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By The Betches on

In the spirit of #36 not doing work we decided to make our first Ivy League post about the easiest school, both to get into and make fun of. It's the institution that brought us Andy Bernard, the pesky bitch from Up in the Air, and zero US presidents. It's a place where fun goes to die and seasonal affective disorder goes to live, but fuck that, it's gorges.

The Schools

Cornell is part private/part state school and there's nothing a losery Cornellian loves more than to talk about what school they're in and compare their school and workload with others'.

Hotel: Half the students are serious hotel loving freaks whose devotion to napkin folding earned them a head manager position at the Cheesecake Factory upon graduation. The other half are stupid rich kids. The school's considered a joke but it's shadily hard. "Hotelies," as they call themselves, are sorted into totalitarian class blocks and forced to don suits every Friday morning of freshman fall. They invest in iron chef-grade knives and at the end of it all they get to go to a prom as a reward for their achievements.

ILR: shadily the chillest school; seems like no one is totally clear on what exactly industrial relations are, including students/professors of the school; unions; magically everyone gets a job or into law school

Human Ecology: School of all random topics having to do with humans. Naturally it also encompasses the fashion major. The MVR building, much like the term Human Ecology, makes no fucking sense.

Arts: Comprised of private school kids and those with a genuine interest in native american folklore; the abroad problem (see below)

Engineering, Architecture: Always doing work, no one knows them. The latter is inexplicably obsessed with dragons.

CALS: Some call it Ag, others call it hell. If you know someone taking genetics, beware of starting any conversation with them because somehow it will turn into a discussion about flies.

The People

The Asians: There are two distinct types. Outside of the TABs in the Greek system, first you have your typical nerds who you're unaware even go there until you get a C on your prelim (a unique, necessary word for a fucking midterm) because they ruined the curve with their perfect score. Then there are the elite Asians who drive BMWs, live in 312, are part of the underground Asian frat scene, and won't refrain from speaking their dialect of origin very loudly in the elevators. 

Athletes: Hockey, lax, basketball, and tennis get the most respect because their teams are actually good (sort of). Most athletes are in frats and because Cornell doesn't have a tailgate to speak of, the football frat has a better reputation than the team.

Grad students: They are the 35-year-olds viciously scribbling notes in the front row of your lecture who ask millions of questions. Should we expect the problem set to be posted on blackboard at 1 or 1:10?

The GDIs: These make up the masses of Cornell. They can be found working the desk at Helen Newman.

Greek Life

Compared to most schools, Cornell's greek life is on par with the fun-ness level of the 'This Is' video. Regardless, being part of Greek life is really the only way to go if you want to have a social life, though it's completely unnecessary to be involved in your sorority past sophomore year, outside of going to mixers and getting your house banned from any and all formal venues. If Greek Week is something you're attending you're probably in the new sorority that just randomly came and decided to occupy the AOPi house. Keep in mind that we use the term top tier loosely as 95% of Cornell's student body were TTH non-partying work horses in high school who took actual pride in their 4.2 GPA, were honored to be voted Hardest Worker and would've loved to major in clawing your way to the top. 

Sororities: Top houses are DG, Theta, Alpha Phi and Kappa. Alpha Phi sports your nicegirls who are expressly forbidden to #134 dance on tables.

Frats: Top are Psi U, Sig Phi, Chi Psi, Sig Chi, Alpha Delt, ATO for lax bros. Since the university has been on a rampage against Greek life, frats that used to be considered good are now replaced by several midlevel frats who believe they're on the rise. If you want to be confused, check out a TKE composite.

To do during the day

Spring/Fall: Go to the plantations, slope or the gorges to tan, or sit outside at CTB. If the weather's not nice, which is most of the time, then you're fuck out of things to do.

One thing that's actually fun about Cornell is wine tours, an event in which a methed-out bus driver will transport you between 2-3 vineyards, where you will sit in a field and photograph yourself looking shitfaced au naturale. Alternatively you could go to Six Mile Creek which is five minutes away, optimal timing to blaze in the green hornet.

Winter: It's too fucking cold to do anything except sit in your apartment, but since most people at Cornell love to feel productive, they will probably go to Mann 3rd floor to people-watch/excessively refresh facebook while on Adderall. If they want to actually study they will go to Olin or worse, Uris.

Night Life (or lack thereof):

Everything in Ithaca closes at 1am, enough said. Attending a school where a common nightly activity that involves standing on the street corner is referred to as "club sidewalk," and where the libraries close later than the bars, speaks for itself.

