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By The Betches on

We kid you not, our friend just sent us the most amazing news article ever. Good news, Stoner Betches, pot makes you skinnier. Voila, it looks like we have the answer to the obesity epidemic: legalize weed.

Seriously, some scientists discovered that people who smoke are less obese and less likely to get diabetes, and most importantly, have smaller waists. So we guess this means you can either go running to get skinnier, or stay where you are and smoke a joint. I mean, obviously the "scientists" are puzzled by how this could be, but every stoner knows that stoners are only hungry when they're not high, which is never, leading to a lot less eating in general. Also, smoking makes you lazy and no true stoner betch would waste their limited smoking energy on ingesting anything besides more pot smoke.

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48 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. CanadianPotSmoker says:

    Wait, what pot are you smoking? Blazing makes you extra hungry by like a thousand percent. American weed must really suck.

    Posted on Reply
    • duh says:

      Smoking burns calories. So if you smoke and don’t eat, even when you get hungry you’ll burn calories.

      Posted on Reply
    • UmmNo says:

      American weed is bomb, especially from California, Hawaii, Oregon, or Colorado. Nice try though, Canada.

      Posted on Reply
    • shut up canada says:

      you are nothing more than America’s hat.  the only thing y’all do better is heathcare.  sorry about it

      Posted on Reply
      • wow... says:

        i think i just died laughing

        Posted on Reply
      • AmericaRulz says:

        Actually, they do NOT do healthcare better.  Just because it is free does not make it better.  Read up on it and you’ll see!

        Posted on Reply
      • you shut up says:

        the only thing you guys are good at is keeping murder rates sky high and bombing countries

        Posted on Reply
        • yupp says:

          as great as our country is, we have some serious faults… bombing other countries unnecessarily included… but every country isn’t perfect . now lets STFU and move the fuck on

          Posted on Reply
  2. statsbetch says:

    correlation doesn’t mean causation

    Posted on Reply
    • i agree says:

      i feel like the being skinny isn’t a result of smoking a lot of weed but rather that weed smokers are already naturally skinnier. i mean, it’s mostly betches and bros smoking weed anyway, not fat weird people. so it’s probably not weed causing the skinniest.

      Posted on Reply
      • fat "weird" person says:

        well I smoke weed…. and I am considered fat. Oh, and thanks for calling me “weird” by the way. I appreciate it, bitch.

        Posted on Reply
      • You're an idiot says:

        Have you ever seen pineapple express? Tons of fat people smoke weed. Get your head out of your ass.

        Posted on Reply
    • Finally says:

      Dear statsbetch
      Thanks for posting something smart On a page where the comment section will literally lower your iq if you read too much of it.

      Too bad “I agree” had to ruin it with their stupidity…

      Posted on Reply
    • yeas says:

      this is probably the most significant comment on this “article”

      Posted on Reply
  3. actually a stoner says:

    No you’re on the right track. Every stoner knows that after awhile you’re only hungry when high. So no meals just binges after a smoke sesh. Less food

    Posted on Reply
  4. munchies says:

    I am the opposite. I can’t eat if I am not high because food doesn’t really taste good!

    Posted on Reply
  5. Likes smoking says:

    Who ever wrote this has never smoked weed. Ever heard of munchies? even the weed I smoked in Amsterdam made me hungry

    Posted on Reply
    • loves smoking says:

      I was in Amsterdam so naturally, I was high the entire time and eating didn’t cross my mind (aside from space cakes obviously).

      Posted on Reply
    • burnonedown says:

      AMEN. anyone who wrote this obvi doesnt toke up for life. or the person that wrote this smokes and has an eating disorder

      Posted on Reply
  6. amateurs. says:

    when you have been smoking continuously for years, you don’t get the munchies anymore.  and if you don’t know this feeling, you aren’t smoking enough pot.

    Posted on Reply
    • realstonerbetch says:

      exactly! after i got control of the munchies, i found i only feel hungry after i’m clean for at least 24 hours. also, a lot of dedicated stoners won’t eat while high because it ruins the buzz! with the combo of smoking weed daily & only one big healthy meal a day, i’m one skinny betch!

      Posted on Reply
      • concernedstonerbetch says:

        Please eat more than one meal a day. That’s actually disordered eating and it’s very unhealthy….

        Posted on Reply
  7. jsa17 says:

    I’ve always been super lucky and hardly get hungry when i smoke.  HOWEVER, once i START eating, i can’t stop.  So maybe thats the trick?  just don’t. give. in. to temptation.  Like duh, but really just forget about eating and like make a new playlist.

    Posted on Reply
  8. LookitUp says:

    If you actually read the article and the health publication it makes sense. Munchies, yes that happens.  But current pot smokers have smaller waistlines, higher levels of HDL cholesterol, and lowered insulin levels compared to non-potsmokers. So I will now enjoy my afternoon blunt, thank you very much.

