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By The Betches on

American Betches get sexual: My one night stand on Capital Hill.

I'm in my final year of undergrad and had just broken things off with the ultimate fratboy pro-in-training, finding out that of course he was sleeping with every sorority girl at his school. It had only been a few days but I had a major opportunity to travel to Washington, D.C. for a job interview. After the first boring day doing meet and greets at the capital I decided what I really needed was to get as trashed as possible in this uptight town.

jefferson memorialHow romantic!

So I said fuggit, and proceeded to the nearest bar and apparently tried to consume as much whiskey as physically possible. Enter hot Georgetown grad student. We had met earlier in the day while he was representing his Senator boss, but I figured he was a bit too old for me and hadn't thought I was quite rebound ready. Obvs, shots quickly changed that. Things were heating up and he suggested we go somewhere more private. Im not sure how the idea came up but soon we were exiting the cab right on capital hill and stumbled our way over to the nearest monument.

Right there, on the bench in front of our dear old President Jefferson, I had my very first one night stand. We had a good 15 minute go before we heard yelling and saw security flashlights coming towards us. Thank God we were able to get out of there before this became a tale of my first time incarcerated, but not only is there probably some great security footage, this dude ended up being a pretty important Pro. Apparently he's got his eye on election come November, and who knows maybe in a few years this story will turn into "that Fucking Friday I spent with the President".

-The (not so conservative) Conservative Betch


Dear The (not so conservative) Conservative Betch,

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in every day life.

Okay, first of all:

1. Capitol

2. Fuck it

3. Vodka

Secondly, this story is one for the grandkids. Here's why: It's one thing to take a naked picture in front of your school's monument on a dare, but it's another thing to casually fuck, a stranger no less, atop the NATION'S monument.

It's like having sex on a park bench if that park bench represented freedom of speech. However, the story would've been even better if instead of running away from security, you and your political mystery man stood up and read your own rights. I mean...there's technically no real right to privacy in the Bill of Rights, therefore whoever deemed having sex in front of famous shit as 'public indecency' was seriously disturbed.

Finally as they say on the Wheel of Petty Cash Fortune, we'd like to solve the puzzle. Is it...Mitt Romney?

ding ding fucking ding.

Send us your sexcapades! headbetches@betcheslovethis.com

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22 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. betchybetch says:

    you must be pretty old if your first one night stand was with mitt romney. how old is that guy like, sixty? so this happened like, a million years ago? eh i expected better for the first fucking friday column, betches

    Posted on Reply
  2. .... says:

    Romney didn’t attend GT for grad school…

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    omg CLEARLY the betches are not being serious…it’s NOT mitt romney! i don’t think i need to explain the obvious logic there. also, conservative betch said that maybe this guy will be president IN A FEW YEARS, aka NOT this november! duhh

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    so this hot georgetown grad student (i’m assuming law student, hopefully) has his eye on election come november? i’m confused.  pretty sure there are a lot of steps that come between grad school and president/senator/whatever.  Something is weird about this story…

    Posted on Reply
  5. DC Resident says:

    As a girl who lives in DC, I have to say that this story sounds highly implausible, and I don’t believe for a second that it actually happened.

    Posted on Reply
    • DC Res also says:

      AH-greed. This defs sounds like a dream of some sorts rather than the actual narrative of a sexcapade. Not gonna happen in DC. Sorry I’m not sorry.

      Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    fucking finally…. great new column. Capitol Hill is betch central

    Posted on Reply
  7. VA betch says:

    agreed, i think whoever submitted this is full of shit…

    Posted on Reply
  8. DC girl says:

    This sounds entirely unlikely. One, you can’t even get the spelling of Capitol Hill right, and there is no chance that a guy who was in grad school within the last 5-7 years is running for any significant office. Also, the Jefferson Memorial isn’t near the hill…....

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    I’m a fan of the site but this post was really dumb

    Posted on Reply
  10. DC Betch says:

    The Jefferson memorial is not near the hill and it is lit up almost 24/7. Any real DC betch knows a monument hookup is just something losers makeup to have a good story to tell.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    betches, you should SO do a post about dc interns in the summer….so betchy

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    so you’re saying that just months before this “pro” is planning on running in the elections, he would completely risk his reputation by having sex on a monument? sounds pretty fucking unrealistic if you ask me.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    There’s nothing betchy about Hill interns. They do a bunch of bitch work and don’t even get paid for it. No one gives a fuck that you spend your summer stuffing envelopes for a congressman from the 4th district of bumfuck, AR.

    And I echo everything the other DC betches said here. No way this happened, for several reasons. Is this what this new column’s going to be, girls posting stories of them being sluts? No thanks.I liked it better when it was called “the Washingtonienne”

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    unless you get drunk and it accidently happens after a night out in Adams Morgan…. not one of my finer nights.  worse off, it was a democrat

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Haha love the story, stop over-observing and enjoy i doubt it’s fabricated.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    Nothing good ever comes from a night out on Adams Morgan hahaha

    Posted on Reply
  17. delusional... says:

    being a Hill intern is completely betchy. interns don’t do shit, and not doing work while building your resume in the nicest designer clothing is pretty betchy. sounds like your bitter… i guess your daddy wasn’t able to get you one when you were young?

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    Shut your traps and take it for what it’s worth! I thought it was funny so good job Betches. (Even though Ew, J word) Anyway this betch probs meant he’s like writing speeches and shit now

    Posted on Reply
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