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By The Betches on

Dear Betches,

This is a rather upsetting dilemma that has recently taken place in my life, and I definitely need a fellow betch to talk me through this. I found out a couple of months ago that I have a STD, and it has sent me into a slight depression as I honestly don’t know how to handle this. I can count the number of bros I’ve slept with on one hand, and I’m by no means a slut, so the fact that this happened to me is really, really unfortunate. I’m not sure how to continue living my betchy life when this is in the back of my mind--how am I ever going to date anyone? How am I ever going to find a future Pro husband? I’ve only told my two besties and they’ve been supportive, but I just want to sink into a fucking hole and die there.

I guess my question is how to not let this get in the way of living my betchy life. There are treatment options available for my particular case, but this is never guaranteed to leave my body. This really sucks and any advice you are willing to give me on this situation would be much appreciated.


Upset Betch

Dear Upset Betch,

Now you didn't give any specifics, but given my high school sex ed knowledge, the fact that your depression isn't over an impending early death, and the fact that you mention that your STD isn't guaranteed to leave your body, I'm assuming you have herpes because well, that's the only STI (that's the PC term, sounds just as slutty) I can think of that fits that description. Now disgusting as this shit is, there are treatments that drastically minimize the effects of it and it's not actually the end of the world although it should be the end of your former slutty life. Also, assuming you're relatively young, who knows what kind of advanced medicinal shit will come out by the time you're older that cures the infection.

For now, in addition to serving as a warning to all betches out there not to fuck random guys without a condom EVER, your STI has the added benefit of making sure that you #8 don't have sex with bros unless you're truly intimate and monogamous with them. Only at that point will a bro not be grossed out by the fact that you're infected because he sees you as a person rather than just a fuck and should therefore respect you enough that he's willing to look past that.

At least it's not AIDS,

The Betches

44 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. just saying.. says:

    You know she said in this letter that she’s is not a slut and the response was basically, “stop being a slut” now of course she could be in denial, but let’s just assume that she was unfortunate enough to get an STI from a guy that she thought was in a monogamous relationship with her. Guys can be pricks especially frat guys, so just because she got an STI does not make her a slut. Out of curiosity, what’s the consensus on how long a betch waits after she’s officially dating a guy to sleep with him? A guy could be able to cover up the fact that he has an STI for a while.

    Posted on Reply
    • Betchy says:

      In response to your question of how long a girl should wait, I had sex with my boyfriend of 8 months just a week after meeting him. I was really comfortable with him and knew him well because we spent a ton of time together in college.  I don’t recommend that for everyone though.. it worked out for us but for a lot of people, that is way too soon.

      Posted on Reply
    • exception to the rule says:

      My best friend’s one night stand on the last weekend of college turned into a still happening 2+ year relationship. Not to say you should jump on the ONS bandwagon, but when you’re comfortable to sleep with someone, that’s when you do it. Make the rules yourself.

      Posted on Reply
  2. shuthefuckupcakebetch says:

    Since I troll the sh*t out of the internet, I know there are also dating web sites dedicated to people with STDs. I know it sounds lame, but I think to control the spread of STD’s and STI’s it is actually smart. You could try to date someone who has the same one as you, then you won’t risk infecting someone with it, and he might also know exactly how you feel. Just saying. I’m writing a software app about STDs for women. And I agree with the betches. Your dating life is going to be more difficult, but it’s not going to be over. And the only things really that last forever are the herp and HIV. So be thankful you don’t have that!

    Posted on Reply
    • jsa17 says:

      She said she will most likely have it forever, so maybe don’t say to be thankful its not herpes or HIV, because it probably is one of them.  Either way, I agree that there are dating sites that would really help you cope with this.  And as a person who has a VERY important person in her life with an incurable std, I can assure you that said person has grown to lead a normal life and has a normal family and a loving husband AND child, and besides the hassle of the std, it does not affect this person’s life one bit.  smile So just stay strong and remember that its the ultimate way to weed out the asshole bros and find your Pro.  Which is like super hard to do.