Downfall of Johnny O's/Dino's/The Palms: Every bar that could maybe pass for fun closed last year. Never mind that nobody actually went to them until 12:45 because 15 minutes is the maxiumum tolerable amount of time to be inside those saunas, but the minimum time needed to snap a few pics on the tables risers. The JOs backdoor is a fond memory of every alum betch. Adios Jefe.

Pixel: Once upon a time Pixel was a place where Hells Angels and people in Thumpty would drink but now that the actual bars are gone, in flocked the "people who go out." This place can only be described as the chamber of sweat... with a random Pixel group photog.

Ruloffs: A restaurant/pub sort-of that turns into a bar but is too bright so it's more of a chill scene. People eat tacos on Tuesdays.

Stellas: This is ctown's closest claim to a "nice restaurant." It turns into a bar that serves trendy drinks and strongly rejects the underaged. If you go here during the day, you will want to kill yourself and more importantly your waiter. Remember the mimosa I ordered 30 minutes ago that you just served me? Well I asked for champagne in it.

Dunbars: For the GDI who wants to listen to jukebox tunes and end the night smelling like urine. 

Level B: For fishbowls on Wednesday. If you go on any other night and/or dance on the pole you're either weird or a hot Asian.

Loko: For margaritas. Conveniently located down the worst hill imaginable.

Special Events

Homecoming: The official Cornell tailgate can by no means be described as a party, more like a 'supervised parking lot soirée.' Nobody goes to the game.

Slope Day: This is the big event, every frat/sorority/business frat/a capella group/group of GDI class friends creates their own neon shirts and everyone wakes up early to do what they call "rage." The morning mixers/parties are always more fun than the actual slope part because the performer is usually third-tier at best and because most normal people would rather party in an actual bar or club than on a 45 degree angle. We hear it's fun.

Crush Parties: Lakewatch, the Haunt, the Ramada. Sometimes a sorority will pretend that their crush party invite is exclusive and actually stick a toolish sophomore at the door with a list. Classy as fuck.

Formals: Visit Proper Puss and get a sorority group spray tan in advance, then start drinking. As you walk to the buses, the losers who are studying in Starbucks will give you dirty looks. Dressing like a slut at 4pm never looked so good.

Senior Week/Duff Ball: Duff Ball is basically just a date-less senior prom except with more ugly people where the elusive members of the Duff Ball committee decorate the walls with ironic balloons and murals. Wait on line forever to get a glass of shitty wine.

For senior week you can give Cornell one last quick cash infusion by buying tickets to events you have already attended with your sorority such as wine tours, booze cruises, and brunches. During senior week the school also holds a rave, a carnival, and a nostalgic poetry reading.

Where to live

Freshman year: Cornell assigns you housing but a smart betch will either get a doctor's note or donate enough money to live in the air-conditioned Mews or Court Kay Bauer. If you get stuck living in Balch you'll spend your freshman year getting judged by the nicegirls who stay in to watch movies every weekend and avoiding the girl who puts up signs pleading with you not to feed her cat.

Sophomore year: Live in the sorority house. West Campus = Weird Campus.

Junior/senior year: Collegetown or die. Prime real estate is on College Ave: 407 if you want to wait years for the elevator, 400 if you want tickets to CTP after-hours viewing, or 312 if you want elite Asian neighbors and to have your parties unsuccessfully shut down by Bob, ctown's only security guard. On College Ave it's not acceptable to live below 210, or 204 if you're cool enough that people will walk down there to chill. Off of College Ave the only other options are 227 Linden, Eddygate, or the suddenly relevant Pixel Alley.

Food

On campus:

- Terrace and Trillium are the lunch scenes. Be sure to talk about 'beating the salad line' as adamantly as you would discuss battling cancer.

- If you're eating at Oakenshields or the Ivy Room you probably live in Hans Bethe Haus and your idea of high-end cuisine is buffet.

- Manndibles: No I would not like any flax in my iced coffee.

- Banfi's and the Regent Lounge at the Statler Hotel to bursar your life away.

Off campus:

- CTB: This is not a bagel place, it's a way of life. Every Cornell betch loves posting up on the CTB patio and drinking sangria, even though you can't get tan until like 4pm when the sun isn't blocked by buildings. Beggars can't be choosers. Befriend Paula so you can cut the line. Do you know what the soups are today?

- CTP: If you're a betch it's only acceptable to be seen at CTP after 1am when this tiny pizza store and the street outside becomes its very own after hours scene. Known by some as The Meat Market, this is where everyone stands while waiting to find out where they will go do drugs for after "hours."

