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By The Betches on

As betches across the globe mourn the beginning of the end of summer, things can get really depressing. While most of us have been raging hard all summer, around this time of year life can seem kind of boring. We're here to mix it up by introducing the next big thing to hit college campuses and cities across the nation. We introduce to you a party routine that involves diets, vodka, and bros. That's right betches, collar boning is about to take world by storm.

So most of you will ask, what the fuck is collar boning? It sounds like an activity where a guy tries to fuck your clavicle. That's where you're wrong. Collar-boning is a new kind of body shot except better in that you can't do it if you're fat. Popping your collar is generally seen as a douchey move. Popping your collar bone is also pretty obnoxious, but that's the point.

Follow these instructions to have the pregame/bar experience of your life, no shot glasses necessary.

1. Find a skinny betch with an extremely defined collar bone. See pictures for an example of what will qualify.
2. Have that betch lean back in such a way that the collar bone forms a crevice that looks like it could comfortably fit a bar of soap.
3. Have a third party member pour a shot of vodka (preferably Svedka) into said collar bone.
4. The drinker (bro or betch) will then lick the vodka out of the collar bone, fulfilling an extremely entertaining body shot experience.

An accomplished betch will know the exact stance she has to sit in to master the art of the clavicle shot. Sometimes she'll have to stretch before hand, no one wants to pull their clavicle. Bros love collar boning becuase collar boning is a great gateway to actually boning. It goes without saying that if a bro can't take a collar bone shot like a pro, there's a very little chance he will ever turn into one. Who wouldn't love a shot that involves the intoxication of a night of heavy pregaming combined with the intimacy of vampire sex? Exactly.

Now some might argue that collar boning is kind of disgusting. Why would I want to lick someone's dirty collar bone? Chill, idiots. It's a statistical fact that collar bones are 90% more sanitary than a typical game of beer pong and 50% more sanitary than your typical body shots. If your friends have dirty necks then you're probably poor.

So betches, this fall it's time to hit the gym and start toning up your clavicle. No one wants to have the most neck fat at formal. Everyone knows a true betch would never consume the amount of calories in a Smirnoff ice, plus icing is so last season. If collar bones are the new skinny arm then having a fat neck is social suicide. Nice girls have double chins. Betches have double collar bone shots. Get toned. Collar bone.

** Email us your hottest clavicle shots to with the subject "Collar Boning" for a chance to be featured on The Betches' Instagram. 

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28 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. leah says:

    this is dumb and looks unsanitary.

    Posted on Reply
    • sara says:

      “Now some might argue that collar boning is kind of disgusting. Why would I want to lick someone’s dirty collar bone? Chill, idiots. It’s a statistical fact that collar bones are 90% more sanitary than a typical game of beer pong and 50% more sanitary than your typical body shots. If your friends have dirty necks then you’re probably poor.”

      Can you even read?

      Posted on Reply
    • Coco says:

      Your probably dumb and look unsanitary.

      Posted on Reply
      • brie says:

        It’s “you’re” not “your”.

        Posted on Reply
      • betchy betch says:

        No, *you’re probably dumb and look unsanitary.

        Posted on Reply
        • Coco says:

          Dear “Betchy Betch” and “Brie” sorry that I’m not sorry that I don’t have time to check my grammar because I have way more important things to do like tanning and collar boning. Which obvs neither of you can do because your parents named you after a piece of cheese and something so atrocious that you have to put “Betchy Betch”. Hope your having fun at Fat Camp this summer.

          Posted on Reply
          • XOXO Gossip Betch says:

            Dear Coco, then perhaps this website isn’t for you.

            Posted on Reply
          • Connor says:

            *Hope YOU’RE having fun at camp this summer

            Posted on Reply
    • J says:

      That sounds like something a jealous fat girl would say

      Posted on Reply
    • lizzy says:

      you can always tell when the interns are writing blogs and trying SO hard to be clever… instead they have that John Ralphio humor that screams daddy issues / i did not get enough attention in life.

      Step it up interns ! & if this is a paid blogger, say what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Posted on Reply
  2. Lara says:

    I like this idea because fat girls who can’t do it will be singled out at parties. Sorry I’m fucking skinny and your a fat betch who doesn’t have protruding bones.

    Posted on Reply
  3. x says:

    planning party wardrobe around what makes my collarbone more prominent

    Posted on Reply
    • To x, says:

      same thought.

      Posted on Reply
  4. betch says:

    svedka? goose, ketel, or leave.

    Posted on Reply
    • Trying way too hard says:

      Oh come on, you must be the most boring, sober betch at the party then. Or do you bring your own alcohol, like ugly people do?

      Posted on Reply
      • My blood type is Pinot Grigio says:

        I actually do usually bring my own alcohol, ramona style. Thought this was pretty betchy and exclusive of me, guess not.

        Posted on Reply
  5. what? says:

    is this a fucking joke?? please tell me this whole article and those who are commenting arent actually serious. wow.

    Posted on Reply
  6. confused says:

    this is just gross. also, the drunk bro who pours this into your collarbone is def gonna miss and get fucking cheap sved al over your herve dress. not worth it.

    Posted on Reply
  7. yes says:

    This is the complete opposite of sexy. At least body shots into your concave belly can be kind of sexy and fun, if a bit trashy.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Lala says:

    Perfect excuse to get even skinnier than I already am!

    Posted on Reply
  9. KateM says:

    Love this post. Love my collarbones. Need to have a post about “literally” soon or I’ll literally cry. Kisses.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Bo says:

    Stop trying to make collar boning happen.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Collars says:

    Half of me loves this—finally get to attract more attention to my beautiful collar bones in a socially acceptable way because this phenomenon will gain traction from this website—but then I think about if I were to see a random girl doing this, and I realize that I would probably hate her and make fun of her for being a fucking idiot.

    But then again, I suppose that’s a natural betch reaction: being able to do certain things while shamelessly judging another girl who is doing the same thing.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Alex says:

    um vom

    Posted on Reply
  13. Dusty says:

    Literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Brian says:

    this is one of the best things i have ever seen. u r all beautiful, u frickers.

    Posted on Reply
  15. So Confused says:

    I’m confused whether some of the girls here are being sarcastically bitchy or actually being bitchy. Stop calling people fat and ugly…

    Posted on Reply
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