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By The Betches on

Dear Betch,

I'm in need of some advice and the only person I trust to give me the utmost truth is you. So I met this guy about a month ago and we've been seeing each other ever since. He's my dream pro: tall, handsome, rich and the perfect mix of shady douchebag/absolutely obsessed with me. What more could a betch want? He seems like he's fairly committed to me, taking me out on day and night dates, planning my birthday party, and introducing me to his bros.Only one hitch: he refuses to friend me on facebook. After knowing each other for only a month, I thought it was reasonable to at least be facebook friends? Right? I don't want to be 'facebook offish' nor do I really care to stalk his life before me. All I want is the simple gesture of friendship. Am I being delusional and super clingy or is he just being super shady? So head betches, what is the internet etiquette when dealing with bros?

Love and loyalty,

Freaked over Facebook

Dear Freaked Over Facebook,

There is definitely something remotely shady about this guy not friending you after taking you out on several dates. Most guys will look through almost every one of your Facebook pictures to make sure you're not a weight fluctuater or have a hidden fat mom that you'll turn into one day before they decide to date you. It's a little weird that he wouldn't want to explore your facebook personality to make sure you don't update weird ass statuses or like, have ugly friends. My feeling is there are two reasons he might not have done so already.

1. He has a lot to hide and is being shady. Maybe he's in a facebook relationship with someone else, maybe he has pictures with some other bitch he's hooking up with, maybe he has a wife and three kids. Maybe he's just really unphotogenic. Whatever it is, this scenario means he has something to hide that he doesn't want you to see.

2. He's not a 'facebook' person. The more desirable scenario of the two, this one assumes this bro just doesn't use Facebook or goes on like once a month. This is unlikely but possible. Older, cooler bros definitely use facebook less than younger, lamer ones so if this is the case you're in luck and your guy isn't a huge loser.

The best way to approach this is to casually mention something about facebook and make fun of the fact that you're not friends yet. Bring it up in a light hearted joking way and I'm sure he'll friend you if he has nothing to hide. Unless you're delusional and have made this romantic relationship up in your head, this should do the trick.

Good luck,

The Betches


Dear Betch,

Let me start off by saying that I love this site.  It always has the answers, and now I'm hoping it can help me out with another one of my questions.

About halfway through the spring semester I started fucking this guy in one of my classes.  It started as a drunken hookup but quickly became something that we were doing at least every other day.  After the first couple times I let him know that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or anything serious and was just trying to have some casual fun, so as not to lead him on.  He agreed (we threw around the whole friends with benefits idea), but as the weeks passed we got closer and before we left school for the summer he told me that he wanted to be exclusive, even though we live about two hours apart and since we both have summer jobs (ew) we wouldn't get to see each other that much.  I agreed, somewhat less than wholeheartedly, but true to my word I have been #8 not having sex with bros this summer.  We've been talking all summer, we have text conversations like once every three or four days and he normally calls every week or so.  A few weeks ago he told me that his parents were going to be out of town on the 15th for the whole day and asked if I could come visit (this would be the first time we're seeing each other since the end of the semester).  I said yes, of course, but the other day I realized something: I'm expecting to get my period around the 8th or the 9th.  If I get it on or before the 8th, it doesn't matter, but if I don't get it until the 9th or after, I'll still have it when I visit.

My question is, at what point, if any, do I need to tell him about this?  Should I tell him now that we might have a problem, or wait and see if I don't get it on the 8th?  Or should I just ignore it and go see him regardless?  I feel like I should tell him, because I can't imagine he's planning on doing anything other than fuck.  I honestly wouldn't even mind if he told me not to bother coming since I'll be out of commission.  But when I brought it up to some of my friends, they all said that I shouldn't bring it up, because it shouldn't matter whether or not we can actually have sex, and the fact that he's been talking to me for the whole summer indicates that he likes me for more than just that.  But I still feel like it would be a dick move to just show up and tell him that he's not getting any.

Help me out?

Xoxo

Celibate for the Summer

Dear Celibate for the Summer,

It is unnecessary for you to tell him you have your period. To do so would be awkward and uncomfortable and if this guy actually told you not to come because of that, this would make him the world's biggest douchebag and you shouldn't be seeing him anyway. Instead you should go up, hang out, and do shit other than have sex. Avoid it for as long as possible (this will only make him want you more).

When it comes time to hook up, casually mention that you have your period then gauge his response. If he's been particularly amazing or has like, taken you out to a really nice dinner or some shit, you can even consider giving him head. Also, although some people are not down for riding the crimson wave it is possible to have sex with your period although not recommended. Depends just how bad you both want it. Regardless, stop stressing and just go with it. Just don't go into detail and mention it as little as possible. Talking about the details of your flow is like a guy describing how he likes to masturbate or the magical soundwaves of his farts. Unnecessary and unsexy.

Sincerely,

The Betches

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5 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. lizzy says:

    My boyfriend (of 3 years now) hates facebook, always has, and had no problem adding me on facebook and making our relationship public. Trust me when I say that if he really is ” the perfect mix of shady douchebag/absolutely obsessed with you” then he would have added you by now, tried to make you his official girlfriend - especially if you’ve shown an inkling of wanting him to add you! At the same time, you’ve never tried to add him…therefore, yr overanalyzing this situation entirely too much. just add him casually and if he denies your ass/keeps you in the dreaded limbo, keep his dick limbo next time your with him

    Posted on Reply
  2. the not so sad truth says:

    not friending you because he is FBO with someone else.. for sure happened to me before. ugh.  so not worth your time! byeee

    Posted on Reply
    • ditto says:

      happened to me too.  the guy gave the excuse of hating facebook, and i wanted to be ‘chill’ so i didn’t press it.  found out months later he had a long-distance girlfriend of 2 years…

      either he accepts your request, or you ditch him

      Posted on Reply
  3. Re:facebook freak says:

    First off, it you were really as awesome as you say you are he wouldve added you by now. He’s probably batting for the other team, congratulations.

    Second, but more importantly, you are such a poser joke using kappas sign off in your betch email. No self respecting KKG would ever do that. Stop trying to make yourself seem betchier and more exclusive than you are. It’s just embarrassing for you. go get your own fucking life and know that you can pretend all you want, but you will never belong. The betches who invented this shit and made sororities exclusive are turning over in their graves at how disrespectful and fugly you are. Go find another hobby and quit googling sororities to try to sound like something you will never be.

    Posted on Reply
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