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By The Betches on

For today's installment of betchocracy we're broasting our #2 most fuckable president, who we guess is technically number 1 since JFK has that spot and he's like dead. So last night at the Demo Convensh, Bill Clinton gave a long ass speech that everyone loved. We'll admit that even we were inspired to start thinking about the important national issues, namely whether Richard Gere or John Slattery would be better in a Slick Willy biopic.

We don't know or care about his presidency really, but it's clear Bill knew that the key to keeping your head in the game was getting good head from your staff. With the help of Monica L’s powerful daily BJs he was able to serve 2 terms, talk his way out of being fired, and invent a new, convenient definition of sexual relations. Props for doing all that while betrothed to avid scrunchie supporter Hillary Clinton.

Now we recognize that he may be old as fuck but seeing as he was able to give a 50 minute speech and get #arithmetic to trend (gross), we suddenly understand how he was able to create millions of jobs and still have the stamina to get a few himself. Hard to believe he did all that without an empty chair.

Our favorite part of the speech was obviously in the first 5 minutes, before we tuned out, when he blatantly hit on Michelle Obamz and she was shadily into it. "I want to vote for a man who had the good sense to mindfuck Michelle Obama into marrying him." Good one Billy. We're sure Barry's never letting you ride alone on Air Force 1 with his wife again.

 

9 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. stop w these posts says:

    really sick of politics.  because i dont follow the #news and don’t care whats going on in the world other then tv and celebrities.  please go back to the basics.  its really hard to #not do work when i have nothing to read!!!

    Posted on Reply
    • wow. says:

      you must be like so smart

      Posted on Reply
      • But says:

        Actually I agree with her… politics is absolutely everywhere else in the news, I would really prefer it if it could be kept to a minimum here.  Reading about the news from the convention, even with a funny Betches take, is not why I check this site.

        Posted on Reply
        • and also says:

          i understand the us doesn’t really understand the meaning of the words “civic duty,” but you are kind of responsible as a citizen of this country to follow the, ahem, “#news,” make responsible and well-informed decisions in support of your fellow countrymen (be they liberal or conservative) and at least have a working knowledge of the governmental structure and political process. not understanding the words “bicameral legislature” is NOT betchy and is a surefire way to make sure you’ll never marry a senator. that said, bubba killed it. good job betches.

          Posted on Reply
          • Nice job says:

            bitching at the other betches here while showing your intelligence. I agree we should stay informed so we can pretend to care about things that aren’t ourselves.

            Posted on Reply
  2. Best Tweet says:

    of the night:

    Am I pregnant yet?-every woman in the room #DNC #BillClinton - Chris Rock

    Posted on Reply
  3. Clinton says:

    Clinton is the ultimate pro

    Posted on Reply
  4. keep it up says:

    this is awesome and this shit is making more people come to your site. love it

    Posted on Reply
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