsn says:

    How is K Stew not on here….? She looked so very scary…

    Posted on Reply
  13. nycbetch says:

    despite miley’s hair looking like a mess, it’s not like she wore that to the oscars or mtv movie awards or some rando red carpet. she wore it to a themed event and totally rocked the theme!! her + rooney + n.richie are DEF my fave looks. sienna + cara looked amaze too, but their kissing pics on cara’s insta are totally confusing me. beyonce’s train was fab but the matching thigh high boots were tacky, who care though, still love you B. wish rihanna could’ve gone cause i’m sure betch woulda killed it. so many celebs bitched out on the punk theme and wore the most basic dresses *cough*gwyneth paltow. like, why even bother wasting a $25,000 ticket if you’re not gonna participate in the fucking theme? the only person who could get away with that is anna wintour, who despite not looking punk, looked fab so it’s like, whatever.

    Posted on Reply
  14. duh says:

    suri*

    Posted on Reply
  15. fucking duh says:

    there’s no mac stand at sacs

    Posted on Reply
Post your comment: