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By The Betches on

Once upon a time on Spring Break my senior year in high school, I went to the Bahamas. A heinous amount of people from Westchester went so obv was an overall shitshow. Anyways, I end up hooking up with this kid I like kinda knew, kinda didn't from home...thought he was hot so like whatever I was down. We hooked up like almost every night and then on the last night shit got fucking weird. We're doing whatever blah blah next thing I know the kid passes out so I'm like welp I guess this is my cue, ciao. I get up to reclothe myself but like…where the fuck are my clothes. Shit got a little rowdy I will say so I'm like aright lemme just look around the various locations in this minuscule hotel room and find my threads. Lo and behold, I can only find my fucking accessories. Bandeau, thong, bra, bangles, belt, heels...NOTHING ELSE. I'm like trying to get this kid to help me look for my shit but he's NOT RESPONDING. Obv I was not about to chill in his room like no thanks his roomies were bound to come back at some point. So I put the little clothing I found of mine back on and I pick up this grotesque tshirt off the floor I don't even know who it belonged to...and I strut my little self back to my room. Not the look.

fucking fridays

So yea it was pretty fucking weird I couldn't find my clothes but like whatever it was Spring Break and I couldn't really be sure my drunk ass didn't do something stupid with them. After I asked this guy if he knew where my clothes were when we got back to NY and he said he didn't, I kinda assumed it just was like, whatever. HOWEVER, he and all his bratty little friends would always bring it up and make such a big deal about it. Then me and my bestie knew something was up. Those guys wouldn't stop talking about it and being so sketchy for like WEEKS. Like a few months later I'm casually trolling Facebook and WHAT do I come across!? But pictures of this GUY'S LITTLE SISTER WEARING MY OUTFIT FROM THE BAHAMAS. At this point shit got real. What did he say like, "Oh hey, I got you this new outfit, I stole it from this girl right after I fucked her on Spring Break! Definitely wear this on your 9th grade class trip!" Right? Fucking weird.

So at this point I'm fucking livid because number one I could not find that shirt ANYWHERE and it was SO CUTE like I probably would have worn it at least one more time, and number two like SURE he thought he was gonna fuck with me over that and have it be okay. I text him this whole overly diplomatic shit (SO DIFFICULT) about how I WANT MY CLOTHES BACK but more importantly would like him to FUCK OFF, and he doesn't fucking answer. So like clearly he left me no other choice, already tried being nice. Obv had to roll up to his house to put him in his place and get my ador clothes back. So I show up at his house with my bestie and guy friend, he attempts to beat the shit out of my guy friend (trashiest/ scariest thing I've ever witnessed), and I verbally abuse him and get my clothes back...only to lose them a week later (not due to rough sex, though). Guess it wasn't meant to be. Oh well!


Dear You,

After reading this we're super curious to know how you actually sound in real life. I’d imagine if Fran Drescher and Sammi Sweetheart’s voices fucked, yours would be the love child. We mean that in the best way possible.

fucking fridays

This started out as a classic story of hooking up with a guy and losing your clothes. It happens to the best of us. I can’t help but wonder though if he was like legit NOT RESPONDING while you were hooking up, wouldn’t you want to check for a pulse, or like, any sign of life before you go gallivanting around the hotel in his sweaty tequila-drenched tee?

But the thing that actually bewilders us is where your clothes went that night. Was this premeditated? Was he hiding them? Normally after five minutes of searching for your things, you'll usually find at least one item, especially since you seem like you were coherent enough to remember what was going on. We're assuming you did a thorough search, so we must say that this may have actually been planned on his part, perhaps as a dare, or else he's just one of those guys who steals women's clothes and fucks life-size dolls.

Anyway, obviously the most fucked up part about it is that his sister was wearing your sexual hand-me-downs that probably had traces of her brother’s cum all over them, and even more fucked up that he refused to give them back. I mean, he physically fought for them! This guy was clearly a massive creep, so it’s good that you got your shit back and never have to see him again. Anytime his name gets brought up, make sure you tell the entire room about the time he stole your outfit to use for Secret Santa. And in the future, it’s probably not a good idea to just “roll up to his house and put him in his place” because you never know, the one thing that he may love more than bandage skirts is bondage. It puts the lotion on itself.

Send us your sexcapades! headbetches@betcheslovethis.com

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9 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Lee says:

    I fking die.
    “put the lotion in the basket”

    p.s. my advice? Chalk up the missing outfit to a fun night- and move on. Duh.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    why would you pick this to talk about?  reading this was a waste of my life. first off, that girl sounds like a loser. who gives a shit if you lost your clothes and the dudes sister is wearing them? why would you even want that shit back? not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  3. So much hate says:

    The people that actually write the posts for this site are allowed to sound like idiots. You seemed like you actually tried to sound retarded. Writing a post allows you to like, edit what you write. Please try to give less of a shit.  Like, gross.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    i know this is, like, groundbreaking information, but occasionally two people actually purchase the same item of clothing… idk why you’d jump to the conclusion that the guy you fucked secretly hid/stole your shirt and then gave it to his little sister but you sound retarded, super fucking annoying, and a little insane

    Posted on Reply
  5. Hannnn says:

    “then the kid passed out so I was like well.. This is my cue. Ciao” looool love that

    Posted on Reply
  6. Lindsay says:

    ...are you from new jersey?
    or, like, florida?..

    Posted on Reply
  7. stonerbetch says:

    what a pointless story. could this bitch say like more? agree with most, GET OVER IT AND BUY A NEW FUCKING SHIRT.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Ronna says:

    Actually this doesn’t happen to everyone, I never lost any piece of clothes, not as far as I can remember. I also have a very specific style, I wear customized american apparel and even if I lost a piece of my wardrobe I would find it back.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Cloud says:

    Tried too hard.

    Posted on Reply
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