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By The Betches on

Eric Northman is indisputably the hottest #62 Pro in Bon Temps (what like it’s hard?), but he may have spawned an even hotter betch in the form of Pamela Swyton de Beaufort. Pam is so over  humans, werewolves, fairies and all the shit that comes with living in a swamp in the Deep South. Like if you had to live in the backwoods of Louisiana with some gap-toothed fairy/human/bitch, wouldn’t you go bat-shit crazy and start eating people too?

 

pam true blood

 

As the bouncer at Fangtasia, Pam doesn’t take shit from anyone, and doesn’t hesitate to nonchalantly kill any nice girl with a bad fake. In a vampire celebrity death match, Pam would clearly come out on top. And we're sure that nothing would please her more than to shove a six-inch Manolo stiletto through Kristen Stewart’s aorta, as well the aortas of her too-pretty-for-her-boyfriends-Edward-and-Jacob. Honestly, who would argue that any sobbing-in-love Twilight tweenster would stand a chance against Pam’s blonde extensions and pointed manicure?

Quotes: 

I'll give you 24 hours to deliver that witch to me and if you don't, I'll personally fuck, eat, and kill all three of you.

Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror.

I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name.

 

pam true bloodFuck Sookie, and fuck Walmart.

 

Above all things, the one thing that really sets Pam off is when someone fucks with her face. Even dead people care about their appearance. No one wants to look like shit while sucking the blood out of a hot dumb Southerner. Unfortunately, her skin began to rot away after that Wiccan cunt Marnie, randomly played by Aunt Petunia, put a spell on her. But like a true betch would, she dropped bank to get miz daily injections of fake flesh to uphold her beautiful older woman complexion.

Pam’s insensitivity, callous disregard for the well-being of others and endless supply of expensive outfits make her the ultimate in undead betchyness. One of the few things that could improve an already amazing show like True Blood  would be an intensified focus on the epic gothic glamour of Pam.

 

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11 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. ABetch says:

    From Season 4:

    “Wait! Vintage Cartier!” (rips necklace off a vampire and stakes her through the heart)

    Posted on Reply
  2. ABetch says:

    Pam: We blow up these Wiccan dipshits already; I’ve got a mani-pedi at four.

    Also…
    Pam: Wait! Vintage Cartier! (stakes vampire through heart)

    Posted on Reply
  3. Former Maybe Gay Bro says:

    Great post.  I f-ing love Pam!  From season 3: “I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.”

    Posted on Reply
  4. Betchy Brandi says:

    “We are not risking all of our lives for a gash in a sun dress!”

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    “Now, why’d you have to go kill that maenad? She was a terrific decorator.”

    Posted on Reply
  6. Retail betch says:

    “I’m wearing a sweatsuit from Walmart. If that’s not team spirit I don’t know what is.”

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    love pam! however, i have to disagree with your first sentence betches. i don’t find eric northman to be attractive at all. i’ll take alcide over eric any day

    Posted on Reply
  8. Amanda says:

    It’s Pamela Swynford De Beaufort

    Posted on Reply
  9. Snarla says:

    I am also over Sookie and her “precious fairy vagina.” Pam for the win.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Julia says:

    Pam is the Queen Betch you could have done better than this

    Posted on Reply
  11. jusan says:

    The BEST BEST BEST PAM QUOTE:
    “I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to, and also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long, long time ago.”

    Posted on Reply
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