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By The Betches on

We all know the betch whose reason for being so trim isn't that she worships at the #168 Soul Cycle cult or that she's always #5 dieting. She just calls herself a vegetarian. Does this betch like, really love animals? No. Does she have an ethical problem with how they become bite-sized tartare squares on the menu? Fuck no. In fact, the vegetarian betch would probably choose fox over faux and was pissed when she found out her Stella McCartney bag was made of bullshit "vegan leather."

Vegetarianism is all about losing three pounds. It's a socially-accepted form of lifelong dieting that also makes you appear sort of down to earth. But we all know that if vegetarian betches really cared about animals, they'd go vegan or at least walk their little dogs themselves.

No, vegetarianism is a diet because it effectively cuts out like half of the edible items on the planet. What's betchier than being at the top of the food chain and still casually choosing to not eat meat? Being a vegetarian is chic.

Fuck the negative "karmic" vibes that you supposedly ingest when you eat the slaughter-chic kobe cattle that you once read about in Skinny Bitch. What vegetarian betches are really feeling when they cut out meat aren't the benefits of a purist lifestyle, it's the SKINNY ENERGY that comes along with being fucking STARVING.

PETA-loving, granola non-betches will argue in favor of the vegetarian lifestyle because they think we can thrive off of wild berries and wheatgrass forever, like the geese they insist on not turning into foie gras. Sounds skinny, but betches realize that vegetarianism is a diet not an ethos. They recognize when their dietary restrictions become high maintenance in a bad way, and in these cases, they simply put the vegetarianism on pause. For example, the vegetarian betch would never care enough to redirect group dinners to restaurants where she can order grassy, veg-friendly items to move around on her plate.

But no matter how much a betch pretends to give a shit about animals and the #47 environment, we all know where the line is drawn. No betch could ever cut out fish because that would mean cutting out sushi. Oh, caviar comes from animals? Are fish eggs technically alive yet? Does life begin at conception? Therefore occasionally cheating on your vegetarianism is as big a surprise as Mika coming out of his falsetto closet. When a betch is wasted this shit goes out the window and her Sunday morning regrets might include anything from chickens to pigs to cows. Everyone knows chickens are the fish of the sky!

So betches, have your cake and do not eat it too, because it probably has animal products in it somewhere, and that shit goes straight to your thighs. And remember, the only function an animal should serve in your life is decorating your apartment floor (sometimes).

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29 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. (Ano)nymous says:

    100% TRUE.  Like why would you eat cows, pigs, and sheep that are naturally fucking fat except for when you are drunk eating on Wednesdays?  Me and my friend are “fasting/cleansing” in a few weeks pretending to be spiritual/down to earth when really we are just not eating/only drinking liquids to have an extended period of going without calories and not being accused of having eating disorders.

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  2. vegg says:

    story of my life since like the 10th grade

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  3. VEGAN (KINDA) BETCH says:

    OH MY GOD I DIED. i say im vegeterian to avoid eating crap food and i say im vegan when fatties try to make me eat shit. but when the “dairy/ egg products” are low-cal, i not longer have issues with “animal rights.” and so true with the sushi!

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  4. veg for ten years says:

    Betches, vegetarianism is a GREAT way to stay skinny. 5’1” and 87lbs without feeling like I am trying hard. However, I do it mainly for animals (no joke, I work with animals- they are the soft spot in my tiny little heart) so I am not “dieting”; it is a lifestyle and I don’t ever eat meat. It was discussed in the dieting post that many vegetarians eat too many carbs so it can actually be counter-productive for weight loss. If you do it RIGHT you will stay tiny forever! Betches, you can give up fish and still have “sushi” (okay… cucumber rolls are not sushi but they are better for you anyway so why bother with fish?)

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    • k good one says:

      umm who let peta on this website? pamela anderson, is that you?

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      • dead. says:

        why is there no like button?

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  5. gross says:

    y’all are so ano it’s disgusting…. real betches are naturally thin and can eat whatever they want, we don’t have to diet like crazy high maintenance bitches.
    @vegfortenyears - you have a BMI of 16.4, get help.

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  6. wow. says:

    I can’t believe that you actually took the time to calculate that girl’s BMI.

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    • yeah but says:

      you don’t have to calculate her BMI to realize she’s about to keel over and die any second.

      “gross” i totally agree with you… holllla for eating burgers and still having a 24 inch waist, it’s called yoga and actually being in shape. if you weigh 87 pounds you have no muscles and are literally a bag of skin draped over some brittle bones, and guys consider you just as ugly as if you weighed 400lbs.

