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By The Betches on

It's time to talk about a method of communication more popular than the written word, more abbreviated than abbrevs, and more cute than Egyptian hieroglyphics. If our website gave us the ability to write this post in emojis instead of words we obviously would. Emojis are to words as English is to Olde English.

Betches naturally love emoijs because they're the most real way to express fake emotion. I mean, why bother exerting the energy to move your facial muscles into even the fakest of smiles when you can send a picture of a real, genuine smile created by some nerdy programmers in Japan? Talk about cross cultural communication.

So is there ever a time when it's not appropriate to use emojis? Absolutely not. Even if what you're talking about is particularly tragic or morbid, emojis are still acceptable. Most people might think that a heartfelt message might be called for, but that's why they invented multiple distinct sad emojis. Fucking duh. In fact, if you're trying to convey really strong emotion, the best way to do this is with many of the same hysterically crying faces. It's like the 2013 equivalent of sending a posh bouquet of flowers for your bestie's grandma's funeral, completely fucking fool proof.

Every once in a while you'll encounter a friend who insists on relating her entire life and times via emoji. Like I'm supposed to know that a volcano explosion next to a pile of shit next to an old lady means you just balled out your grandma. Sorry I don't travel with my emoji interpreter. Where's the one that says I don't fucking understand you??

Every betch knows there's nothing like the disappointment of searching for an emoji you think should be there and for some reason it's not. You might even start to question whether or not something exists because of its lack of emoji. Where is Rosetta Stone Emoji at times like this? There's seriously nothing like the frustration of having to switch your keyboard back to type an actual word. If the eskimos can have 100 words for snow then Apple should be able to provide me with a smiley face that conveys the emotion of 'fucking duh'. Be chic. Be concise. Use emojis. 

19 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Your Name says:

    fucking LOVE emojis. so much easier than typing words out. but they’re missing a bunch that should be added like yesterday.

    Posted on Reply
  2. S says:

    Just discovered today that the emoji that looks like someone praying, is actually a high five emoji. Like who fucking knew, I’ve been using it wayyy out of context.

    Posted on Reply
    • Dee says:

      What?? But it has those bright, holy looking lights radiating from the hands!

      Posted on Reply
      • Meme says:

        It is “Hand folded in prayer”!

        Posted on Reply
  3. Me says:

    We need an emoji to convey “wow that’s embarrassing” and one to symbolize the middle finger because typing out fuck you is way too much work

    Posted on Reply
  4. Jules says:

    Dying for a middle finger emoji, this plagues me multiple times a day

    Posted on Reply
  5. chantel says:

    Why haven’t we talked about how they have no black people emojis…

    but besides that- I want a “fingers crossed” emoji

    Posted on Reply
    • court says:

      fuck yes. always want that one!

      Posted on Reply
  6. Your Name says:

    um the cactus emoji is basically a middle finger? duh

    Posted on Reply
    • KTbetch says:

      um there is one…

      Posted on Reply
  7. G says:

    Wheres the fucking “rolling eyes” emoji ? Get it together apple..

    Posted on Reply
    • KTbetch says:

      um there is one.

      Posted on Reply
  8. Barbara says:

    I have the undeniable tendency to repeat the same emoji symbol 3 times for emphasis, like when 8th graders would write excessive exclamation marks showing their exact excitement.


    .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

    Posted on Reply
  9. Hoya betch says:

    There is no taco emoji. Unacceptable. Especially when there are a bunch of unidentifiable food emojis, two versions of a kebab, and what looks like a fucking bento box. And all I want to say is that we should go out for margs and tacos. Which actually brings up the more important point, there’s NO MARG EMOJI

    Posted on Reply
  10. Cam says:

    Is anyone going to point out how dull this article was?

    Posted on Reply
  11. Censorbetch says:

    Well well well. What do you know? I posted a comment a week or so ago about how BUSTED the betches are in real life when they appeared on Hoda and Kathy Lee’s show. Really? Like, these are the famed betches we have come to admire? They look like the crack of my ass. They were SO unprepared and sounded extremely unintelligent. Hoda and Kathy Lee ripped you ladies a new one. Needless to say, the comment was never posted…... Sorry - last time I checked, this was America and not a fucking third world country. Freedom of speech. Ta ta, busted betches.

    Posted on Reply
  12. :) says:

    smile :( wink Xp

    Posted on Reply
  13. thecanadian says:

    3 reasons i miss bbm:
    1) the *facepalm* emoji - perfect for situations when you fucked up such as hooking up with an underage bro.. woops
    2) the smiling and dancing emoji - to show your excitement for how blackout your getting tonight
    3) the emoji with the sunglasses on - didn’t it look like this emoji was trying to hide how high it was with sunglasses.. a stoner betches life

    Posted on Reply
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