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By The Betches on

With an uncomfortable amount of Irish pubs, a 2am nightlife curfew and the kind of “healthy” BMI that only a doctor could love, we stand by our previous statement that the city of Boston is like, not really our thing.

When it comes to higher education, the Boston betch only has one real option, and that’s Harvard final clubs, where you'll find all the WASPy bros and lax legacies you could ever want. Oh, and their sister school: Boston University. Mislabeled citywide as “biddies,” the betches of BU are mainly a mix of rich East Coast prep school WASBs, rich tri-state area JABs, rich SoCal daughters of the entertainment industry and rich foreign betches.

Greek Life

Greek life has a lame reputation at BU in general, but at some point it most likely encompasses most cool people, with the exception of the foreign betches. There aren't any sorority houses so it's like whatever, by the time you're a junior/senior, a lot of betches drop their sororities.

Sororities: The top houses are considered Alpha Phi, DG and ADPi. During recruitment, ADPi hides the majority of their chapter, the nicegirls who boost their GPA, in the back like illegal sweatshop workers. Alpha Phi harbored the founding Harvard Hoochies. DG offers the most diversity between the three. Finally, SDT for the JABs.

Frats: Pike and Sigma Chi are top two, and the bros with whom betches are most likely to rage. Sigma Chi gives off a southern gent feel, while Pike gives off an East Coast prep school asshole feel. Many a BU betch was born, figuratively speaking, in their houses. AEPi boys are future (Persian) pros from the tristate area. Catch them as the "Blue Diamond Society" throwing what appears to be a bat mitzvah every Saturday at Splash.

Nightlife

Like all the foreign bros on campus, the BU betch doesn’t even go to BU, she goes to Bijou (or Mantra for the older generations). For clubs: Bijou or Gypsy on Thursdays, The Estate on Fridays, Splash’s day party on Saturdays, then Bijou again. It doesn't really matter what the club of the moment is as it's always changing whenever Boston PD shuts them down for letting in underage kids. Every betch knows, East Coast Nightlife pics or it didn’t fucking happen.

Frats are primarily for the freshman betch. A betch goes to maybe one frat party freshman year, on Halloween. In all honestly a good fake ID is a necessity for school in Boston because frat parties are for freaks. Follow the sound of Old Wagon Wheel and look for boys in Sperries and Vineyard Vines, possibly carrying lax sticks, with which they most likely never played in high school. Try the GAP – Gardner St, Allston St and Pratt St.

Tuesdays are for T’s Pub. T’s presents the BU betch with the opportunity to not-karaoke, blackout mid-week. Also, T’s on Saturdays: the place to meet BU’s only varsity sport, the men’s hockey team. Girls who go after BU hockey players are called PUCK FUCKS.

Otherwise, bars are where to go when the betch wants to pretend to be #121 casual. Go to T’s to hang with BU bros and final club bros. Daisy’s to hang with BC bros and foreign bros on their way to Bijou Thursdays. TITS works throughout the weekend. Final club bros are the only ones who think White Horse Wednesdays are going to happen. They’re not going to happen.

Betches on the hunt for a pro should hit up the Liberty Hotel.

Campus Life

BU is primarily located down two streets: Comm Ave & Newbury St, where the main thing to do is shop, therefore it's more likely to run into other betches on the latter. 

During moments of weakness when a betch decides to do #36 work, she will go to the third floor of Mugar library where they "study" aka allow themselves a chance to stop and chat with their entire hookup web. I mean it's not like you have to study, you go to BU.
It should be noted that the Dexter gym and the second floor of the FitRec are critical. The weight machines are basically the only place for the eight months out of the year where a betch can see what’s really hiding beneath a BU bro’s Canada Goose. Likelynothing.com/depressing. Anyway, this is also the best opportunity for a betch to decide whether or not she’ll someday take him home and #8 not fuck him after T’s. Sooo weird I’ve never seen you before!

Notable Events: There aren't many....

Marathon Monday: Citywide, if you’re not blackout drunk by 9am, you’re either running the marathon or working retail. Marathon is kind of like a series of unfortunate, drunken events. The place to be is Beacon Street, until you find yourself in the Pike basement at 2pm with a still-lit blunt in your hand and eighty missed calls from your roommate who can’t find her way off some rooftop. End up that night at T’s pub or T Anthony’s bathroom floor and wonder forever how you got there. 

Senior Week: Think of this as a week of excessive drug use. A night at Foxwoods, a senior brunch and every rooftop accessible all string together for a week of binge drinking. The real event is the senior bar crawl, obviously fucking not coordinated by the school. Everyone you've ever spoken to/fucked is separated into teams and you go to Allston bars.  SHITSHOW.

