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By The Betches on

Throughout our betchy lives we hit many exciting milestones. The first being the most amazing miracle since the immaculate conception: the day we were born. Thanks to us being born, mom can now carelessly eat #72 sushi and pound shots while dad can be excited for mom to not be fat anymore. Yay for us! The next milestone is obv when we first start talking (shit). Then we hit our firsts, like our first graduation, first kiss, first hand job. All glorious kodak moments, yet the biggest day in a betch's life doesn't have anything to do with school or boys. It's when we turn twenty fucking one.


babyFuck breast milk

Now, some may wonder why betches even care about a milestone that celebrates you being able to do something you've already been doing since you were fourteen years old. Aside from now being able to feel less bad when you drunk dial your parents, let's talk about twenty one and why it is the epitome of betchdays.


Sure you can ask for shit during Decembetch and on graduation but your birthday is the only day it's all about you and the legalization of your blackouts. I mean, who doesn't love the spotlight? Being 21 is another great reason for your parents to buy you shit, for absolutely no reason. Suddenly, because you've been in this world for 21 random years, it's a free pass to spend thousands of dollars celebrating this amazing day filled with alcohol and lavish gifts. And finally all the bouncers at your college bars can know that you've been lying to them for the past 2 years and they can't do anything about it. Cue evil laugh.

Turning 21 is the last legitimate birthday you'll have when you're thrilled to be another year older. Not only will you have the little underage sluts in your sorority begging for your ID, but you can finally say things like "ew, get all of these freshman fuglies out of the bar. They're totally underage."

But stop right there and appreciate this year. You think you'll like being 22? More like you better start watching the clock and counting your fucking eggs, it's all downhill from here. Now getting your period is twice as petrifying, not only can you not have sex but you're losing yet ANOTHER egg. Oh the menstrual horror!

Also, no betch has to legitimize not having a job and living her amazing lifestyle of blacking out every night when she's still 21. That's an age to be partying and not having to deal with your friend with the shitty ID trying to talk her way into the bar because she's also not hot enough. A 21 year old betch should never be tied down because she's too fucking awesome and is at the age when bros from age 18 to 45 think it's appropriate to try to fuck her.

The only thing that sucks about being 21 is that next year you're 22 and in 5 years you'll be 27 and that's like almost 30. Ugh, vom. someecard But remember, just because you're getting older and wiser doesn't mean it's like, not socially acceptable to blackout. In fact, as you get older we now have more reasons to blackout, like happy hour, first real job, first time getting fired, Tuesday, etc..

So betches, if you haven't turned 21 yet, start circling that calendar date and dreaming up all the ways you'll milk this epic moment in your life. And if you're already long past 21, realize it's time to stop fucking around and secure yourself someone who will listen to you #80 bitch and will love you for the five minutes you realize you have wrinkles before you get botox.


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51 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. golden age says:

    turning 22 this weekend. glad someone was able to articulate the horror and dread i feel

    Posted on Reply
  2. ab says:

    YES a new day fo the week is a PERFECT reason to drink.
    Loves it

    Posted on Reply
  3. maikibetch says:

    “ew, get all of these freshman fuglies out of the bar. They’re totally underage.”
    i think a betch should start saying that at the age of 16. at least i did..

    Posted on Reply
  4. kbetch says:

    “ew, get all of these freshman fuglies out of the bar. They’re totally underage.”
    i think a betch should start saying that at the age of 16. at least i did.., you didn’t.

    Posted on Reply
  5. JoBetch says:

    AMEN! 21 was great but every birthday after that is me sobbing (locked in a bathroom of course because real betches don’t shed tears in public) and then like totally BLACKOUT and finding some “hot” bro

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    My 21st is this weekend! I’ve been planning it for months, but right now my only plan is to have hot men buy me strong drinks

    Posted on Reply
  7. notyetbetchyone says:

    how have you betches celebrated your 21st?

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:


    And it was my betchy mom that came up with the fabulous idea too.

    Posted on Reply
  9. N G M says:

    Love the blog, never comment because I obviously have better things to do. But… This was great, just turned 21 and am out drinking already because its Tuesday. Keep killing it betches!!


    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    love it but no need to dread the next ten years, betches stay betchy at any age…. 30 is the new 20

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    I turned 21 this year… unfortunately, I had to spend my birthday in a shoulder sling. Fortunately, I got nice candies from the dr to take for my shoulder. It made for the perfect concoction along with my LI teas and cosmos! wink

    Posted on Reply
  12. LTC says:

    You’re “betchy mom”? Wow you must be so cool.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    LI teas and Cosmos? This isn’t sex and the city…

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Celebrating legal binge drinking multiple times is the way to do it in Canada. For us, turning 21 is like “Oh right, now I can legally drink in the States. Cool.” Your booze is cheaper, I’ll give you that, but your drinking age is so lame. Should have been legal drinking age - not just 21 - considering your audience is North America, no?