      Posted on Reply
  3. It's not all bad says:

    I have the STI betches mentioned in their reply, got it from my high school bf, the the first guy I had ever been with. I was mortified and thought I was ruined but I just take a pill everyday and I never have an outbteak or spread to anyone else. I’ve had serious boyfriends since who were very understanding and accepting. Thanks to meds it really isn’t a big deal. If a guy really loves you he will understand if not he’s not the guy for you.

    Posted on Reply
  4. sameboat says:

    The same thing happened to me, trust me you’ll be okay. It really isn’t that big of a deal. I had only had sex with two guys, and I got it from the second guy being sick and going down on me. You can’t give it to a guy unless you have sex with him while you’re having an outbreak, which is pretty obvious, so it’s not super easy to pass along. I have had a serious boyfriend now for two years, he knows about it, and we have sex without a condom a lot and he doesn’t have it. If you’re really freaked out about it just always use a condom and there is like a .01% chance that you will ever give it to anyone else.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      False. You can spread herpes even when you are not having an outbreak.  The virus “sheds” asymptomatically 3-11% of time when are not having an outbreak.  Don’t be an idiot, use a condom.

      Posted on Reply
    • Also... says:

      the two herps (genital and oral) are different types and it’s extremely unlikely that your exbf’s oral herp resulted in your genital one.

      Posted on Reply
      • Betch RN says:

        Actually oral herpes (HSV1) does spread to genital regions with oral sex, and HSV2, which is associated with the genital area, can spread to the mouth with oral sex.

        Posted on Reply
      • False. says:

        Actually, that’s completely false.  Although harder to transfer HSV1 (oral) to the genitals, it is not unlikely for someone to have genital herpes that are HSV1.  It’s hard to transfer HSV1 and HSV2 to the none usual “homes”, but it’s not unlikely.

        Posted on Reply
    • Errrr says:

      Do you really believe you got genital herpes from a sick boyfriend’s cold sore?! Ha!! Different strains and nearly impossible.
      Also betches, please don’t believe this fool’s claim that there is “like a .01% chance” of spreading it even with treatment and condoms. Scary shit…

      Posted on Reply
      • Tooth fairy says:

        As a dental student, I can tell you that it is absolutely possible for the oral strain of herpes to cause genital herpes, and vice versa (although genital to genital transmission is much more common). Fun fact: a huge majority of the population has the oral herpes virus, it’s just latent in some and more active in others (that’s when you see cold sores). Sometimes getting herpes is just bad luck and has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity.

        Posted on Reply
      • lol says:

        actually you can transmit type 1 herpes (usually oral) to the genitals, it’s extremely common. Although typically type 1 is oral and type 2 is genital as those strains prefer those parts of the body.

        Posted on Reply
      • wrong says:

        You are so unbelievably wrong I am ashamed at the sex education of this nation. You CAN ABSOLUTELY get ‘oral’ herpes (HSV-1) genitally, and vice versa you can get HSV-2 orally. Although HSV1 prefers the climate of the trigeminal nerve it can reside in the sacral ganglion as well. The number of genital HSV-1 cases is rapidly growing due to the increase in oral sex among our generation. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are indeed different strains of the herpes virus, but both are herpes and many chose to live in denial that their cold sores mean they actually have herpes. HSV1 genital infections are more mild than HSV2 although most of the time the virus lies dormant in the central nervous system. You can only spread the virus when it is active in your body, however the virus may be active when there are no symptoms. Men tend to not have genital symptoms and after the body adapts to the virus the symptoms become more mild and less frequent. The anti-viral medication is extremely effective in controlling the virus and can be used as a form of suppressive therapy.

