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By The Betches on

For our next college installment, we bring you Syracuse University. While this upstate New York private school is located in a city that actually prides itself on being diverse (gross) it's a place where betches and bros alike flock for parties, lacrosse, and general douchiness. Famous alum like Aaron Sorkin, Vanessa Williams, Joe Biden, and one of the black guys from Rent have come here for its academics, business shit, and its conveniently close proximity to nothing except other rando areas of western New York. 

Greek Life

Sororities: First semester freshmen year is the only time during your college career when you can actually hang out with whomever you want, but after that you're locked into your stereotype and brainwashed to make fun of other houses. Dry pledging consists of not drinking for an entire 8 weeks. Oh that's possible?

ALPHA PHI - Tries to be again, diverse, which essentially just means some girls are not from Long Island or New Jersey.
KAPPA -  Fun blondes who party hard and love a good ski trip
SDT - Jappiest of JABs. Consists of 90% Jericho/Timerblake/Hewlett/Lokanda stock. If you're from Long Island and your idea of branching out involves eating at a different froyo venue, this is the house for you. And hey, just because their parking lot looks more like it should be in East Hampton than upstate New York that doesn't mean they're sheltered.
AEPHI - also JABs but more nicegirls, only shadily #8 fuck bros. 
Tri Delt  - Pulitzer, pearls, pastels.

Fraternities:

PIKE - The prequisite for joining is a penchant for rehab and/or jail. They're not exactly a real frat so they're low in numbers and have no frat house

ZBT - Your standard Jewish frat boys (Zero Bitches Tonight, "zbcheese" as Pike says). Go here if you're craving some strong jungle juice mixed with Xanax (allegedly). The last time they cleaned the house was in a previous century so if you're into the hobo-tie-dye look, lean against the walls. 

Also beware of the Pike/ZBT rivalry.

SAMMY - Kinda "guido" Sammy+Kappa = BFF. Fun if you're into shit like muscles and hair gel.

DKE - Pretentious and wear khakis and polos think they're hot because their frat house looks like a castle.

AEPI - Nice Jewish boys who coudln't handle ZBT pledging, not the coolest guys but probably least likely to cheat on their girlfriends

At Night You Should

When you're not attending a prebar or a closed party you must go to one of these four places:

1. Harry's - Where you can pay cover to get into the basement of CVS. It is an SDT/PIKE sanctuary. Stand on the couches and hit the ceiling. The more you like the song, the bigger the bump on your head. The walls are covered in signatures from past Senior Sundays. Stop by ZJ's pizza before you leave if you're drunk enough to eat. The other side of the bar is Sammy/Kappa/Lax boys territory. Harry's is the place to go for hot lax bro sightings. Bouncers/people that work at the door usually are in Sammy. John the owner is kind of creepy and probably a shady drug dealer and everyone thinks they are his bestie. However, if you're his real bff he hooks you up with free shots of his fav, orange grey goose.

Whenever basketball players go out on Marshall St they go to Harry's so it becomes every small Jewish girl's mission to get a picture with one of them. 

2. Lucy's - Songs you'll hear every night: Shout, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, etc. They have fishbowls and a shady smoking room. The actual name is "Lucy's Retired Surf Bar" and it's decorated with surf things. Go here to sweat, dance, and sweat.

*If you're not tagged in a picture drinking a Lucy’s fishbowl then you probably never went. 

** The smoking room in the back of the bar is decorated with neon paintings with an under the sea theme. If you want to pretend you're a badass you should take a picture in here surrounded by cigarette smoke. Classy as fuck.

3. Chuck's - No one really goes until senior year. Check this place out if you want to pretend to branch out or to sign the walls. It's fun for happy hour during your first few weeks as a senior. This place is a GDI Mecca.

4. Faegans - They have pretty good food and people typically go here on Wednesdays for Flip Night. And no this doesn't mean nights when gays turn straights gay. 

During the Day You Should

Get a manicure at Miracle Nails on Thursdays so you'll have it for the weekend.

Sit on the Whitman Streps and people watch. 

Go to Garbos, a tanning salon where you can get a blowout before a #40 formal and be hit on by a large potential pedophile who will greet you as if he has plans to eat you for dinner.

Special Events

ZBTahiti - Sand/herpes all over the frat house. Three-night party with whichever sororites are most likely to whore out. 

