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By The Betches on

So you’ve been at the frat with your besties for like 15 Avicii songs now, and despite your extensive pregame it’s time to hit the fucking bar. You’re probably sick of dancing, ugly hot bros sweating all over you, and just need some fresh air...or 4 shots. You see a familiar girl's face at the bar and say, “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but pour me a shot and let me use your fucking chaser”…commence Drunk Bonding.

drunk bondingBonding with the toilet doesn't count

 

Unlike the usual Sunday regrets such as fucking your ex or informally telling your boss she has cankles, the DB can have valuable outcomes. It might be a joint quest to find the only remaining handle at a party, a moment of shadily railing adderall off each other’s iPhones, or a bathroom run-in leading to an emotional heart to heart about the stubborn 3 ozs haunting your inner thighs. But regardless of the circumstances, drunk bonding is like fucking a black guy: once it’s been done things will never be the same.

The drunk bond can make you realize someone that you once qualified as a home schooled jungle freak is actually really fucking cool. This usually leads to the most common form of a good DB: unrealistic, excessive plans to smoke j's, go shopping, lay out, paint nails, or finally do shrooms in the quad together.

 

drunk bondingWe're the 3 best friends that anybody could have...

 

Other times, you’ll accidentally drunkenly bond with someone not worthy of your sober friendship. This DB aftermath results in an awkward pass-by on campus thinking “Fuck. You definitely know the intimate details of my v card transaction during my cousin's bat mitzvah, yet I really don't care to acknowledge your existence right now."

Side Note: If you want to take your drunk bonding to another level, throw in some casual molly and/or coke and by 4am you’re sure to be plotting an extravagant business venture with some rando on the back deck. Okay so you can totally be the one who does the mathy shit and I'll like be the one who promotes, and we can make like really cute flyers and throw them off the balcony at clubs like rappers do with money, only less trashy, but then we should probably also make business cards just in case we go global.

Whether it be your future little, the smart TAB who sits behind you in stats, or the stray dog lingering around the frat, at the end of every good night a betch has undoubtedly bonded with something. Forming new or mending previous betch relations can be more difficult than getting Rosie O’Donnell to a salad bar, but fortunately for us there’s alcohol. And you never know, today’s drunk bitch could be tomorrow’s drunk bond.

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20 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Janet says:

    YOU NEED A MOBILE APP, BETCH.

    Posted on Reply
    • Sara says:

      a betch app?! i’m dying

      Posted on Reply
      • JP says:

        Me too. An app would be total death.

        Posted on Reply
        • Total death? says:

          You ruined it by trying too hard.

          Posted on Reply
  2. Lizz says:

    So me right now.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    Ahhhhh, the DB. Happens to me rather frequently…One time I drunk bonded with some gay guy and we made plans to go get drinks with all of his gay besties. It happened. Now I have like 10 gay BFF’s.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    cool story, hansel

    Posted on Reply
  5. Eh says:

    Great story, tell it again!

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    You can deralick my balls

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    some of my best friends were DBs <3

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    I completely agree with this.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Emily says:

    I love this site but viewing it on iPhone is a total bitch

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    whoa whoa whoa, betches. just…whoa.

    am i the only one who thinks that hanging out at frats, even if you’re in a sorority, is nottt betchy AT ALL? frat houses, even at top schools, are generally disgusting and lame. 99% of frat houses i’ve been in would qualify for a hazmat. i can’t even.

    i’m not trying to knock the legitimacy of hanging out with frat bros, though. some of them are okay to party with, a small percentage are more than okay to allow in your social circle. but no self-respecting betch would be caught dead at a “frat party” for as long as 15 avicii songs. leave that to the skanky ke$ha wannabes (aka freshmen in mid-tier sororities) who are TGF. select your acceptable frat bros and head out to the bars, and don’t use being under 21 as an excuse to get sloppy at some shady frat house. get a fucking fake or make friends in the right places. it’s not that strenuous.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    wow you’re like so cool

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    no, i just would rather not step in someone else’s vomit.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    spoken like a true GDI.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    no, spoken by someone who’s 21+ and realized that going out to bars with her sisters is more fun than going to a frat house

    Posted on Reply
  15. anonymous says:

    spoken like the fat friend

    Posted on Reply
  16. DB says:

    Hate when thatt happens!

    Posted on Reply
  17. 21+ says:

    You can still hang out at a fraternity even if you’re 21+ as long as you stay in your guy friends’ rooms upstairs and are out by 10pm. I usually go over at 8pmish, hang out with all my guy friends in the house (plenty seniors live in the house for the chef, proximity to campus, and pledges doing all the cleaning), pregame/play drinking games, and then we all hit the bars. It’s a win-win. I get free alc, they get to enjoy my company and look like a cool as fuck house to potential pledges and raise their house status even further.

    Posted on Reply
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