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By The Betches on

Naturally tennis is the betchiest sport out there.

Side Note: Before anyone gets on our case about horseback riding, golf or squash being betchier, just shut the fuck up now. We don't agree. And yes, we have done all of the above. Don't even try it.

Aside from the fact that tennis is an individual sport, meaning it's all about number 1, it's also one of the more elitist sports, thereby excluding poor people which we like.


tennisReady for the Round of 16!


Fine, the Williams sisters. They could maybe be as betchy as the Olsens if Serena didn't have the man look going on.

Betches learned to play tennis at "the club," it's a popular family sport and you bet your ass a betch played tennis in middle and high school. Lots of betches even went to tennis camp, and while we were those people and liked it, in hindsight it seems pointless considering we haven't played that much since like, last summer... Maybe the one before? Who knows, those stupid skirts make shitty tan lines.

Tennis introduced us to #63 pros at a young age, our first pro crushes were the hot college guys our parents paid $150 an hour to "rally" with us. Great investment, mom.

Also, it's the only sport that your standard betch would play on a seriously competitive level, if you play another you might consider a tattoo declaring "I go the other way" across your chest. If you're a female athlete trying to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, you better fucking play tennis.

Since tennis is a sport for tall and #5 skinny betches, the betchiest players are the ones who get paid millions to wear slutty designer tennis apparel. Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova are what you get when someone who's almost pretty enough to be a model discovers they sufficient athletic ability to land promotional contracts.

But even if you're not on the tournament circuit per se, any betch who's played competitively knows that the reason tennis is betchy is because it's a mind game. It makes you individually competitive with other girls, not only within every point and game but over time the subject of "who's better" is one that does not tire quickly.

Oh, and a true betch plays singles. It's all about #1, none of this doubles bullshit. You don't need some dumb bitch stealing your killer forehands with her stupid inconsistent volleys. We'll go mixed doubles though.


tennisNothing distracts her from the game


But really, even if you're not familiar with the game it should be obvious. What's not betchy about a sport that encourages #42 dressing like a slut in tight outfits, lets you serve people without a law degree, and even if you never win a point your score is "love." Talk about delusional dating.

Finally, tri-state area betches know the excitement of the US Open at the end of the summer which is like, the only sporting event we would consider watching female athletes participate in. The opening rounds are coming up, nothing's betchier than forgoing work and instead "spending a few days at the Open" with a pro. We're talking about your boyfriend, not a tennis coach.



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37 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    Tennis really isn’t the betchiest sport out there…it is still pretty male-dominated. Horseback riding, though…

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  2. The Betches says:

    Stfu alex and take that 99 cent lip gloss off your snaggle tooth

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  3. The Betches says:

    I agree. Nothing is more betch than horseback riding. My horse is worth more than your BMW (the real betches have ones that are $100K +) and his rent costs more than most of my friends places.

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  4. The Betches says:

    haha this is perfect and it’s totes ok that you misspelled Anna Kournikova’s name because according to our girl Cady Heron sometimes you have to dumb yourself down to get boys to like you. Xoxo

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  5. The Betches says:

    Yes! This just made my day. I’ve been playing tennis since I was about 8…on the “circruit” and then college so I absolutely agree it is by far the betchiest sport out there. You…rock…

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  6. The Betches says:

    This is sooo awesome, I signed up for a tennis class last semester solely so daddy could buy me all the outfits. I have worn them each about twice… I slept in most of the time. But when I’d have my racket with me, it was totally betchy, plus my bffs and I would go to the club in the summer to “play tennis” aka rally 3 or 4 times max for about 20 minutes before we got fucking tired and laid out instead. Tennis is totes betchy. Loving this post

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  7. The Betches says:

    ok tennis is obvi a betchy sport, which, being a betch, I play. But not only that I play volleyball. How betchy is it to shimmy around in some spandex?

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  8. The Betches says:

    lots of betches-in-training play lacrosse.

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  9. The Betches says:

    As someone who grew up in the club, tennis IS the betchiest sport. Besides, it’s totally OK to booze before, during, and after a game. I mean, HELLO… it’s called being sociable! Sure people drink whilst bowling… but ugh.. gross. Go on google and look up professional female bowlers and I’m sure you’ll vom as well

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  10. The Betches says:

    swimming. but only in states like cali and florida. you cant sport two pieces and show off your perfect tan and rockin bod. none of that indoor shit

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  11. The Betches says:

    I grew up in the club, and tennis is extremely betchy, but horseback riding is infinitely betchy, especially on the show circuit. Many many rich people, and polo players are pros. I also met my besties at my very elite eventing barn. So I agree, tennis is betchy, but you should not discount horseback riding as amazingly betchy.

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  12. The Betches says:

    agreed. horseback riding is reserved for only the most uppercrust betches.

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  13. The Betches says:

    Don’t get me wrong, horse shit smells great and all, but anything involving a barn is not betchy.

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  14. The Betches says:

    Please, hon. I don’t touch poop. I have people do it for me. Like another betch mentioned, my horse is worth more than your car. And it has it’s own staff.

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  15. The Betches says:

    Tennis is totally betchy, but we should totes also look at figure skating. I mean, any betch who can convince her daddy she needs 8 practice dresses at $400 bucks a pop deserves the title. Tessa Virtue’s dress was made by Vera Fucking Wang. Also, the hockey #63.Pros all stand there and watch you stretch. (Flexible betches get bank) Plus, the entire sport is know for #1.Talking Shit and its like, the only place where its ok to tell someone that they’re too fat to be there.

