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By The Betches on

So there's this bro you've wanted to hook up with for a while now. Being the betch that you are, it's only a matter of time before you conquer him. Obviously he'll be the one to make the first move, as you're so hot that you're about as likely to pursue a bro yourself as you are to wear a corduroy skort to the bar tonight.

Cut to somewhere between 10 minutes and two weeks later, depending on the intensity of this bro's game. He buys you a few drinks at the bar and before you know it, mission accomplished.

julietJuliet wins!

Let the games begin.

Here comes the endless analysis of every text, glance, and interaction you exchange with this kid for the next year and a half.

Since betches don't have actual feelings, winning is not about the fulfillment of any sort of need for love and affection, or because you actually give a shit about anyone. Caring about others is for nice girls. (Unless you have a boyfriend, in which case keep that shit private because there's nothing more disgusting than a happy couple.) Caring is the opposite of winning. Winning is our mechanism to get the ultimate prize: power and control. There's nothing more important to a betch than being on top.

For a bro, winning is fucking a girl and never calling her again. For a betch, it's receiving a 2pm triple text from the bro who thinks he's the hottest shit around.

So how do you win? We've devised a handy points system for those clingy girls out there who don't naturally possess our superior analytical skills and innate “fuck off” vibe.

+2: #8 Don't fuck him.

+5: Take his drugs and then #8 don't fuck him.

+2: Let him buy you a drink, say you have to go to the bathroom, and never return.

+3: Let him go down on you then “pass out.”

+1: Casual flirting with another guy while he's looking. (-1 for being too obvious. Plastering your face to this other guy's makes you a skank, not a winner.)

+1: Wait two hours to read his BBM, +1 again if you don't respond.

+6: Make a bro your bitch. You've scored these points if he holds your purse while you're in the bathroom.

+1: Invite him over, be elsewhere.

+3: Cut to the morning after. “Why are you still here?”

+2: The next girl he hooks up with is uglier than you. +3 if she's fatter. +3:

He leaves a voicemail. Game over.

+2: Laugh when he tries to call you out or confront you for doing any of the above. +3 if it's in public.

Minus Points:

-2: Initiate drunk sexting.

-2: Show emotion.

-4: Stalking, in cyber space and/or in real life.

-3: Calling him. NEVER CALL. If you have to pick up the phone he's just not that into you.

-1: Friending him on Facebook.

-10: Using the word “boyfriend” in any sentence with his name after you've hooked up three times. You're done.

-5: Deleting him from BBM. You care, you lose.

-10: Crying. Betches don't cry… they get even.

baby cryingStop it! You're embarrassing yourself and losing the game!

The irony about the game, which most people refuse to acknowledge, is that you lose points simply by choosing to participate. The object of the game is to be the one who cares the least, and you still care enough to play. That being said, what else are we gonna do with our time?

For betches, winning isn't about the quantity of guys you fuck, it's about the quality of your manipulation tactics. Always watch your game because it only takes one public display of tears to be labeled a psycho and lose the game forever. Remember, nice guys finish last… nice girls don't finish.

<< #31 Wine

#33 Hating Nice Guys >>

42 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    I am obsessed with you betches! Definitely going to link your site on the maneater’s blog!

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    All I do is win, win, win no matter what…

    Betches are the best.

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    Thanks for this blog and especially for this post. This has officially solidified my decision to never get married. Ever.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    LMAO absolutely best website everr. you kno your a true betch when you can relate to every single post. Can’t wait for the next one. <3

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Let us know how lonliness works out. This is a recipe for a great love life…

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    Betches get everything they want… You wouldn’t know.

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    The best is when these girls turn 30 and realize they just don’t have it anymore.

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    That hardly matters. Pussy is expensive. Dick is free. At ANY age.

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    you should write a post about betches winning guys and taking them from their gfs.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    Fuckin, eh. I just won last week. Love you guys. Reminds me of me. 4 for you.

    Posted on Reply
  11. tennis betch says:

    as a betch who hides emotion, i usually read these posts and internally laugh my ass off while saying in my head “so true. so true. Yes, this is my life”. this post however, i couldnt fucking contain myself anymore! totally lost it during the point system, so i wrote them down and showed my friends. we’re keeping track now. thanks, betches!

    Posted on Reply
  12. bro says:

    you guys are fucking pathetic

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    yu guys said that yu should delete someone from bbm in one of yur previous posts ...

    Posted on Reply
  14. Bro says:

    Old pussy is definitely not expensive, its the cheapest shit around.  And when I say old pussy, I mean any pussy over 28.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Also a Bro says:

    (1) this site is intended for humor, mostly. It is not meant to be taken seriously.