- Sake bomb at Plum Tree (got sushi?), or at Miyake if you can make it 10 more feet down the hill. Kyushu for occasions when it's worth it to call a cab so you can take a picture of yourself with a Japanese waiter and his gong.

- The froyo market was formerly dominated by Jason's (RIP Tasti @ Collegetown Candy and arbitrarily priced Green Cafe froyo) but now Yogurt Crazy Johnny Fro's is the place to go for an overpriced vehicle for your toppings.

- John Thomas, The Heights, Zaza's, Madeline's, or Carriage House for like, real food.

Abroad:

Betches go in the spring to all the usual European spots, plus Australia and Tel Aviv. The best thing about being in the Arts school is having to take 30 million credits in the language of the city you plan to study abroad in or else be forced to go to London, Australia, or Copenhagen.

Spring Break:

Acapulco used to be the spot until the decapitations. Now it's usually Puerta Vallarta or Punta Cana.

Most cultural thing you'll experience:

cornellCornell is so fun

Ithacans on the commons, Ithaca College, the little clarinet boxes that people walk around with that you later discover are Wines "supplies", Bill Nye

Before you graduate you should:

- scream at a tour group IT SUCKS HERE DON'T GO!

- climb the clocktower (for instagram purposes)

- make out with a hot lax dad on lax weekend

- call McQueen

Drawbacks:

- brutal, freezing cold, excessive amounts of rain

- lack of bars

- competitive psychopaths

- competitive psychopaths obsessed with talking about the library (oh you're going to Olin? What floor? I'm coming in like 5 hours can you save me a seat that's like near a window and sort of the scene but also kind of away from the scene and like make sure the outlet works, k?)

- Denise Cassaro

- The Islands parking lot

- people always asking you how your course enroll went (Great! How did your rectal probe go?)

- people who are passionate about causes and hand you flyers on Ho Plaza

- freshman writing seminars

- arbitrary parking regulations (wait, I can only park here after 9:47 on Saturdays...what's today?!)

- people always walking around in suits like they have serious places to go (and they like, do)

- people walking to class

- getting stuck behind a slow driver on route 79

- people always talking about prelims

- prelims

- excessive people asking if you've thought about killing yourself since you go to Cornell

- mandatory swim test

- transfers

- hippies

- poor winter maintenance on engineering quad

- pre-frosh summer reading

- decrepit cobblestone on Stewart Ave

- the stench of the libraries due to people sleeping there

- the moment you realize Wines is a very hard class with assigned seats and no laptops and you aren't allowed to text during it

- the forcible touching emails

- the condolence emails from Skorton that ruin your high

- the insufferable knowledge that if you worked a little harder or your parents had more money you probably could've gone to Penn. And if you tried a little less hard you could've gone to Michigan.

132 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. long live the king says:

    two years out and i still have mcqueen’s number in my phone…

    Posted on Reply
  2. ivyleague says:

    penn is the betchier ivy, but cornell is def betchy

    Posted on Reply
  3. Northwestern says:

    Wow…Cornell sounds miserable. Coooool start for the ivies.

    Posted on Reply
    • lgr says:

      Sorry you’re at a big ten school?

      Posted on Reply
      • Northwestern says:

        Why are you apologizing?  Next, please.

        Posted on Reply
  4. 312 queen says:

    isn’t mcqueen like still in high school?

    Posted on Reply
  5. sorostitute says:

    CTP is moving. Where are we supposed to like, wait on the sidewalk now? In front of Starbucks? Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  6. SEC_Betch says:

    PLEASE DO ONE FOR UNIVERSITY OF ARKANSAS!

    Posted on Reply
    • arkansas? says:

      Actually though wtf are you talking about?  Arkansas?  The entire existence of your state is sooo random

      Posted on Reply
    • you're joking says:

      bro your mascot is literally a fucking pig. you nickname is “the hogs”. not to mention, where the FUCK is arkansas? gtfo.

      Posted on Reply
    • Truth says:

      I’m from Chicago, live in NYC, and went to Cornell. I’m an expert on this subject, and Arkansas is the shit. Fuck the two people above.

      Posted on Reply
  7. betchh says:

    do UVA

    Posted on Reply
    • SUNY Betch says:

      do one for suny oneonta.. were ranked number seven in a list of schools with the most #candyland

      Posted on Reply
  8. I died says:

    when i saw how long the drawbacks list was.  cornell blows so hard. do a real ivy next time. thanks. bye!