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  16. The Betches says:

    Now I love this blog but everyone in HS knows that the fat bitches play tennis because it has limited conditioning(that means running for the dumb bitches out there) and no one ever gets cut. The heffers get to say they exercise and therefore are “trying” to lose weight. It’s bull.

    Also your projects comment is borderline racist. A true betch doesn’t sound like a country bumpkin from butt fuck no where. We’re mean and smell of money. NOT COUNTRY.

    I’m not impressed betches. Step your game up. Ill be watching and definitely judging.

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  17. The Betches says:

    clearly your the husky bitch that didn’t make the tennis team…i think your confused its softball thats for the fat girls.

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  18. The Betches says:

    i play tennis during the summer, but long distance running and fucking yoga are def betchy sports, too.

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  19. The Betches says:

    Nothing betchier than being a racist, elitist, insecure bimbo. Money clearly couldn’t buy you a personality and judging by these posts it couldn’t save you from your (many) physical imperfections. Keep betching ladies, and when the next bro you fuck drops you for a girl with some class and requisite cooking/cleaning ability, write another post about it. Better yet, tell your #92 therapist and your #93 plastic surgeon.

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  20. The Betches says:

    To the dumb ass betch who wrote this particular article… see the given quote, “lets you serve people without a law degree…”. Perhaps you should have done your research or even had a half a brain or maybe half a non-public school education to know that you do not need a law degree to serve people. It’s actually quite a proletarian job that anyone can occupy (including my gardner). Have you seen Pineapple Express, where Seth Rogan’s character serves people?? Apparently not. Perhaps you should quit your day job and become one! #dumbass #plebe #imbecile

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    • wtf says:

      excuse me, but did you really just hashtag in a post? this isn’t twitter/instagram. just because you have upwards of 200 followers on twitter doesn’t meant that you’re cool and need to bring twitter into everything you do. fucking duh

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  21. The Betches says:

    As much as I love this site because I can relate to every post you betches write because I am the definition of a betch, I’d have to agree with Shannon about how your comment about the projects was pretty fucking racist. I love you betches and all, but being an ignorant dumb bitch is not a good look. You might wanna change your confederation flag loving attitude because you never know, you just might run into Naomi Campbell one day and that betch will fuck you up.

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  22. The Betches says:

    Ew I could totes see “Capital”, “Skinnybitch” and “Amanda” sitting with the Art Freaks or the Girl who eat their feels. Say dumb shit again and you cant sit with us! Let’s just clarify something: Bitching is not Betchy

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  23. The Betches says:

    Didn’t you betches write a post on bitching? Stay consistent betches.

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  24. The Betches says:

    anybody who can hit a ball thats moving 120 mph while constantly changing directions in a dead sprint for 3 or 4 hours and be ready for a 5th set may talk about this sport being for “betches”. this website is gay as FECK!

    Posted on Reply
  25. The Betches says:

    lacrosse is probably one the more betchier sports. along with tennis. if you play tennis and lacrosse, all i have to say is, what a total betch!

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  26. skinnybetch says:

    @Queen Betch. There is a difference between bitching and rectifying an inane sentence in an article. Also, maybe you should revert back to English 101 and learn how to write properly. Some of us are just naturally born skinny, pretty and SMART. so fvck you, fatty plebeian!

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  27. truly the most betchy says:

    If you dont play tennis and still think your a betch…your a fucking phony. (playing once a summer doesnt count dumb betch) 

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  28. really, betch? says:

    If you’re Ivy League, why don’t you know the difference between “its” and “it’s”? Betches are never stupid.

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  29. babybetch says:

    Okay , tennis is such a betchy sport. I have played it for ever and I have to say in all sports, you come across those stupid betchy girls but not t not like tennis. Everyone you play is super betchy. Everyone acts stuck up but it is part of the game and it makes it fun.

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  30. Anonymous says:

    *gardener. and # is for twitter. kthx.

    Posted on Reply
  31. amanda says:

    wow you are a COMPLETE idiot. at my high school, we had an amazing team with no overweight girls. girls who were “chunky” completely lost the weight during tennis season. no one wanted to be playing because they had to wear tight outfits so obviously they wouldnt be fat. what kinda high school did you go to cause obviously there were fat girls all around. maybe they should sign up for jenny craig, not tennis. and actually, we used to have double practices all day and run for at least an hour per time along with another hour of short distances because tennis is all about speed and quickness. so basically, your team just sucked and you know nothing about tennis. ive played tennis since i was 5 and there is hard core betchy girls out there who will eat you alive so my suggestion is that you dont play tennis, why dont you do something less betchy like horseback riding or something. and being racist also is betchy and enters the tennis world, so i really hope you dont play or else you’ll get super offended.
    not impressed with your life, betch.

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  32. GUSH says:

    I can believe the betches forgot to mention that you can basically wear any type of while playing tennis. No ring- necklace or watch needs to be spared. smile

    Posted on Reply
  33. Remie says:

    I love this!!sooo true I could go on and on about how it is the BETCHIEST sport.ive played it forever and everyone agrees though we complain about we love it!

    Posted on Reply
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