Spring Break

Puerto Vallarta, Punta Cana or anywhere else you can abuse some all-expenses-paid hotel at a group rate, or wherever your besties at other, more fun colleges who have the same week off are going.

Study Abroad

Go spring of junior year to all the usual places - London, Australia, Barcelona, Rome, Tel Aviv

Where to live

Freshman betches live in West Campus. Sure, it’s farther from their COM classes than East Campus, but Warren Towers is for virgins who can’t drive.

After freshman year always move into Dexter Park or the Atrium with foreign bros.

Food

As of Fall 2012, the BU betch will be able to buy Pinkberry with convenience points, to supplement her previously strict diet of Angora froyo.

Stephanie’s on Newbury is like the BU betch’s club house. Go for drunk brunch – voted the best bloody mary on BU’s campus. Great for group dinners, for when your parents come in town or for when you’re trying to kill time between Intermix and Rag & Bone.

Other places betches love to meet and not eat: The Eastern Standard, Zaftigs or Paramount for brunch. Also, Scoozi, Sunset Cantina and The Cafeteria.

Kayuga is a freshman betch's pregame staple since it's basically on West Campus. Betches go for the sake and stay for the sake because the sushi actually tastes like cat food. 

Before you graduate you should:

Smoke a J in the bakery freshman year, get knighted at the BU pub

The Most Cultural Thing You’ll Experience:

A Red Sox game, pubs

Drawbacks:

All the guys in your bullshit CGS humanities class may be hot, but they’re also all checking each other out. Not to mention they're all ugly.

 

 

95 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. char says:

    BU’s not betchy at all. do one on Trinity.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Tulane says:

    When are you featuring tulane? One of the most expensive schools in the country, named the horniest by dan savage, top party school by fiesta frog and number four for consumption of hard liquor.

    Posted on Reply
  3. TCU says:

    Texas Christian University, lets not forget the infamous drug bust

    Posted on Reply
  4. BU BU BU says:

    Totally spot on

    Posted on Reply
  5. Terrier Betch says:

    Dead. On. I can’t even. Well done betties.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Trinity says:

    feature Trinity because betches love Trinity more than BU

    Posted on Reply
  7. true but.. says:

    BU does have a lot of betches but we’re all waiting on upenn..

    Posted on Reply
  8. BU Betch says:

    Ehhhhhhh - could have been a lot better

    Posted on Reply
  9. classless says:

    great job bashing ADPi, deeg.

    Posted on Reply
  10. ha says:

    trinity is the joke of the NESCAC. nice try though

    Posted on Reply
    • agreed says:

      plus it’s literally located in the ghetto

      Posted on Reply
  11. tringirl says:

    I will third the vote for Trinity

    Posted on Reply
  12. Jessica says:

    Actually it can be argued that Harvard’s sister school is Wellesley

    Posted on Reply
    • bible. says:

      like fucking duh. BU to bed and Wellesley to wed.

      Posted on Reply
    • Wellesbetch says:

      Fucking duh. Harvard pros kill to take a stroll around lake Waban with a Wellesley betch.

      Posted on Reply
      • no says:

        girls at wells are lesbos…ya

        Posted on Reply
    • Truth says:

      Thank you for mentioning this

      Posted on Reply
    • WASB says:

      WASBs attend Welles. Everyone knows that. BU is not even in the realm of possibility.

      Posted on Reply
  13. fucking duh. says:

    c’mon, everyone knows that BC is so much betchier than BU

    Posted on Reply
    • BC betch says:

      Fucking duh. BU is a shithole in comparison to BC

      Posted on Reply
    • AHGREED says:

      absolutely. WTF Betches?? BC has the true bros and ultimate betches.

      Posted on Reply
  14. Jenna says:

    BC is one million times betchier than BU, even BU betchies would admit to that.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Emma says:

    as a BU biddie currently interning in dublin (ew), I 100% go against these votes for trinity. Dublin is the least betchy city I’ve ever had this discomfort of living in, and that goes for the population and its college attendees.

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      how embarrassing for you

      Posted on Reply
    • duh says:

      im pretty sure they mean trinity in connecticut…

      Posted on Reply
    • Derp says:

      Derp derp derp

      Posted on Reply
  16. Miami says:

    Definitely should review Miami University of Ohio. Ranked pretties betches in the US of A.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Hockaayyy says:

    I go to a better hockey school….and its called puck sluts come on betches.

    Posted on Reply
  18. no says:

    trinity is in hartford not in dublin.

    Posted on Reply
    • culture betch says:

      there’s also a trinity in dublin. how tragic for you.