    Posted on Reply
    • Do you understand jokes? says:

      This is meant to be a joke, and obviously you don’t get it. I mean, come on, “people walking to class” as a drawback? You’re taking it too seriously. And I see how much you understand what a “real” Ivy is.
      When I saw how stupid the comment was.  this sucks so bad. do a real comment next time. thanks. bye!

      Posted on Reply
      • do you understand life says:

        bc if you did you wouldn’t fucking defend cornell.  go work out you fat bitch!

        Posted on Reply
    • mensa1 says:

      Do a real Ivy next time? Evidently you do not know your head from your ass….Cornell is known as the hardest Ivy League to graduate from because they do not have grade inflation.

      If only you knew how much of an ignoramus you are.

      Posted on Reply
      • PeterWest says:

        OMG please. Cornell has the Hotel School 35% acceptance rate, the AG college high rate, the ILR school where they are giving away master’s with no exam or even serious soft requirements. Get real already. It is not elite. It is a mess of many schools with disparate requirement and quality of students. All the Cornell people who brag about it are ones that did nothing much with their lives after that.

        Do a linkedin search for Cornell and the most TTT last schools and you will see there are so many. Do the same for Yale and there is no such spread. Wake up already.

        Posted on Reply
  9. Leslie says:

    One on The university of Tampa would be hilarious.

    Posted on Reply
    • UT says:

      “You can’t spell slut without UT!” Spot on

      Posted on Reply
  10. H says:

    Waiting on UT!!

    Posted on Reply
  11. WFU says:

    Wake Forest has to be next… so many hot rich people

    Posted on Reply
    • Northeast Betch says:

      My friend’s older sister graduated from there in 2006. She had to send in a photo of herself along with her application—betchy.

      Posted on Reply
      • Anonymous says:

        A lot of schools do that on their applications… it’s just so the admissions office feels like they have a more personal connection with their applicants, you’re extremely naive if you think the objective of that is for them to judge applicants based on appearance.

        Posted on Reply
    • betches says:

      Agreed- Wake is known for having almost all attractive people on campus. The one time when it’s a positive thing to be considered “the 99%”. #hawt

      Posted on Reply
  12. Feck Off says:

    sucks when an ivy doesn’t inflate grades like the other betch’s ivies

    Posted on Reply
  13. bc says:

    boston college please betches i’m begging you

    Posted on Reply
  14. GDubbs says:

    you gotta do GW…

    Posted on Reply
    • GWU says:

      Yes!!!!

      Posted on Reply
  15. K says:

    why would you go to upenn over cornell hahaha

    Posted on Reply
    • umm says:

      Because you have a brain

      Posted on Reply
      • LOL says:

        keep telling yourself that penn state

        Posted on Reply
        • really... says:

          too bad upenn and penn state are two completely different schools

          Posted on Reply
          • wait says:

            Wait, Upenn and penn state are entirely different schools?!? You’re so wise. Tell me more.

            Posted on Reply
    • Penn Betch says:

      Philly > Ithaca

      Thats why

      Posted on Reply
      • Trashy Betch says:

        with the exception of ritten house square philly is a literal garbage dump

        Posted on Reply
  16. Biggest Betch among Cornell alumnae says:

    This article contains many inaccuracies which could benefit from correction:

    1. This article purports to discuss Cornell University in Ithaca, NY rather than Cornell College in Mt. Vernon, Iowa, and its title should be revised accordingly.
    2. The super six sororities are Kappa for Christian betches, SDT, A Chi O and AEPhi for Jewish betches, DG for jocks and the progeny of South American dictators who perpetrated the worst human rights violations in history, and DDD for hotelies. Theta is for nice but relatively attractive girls. The rest of the sororities’ nicknames, such as D(ogs) Phi(gs) and E(lephants) speak for themselves.
    3. There are very few private school grads at Cornell at all, let alone in the College of Arts and Sciences; for every Harvard/Westlake grad there are scores of work/study and need-based scholarship recipients.
    5. Graduates of the hotel school actually go on to decent management jobs at places like the Four Seasons, many while simultaneously graduating with an Mrs., so it’s a great investment.
    6. The suitability for and actual use of libraries for studying vs socializing is reversed in this article. Olin, the graduate library, is where grad students rent out carrells and hide in the stacks; whereas Uris contains the Fishbowl and chairs used for napping. The best place to study, though, is the AA&P library formerly housed in Sibley dome.
    7. Gimme! Coffee, left out of this article, makes some of the best coffee in the state/country.
    8. The Asian population at Cornell can be further broken down among international students, mostly found in the engineering school, whose tuition is often paid by their country, and Asian Americans, mostly found in the College of Arts and Sciences.
    9. The Hughes dining hall should not be overlooked; go there for chocolate chip pancakes or spicy waffle fries.
    10. Cornell Cinema and the independent theaters downtown serve as decent things to do if one is not inclined to attend keggers and the like.
    Finally, in response to “Feck Off’s” comment, there is actually quite a bit of grade inflation that goes on at Cornell.