Mayfest - Used to be cooler on Eurcleid but still an excuse for the entire campus to get wasted all day. You meet people GDIs who you never knew existed.

Where to Live

208 is the the SDT/Pike kingdom. People will pay anything to live in these apartments on the border of scary-ass downtown Syracuse. Here you'll learn to be grounded and down to earth after the mirror of your BMW is slashed off with a bat. There is one parking lot where all the drama goes down, so you better hope you get a room with a window that faces the lot. The 208 parking lot is notorious for being the shittiest looking apartments with the nicest looking cars so if you don't have a Range Rover, BMW, or a Lexus you should find somewhere else to live.

Side Note: 208 was cooler circa 2011 and now is pretty lame. 

Castle court is down the street from 208 area. It is a ZBT annex with mostly Alpha Phi girls.

South campus hosts your athletes, GDIs, and randos. It's a solid seven minute drive from the main campus.

Food

Tokyo Seoul - The original best sushi/hibachi house on Erie Blvd. Chill balls with Mrs. Kim (old asian lady who runs the show with Mr. Kim. If she likes you you'll get extra gumballs.) Be sure to wave at all the awkward run-ins you have as you pass the other hibachi tables and plan on smelling like shit after you leave.

Koto - A more modern sushi/hibachi place closer to campus

Chuck's - This is what SU betches call beast mode. Anything you get there is amazing so if you're eating this week you should go.

Chucks is also a bar with a happy hour on Friday for seniors (the big black bouncer doesn't take shit from underclassmen, even if you just want to pick up food so stay the fuck away.) The whole place is covered in graffiti so you know it's legit. 

Acropolis - A salad place where the token hunchback 80-year-old delivery guy, "Mr. Acropolis" delivers your food. Although he's really fucking weird and old with white hair and glasses, he's a town sweetheart.

Cosmos (said with a Syracuse accent "CAAZMOWS") - It is the dirtiest/best diner in the world. This diner is old as fuck and famous for the toasted honey bun. You should get that if a 6000 calorie lunch is your jam. Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.

Syrajuice - CRACK. Really good food and balsamic dressing in Marshall Square Mall

*Marshall street - basically the central part of 'campus' where most food is, try to avoid all the bums on Marshall Street. If you want to feel good about yourself walk past the most famous hobo, the guy in the wheelchair, who will say "Hey pretty lady"... to you and all of your friends' friends. 

Brueggers Bagels is the closest thing to a bagel place on the SU campus. Bagels are tiny and like 600 calories. It's always a good place to see morning afters or awkward run-ins. 

Abroad:

Second semester, same places as every other school. 

Most cultural thing you'll experience:

More diversity, homeless people. 

Drawbacks:

It's cold but fear not, you can still dress like a slut to the bar because some guy will give you his jacket before you go back to his frat/apt and do things you'll regret in the morning. 

76 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Betchy Cuse Betch says:

    nail on the head betches. nice to see you didnt let one of the interns do this one.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Marist College says:

    look into featuring Marist College, home to the betchiest blackout fashion majors and right up the Hudson from the best city in the world

    Posted on Reply
    • Colgate University says:

      Let’s be real. Everyone know Colgate is the better party school in the Syracuse area. We work hard but we play harder.

      Posted on Reply
      • OCB says:

        Promote it betch.

        Posted on Reply
      • hambetch says:

        bahha colgate you have to be kidding me. please hamilton is the real work hard play harder school in the syracuse area

        Posted on Reply
    • sdt you suck says:

      this was so clearly written by a girl in sdt. 1- sdt isnt that cool and no one actually likes pike, unless youre in sdt. 2- wheres sigma chi and sae? derby days and paddy murphy anyone? you left out so much. this shouldve been called betches love this obnoxious sorority: sdt.

      Posted on Reply
  3. Lauren says:

    Love seeing my alma mater! But I have a couple corrections!

    No betch over the age of 21 or with a decent fake would be caught dead at Harry’s. Ew! Chucks is where it’s at. Espesh Thor’s corner.

    As far as food goes, you left out the best place! Bleu Monkey has sushi within walking distance and every betch knows that it’s the best place to not eat, drink diet coke & talk shit with your besties (or srat sisters).

    And a true betch doesn’t let some snow and sub-freezing temps get her down. Before you head up to cuse be sure to invest in a good northface!

    Whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed, unless she was talking about Syracuse!

    Posted on Reply
  4. SU Betch says:

    You forgot varsity pizza!

    Posted on Reply
    • SU Betch says:

      Varsity sucks…big time…cheap food…

      Posted on Reply
  5. i love how says:

    USC came to NY over the weekend and literally took over Times Square and Giants stadium for the USC-Syracuse game…..and they write about Syracuse as if it’s not clear what school it’s time to do.
    Lol get with it betches, at this point you’re just late

    Posted on Reply
    • sb says:

      word. long overdue.

      Posted on Reply
    • Couldn't agree more says:

      You might even start to think they went to UCLA or something horrible like that.

      Posted on Reply
      • NY betch says:

        relax. they are NY betches…there is a steady progression from westchester/LI to Cornell/Syracuse to the city or LA
        have to pay it tribute before branching out that much

        Posted on Reply
    • usc says:

      too true. take it west betches! USC has been patiently waiting….along with the other less important cali schools.

      Posted on Reply
  6. Cuse Betch says:

    straight up killed it

    Posted on Reply
  7. Sam says:

    You forgot about juice jam….

    Posted on Reply
  8. SUbetches says:

    forgot DJs, yogurtland, ellie mia, destiny USA and jet black…just shows how outdated this is
    and castle is the shit…all those girls you see sleeping on the concrete sidewalk waiting day and night to sign for their apartments they have either (a) already begged everyone in castle for them to pass their apartments down OR (b) are attempting to get to campus hill early enough to get them themselves….possibly applied a few years ago to 208 although in the modern day of cuse betches = not true

    Posted on Reply
  9. cusebetchy says:

    HOW COULD YOU FORGET DJS??

    Posted on Reply
    • Sam says:

      B/c everyone else does. DJ’s is wack you are obviously a freshman or some shit

      Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        .. who’s also addicted to Puice Juice..

        Posted on Reply
  10. so true says:

    John the owner is kind of creepy and probably a shady drug dealer and everyone thinks they are his bestie. However, if you’re his real bff he hooks you up with free shots of his fav, orange grey goose.

    Posted on Reply
  11. mass betch says:

    do one on umass amherst

    Posted on Reply
      • Northeast betch says:

        We all know that UMass Amherst is the betchiest of all in the northeast, they don’t call it the Zoo for nothing

        Posted on Reply
  12. JUICE CUSE says:

    Fucking gross school. Sorry betches.

    Posted on Reply
  13. HBG says:

    “Mr. Acropolis”  ©

    Posted on Reply
  14. buckeye says:

    Please do Ohio State!

    Posted on Reply
    • OSU!! says:

      yesssss osu is where it’s at

      Posted on Reply
  15. 69 says:

    Don’t usually read these sort of things but you got this one awfully wrong…. besides the SDT and AEPi descriptions.

    Posted on Reply
  16. KK says:

    I don’t really understand the emphasis on GDIs since all the people in greek life and not in greek life intermix but that’s cool…betch

    Posted on Reply
  17. PIKE says:

    Love it !! ZBT sucks BALLS !!!!!!!!

    Posted on Reply
    • ZBT says:

      go do more coke.

      Posted on Reply
  18. bettcccch says:

    haha I lovveee the frats at cuse smile 5. pike 4. aepi 3. sae. 2. zbt. 1. dke

    all you cali fuckers should just focus on… being cali fuckers

    Posted on Reply
    • ..... says:

      ...burn?

      Posted on Reply
    • ... says:

      we’re sorry you’re so jealous of us. we can’t help it that we’re popular

      Posted on Reply
  19. Please, says:

    Do an article on Boston College.  Betches that don’t need sororities.  Enough said.

    Sincerely,
    A B.C. betch herself obviouslyy

    Posted on Reply
  20. The Hunchback of Mount Acropolis says:

    I’m not 80, betch. I’m 60 and I get it in. On the regular.

    Shout out to my main hobo AKA Starbucks Willy, Lucy’s smo-co and limes room (figure that one out for yourself), and photographic evidence that young inner-city kids are just as unhappy about hanging out with ZBT as everyone else is.

    Peace, love, and mad tips.

    Posted on Reply
  21. WEGMANS? says:

    How is there no mention of wegmans anywhere in this article???