      Posted on Reply
  19. ivy betch says:

    BU is definitely pretty betchy but do a post on Cornell or Penn because we all know the Ivy League is as betchiest as it gets.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Um says:

    With regard to your BMI comment… Boston is one of the fittest cities in America.  It is literally nicknamed the “running city,” you dumbasses.

    Posted on Reply
  21. gypsy says:

    except for only half of Gypsy is open on Thursdays and it’s completely dead….

    Posted on Reply
  22. bc betch says:

    BU over BC? really? what world are you living in betches?

    Posted on Reply
  23. so like says:

    Wow. Looks like your COM education has gotten you super far. Congratulations, that’s really great for you.

    Posted on Reply
  24. BC betch says:

    Don’t even want to read this. Everyone knows BU is for bitches who weren’t rich enough smart enough or hot enough to get into BC

    Posted on Reply
    • Agreed says:

      I’ll second that. Where ever your getting the info that BU is betchy… clearly has never stepped foot on BU nor BC

      Posted on Reply
      • really? says:

        1. yes we didn’t get into BC because we aren’t hot enough… thats their main concern among applicants

        2. your smart..good for you, maybe you can work for my Harvard husband someday
        plus betches don’t work… they marry rich

        3.  we’re one of the richest schools in America.  But actually people don’t walk around your campus with Hermes, but we use them as backpacks.

        4. I like you BC I really do but most of you where sweatpants to class (which is fine) but come on you think being in public like that makes you remotely betchy? We look like we’re going out every time we go to class. 

        5. NO GREEK LIFE OR GOOD CLUBS/BARS NEAR YOU

        6. Suburbs = boring… come on

        Posted on Reply
    • BU betch says:

      ummm no hunnie. BU is one of the most expensive schools in the US so for u to say “werent rich enough” is false…..

      Posted on Reply
  25. bc betch says:

    You can tell the betches don’t even think BU is betchy. That’s because it’s not. The bros are all gay and not good at sports, and it’s not even like, hard to get into

    Posted on Reply
  26. Lyla says:

    Appalled BU was chosen over BC or AT ALL. Gross.

    Posted on Reply
    • BU says:

      You’re gross, and pretty pathetic. Learn some class BC.

      Posted on Reply
    • Betchhhh says:

      Your name is Lyla

      Posted on Reply
  27. Sixteen InTheCity says:

    check out my site betches: sixteeninthecity.wordpress.com

    Posted on Reply
  28. BU Bro says:

    True. All true. Except that the girls who fuck hockey players are PUCK SLUTS, not PUCK FUCKS

    Posted on Reply
  29. Boston Girl says:

    You have to be kidding me. Most BU girls are the sluts of Boston, not the betches.

    Posted on Reply
    • BU Betch says:

      My dear Harvard’s in Cambridge not Boston.

      Posted on Reply
      • Boston says:

        Yes my dear but BU is in Boston. So they are Boston sluts who make their way into Cambridge.

        Posted on Reply
  30. ChiCityBitch says:

    Really, BU? Not BC? This is embarrassing.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Bu betch says:

    On point! Haha except the fact that BU is the 2nd most deflated school after Princeton.. So we do have to study

    Posted on Reply
  32. BU Betch says:

    Can someone please explain to me why BC… who doesn’t even have greek life think there relevant to anyone.  Sorry hunny you may be smarter but we’re way richer.  Hope your having fun in the the suburbs telling all your home friends you go to school in boston.  We didn’t have to beg to be betties..we just are.  Betches don’t beg.

    <3 BU, maybe you guys can take a 40 minute T ride to visit sometime

    Posted on Reply
    • awww says:

      you’re so cute misusing “there” in that little sentence you made. I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t get into BC and had to apply to BU?

      Posted on Reply
      • this is just sad says:

        This implies people want to go to BC, it’s misleading.  I’m sure people do… but city betches would never.

        Posted on Reply
        • ummm says:

          you realize BC is just as expensive as BU right?

          Posted on Reply
    • NYU Betch says:

      Hate to break it to you, babe, but you’re the knock-off city school. We’re smarter, richer and more culturally relevant. #suckstosuck

      Posted on Reply
        • no one cares says:

          nobody rang your buzzer New York, go back to being hipster and “culturally relevant” because you have no relevance here

          Posted on Reply
  33. Betches, Please says:

    There’s nothing less betchy than groveling on your knees, begging to be called a betch. Nice try, BC.

    You should try wandering in the city sometime, to see how classy city betches roll. Hope suburbia’s treating you well!