        To the upset betch, of course this news is extremely upsetting and must seem like the end of the world. But I promise you that in due time it will not be something that you think about everyday and it will not be something that effects the quality of life you can have. A lot of men are willing to date women with this disease, both casually and seriously. While it may seem like the end of the world now you will grow to appreciate that you can live life just as everyone else and in the long run you will find a partner who is supportive. If someone bails because of this- what would happen if you were to be diagnosed with a fair more serious disease like cancer? For now I suggest you take the valtrex once daily as suppressive therapy to make you feel more comfortable. When you meet a guy, you will now have the opportunity to get to him a little better before you decide to tell him. But seriously trust me when I say there are so many people out there who are understanding and realize while this virus is permanent it is not death sentence and it is preventable by using protection and avoiding sexual contact during an outbreak. Keep calm and chive on, you will be okay.

        Posted on Reply
    • Wow says:

      I can’t believe you just said you got it from a sick boyfriend’s cold sore.  You’re a moron.

      Posted on Reply
      • Wow's the idiot says:

        You’re a moron. A cold sore is in fact, a herpes lesion and you can 100% get a genital herpes infection from a cold sore, if there is skin on skin contact (in this case mouth to genital). Do some research next time before you make yourself look even more like an asshole. A simple google pulls this up and conveniently the first paragraph states HSV1 can cause genital herpes.

        Posted on Reply
      • Dr Betch says:

        Unbelievable. I’m a medical doctor and I am telling you now that you can easily get genital herpes from HSV1 oral herpes.

        Posted on Reply
  5. Betch says:

    It could also be HPV, in which case she might not have any “outbreaks”. Just sayin.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Um says:

    This response was awful. Not only were you unsympathetic and unempathetic, you were rude. This betch has a serious problem, a problem that obviously many people can relate to, and you just shrug it off as “slutty” and give no real help. This was bitchy, not betchy, and totally amateur.

    Posted on Reply
    • litchrallytho says:

      I agree. I have a close friend with HSV1 who is, in every other regard, a fabulous betch, and it has been truly traumatic for her. When I saw the title I was excited because I thought there would be some clever, heart-warming, quick-witted advice with a betchy spin…but the betches original response was way harsh, dismissive, and super-disappointing. Some of the other comments seemed more helpful, though.

      Posted on Reply
  7. E says:

    I mean a quick google search and a high school health class level education should pretty much teach you that the only thing you truly have to worry about contracting is HIV. I think 1/4 woman have it (herp) and from what I can see its very common, and very benign. In fact I think most people who have it have a mild case of it and MINIMAL symptoms. It doesn’t cause infertility and I think outbreaks are extremely rare.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Educate yourselves. says:

    If you are taking your treatment daily or as recommended and using condoms when you have sex, you actually don’t pose any risk of transferring the disease to your partner unless there is a skin to skin contact.  Please go to your doctor/gyno and ask them, a majority of these comments information is false and should be taken lightly.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Betche with HSV2 says:

    Please be aware that you can still get herpes even if using a condom! The only way to truly protect yourself is for you and your partner to get a blood test if you have no physical symptoms. A lot of ppl carry it latently and don’t realize they have contracted it until its too late. I also have hsv2 and it really isn’t the end of the world although it can be annoying at times. I got it 3 years ago from a bf who swore he was clean and I was to naive to make sure we were both tested before being intimate. You can manage it with valtrex daily and some people have very few outbreaks that they don’t need to manage it with meds. There is plenty of info out there on the web if you search smartly.
    From the research I have done scientists are in the works of developing a vaccine which won’t technically cure herpes but will clinically cure those infected and stop the ability of the virus to spread from one person to another. This might happen within the next 3-5 years.

    Though this virus is still very taboo, most people are so uneducated they make it seem worse than what it is. Please don’t feel like your are dirty or will be forever unloved. Just educate yourself and then educate future partners.

    Stay strong my herp betches!