    Posted on Reply
  9. listen here betches... says:

    Munchies? Yes… They exist… Even with the shittiest of weed. But once you’ve taught yourself not to fall victim to that kind of faux-hunger, odds are good you have self control when you’re not high. Also, working out high is more enjoyable than working out sober.

    Posted on Reply
  10. PregBetch says:

    OMG this is so true! I had to quit smoking b/c I am pregnant and am gaining weight like crazy!! Who knew?

    Posted on Reply
    • lol says:

      maybe your gaining weight bc you’re PREGNANT

      Posted on Reply
      • LogicalBetch says:

        So glad I read the comments all the way down to this one ^ hilar!

        Posted on Reply
  11. chillbetch says:

    This is a very interesting article because i’ve always noticed that my stoner friends are usually skinnier than my non stoner friends,  and I’ve always wondered why this was. “every stoner knows that stoners are only hungry when they’re not high”- I think whoever wrote this may not be a stoner because I’m never hungry when I’m sober, only when I’m high. There are also times when I’m high and food is the last thing on my mind, so this could be why its easier to stay skinny. I also am always very weight conscious when I’m blazed which makes me want to exercise when I’m sober.

    Posted on Reply
  12. BrownieBetch says:

    This so true. If you avoid munchies (and yes someone was right, when you smoke like 24/7, you chemically end up suppressing the appetite urge, have to be really smoking for a while though)  ..I feel like your urge to eat is overtaken by your urge to smoke up. So I don’t think its scientific per say, I think it’s habitual, a habitual vice. Instead or spending money to ingest food, we spend a $10 on a dimo and ingest ...happinessvibezzzz right?

    Posted on Reply
  13. really? says:

    what a terribly written article

    Posted on Reply
  14. LB says:

    weed fastens your metabolism.. that’s why you get hungry- fuckin duh! but if you don’t give in to temptation and you don’t eat when you’re baked, then you stop getting the munchies eventually and you lose weight! it’s amazing, really.

    Posted on Reply
      • LB says:

        speeds up same thing

        Posted on Reply
        • for real says:

          you know that the word “fastens” means “to close or join securely”, right? pretty sure what you meant to say was “weed QUICKENS your metabolism”.

          Posted on Reply
  15. Weed also says:

    Makes you crazy and schizophrenic. Look it up cause its not split personality shit.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Munchies solution says:

    Ignoring the munchies is just like ignoring sober hunger: smoke more, chew gum, or drink water. Voila.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Dutch girl says:

    Being from the Netherlands, where smoking these dutch herbs has been legal since like forever, I dont really smoke weed a lot because it is not considered cool here. It’s for tourists and for proper stoners (who are skinny by the way but that’s cos they smoke all the time, hardly a good example), there’s no such thing as stoner betches where I’m from. Anyhoo myself and everyone I know - we get hunger pangs. And people dont stop once they start on their nutella sandwich binge. So I prefer to steer clear of weed. Smoking a regular cig is way better for suppressing hunger if you ask me.

    Posted on Reply
  18. cheersbetch says:

    just like cigarettes it’s all about the oral fixation

    Posted on Reply
  19. yessss says:

    i’ve been a stoner betch for years and i’m the skinniest of all my friends..even when i munch out like once a day/every two days i never gain weight from my binges. Probs because bud makes your metabolism faster. And I’m also only hungry when i’m high. Sooooo pretty much it pays to be a stoner betch

    Posted on Reply
  20. SMARTbetch says:

    god, some of you people are dumb. Instead of subjecting us all to your ill-informed and incoherent ramblings… how about you look it up?? The Harvard School of Public Health found that pot provides health benefits that could lead to smaller waist lines because it decreases insulin resistance, improves blood sugar control and better controls glucose and fasting insulin. The up-tick in appetite (and metabolic rate) we betches recognize as the munchies is evidence of this.. and if you can avoid shoving anything cheesy, greasy, salty, or sweet in your face at this point, then you’ve even further ahead then any non-smoking counterpart. Puff, puff pass betches!

    Posted on Reply
  21. facts says:

    This is true. Once you kind of train yourself, you don’t get that hungry…but saltines are AMAZING. Cold cut turkey and ham on the other hand? The most disgusting thing ever. Who knew?

    Posted on Reply
  22. Your Name says:

    hmmmm thats false for me, the only time I’m hungry is WHEN I smoke, and when I’m not high I have little appetite. When I blaze I’m hella hungry, so I dunno what weed your smoking but it ain’t dank.

    Posted on Reply
    • seriously... says:

      please speak in english. hella, dunno, ain’t…. unclassy and certainly NOT betchy.

      Posted on Reply
      • who are you. says:

        shut the fuck up…who even cares? thats not even the point and OH MY GOD LIKE WHAT, I’m not betch? It’s totally like the end of the world for me now.

        Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        hey bitch, do you think I give a fuck if I’m BETCHY? Oh, nope, sorry so you can go shave your back hair now.

        Posted on Reply
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