    Posted on Reply
    • you must be a cornell alum says:

      since you clearly try way too hard. i promise you no one is going to read whatever page you just copied from your diary. a) because no one cares and b) because you’re a joke. i skimmed it and noticed you used the words “spicy waffle fries” i’ve got another three words for you… hit. the. gym. hope you got into a better grad school!:)

      Posted on Reply
      • response to comment clearly authored by a Cornell says:

        I have a fast metabolism and didn’t gain the freshman fifteen. For everyone else, there’s bulimia, of which there is plenty at Cornell. Of course I got into a better grad school. Although Cornell has decent graduate schools in many disciplines, Ithaca is far from an ideal environment in which to spend 5-7 years of graduate study.

        Posted on Reply
      • you should have done your reading says:

        If you were unable to finish reading a brief comment broken into a ten point enumeration, you have even bigger problems than your grammar.

        Posted on Reply
      • phil says:

        how can you judge someone based on spicy waffle fries. you act like there aren’t people who can carry on good lives without being self conscious fucks. chances are unless you’re an athlete who just barely got over the 1200 SAT combined score minimum, you didn’t get into cornell for caring more about the weight implications of spicy waffle fries more than their positive connotations (e.g. ithaca has decently good food). sounds lie a bunch of people who hate their school. honestly if you’re telling someone else to go and find a better school your life just sucks and is devoid of positivity.

        Posted on Reply
    • Really Cornell Alumna? says:

      ..Are you Mrs. Andy Bernard? Textbook case of TTH.  Further, if you were eating waffle fries or chocolate chip pancakes in college, you were by NO means a betch. Bye.

      Posted on Reply
      • betch, not sorostitute says:

        I’m sorry your pea-sized brain is unable to grasp the fact that some (genetically blessed, ergo very much betches) people are able to maintain a healthy relationship with food while still wearing a size 0-2. Refraining from consumption of Milwaukee’s Best aka “the Beast” popular with the Cornell student body and drunken midnight snacks also tends to help. Lesson learned from freshman bio: alcohol shuts down the Krebs cycle and results in lipogenesis. Your “Office” reference isn’t on point either. I’m sorry if your understanding of Cornell is limited to that gleaned from viewing a terrible tv show.

        Posted on Reply
        • seriously? says:

          I was initially going to address how annoying your original comment was, but after reading this comment I feel like it’s more important to address the fact that you called The Office “terrible” ... I’m so offended

          Posted on Reply
        • Again, Mrs. Andy Bernard says:

          So to recap, you just defended a greasy food item, made a biology reference, and hated on the Office to affirm your betch-hood?

          ..I think we’re done here. You can go shave your back now.

          Posted on Reply
        • try proactive says:

          tell us again about how waffle fries are part of your “healthy relationship with food” haha. sorry but i don’t believe in relationships or waffle fries. no way you’re a size 0-2.

          Posted on Reply
        • wait says:

          and did you also just admit to not drinking b/c it makes you fat?  meanwhile you eat waffle fries?

          Posted on Reply
    • coffee drinker says:

      “7. Gimme! Coffee, left out of this article, makes some of the best coffee in the state/country.”

      Have you ever left Ithaca? (Besides going to Mt. Vernon, Iowa)

      Posted on Reply
    • wtf.. says:

      we dont even have d phi e

      Posted on Reply
      • brush up on your history says:

        Delta Phi Epsilon: This sorority founded their Cornell chapter in 1962, and closed for a few years in the early 90s before closing completely in 2003 [2]. They still own 115 the Knoll, which is Alpha Xi Delta’s current house. I’d like to point out the irony that AXiD closed in 1964, right after DPhiE arrived, and they reopened in 2004, right after DphiE closed. Rumor mill likes to circulate that DPhiE is waiting for the right moment to reactivate Cornell chapter, which is a source of angst for AXiD sisters living in the house.

        Posted on Reply
        • unknown says:

          AXiD doesnt live in the Knoll anymore. Get your facts straight!

          Posted on Reply
    • cornell alum says:

      please stop. you’re making us look bad.

      Posted on Reply
    • gtfo says:

      alright, calm down Allie.