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      • jlee says:

        so true, well said.

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  7. Veg Betch says:

    We just don’t eat eat meat because it’s disgusting to bite into pieces of flesh. It’s like biting flesh off a cows thigh! Gross

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  8. K says:

    All you losers commenting need to Shutup. A burger? Ew. Did u NOT get the message of this post? I almost threw up reading that comment. The only thing true betches ever consumer is diet coke and MAYBE an apple. Maybe. and working out? Wtf.

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    • lizza says:

      you need to read #118. clearly you have to up your game, betch.

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  9. umm... says:

    carbonated drinks cause bloating…lemon or cucumber water is way better

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  10. i prefer says:

    lettuce drizzled with air. thanks

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  11. Untrue says:

    Vegetarians I know are actually super chub because they eat an all carb diet. You know what’s betchy? Not eating carbs

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  12. Kell says:

    loves it, and loves you betches. definitely understanding my reason to go veg 2 yrs ago. 30 pounds lighter and loving lifeee

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  13. pescatarian says:

    Anyone heard of pescatarianism? It’s seriously the best way to go. You casually eat sushi, but then can judge others for eating cute baby animals.

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    • Betch says:

      Ohh you’re so cool.

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    • Semi Veg says:

      Judging fat betches eating bacon cheeseburges since 1990, “Pigs and cows are so cute, I want to snuggle them not munch on their corpses!” 

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  14. kel says:

    i’ve been a vegan for two years and could never imagine eating differently. it’s too empowering. first of all, the most effort i put into staying in shape involves an occasional bikram sesh. secondly, most guys (unless they’re just fucking tools) admire the fact that i have the semblance of “self control”/“will power”/“compassion”/general aura of goodness (i swear it’s the first thing they tell their friends and they also look super proud to be dating a vegan) to the point that even if they are a hardcore carnivore, they will adapt their diet to mine. and that’s really effective because vegan food is fucking expensive, so not only do i weed out the lazy bros, i also filter out the poor ones. thirdly, i’ve discovered that my diet is usually intimidating to insecure women, who are left feeling disgraced by their lifestyle choices when compared to mine, which only further appeals to my elitist nature and i like it. you are what you eat betches, and that better be fucking kale.

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    • Thank you and amen says:

      Veganism is soooo totally betchy, I just love looking down my nose at all the losers who have no self-control. Doesn’t matter why you do it, after all, only nice girls run around feeling like they have to explain themselves. But a real alpha avoids whatever the fuck she chooses to avoid, and obviously anyone who fakes that lifestyle is a class A TTH loser.

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    • Sarah says:

      PLEASE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR OWN ASS! you are not elite because you are fucking vegan. do a little research and you will find humans are made to eat meat, not saying that shit KFC and BK put out, but real meat without all the preservatives and hormones. What our bodies aren’t meant to digest is all that wheat, dairy, corn, and gluten shit the food industry pushes on us (hence why people have dairy/gluten intolerance). WAH it’s so hard to cook….bullshit. That’s what the food industry is telling us because they dont give a shit about our general health, hey the more sick and obese people the more money they make. Learn to cook, stop eating shit, get your ass off the couch everyday and then watch that muffin top disappear. But being Vegan doesn’t make you better, and the occasional bikiram sesh? No wonder you can get away with not eating try running marathons and ultras being a vegan and tell me how much you want a burger after that.

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      • Whatever says:

        Hello? Vegan WILL MAKE YOU SKINNY. Have you tried it? No? EXACTLY. Like I have the time to cook—

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  15. Cam says:

    This post is embarrassing for vegetarians that read and support this site. Vegetarianism is not about staying skinny. It is about taking a stand for living, breathing creatures that cannot take a stand for themselves. Just because we are at the top of the food chain and have dominion over animals does not mean we should be ruthlessly slaughtering them and consuming their flesh.

    If you need a cover-up diet to stay skinny then just say you’re gluten intolerant. Half the girls I know are “gluten-intolerant.”

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  16. truetrue says:

    Story of my life.

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  17. Sara says:

    LOL um i totally started a health/ weight loss blog that has actually become a vegetarian/ nutrition blog. being raw, gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free makes it super easy to turn down birthday cake, burger or a pizza without looking ano. loves it.

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    • omg says:

      obsessed with your site. i’m starting your detox ASAP. thanks betch :*

      Posted on Reply
  18. part-time-veg says:

    this is the truest post of my life omg

    Posted on Reply
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