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By The Betches on

In recent news, making bigger waves than the fat candidates for the Republican ticket, Justin Bieber has reportedly knocked up some 20 year-old and she has now given birth to his baby.

Now it's clear that Justin has a thing for slightly older women (in addition to Selena and Kim Kar, we're sure Chelsea Handler wouldn't mind giving up a glass of Belvedere for a steamy night with the Biebs), but we're rather skeptical that a bro who could literally fuck any girl he wanted between the ages of 12 and 42 would choose this trashy lip-ringed, cold-sored, fame whore loser to devirginize him. I mean, we're pretty sure the boy has a bigger fan base than Jesus Christ.

The whole story smells like a salad gone bad. Apparently she was brought in for a backstage meet-n-greet with Bieber and he invited her to fuck in the bathroom? The only thing that we believe about this is that the sex lasted for 30 seconds. Come on, why are you having sex with 16 year-olds in the first place? Like, first stop Bieber concert, next stop Suite Life of Zack and Cody set to see who my next baby daddy will be?

justinI moonlight as a lesbian DJ

I mean it's totally possible that it's true, but at the same time the bitch is already accusing 2 other guys that they're the father. Her only basis of it being Bieber's is that the baby looks like him. Oh so now every kid born with a nice tan and a short stature is automatically Danny DeVito's?

 

Are we sure the Biebs didn't detect his name was fading from the spotlight and asked his publicist to drum up a plot to garner more beliebers? No way Justin hasn't noticed his increasing list of un-followers on Twitter because he retweets every fucking kid who likes his new album or has a birthday. We're sure Justin would pick a hotter baby mama or make an official claim that he's bisexual if he were trying to drum up some press.

We feel bad for Biebs though, and not just because his new haircut and earrings make him look like Sam Ronson. It's because while he's fending off claims that he fathered a child of a trashy slut as a result of his own rape, and there are now rumors circling his girlfriend beard broke up with him.

Imagine if he really did have sex with his woman though. It would be like that time Britney revealed that she wasn't actually holding out for the former Queen of Pop, Justin Timberlake and had actually made a visit to the V-TM at the age of 14. Our worlds would be turned upside down.

justinOh, yeah he totally has his pout

Anyway, this hag looks like she's angling for a book deal, or at least a shot at reality TV. Are they looking for a Deena replacement on J-Shore? Perhaps MTV's coming out with a new competitive series called Who Can Rape America's Next Top Virgin?

 

To sum things up, if Justin Bieber tried to statutorily rape himself and drag us into his bathroom while spouting out the F-Bomb and told us to do him, in full honesty we can't say that we'd run the other way.

However, we're also not poor and fugly, so we'd Plan B that shit like faster than you can sing 'One Time'. As true beliebers, we think Justin's paternity test will prove this bitch to be just another psychotic whore and that he would never let something like ever this happen. Although if there's anything Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith have taught us, it's that you should Never say Never.

 

21 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. hahahahaha says:

    I literally laughed out loud twice at the “I moonlight as a lesbian DJ” photo comment. Spot fucking on.

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betchiest says:

    You “nailed” it, I was LOLing for real. Keep it up Betches, I think you’re back!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Lauren says:

    YES. especially the part about him looking like sam ronson. lolocopter

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    firstly, there’s no way it’s true.

    but if it is, i hope that she’s arrested for statutory rape. fucking creepy.

    but back to this NOT BEING TRUE—what 20 year old girl is gross enough to have sex with a 16 year old, even if he happens to be the biebs? disgusting. (although so is she, which might explain a few things in the tiny tiny chance that she’s telling the truth.)

    but really, if jb can have any girl he wants (which, let’s face it, he fucking CAN), why would he choose horse face over there and not someone better looking? out of the ten bajillion girls that go to his concerts around the world, i’m sure that a sizable number of them are prettier than this fucking train-wreck. in fact i’m sure that nearly every girl at his tours in asia is cuter if only by virtue of their super fast metabolisms and generally perfect skin/hair. resting my case now, ttyl.

    Posted on Reply
  5. NotAPedophile says:

    Loved the lesbian DJ pic. Unfortunately, you’d have to be a major pedophile to want to bang JBiebs

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    “Who Can Rape America’s Next Top Virgin?” ahahaha so great.

    Posted on Reply
  7. whatever says:

    you are a. a total douche for typing that out and b. stop masturbating to justin beiber ( omg SP?!**><)

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    Agreed, I totes LOL’d

    Posted on Reply
  9. umm says:

    what a fucking creep video…........BETCHES YOU’RE HILAR

    Posted on Reply
  10. BostonBetch says:

    love that he’s going to take a paternity test and turn around and sue her back! jbiebs is queen betch. sorry selenita.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    if i’m a total douche for typing out a few sentences, then what are you saying about the betches who made an entire post about it? also, i am not a bieber fan at all - he looks about the same age as every guy i went to kindergarten with, and he’s like 5 years younger than me, not attractive - i just understand that the majority of girls under the age of 18 pee their pants over him. the scandal is funny and mostly an opportunity to laugh at that heinous, desperate girl who’s trying to say he did anything with her.

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  12. NYCBetch says:

    Completely false, I’m best friends with his manager and he told me. Love this website though.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Shes serioualy a fucking coked out freak

    Posted on Reply
  14. betchamissme says:

    yeah i just came back from an early dinner with robert deNiro and he told me it’s false too

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Yah I just got off the phone with his mom totes false.

    PS people can trace your comment back to your computer so if you really knew his manager you would know not to post that. Nice attempt at sound cool though

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    Have a baby by me, baby, and be a millionaire?

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    Really awkward for you…go ahead trace my computer and see that I am. Idgaf. It’s okay to be a jealous bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  18. stefanbuld says:

    First-rate article my friend. This is methodically what I’ve been looking in return after absolutely a time now. You attired in b be committed to my gratefulness man. My site: Space Painting.

    Posted on Reply
  19. JLEE says:

    Oh so now every kid born with a nice tan and a short stature is automatically Danny DeVito’s?—Hilarious Betches!!!

    Posted on Reply
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