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By The Betches on

When betches go out to group dinners, there's a limited choice of cuisines that are appropriate. Italian food has too many carbs, Chinese food is too greasy, and if you're considering eating Indian food with your besties you're clearly a virgin or like really smelly. Inevitably the choice comes down to the place with your favorite salad or one of the only types of cuisine we don't have to consider regurgitating after: sushi.

 

meguAnorexic Chic

 

This is our first post about food, and since not eating is a fundamental part of being a betch, you understand the true value sushi has for us.

Sushi is the wine of food. It’s a way of life. Let's break it down.

Sushi is…

Low Cal: Every betch can recall a horrible incident when they went to dinner, ate too much, and had an awful experience clubbing after. They felt bloated and fat and had to drink like 3 more vodka tonics than they usually do to get fucked up. Ordering a naruto roll and a miso soup is the best way to avoid this issue. It's enough food so that you probably won't be throwing up all over your guy friend's table, but not so much that you feel guilty for eating dinner later.

Note: Sushi is the only excuse to eat mayo. Betches only eat fancy mayonnaise, like truffle mayo and spicy mayo. Hellmann's is for hicks.

 

meguThe only thing betchier than eating sushi is not eating sushi

 

Super Chic: If you don't like sushi you definitely don't have any class or sense of fun, so you can go eat at Arby's with my housekeeper. Sushi is classy and has names that are hard to pronounce. While super trendy betches order the complex rolls, like the Shogun or the Pink Lady and shit like sashimi, if you want to roll with any set of betches you would at least have to down a fucking Spicy tuna or Salmon skin roll in order to show your face at the next group dinner.

Expensive: Sushi involves getting a small amount of food for a lot of fucking money, so betches obviously love it because by nature it excludes poor people. You don't often find a quality Red Dragon roll at soup kitchens and at local eateries in the projects.

So this week, go sake bombing with your besties, get drunk, and indulge your taste buds. After all, it's your only real excuse to drink beer. And always remember that you're only as trendy as the restaurant you claim has the best sushi in town.

 

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19 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    literally JUST got back from lunch at my fav sushi place to see this new post on my twitter feed. loves it.

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    Sushi may be lowcal, but it’s definitely not lowcard. Those samurai looking ninja chefs fit a surprising amount of rice into your spicy unagi special. Also, ordering fried rolls doesn’t make you chic, it makes you a fatass.

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    nobody fucking cares about what you have to say. learn to spell bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Since sushi is raw fish, why do they call the guy who prepares it a cook?

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    They call him a CHEF you asshat! Not a cook.

    Nice attempt at being #funny though.

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    My favorite sushi is Yamato in westwood. Never go to Katysu-ya- they are over priced and ridiculous. Unless you’re looking to spot a celeb. Also get your sushi with brown rice if possible. And always get miso soup to fill you up so you don’t overindulge on sushi!

    Now I’m craving a Yamato losbter roll baddd….

    And Obvi you have seen the sushi with my girls website. My school was in the Sushi 12 …. and that’s real betches.

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    Who the fuck are you and why do you comment stupid shit on every post?

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    I was thinking the same thing…

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    honestly what theee fuck .. i think the same thing every time

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    I love sashimi! Yum…and healthy!

    Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    Just get brown rice sushi. Memba of the sushi 12 betch!

    Posted on Reply
  12. Caution says:

    Caution: Any betch knows that when you are rolling (ex. fuel for the hot lesbian scene in black swan) the last thing you will ever think about is food.  Most betches won’t eat before rolling either, because many of our rave/club clothes are just too fucking binding.  But if you do ever make the mistake of eating before rolling, this is one of the only times when you should avoid sushi at all costs as your food choice at least 24 hours in advance.  I made this mistake once, and I spent an entire hour of a show in the bathroom feeling like vomming but no matter how hard I tried not being able to do it.  NOT OKAY.  That’s just inefficient.  Multiple other betches I know had the same experience, so take the safe route and stick to water or shots before and after rolling.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Byenow says:

    @jenjen why would you be proud of being Jewish, as your sushi with my girls website references

    Posted on Reply
  14. rs says:

    Its pretty sad that your so insecure you need to put down you housekeeper or even mention that you have servants at all. Its very nouveau riche. At least she earns the money she uses to buy her dinner.

    Posted on Reply
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