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    “And finally all the bouncers at your college bars can know that you’ve been lying to them for the past 2 years and they can’t do anything about it.”


    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    betches don’t worry about losing an egg every period, because we’re obvs on birth control and therefore don’t ovulate. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    Been legally drinking since 18. Yay Canada

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    8 days til im legal! yesssss

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:’s like you somehow knew that i’m turning 22 in 2 days. fuck offfff

    Posted on Reply
  20. beginnerbetch says:

    still in high school but totes in love with being a betch?

    Posted on Reply
  21. betch says:

    I don’t think you’re in any position to comment considering you don’t even have a basic understanding of grammar:  *your mom.  kudos to vegas and betchy moms.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Lee says:

    *your. Cute grammar.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    hells yea! go canada! we’ve been black out wasted legally since 19 and 18 in other provinces.. point is…its not betchy to have to wait till 21.. im 21 and if i had to wait that long to be legal it would not have been ok… i fakes are great.. but their so young and passe.. ew.

    canada smile

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    Haha…I don’t remember them drinking LItea on SATC… and yes, cosmos are quite “Carrie-esque”... but they are fucking delicious. There were also shots and beer involved. Granted, all I can remember first hand are the LItea and cosmos. I was trying to keep things simple… while conveying my original point. wink

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:


    no it’s not

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    Now that I am 22 I sometimes like to use my old fake id from my underage years. I miss the thirll of it all.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Monica says:


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  28. duh says:

    fuckin exactly, Canada is so much betchier in this sense.

    Posted on Reply
  29. vegas plans says:

    seriously, i’m the last one to turn 21.. Decembetch is perf because it’s my birthday, christmas, and then new years.. like duh.  My friends and I already have Vegas plans for my 21st

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    ew but it’s Canada.  The drinking age is low just so you can tolerate living in that fucking country.

    Posted on Reply
  31. skinnybetch says:

    Gross… Cosmos? What are you? A pink heifer? grow up and drink a vodka soda before you re-gain your freshman 15 fatty, fuckin’ duh.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Did someone really just say that living in Canada is more betchy than living in the United States…nawt fucking ok

    Posted on Reply
  33. ugh says:

    are you forgetting about the epic hotness of hockey players that literally swarm canada? get a clue… it’s the sexiest sport with the sexiest SAB’s that you could possibly imagine. plus we have whistler, which the betches mentioned as one of the best places to vacay.

    Posted on Reply
  34. anna says:

    Im sorry but shut the fuck up- its downhill after 25. Im 22 right now and im having more fun than when I was 21. For one I have a lovely trust fund to look forward to when I turn 25 so fuck that. some times I THINK this blog is going down.

    Posted on Reply
  35. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know why you are so upset by my choice of drinks. You don’t even know me and you are getting all worked up, haha loser!! I actually went from 100lbs to 85 lbs since I have first started college (from stress) so I wish I could gain 15! You’re probably just jealous because vodka soda is all you can drink without exploding. wink

    Posted on Reply
  36. Anonymous says:

    “In fact, as you get older we now have more reasons to blackout, like happy hour, first real job, first time getting fired, Tuesday, etc..”


    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    I’m still in high school, but totally ashamed that you would actually phrase your comment like this… being a betch is a lifestyle, thus you are one your whole life. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  38. Newport Betch says:

    There’s def a pic of me from Oktoberfest when I was 2 (my fam is German, so I’ve been going my whole life) that looks almost identical to the first pic, but with a mug instead of a bottle. I thought I was gonna die when I saw that. So great.

    Posted on Reply
  39. Canadian Betch says:

    you betches have more fatties in the U.S to look better beside your skinny asses.  Pros and cons

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    This isn’t a blog about your [non]betchy drinking habits. next subject.

    Posted on Reply
  41. moby22 says:

    Just turned 21. Love life

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    sorry 30-year-old, but 30 is actually the new 50.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Anonymous says:

    my birthday isn’t until february but obvi I already have a slutty outfit picked out. its perfect because a dj is performing on our campus… the neon outfits are going to be perfect for my muploads album.

    Posted on Reply
  44. Wedding photography says:

    I’m having a tiny problem I can’t seem to be able to subscribe your feed, I’m using google reader by the way. 
    <a >Wedding planning</a>

    Posted on Reply
  45. Anonymous says:

    this was by far the best new post yet, spot on betches.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Haha says:

    Haha seriously. First of all they’re referring to freshmen in college. Second, if you looked old enough at 16 to get into a bar you would probably look 35 by the time you were legally able to be in there… Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  47. Canadian Betch says:

    Completely agree. But the only thing bad about being a 21 year old Canadian betch is feeling like a 23 year old American betch. Passed our last significant birthday 2 years ago and now its only downhill from here.

    Posted on Reply
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