    Posted on Reply
  22. hair gel? says:

    ...gross. Northern fraternities are not real. If you wear cargo pants and/or graphic tees you can consider yourself a GDI for life.

    Posted on Reply
  23. really? says:

    This is sad.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Local Betch says:

    You forgot to warn all the Syracuse betches about the local highschoolers who attend every fucking rager on the weekend. Check their id before you go home with a sixteen year old little shit, statuatory isn’t sexy;)

    Posted on Reply
  25. Not a Jew says:

    There are more than just jews and jewish frats/sororities at cuse. Cmon!

    Posted on Reply
  26. trojanbetch says:

    okay seriously Syracuse? For stupid whores and poor girls. USC, please

    Posted on Reply
    • LOL says:

      poor girls? Remember that time syracuse is $55,000 a year…

      Posted on Reply
  27. USC says:

    USC is for poor people. Sorry your shitty school gives so much financial aid and let’s in so many ugly people

    Posted on Reply
    • hotdamndeltagam says:

      HAHA except our school is one of the most expensive in the country, nice try though

      Posted on Reply
      • ... says:

        look at your username.

        that’s what’s wrong with you.

        try harder, won’t you…

        Posted on Reply
  28. Someone says:

    This post doesn’t exactly represent the entire Syracuse community and it says nothing about other “diverse” groups of people on campus. 

    Not really a great representation of the university or the students that attend.

    Posted on Reply
    • scrollLOL says:

      scroll up to the top for like two seconds, you see the banner? its called BETCHES love this

      Posted on Reply
  29. cu says:

    BOULDER

    Posted on Reply
    • go buffs says:

      amen. ultimate stoner betches

      Posted on Reply
  30. HAH says:

    Clearly written by an STD… I mean SDT… no one like sdt or pike unless they are in sdt or pike. Laughable.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Realsubetch says:

    Please how is park point not on the list? This is where the true betches live. Not only the nicest, newest, and most expensive (what more can a betch ask for) some people slept here for 2 nights to live here unlike castle. This place is more like the four seasons while castle looks like the motel 8. Park point is a betches paradise.

    Posted on Reply
  32. anonyyyy says:

    BINGHAMTON!!!!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  33. Cusebetch says:

    Totallyy written by an sdt jap…nice try. No one else would even bother mentioning sdt, aephi, pike, and aepi..worst houses on campus by far. This bs article is embarassing to su greek life!

    Posted on Reply
  34. Slu betch says:

    St Lawrence ??

    Posted on Reply
  35. casey says:

    do umass amherst

    Posted on Reply
  36. Em says:

    Blowbart and William Sniff. Enough said?

    Posted on Reply
    • Smithie says:

      Hell yeah the DEFINITION of true betch

      Posted on Reply
    • HWS's THE SHIT says:

      Fratty and Sporty. It’s the shit

      Posted on Reply
  37. SUalum says:

    Pretty accurate.  Even more accurate about how not diverse ‘Cuse is. If you can’t see the underlying racism in this sadly written article then you’re probably a right fit for one of the sorority or frats listed above.

    “Oh just some black guy that went to here…. some big black bouncer”

    As a black ‘Cuse alum who was in a white sorority this shit is very sad.

    Posted on Reply
  38. srathard says:

    One of the most inaccurate posts I’ve ever seen written about SU Greek life and SU in general. Clearly written by someone in SDT… try again betches

    Posted on Reply
  39. meg1823 says:

    This is incredibly accurate. All you lame geeds (Pi Phi + Acacia included) calm down.

    Posted on Reply
  40. Boca betch says:

    Of course, this is where the author of Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood went to school

    Posted on Reply
  41. CUSE says:

    you forgot about Delta Gamma!!!

    Posted on Reply
  42. cusey says:

    you didnt mention the top sororities or fraternities…this kind of sucks…what about DG which is known as the top sorority on campus, or Sigma Chi and SAE which are the top fraternities…

    Posted on Reply
    • what says:

      lol okay DG keep trying

      Posted on Reply
  43. No says:

    This needs to be updated. Now. CLEARLY written by someone who doesn’t know what’s actually going on or who visited here in like 2010. Not that it really matters but this is the least accurate depiction out there. No Sig Chi? SAE? Really… does pike even exist???

    Posted on Reply
  44. floyd says:

    It’d be awesome to brutally butcher every single one of you brainless faggotcunt pieces of shit.

    Posted on Reply
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