      Posted on Reply
    • Anon says:

      You annoy me. I think I made it about half way through statement #1 and decided you weren’t worth my time.

      Posted on Reply
    • Wait, really? says:

      Of all of the ridiculous assertions in this comment, the fact that Kappa’s are Christians is the worst. KKG, or Visa, Visa, Mastercard, were definitely betches when I was there, mostly due to the insane amounts of drugs they did on campus. They were beautiful and horrible and no one was actually friends with them except for maybe ATO and their dealers. Also, the Jewish sororities don’t rank. Or the didn’t when I was there. Top three were Alpha Phi, DG and KKG. Theta is a bunch of whores who will turn you in to Panhel for having a bid-night mixer. Who on earth would include Tri Delt or AEPhi in the top houses? Dear God woman.

      P.S. NO ONE confuses Cornell U. with Cornell College. Sick.

      Posted on Reply
  17. -- says:

    how has umich not been done?

    Posted on Reply
  18. high school betch says:

    Puh-lease do Columbia or Dartmouth if you’re starting an Ivy trend!

    Posted on Reply
    • agreed says:

      COLUMBIA FOR SURE. New York City bitch, hello?!?!?

      Posted on Reply
    • Vom says:

      Only trolls go to Dartmouth.

      Posted on Reply
      • columbia says:

        true that. dartmouth has BEAUTIFUL boys… but girls? lol, not so much. columbia is the betchiest of the ivies. you MUST do it asap.

        Posted on Reply
        • NY Bro says:

          I think Princeton has Columbia beat in every single way

          Posted on Reply
          • thanks bro says:

            next time buy us dinner before making us listen to your opinion

            Posted on Reply
    • Columbia Betch says:

      Columbia all the way. I mean, Blair and Serena went here. What more do you need?

      Posted on Reply
  19. CU Track says:

    you should add Cornell Track and Field to the best sports teams! They dominate the ivies regularly and have a bunch of people qualify for NCAAs. Also, 2 recent grads are in the 2012 Olympics (1 going for gold in the 1500!). Not to mention, that first picture is of Cornell Track Athletes cheering on CU basketball at a March Madness game. smile

    Posted on Reply
  20. UM...hello??!! says:

    COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY is the betchiest ivy.
    1. new york city
    2. full of betchy sorostitutes and rich frat boys
    3. big drug bust scandal
    4. beautiful gated campus (not like that spread out shit like nyu)
    5. obama went there helllloooo??
    6. tons of bars that let unders in
    and so much more

    Posted on Reply
    • columbia ftw says:

      YOU MUST DO COLUMBIA ASAP. definition of a betchy, elitist as fuck institution.

      Posted on Reply
    • Again says:

      Nope. See: Princeton University

      Posted on Reply
  21. Pixel Lounge says:

    At the beginning of last year, one of our regulars overheard two betches calling us ” a sweat shop and a whore factory” We were thrilled that word had spread so fast !

    cheers,
    Pixel

    Posted on Reply
  22. Real Betch says:

    A real Betch wouldn’t need to beg for her school to “be done” on another schools page… Or beg for her school to be done at all.

    Posted on Reply
  23. anon betch says:

    do the real betchy schools like university of arizona, gwu, umich

    Posted on Reply
  24. Steph says:

    You forgot a drawback: Cornell Days. Parents driving around having absolutely no idea where they’re going, traffic congestion….
    Great article though!

    Posted on Reply
  25. Cornell betch says:

    I love Cornell, I don’t need to defend it because it’s obvi betchy. The betches might have focused too much on the negative, but that’s because they were too tired from (not) doing work to cover the positives. Nice job betches, it made me laugh. Oh, and if you need to beg for a post about your college, it’s obvi not betchy. Did you see anyone from Cornell begging for a post? I didn’t think so….

    Posted on Reply
  26. Why did I even read this; Why am I now commenting says:

    Listen, I’m a guy at Cornell. I’m in the greek scene and doing the “social” thing. I know, I have severely overstepped this website’s target audience…oh well. But, this article was, as much as I hate to say it, pretty fucking spot on.

    There are some nice things about Cornell though. And it definitely is a “real” ivy. Only difference is that compared to the other ives, there is a higher proportion of depression and adderall abuse.

    The author forgot something else. “Betches” at cornell freeload the fuck off of fraternities. Fraternities according to cornell “betches” = free food and free booze. Fuck you guys.

    Posted on Reply
    • spot on indeed says:

      According to the commentariat, “betches” don’t eat.