    Posted on Reply
  10. oh yeah says:

    I guess she could be talking about HPV here. Some strains have warts (ugh). But yeah I think either way it’s not the end of the world. I know a girl who found out she had a bad strain of HPV but then got married to a man who loved her. It also can be asymptomatic in males so honestly if that is the case it is probably not as big of a deal to guys. Either way you will be fine and just use a condom! Also betches who haven’t gotten it, get yourself an HPV shot!!!

    Posted on Reply
  11. -A says:

    To all the idiots here that say you can’t get Herpes from a cold sore.. the girl likely went to a doctor, and likely had it typed (HSV1 or HSV2) so therefore your remarks on what she can and cannot have are asinine.

    To this girl, it’s honestly not the end of the world. I’d rather have the herp than diabetes any day (which most of the people talking smack will probably have in the future. Fatties.)

    Posted on Reply
  12. v says:

    I at least admire this question got answered publicly. It is a nightmare to have a non curable std but knowing there’s at least SOME educated people out there makes these issues less rumor filled. Think you can’t get it from a dreamy millionaire? So wrong….I passed up using a condom in that tragic fairy tale. Herpes biggest symptom isn’t even the breakouts, its physiological distress caused by knowing your infected and might have to have a talk about it. Opening up online is courageous non the less and i’m glad some betches here are educated

    Posted on Reply
    • Great Response says:

      Although I see the specified topic is HPV, I totally agree with V - Thank you to Upset Betch for asking his question publicly. HSV (and assuming HPV, obviously) is super shitty to deal with - but mostly on a physiological level. The stigma can be such a bitch to deal with, but, to Upset Betch: personally speaking, it will make you eventually realize what you value most in friends and boyfriends.

      Thank you for posting about this!

      Posted on Reply
  13. Should have specified says:

    Hey Betches, I wrote this question. I should have specified what I have. It’s HPV, not herpes, and I will never have any outbreaks or anything. It’s a symptomless disease but dangerous because it can cause cervical cancer. But thank you all for the concerned responses. XO

    Posted on Reply
    • Girls says:

      All adventurous women do.

      But actually, it is extremely common.

      Posted on Reply
    • r says:

      My mom has HPV and i just want to tell you that there are MANY strands of it…only a few CAN cause cervical cancer. You can 100% live with HPV and never ever have any issues. My mom goes for gyno check ups more often and once they found abnormal, non-cancerous cells on her cervix. Got rid of them, and yep she’s fine! really, its just preventative now, like your chances have gone up for getting cervical cancer but an insane amount of women and men have been exposed to it (i think it is like more than 25% of college students who are sexually active are exposed to HPV but dont necessarily contract it) and have been fine with no symptoms or anything. Also, did you get Gardasil? If you haven’t, at this point yeah you may think theres no point but like I said there are a lot of strands of the virus so definitely get Gardasil to further prevent you from contracting another strand (idk if that is possible but I would just get the shot to play it safe, can’t hurt right?). Take it from my mom, you can have kids, and live a normal healthy life but just make sure you go to the gyno to constantly check your cervix and you should be fine, girl. You’re NOT alone. And, also, it is really really rare for a guy to have any symptoms or issues from HPV. Guys are just carriers (since they obviously dont have a cervix) so if you get married lets say and your husband has it, it really doesn’t affect his health in most cases.

      Posted on Reply
  14. dontfret says:

    I was diagnosed with genital hsv1 a year and a half ago and i’m almost grateful for it. first of all, i never got another breakout and statistics show that people with genital hsv1 have less of a chance of ever contracting hsv2 (so much worse). yeah, you have to worry about what you’re going to tell future significant others, but i got it from a long term boyfriend who never knew it even had it (while everyone may comment and say he was cheating on me…the tests show how long its been in your system for…his showed it was present in his system way before dating me, and he never even knew it) i thought getting hsv1 was the end of my life, and maybe for the week before getting my test results it was, but i was put on medication…it went away, and i have never needed to call my doctor or take another pill again. Do i get nervous its going to come back? sure. Has it? no. I also realized that, while i dont believe he did, my boyfriend could have totally played it off like he didn’t know he had it when he actually knew he did…what stops me from doing the same?

