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By The Betches on

Hola, como estas? Penelope Hayek es la betch de la semana. If you're confused, you're not alone, because so are we. The real difference between these two actresses is that one is like way hotter, but when you think about it, you really have no idea which one was in what movie. Salma Hayek? Isn't she that bitch from Vanilla Sky? No that's Penelope Cruz. Oh, so she's the one in Vicky Cristina. Wrong again. See you can't tell one apart from the other because they're both extremely typecast and because you don't really give a shit. Therefore we've decided to honor both, as one entity; Penelope Hayek is a better hybrid than a fucking Prius. 

She’s a betch. She’s a lover. She has a child. She’s a mother. Penelope Hayek's flowing hair and amazing curves have fans on both sides of the fence. Even her super sexy husband/boyfriend Javier Bardem is always confused with Denny from Grey's and that other guy in PS I Love You. Or is he even in that? Ugh what an actor mind fuck. Anyway, her ex foreign bro Francois-Henri Pinault may have cheated on her, but he still thinks she is Biutiful.

She is waging her own War for Drugs. Savages isn’t Penelope Hayek's first step into the drug ring. She got down with her drug cartel roots in Blow. This native Spanish speaker can’t seem to escape the image of a drug dealer's fuck buddy from Tijuana.

Spanish soap operas only take you so far on Telemundo, and this betch isn’t a one hit wonder like the Macarena. She has made groundbreaking steps such as having a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and being the first woman with a unibrow to get nominated for an Oscar.

She's also Woody Allen’s go to Spanish betch and has been in more movies with Antonio Banderas than there are sequels to Pirates of the Carribean. Wasn’t she great in Traffic? Oh wait our bad, that was Benicio Del Toro.

As she's said herself, “I love Salma Hayek, we've been friends for a really long time. I admire how she has come such a long way and always remained grounded and who she is. She never compromises to follow her vision and she is loyal. Such qualities only mark the great stars". Any betch loves #112 talking about herself, but please stop fucking talking in third person. You’re really baffling us.

24 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. No says:


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  2. l says:


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  3. Scarlett says:

    This was absolutely awful

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  4. uhh says:

    points for creativity, but i would delete this asap betches. why not just give each actress her own botw article?

    ps pene is so obvs the hotter one

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  5. Anonymous says:

    isnt that picture half penelope cruz, half kim kardashian? salma is not that orange

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    • lmao says:

      embarrassing for you

      Posted on Reply
  6. a. says:

    nice meredith brooks bitch reference

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  7. Anon says:

    seriously that is such a total fail. two pictures of Penelope Cruz. you sleeping Betch?

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  8. betsy says:

    you may as well say all black people look alike too

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    • ... says:


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      • black betch says:

        I’m black and that was fucking hilarious. we think all white people look alike too so whatevs

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  9. l says:

    comentator, pene is a horrible abrreviation for penelope-it sounds like fucking penis.

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    • Celine says:

      pene is actually penis in spanish..

      Posted on Reply
  10. wtf says:

    wake the fuck up and have some smarts. These two are both stunning women who should be distinguished individually. can’t tell the difference? how stupid are you

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  11. anon says:

    This is fucked up. Bad call, editors.

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  12. um says:

    These racist posts are NEVER funny, just stop

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  13. lighten up... says:

    the posts are hilariously tongue-in-cheek. and come on, like you’ve all never confused the two? step off the soapbox please.

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  14. Latina Betch says:

    “See you can’t tell one apart from the other because they’re both extremely typecast and because you don’t really give a shit.” #Not Racist

    Cálmate Betches! As a Latina Betch I don’t find this that offensive—not the best written article on here, but it’s using satire to make a point. These two have been interchangeably type cast as the sexy Latina for sometime in Hollywood. Yes they have had their own successes, but in general their body of work is very similar. Plus, their real life friendship and professional collaborations adds to their similarities.

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  15. .... says:

    Not your best betches. Actually it was terrible and like not really funny at all.

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  16. Nicole says:

    This is quite offensive.  Just stumbled upon this site tonight and I love the concept, then I read this article and was not at all amused…most definitely will never return.

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  17. geenaaalatin says:

    This was horrible and not funny at all. These beautiful latina women need to be honored separately. I hate the racist attitudes of this site!

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  18. Confused says:

    I mix them up all the time, glad someone else does too!

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  19. Charlene says:

    This is too funny…..I just died!  They are both gorgeous, successful women, but the witty originality exhibited here is just hilarious.

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  20. loco says:

    I feel sorry for American minorities.

    Posted on Reply
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