      Posted on Reply
  27. ivybetch says:

    do georgetown or uva? xx

    Posted on Reply
  28. CU alum says:

    easiest to get into???  ever heard of Brown?  we chant safety school at our games against them.  the rest is fairly accurate - evidenced by the fences they put up on the bridges to stop students from killing themselves.  whatevs, i made it out with an ivy league degree betches!!

    Posted on Reply
    • you're obvi a cornell alum... says:

      bc you’re fucking stupid.  cornell’s acceptance rate is twice that of brown’s:

      http://collegeapps.about.com/b/2011/04/03/ivy-league-acceptance-rates-for-the-class-of-2015.htm

      you just made me do wayyy more work than i wanted to but i had to shut your dumb ass down.  if we actually gave a shit about anything you morons chant at games we would laugh in your unintelligent, ignorant faces.  you can go jump off a gorge now. buh bye!!

      Posted on Reply
      • you're the idiot here says:

        ”  if we actually gave a shit about anything you morons chant at games we would laugh in your unintelligent, ignorant faces.  you can go jump off a gorge now. buh bye!!”

        lol you’re seriously getting wayyy too fired up from an obvious troll who’s trying to pose as a cornell grad to give the school crap

        how dumb are brown students these days? lmfao

        Posted on Reply
  29. obvi says:

    please clarify that betch is “snobby east coaster” who goes to top private/boarding school.
    and they don’t go to iu so please stop giving into commentator pressure betches..
    betches go to
    ivys, duke, georgetown, bc, w&l, vandy, notre dame for really smart
    uva, unc, wake, richmond, bucknell, lehigh, gw, smu, bu for not as smart
    gettysburg, dick, denison, hws, roanoke
    elon, college of charleston, occasionally wofford
    and maybe sec school like georgia or usc (sometimes bama or ole miss) or maybe top lib arts like middlebury, colby etc

    Posted on Reply
  30. NU betch says:

    Do northwestern next. Bobb-Mcculloch is considered the biggest party dorm in the US.

    Posted on Reply
  31. um bitter much? says:

    this entire article sounds like it was written by a very bitter cornell alum—maybe one who had a little more trouble finding work after college than she would have liked…and maybe that’s why she started blogging in the first place…

    also, the “it’s way too cold in the winter to do anything but sit in your apartment” is full-on pathetic. betches go out regardless. no excuses. it’s cold out—take a shot, get over it.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Trojan says:

    I’m sorry. usc is like practically in the running for betchiest school alive. rich betches who don’t do shit is the student profile. remind me why hasn’t it been covered it yet?

    Posted on Reply
  33. USC Betch says:

    It’s about time you betches give credit to the betchiest school out there.. Obvi USC.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Emoryyy says:

    Write one on Emory!!!

    Posted on Reply
  35. .. says:

    Do Georgetown or UVA or USC

    Posted on Reply
  36. Crimson Betch says:

    If you betches are going to do an ivy, at least do the betchiest of them all - HARVARD. We are literally the 1%, created the original frat aka final club and just generally run the world.

    Posted on Reply
    • - says:

      “what like it’s hard?”

      Posted on Reply
    • yale betch says:

      harvard aka where fun goes to die.

      Posted on Reply
      • H says:

        Nope, that’s UChicago. Silly Yalie

        Posted on Reply
        • Y says:

          clearly some one has never been to a harvard/yale game.

          Posted on Reply
  37. Kyle Smith says:

    Paula from CTB is the BEST. Love that betch!

    Posted on Reply
  38. angry cornellian says:

    Cornell is brutal and cold. But, the alumni network is pretty good, as we all suffer from the same kind of PTSD and can easily commiserate with each other.

    Posted on Reply
  39. bcbetch says:

    BOSTON COLLEGE.

    Posted on Reply
  40. labetch says:

    usc. where else would you want to be…?

    Posted on Reply
  41. trinsobetchy says:

    do trinity
    (obvi trinity college in ct, not university in texas)

    Posted on Reply
  42. ew says:

    can you do a real ivy? not cornell full of nice girls (ew) but harvard/princeton/yale? trust me, there are way more betches than you’d think at these 3 schools. I would know.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Columbia Betch says:

    DO ONE FOR COLUMBIA! I mean, Blair and Serena went to Columbia, so this should really go without saying, right?

    Posted on Reply
  44. Cornell UGH says:

    i have a friend who goes to Cornell and all she talks about is how great it is and how when they play other schools in sports their cheer is “SAFETY SCHOOL!” Wow you’re so fucking cool, please go back to the library or wherever it is you live.

