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By The Betches on

We know, we've already written extensively on the importance of habitual shit-talking. We get it, and no, we haven't run out of fucking ideas. In honor of our 100th post, we think it's necessary to revisit one the most fundamental parts of being a betch. #1 Talking shit.

Like we said in our ground-breaking post, a betch will talk shit about anyone for any reason, no matter where they are or who they're with. Whether it's someone on our #25 WYDEL, your #38 frenemy, or the asshole at Apple care who refuses to give you a new computer for free, betches are more than happy to #80 bitch about anyone and anything that doesn't treat us like the queens we are. EW don’t ever go back to Love Nails, it’s so poor there, the guy only massages you while you’re drying for like, ONE minute.

 

gretchen weiners"Trang Pak is a grotsky little biotch"

 

But what's this 2.0 shit?

Talking shit 2.0 is talking shit about your friends and their secrets. At first you’re like, I don’t talk shit about my friends, but then you’re like wait… yeah I definitely do that all the time. Honestly, what is drama good for if you can't fucking talk about it? Omg did you see Ashley’s new bangs? I’m going to refrain from saying that they make her face look like a person's with a shellfish allergy after they ate a 10 lb lobster…because that would be mean.

However every bestie group knows that you're allowed to talk shit about your besties BUT ONLY if it's to your other mutual besties. Otherwise you're like a really bad friend or something.

Talking shit about your friends happens usually when one is changing for the worse. Like when one of your besties is turning into the #7 BSCB and has been trying way too hard to make your ongoing inside joke of who’s going to be the first to fuck your dealer a reality.

And let's not forget when the bestie who's been MIA lately because she’s with her boyfriend at all times or trying extra hard at work makes it sooo easy to talk shit about her, because she’s not around. It’s like, ironic!

However, betches can’t always be this fortunate, as in the case of the #48 Dud. She’s always fucking around. So how do we talk about her in her presence? Bestie group chat. It was just a coincidence that all 9 of our phones are vibrating at the same time.

 

bachelor padBe careful when talking shit 2.0, you never know who will be listening.

 

With bestie drama comes great responsibilities. Gauging your audience is key in talking shit 2.0. Like, is Jane going to tell Amanda that I told her that I can’t fucking take one more second of Amanda’s whining about Chris Like he broke up with you because you gained like an extra chin during your relationship, not because he wanted to “explore” being single. Who is he, fucking Magellan? As Ja'mie King would say, get over it, bitch.

There are also those two or three besties who always have shit with each other and all happen to find you the safe haven for talking about who gets Annoying Bitch of the Week. It’s like a fucking cycle, and you’re stuck in the middle. You would try to get out but it’s just too much fun to watch them compete for your loyalty in their pathetic fights.

Carly: Is Sam talking to you right now about me? We’re at lunch on our phones not talking.

Sam: Carly is such a fucking cunt.

Sam: Is she texting you btw?

Some people say you should keep your friends close but your enemies closer. We say that's for paranoid weirdos and the mafia. Every betch knows you're only as powerful as the amount of bestie secrets you have stored in your gossip arsenal. Keep your friends closer, so you have more to say when you talk shit about them later.

 

 

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17 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. britneybetch says:

    This is an art form that not many people, betches included can master… You need to always word what you’re saying a specific way so if your ‘bestie’ finds out that you were indeed talking shit you can manipulate your way out of it

    Posted on Reply
  2. Betch says:

    You’re a fucking sociopath if you have to consciously think about how to talk your way out of trouble. If it doesn’t come naturally, then you aren’t a betch.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    True-fucking-life.

    Posted on Reply
  4. XXis says:

    Its not something to be learned or mastered. You either have it or you don’t. You’re born a betch not initiated.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Boston Betch says:

    If you don’t know HOW to talk shit-don’t talk shit.

    Posted on Reply
  6. BCH says:

    So fucking true.

    Posted on Reply
  7. betchOnThatBBMshit says:

    Last I remembered iphones were the new betch phone,changing since the first post on #talkingshit. But how’s the ‘group chat shit talking about the dud in the vicinity’ possible without bbm ? #switchback

    Posted on Reply
  8. betchy says:

    iPhones do group chats, duh. You just have to have the setting enabled. You can also get Ping or Beluga for group chats, double duh. Guess we know who’s still got a blackberry… And if you have an iPhone and still don’t know about it, you’re the Dud. Not sorry bout it.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Bored Betch says:

    This post is not amusing whatsoever. If you’re going to post make it something worth fucking reading, betches. My time is precious and I’d rather be talking shit than reading your dud posts lately. Step your game up.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Queen Betch says:

    get the fuck out of here “Tolada” and unbookmark this site immediately. you clearly dont belong in the betch club if you have any experience with bed bugs ya fuckin poor lunatic. ew.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    ^HAHAHAHHA LOVE THIS RESPONSE!

    Posted on Reply
  12. Danielle Durham says:

    honestly, i dont feel guilty anymore about talking shit on people, its what makes me get up in the morning, get over it. i dont feel bad about myself when saying “you truly are fucking ugly”

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    id just like to point out that im obsessed with the fact that you quote ja’mie king… SUCH a betch

    Posted on Reply
  14. wild west niggas says:

    You can learn to talk shit its easy just studdy to extend your vocabulary and practice your play of words with a frind or something lol talking shit is just like trying to hook up with someone if your good at one your good at teh oter

    Posted on Reply
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