    (2) If you do not see the truth behind these hyperbolic statements, you are not paying attention to the social dynamic of college-age (give or take) kids. Social interaction is entirely a battle of who can care less, at least for the initial courtship. Both parties pretend like they aren’t emotionally invested so as not to get hurt, and both men and women are very much attracted to someone playing ‘hard to get.’

    Posted on Reply
  16. Jess says:

    “Let him go down on you and then ‘pass out’.” I love it betch! Finally a new blog I can follow. I think you’ve even passed my old fave http://www.daveglenn.com
    .

    “Nice guys finish last. Nice girls don’t finish.” Did you coin this? Brilliant!

    Posted on Reply
  17. mother of all betches says:

    Get him to eat me out, say thank you and leave! I do this on a regular and I don’t even suck d*ck, hahaha!!!

    This is the best shit ever! Thx for posting this! Keep this ish coming.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    hahahhahahahaaaaaa. hilarious. and evil.

    Posted on Reply
  19. douchebaguette says:

    Still the best post…so much truth

    Posted on Reply
  20. Brit says:

    Don’t cry, and if you do, don’t do it in front of him, or anyone who might know someone, who knows someone, who knows him. It’s sad, and then you’re labeled a psycho, let it go, be a betch, and get even.

    Posted on Reply
  21. brovechkin says:

    they should rename this site sluts love to think theyr like this. and you missed the -100 points for plagiarizing this site from the real deal. betches suck dick. literally. “betches get even” by what not answering a bbm? figure it out

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    why would you want to even be around a guy who is that much of a looser that he’d let you try this shit in the first place? lol

    Posted on Reply
  23. Aditya Advani says:

    People, this blog is only a joke to piss you off, we girls could never act so insensitively, bitterly and blatantly stupid. It would be sick, people like that wouldn’t even deserve to live. This can’t be true, don’t take it seriously.  Really, no one could actually be such an idiot.

    Posted on Reply
  24. sc<3 says:

    you had me at corduroy skort lmao

    Posted on Reply
  25. NYB>This says:

    Flawed thinking. When someone doesn’t respond to my text, I and every other guy delete the number. Enjoy playing a one-player game.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    well put! i soo agreee!

    Posted on Reply
  27. DaBetch says:

    Holy shit, I feel so good about myself after reading this. Basically, I’ve always been somewhat like this to guys, and people were like oh, you’re forever alone. But in reality…I just wanted to WIN. Ha.

    Posted on Reply
  28. sassy lips says:

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ha! HA.

    Posted on Reply
  29. tomBROdy250 says:

    I agree with everything this post says. That is exactly what you should do. The more you ignore the better. HOWEVER, this will only work on guys who don’t know how to play the game. I’ve seen a lot of friends go ape shit for a girls attention. I’ve seen a lot of teammates skip practice to spend time with girls who are ignoring them. But the guys who do have game, the first line beauties with unreal flow, will flat out ignore you right back and move on to the next slam piece waiting in line. Like what NYB said in that previous post, if you give us the dirty R on BBM or don’t respond to our text, yes you’ll hook that duster that only made the team cuz he tries hard, but no you won’t hook the tom brady’s that run show. We know what is going on and our ego’s are just too big to do the two-text no response. Nevertheless betches this is the best advice i’ve seen thus far as it applies to the majority of bros: continue to ignore and most importantly DON’T FUCK US, EVER.

    Posted on Reply
  30. seth says:

    everyone knows american guys have to put up with this .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Girls like this are a F@cking joke - I’ve lived in Europe/EE and the women there aren’t like this ; they’re hot and they’re really cool.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Marie Laurence says:

    There’s no way you win points if he hooks up with an uglier/fatter girl. This is worth -78 points

    Posted on Reply
  32. sara says:

    Haha until your alone and your skin is wrinkled and you dont get to win anymore bc youre too damn ugly to win…now youre the fatter girl he has sex with while some hot younger chick wins!

    Posted on Reply
  33. Betchierthanyou says:

    you win! you’re officially alone! and you want to win. but also alone!
    see how this goes?
    you can claim all ya want to want to win, but its really less funny when you realize you just won nobody wanting to ever fuck you and then buy you dinner after.

    Posted on Reply
  34. betchi says:

    best post by far. lovesss it! (loves the pic of the babi crying)

    Posted on Reply
  35. SuchaBetch says:

    +1: Casual flirting with another guy while he’s looking.

    +5 if it’s his brother.

    Posted on Reply
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