    I went to visit her and all I can say is I will never go back there again. SO cold, WAY to large to walk to. The parties were probably the equivalent of a GDI party at my school (I go to school in the South) and were so lame. Love my friend to death but she didn’t understand my blackout ways, making the parties almost unbearable. Also she’s is what is considered one of the “top tier” sororities, yet they would be on par with the worst sorority at my school. Love her to death, but all this bullshit hype about Cornell because it’s barely an Ivy is ridic.

    Plus there are way too many randos and weird people to classify it as “betchy”. I am not a fan of public schools but at least they know how to rage and are attractive and don’t pretend to be something they’re not. Most Cornell people who I know pretend to be so fucking smart and “rage” so hard….bitch, you went out ONE night this week and you remember everything that happened.

    Glad that other people agree with the way Cornell really is.

    Posted on Reply
    • yourepathetic says:

      yeah blacking out every weekend is super cool. I’m sure that will get you really far in life!

      Posted on Reply
  45. USC says:

    the fact that USC hasn’t been covered yet is a crime. step it up betches

    Posted on Reply
    • Pam says:

      Go to an east coast school, or just don’t go to college at all. Tx.

      Posted on Reply
  46. QueenBetch says:

    Obviously Syracuse is the betchiest school ever, which needs to be done.. USC, UVa and Mich to follow

    Posted on Reply
  47. high school betch says:

    i am applying to cornell early decision… you betches are making me nervous!

    Posted on Reply
  48. anonym. says:

    This article is so accurate! The writer must have gone to Cornell

    Posted on Reply
  49. ew you're annoying says:

    umm let us know when your school gives out free Chobani on the quad. Or don’t. We’re too busy being betchy and becoming successful. byyyee. And to the betch applying ED…you’re going to love Cornell. I don’t know one betch who doesn’t.

    Posted on Reply
  50. Dave Williams says:

    Too bad you didn’t go to a school that would’ve taught you how to avoid committing a solecism (look it up) like “comprised of.”
    Proud Cornellian BA 1975, PhD 1994

    Posted on Reply
  51. Yay education says:

    Why is everyone so angry??? chill…taking things toooo personally. bullies on bullies

    Posted on Reply
  52. BC says:

    Boston College needs to be done. Please.

    Posted on Reply
  53. allie12 says:

    It looks like my kind of school. Frankly, you don’t have to go to a top university to succeed in life, most part of your success is owed to your efforts. An advanced degree can help you but you’ll be doing most of the work, don’t rely entirely on a good reputation degree.

    Posted on Reply
  54. Beth13 says:

    Agree with Yayeducation…WTF. Why is everyone so ridiculous?
    If you are all so impressive & intelligent, why can’t you just talk without the friggin attempts at intimidation?
    If you babies really want to “make Ivy proud” (and truthfully isn’t that why you’re killing yourselves to measure up??)  why are you giving the appearance that yy’re trying so damn hard to impress? I thought the “process” should look effortless.
    Whatever…I sincerely hope all involved get into the school they dream of & don’t judge anyone else…because the truth is
    Nobody can live your life…except YOU
    So be true to yourself & f**k everyone else!?,?,
    Regards,
    An Old Hippie From A Long Time Ag

    Posted on Reply
  55. Wth says:

    I thought I knew what my number one school was.  Now I’m confused as fuck.

    Posted on Reply
  56. This is so rude... says:

    This is a general comment that could really be left on any article posted but… who do you betches think you are? How dare you be so rude to insult a perfectly great university (one of the best in the nation for that matter). I know you don’t care about what hate comments you get because your egos are probably the only thing larger than your waist size, but this website is really a disgrace. I can’t even imagine what must be going through your heads when you write these horrible articles! and do you even read some of these comments? you turn people against each other because everyone wants to defend their school! well, obviously everyone thinks where they went is the best and that makes sense! You betches use the internet as a way to post rude shit and not get in trouble for it, but your really just cyber bullies! I’d like to see you go to one of these colleges, get up in front of the entire student body, and read what you’ve posted here. If you can’t say it in person, don’t say it on the internet! Don’t bother replying to this comment I don’t really care I just think you should read this and reflect on the fact that this is how you spend your lives… being petty and pathetic!

    Posted on Reply
  57. horrid site says:

    This entire thread and the site itself reinforces the very worst stereotypes about women. The site is poorly designed. The writing is poor. And the content is garbage. Who reads this sort of crap. It appears like the sort of junk written by uneducated people who write in between their cigarette breaks. Low end!

    Posted on Reply
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