    Posted on Reply
  34. really betches? says:

    it’s time to do indiana university. top party school and party dorms in the nation, the most selective sororities (less than 50% get in), and the largest starbucks in the country on campus. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
    • yes says:

      i totally agree. time to do IU

      Posted on Reply
  35. can we see some actual betchy schools? says:

    with the exception of Vandy and maybe Duke, the schools so far have been lame. can we get some ivy’s and actual betchy schools please? W&L, SMU, High Point, Tulane, UVA, Alabama (the school’s not that betchy but the girls sure as hell are, and bitchy), Texas, etc.

    Posted on Reply
  36. actual betchy schools please says:

    with the exception of Vandy and maybe Duke, the schools so far have been lame. can we get some ivy’s and actual betchy schools please? W&L, SMU, High Point, Tulane, UVA, Alabama (the school’s not that betchy but the girls sure as hell are, and bitchy), Texas, NYU, etc.

    Posted on Reply
  37. Fixed* says:

    Love it. Only, the majority of the original Harvard Hoochies were in ADPI. Aside from the Golden Snitch wink

    Posted on Reply
  38. fools says:

    what about colgate, hamilton, st. lawrence, hobart… THOSE are betchy schools. The small ivies of upstate New York have more old money than all of these schools combined.

    Posted on Reply
  39. UMD says:

    Do University of Maryland next soooo betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  40. B says:

    This article is an embarrassment to BU. BC is betchier than BU, which is the main reason I don’t go there.

    Posted on Reply
  41. anonyy says:

    do UVA.

    Posted on Reply
  42. give up says:

    we have miss. usa aka we win

    Posted on Reply
  43. BC betch says:

    HAHAHA is this a joke?! love all the BU trolls trying to act better than BC…we’re hotter, smarter, and richer—who are you kidding?! oh, did i mention we actually have a campus, sports teams, and higher GPAs?!

    Posted on Reply
    • You're embarrassing... says:

      Seriously?! I don’t know about betchy-ness, but you’ve made it pretty clear that BC ranks right up there in bitchiness. And higher GPA? It’s called grade inflation, sweetheart. And incase you don’t know what that means (i know, it’s a big word for you…just sound it out) it means your professors grade easier and your classes are easier because its a smaller, albeit lamer, school. They just want to make sure you can bring home good grades so daddy can think his paycheck was well spent.

      Posted on Reply
  44. #BU says:

    Congrats on writing an article on a. Your own school and then b. shitting on Greek Life (which we all know you’re a part of). It was very mature and a very classy article. Anchors away, DG.

    Posted on Reply
  45. 'bama betch says:

    university of alabama would be a good read, greek life there basically rules the school and the girls are at the heigh of betchyness

    Posted on Reply
  46. you all suck says:

    listen betches, stop complaining. they wanted to write about one school. so what if by chance this author was a BU betch who was in DEEG? What if she was an Tri Delt from USC? Would you then be bitching about all of their flaws because, once again, they still aren’t writing about your college? stop competing to be betchy. that’s probably one of the least betchy things you could do. let BU revel in their 15 minutes of betcheslovethis fame, and then who knows, maybe one day you’ll get a post about your diva school. also, stop talking about being “richer” than someone else, “BC Betch”, because that’s just trashy. and you’re probably ugly.

    sincerely,

    a level-headed BU gay

    Posted on Reply
    • lol says:

      you can’t call it “deeg” unless you’re actually in dg. be gone, gdi.

      Posted on Reply
      • you really suck says:

        you sorority girls can really suck sometimes. stop feeling so entitled, it’s a fucking name. get over it. there are bigger things to bitch about.

        Posted on Reply
  47. A says:

    Hey. Sucks to BU.

    Posted on Reply
    • O says:

      Let me guess, you went to UMASS.

      Posted on Reply
  48. real college truth says:

    The fact that the betches continue to write about public schools makes me doubt this website. Public schools aren’t betchy, and fucking retards go to BU.

    I would recommend that they write articles on private, attractive, raging, competitive colleges, but their rep on reviewing schools has already been shot that by now it would be more of an insult to be mentioned on the site.

    cheers. xx

    Posted on Reply
    • Oops says:

      Oh sweetie, how embarrassing for you.

      BU is a private university. No need to be jealous, if you stop being so pathetic maybe you can be a Betch too. Though it’s already been said, I guess it needs to be reiterated: there’s nothing less betchy than groveling on your knees, and begging to be called a Betch.

      Good luck babe.

      Posted on Reply
  49. hey babes says:

    BU is a competitive private school.

    I would recommend that you know what you’re talking about before you comment, but your validity has already been shot by your ignorance.

    cheers. xx

    Posted on Reply
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