    Posted on Reply
  15. Oh says:

    HPV is not the end of the world.  Like 80% of people get it at some point.

    Posted on Reply
  16. What Oh said^ says:

    To the betch who wrote this post,

    about 90% of HPV cases go away within a year/two years. and it’s literally the most common STI ever, because it can literally happen just by skin to skin contact, not even penetration is needed. And because it’s pretty much symptomless (unless it’s like gen warts or a different more high risk strand), half the people who have it don’t and never even know they do. And did your doctor literally tell you, it will never leave your system? Because the promising thing about HPV is that while the virus itself isn’t curable, your body can fight it off eventually and most cases clear away on its own. Your immune system has to build up immunity to it…I’m not sure what case you have, but if it’s seriously not the end of the world, at all. all you have to do is keep getting paps regularly to make sure it doesn’t progress or remain. HPV and Herpes = Absolutely NOT the same thing, nor do you react and deal with it the same at all.

    Posted on Reply
  17. herpes says:

    I got herpes in college and I only had one break out, ever.  None of my partners that I have had since have contracted the virus, also: my BFF has a similiar situation, just one break out ever. Changing your diet, taking different vitamins/supplements (L-Lysine is a good one) can decrease the chance of you getting an outbreak and being able to manage.  Valtrex is nice, but a lot of people report that after they come off of it or have been on it for awhile they get really bad outbreaks.  If you have HPV, dont feel bad, its pretty common, like 80% of women have it.  You can treat warts naturally w/vinegar, garlic and crushed aspirin, my sister had it and she swears this made the warts go away.  Anyway, research is your friend. Dont feel bad about it!

    Posted on Reply
  18. sally says:

    HMates focuses on providing a safe dating & support community for singles and friends living with HERPES / HPV/ HIV to find love and support! It has services of HERPES / HPV/ HIV blog, HERPES / HPV/ HIV forum, Ask Counselor, Real inspirational Stories, Photos of HERPES / HPV/ HIV and other general dating.

    Posted on Reply
  19. jojo1234 says:

    Living with Herpes is really hard, especially when you are a single. According to a report from the official Herpes singles dating site, 98% of its members who used to be on a general dating site to find the love and support were rejected by others. That could be the reason that why is so popular and now has more than 730,000 members and most of them are verified. It also offers 24X7 customer services.

    Posted on Reply
  20. it gets better says:

    trust me…i was toads depressed when i found out i got the herp however every guy i told after did not care. I’ve now been in a long term relationship with the one person i slept with who i didn’t initially tell (go figure) and years later, he’s still clean. it’s not a death sentence, and most bros don’t give a fuck anyway (who knew)

    good luck.

    Posted on Reply
    • True story says:

      I agree with It Gets Better. Literally NONE of the guys I told about the herp gave a fuck. And none of them ever felt the need to use a condom. That makes me feel like that’s part of the reason it gets spread easily. However, at the same time, I haven’t passed it to anyone that I know of. I’ve only “dated” a few guys since I found out 4 years ago, but it never turned into the awful conversation I was fearing. It was almost so easy that it was a little disturbing at the indifference. Guys are fucking gross. Anyway, don’t sweat it, and use a condom until you’re ready to tell someone.

      Posted on Reply
  21. HollyIves says:

    Keep record of your outbreaks. Jot down the length of it and what you think triggered the outbreak (ex. Stress, or time for an outbreak). With this tip you will have a better understanding of when to expect an outbreak.
    Just check out to find your Long Term Relationship & Support!

    Posted on Reply
  22. Your Name says:

    So because this was such a poor response I’m going to write my own letter for all betches with herpes out there. I got HSV-1 from my long-term boyfriend who had it orally (yes, that is totally possible) but I’m now single. I just tell guys I carry the herpes virus but don’t show symptoms and everyone I’ve told has been totally cool with it. If you outright say “I have genital herpes” they’re immediately going to assume you’re having some crazy outbreak and are extremely contagious, but if you just say that you carry the virus they probably won’t care. Also point out that it’s the virus that causes cold sores, I find people generally see it as much less of a big deal once I mention that because everyone knows what cold sores are and how common they are.

    You can still be a fabulous betch even with HSV! It’s super common, tons of people carry the virus and most don’t even know they have it. I’ve still been able to have casual sex because if you word it properly and make it sound like it’s not a big deal (which it’s not at all) then people are generally totally fine with it.

    And for those of you who are misinformed and think that it’s some disgusting, traumatizing disease that is easily spread - you couldn’t be more wrong. If you’re not showing symptoms, there’s around a 4% chance that a woman will pass it on to a man WITHOUT condoms, and that number goes down to 2% with condoms. Obviously don’t have sex if you’re showing symptoms, but a lot of people don’t even show symptoms after their initial outbreak.

    So to the betch who wrote this initial letter (and all the HSV-positive betches who also read it) sorry you received such a terrible response but I promise you can still have a wonderful sex life and soon you’ll forget you even have it! <3

    Posted on Reply
  23. stacey says:

    Have had genital HSV since 1987. The 1st outbreak was a doozy, but since then, it’s no more significant for me than dealing with a 3 day mosquito bite. The only truly bad thing about it is the stigma which is way overblown. I actually have had my 1st recurrence after 14 yrs of no symptoms. Lasted about 3 days w/o medication. I only had to take medication for about the 1st yr after I was diagnosed.

    I got it from my 1st sexual partner who, although we had been friends for years, were not dating seriously. We only had sex 1 time and it was very brief. He to the best of his knowledge, had never shown any symptoms or they were so mild he did not recognize them. This obviously laid dormant in me for the next 5 months and I did not start showing symptoms until in my 1st serious relationship. I thought that it came from my newest partner but his blood tests proved negative. I do wonder about the accuracy of the blood tests in 1987 because I found out after I informed my newest boyfriend, that he had quite a colorful past himself & I was surprised he did not test positive regardless of the fact that I had contracted it from someone else.

    Since then, I have been honest with every single partner & a have not been rejected once. That has been about 10 men to whom I have had the talk with. I have even dated 2 that had it themselves.

    I have also worked in the medical profession for 20+ yrs. , including working for an OBGYN. Let me tell you folks, it is very, very common.  I have seen many cases involving people who were infected by oral sex and many who contracted it the 1st time they had sex. I’ve also seen married women who were faithful to only one partner contract it. Also, have seen quite a few cases where people had the blood test to rule HSV out when the patient was thought to have something else and to their total shock tested positive for HSV2 despite NEVER showing any symptoms or having ever had an outbreak. The majority of the people I have seen who contracted it were so-called “nice” people who were never promiscuous. It is common, but most people don’t know they have it and the ones that do don’t talk about it.

    It’s funny, because before I had it, I used to be very judgmental towards people with STD’s.  I remember sitting in my then boyfriends dorm room cracking herpes jokes about 1 wk prior to the onset of my symptoms and 1 month prior to when I was finally diagnosed. Then the shoe was on the other foot. Herpes is not respecter of persons.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Your Name says:

    What are you worried about?  Now that you have the STD, you no longer have to live with the fear of getting it, so have fun.  Just remember that there is a more serious STD, HIV, and it is still out there lurking, so please be safe.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Jeanwoo says: aims to end the stigma surrounding herpes and promote dating

    among people with herpes. Since its inception, the primary objective of this site has been

    to reduce the spread of the herpes simplex virus by educating people about its causes.

    This site aim to deal with herpes through education and advocacy in communities vulnerable

    to the infection.

    Posted on Reply
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