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By The Betches on

Let’s talk about the shade factor. No, we don’t mean the jealous pasty betch’s BFF and relief from the sun. We’re talking about every betches' relief from dealing with nice guys. The Shady Asshole Bro, SAB. Some may wonder why betches would ever deal with the mind games that accompany shadiness and the truth is that even the betchiest betches in the world have sought shade from the toxic rays of complimentary terms of endearment and guys who only have eyes for us.

Everyone remembers Big from Sex & The City. Big is the ultimate Shady McShadester, stringing Carrie along for all six seasons of the show, doing douchey things like not telling her he loves her and watching basketball instead of meeting her friends. The whole idea of Big, suddenly after 10 years deciding to marry the delusional yet narcissistic Carrie, is totally fucking ridiculous. This would NEVER happen and if it did he would constantly cheat on her. The loss of the “spark” (which we witnessed in SATC 2), aka her former chase after this unavailable douchebag, would also never happen because the real Big would never commit and would constantly be mind-fucking her. There’s nothing less exciting than a long-term relationship that’s drama free.

shady t shirt

Shadiness is shadily great because it's one of our favorite forms of mind games. While some smart bros can learn how to play the shady card strategically, there are others who just can't control their need to be regularly fucking at least five different girls at a time.

For a bro, possessing the shadiness gene is the gift that keeps on giving, because regardless of how long they've been whipped by some lame ass girlfriend, their naturally shady vibe still constantly works its magic. Raise an eyebrow and send betches everywhere into a frenzy because they all think this guy is trying to send them a personal signal.

Shadiness comes from the subconscious realization that you’re doing something that isn’t completely kosher. Some classic shady moves include:

1. Texting you while you're in the same room

2. Texting more than one girl in the same room

3. When asked if he has a girlfriend, he says "kind of"

4. Asks you to go for a “drive”

5. Sends you a videochat request after midnight

6. The late night sexter

7. “Let’s keep this our fun little secret” before you hook up

8. Response when he sees your eyes gaze over to his screen protected blackberry “Oh I call everyone baby”

9. Consistently on Facebook chat so as to see who’s available

10. Hides his facebook pictures AND wall. There's something he doesn't want you to see.

11. Any guy who answers your questions with “if you say so” or “it is what it is.” Fucking run.

For girls, shadiness usually stems from when you’re hooking up with that guy who all of your friends think is a complete asshole…read: shady. She’ll sneak off and say she’s going to pick some shit up or something like that. Instead she’ll be sneaking off to hook up with the SAB that everyone knows will just fuck her over in the end.

Audrina and JustinBobby"Audrina, I think we have a real like, connection...yo"

When your best betch tells you about the new tall, mysterious man in her life, what this really means is that he’s probably got a lot to fucking hide. She won’t buy this though, so the only thing you can do is tell her the exact thing she wants to hear. “Yeah, he’s probably just fucking you in his car because his apartment is getting redecorated… totally only seeing you.” Or, “It makes sense that he has a lot of early meetings…he’s like a really big deal!”

What you’re really thinking is “Okay so he’s not technically cheating on you because he never said you were exclusive, but don’t worry, I’m sure if you were actually dating he would be!”

After having been around the block a few times, getting with the SAB gets tiring for a true betch. She realizes that these guys are and will always be liars and cheaters and she moves on. However, let's be real, this won’t happen for a really long time, like when she’s looking to get married aka realizing she’s never gonna have a “career.” Remember, you’re only as betchy as the amount of guys you hook up with that make you cry…privately of course.

 

 

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24 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    this site is amazing! it’s like you guys can read my mind with all these posts

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    I really like this. Cracked me up…but you can’t ignore the truth in it. I got myself a slightly shady guy right now, think it’s time to move on?

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    True bitches do shady shit. Not only for the reason that they wanna get it in probably more then the bro does but because just fucking around has no strings attached. If feelings and your heart isn’t in it then there’s nothing to loose and nothing to get hurt by. The whole reason shady was invented was to prevent gossipers to talk and for everyone to do what they want without everyone budding in.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    YES betches need SAB’s so when its time to blow them off betches dont have a stage 5 clinger triple texting and 1. taking shit to their bros

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Shadiness just sounds exhausting. I need a big iced coffee to help me recover.

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    As a gay man, the appeal of the SAB is the fact that yes while they are liars and cheaters 1) they are often really fucking hot 2) they require minimal effort (read no presents, no superfluous communication) 3) You don’t have to treat them well which can be SO stress relieving. Hit and quit a SAB, whatever. Hit and quit a nice guy, you’ll be dealing with that shit for weeks plus no matter how you try to spin it you’re gonna look like a total cunt. True, they’re not good for the long run, but if need a good fuck and some drugs SABs are perfect

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    Forgot to add, A SAB is still a SAB, be safe. No glove, no love

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    my SAB is my drug dealer … have ignored his past 3 hookup texts, lovin being the mindfucker

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    if you stopped worrying about such superficial shit and stopped being a conniving biotch, maybe you wouldn’t attract dirtbags and avoid the tears. bitches

    Posted on Reply
  10. baddbetch says:

    I HEARD “it is what it is”
    i didnt run.

    FML, i hate SABs

    Posted on Reply
  11. bip says:

    words of wisdom!!

    Posted on Reply
  12. love shady betches says:

    You guys need to do a post on “shacking”. Fratstars would also be amusing! You all get me through my day. Not sure what I’d do without you betches…

    Posted on Reply
  13. shady says:

    Currently with a SAB…

    Posted on Reply
  14. Betch on Betch on Betch says:

    If he doesn’t have a facebook, he has a girlfriend/wife/fiance . BetchWord. I have multiple stories of this shadiness happening to my friends. Not me of course, this betch wins.

    Posted on Reply
  15. newbetch says:

    I fucking wish I had found this site earlier! Im a total betch now and dont allow myself to fall for SAB’s or the like, however some of this shit reminds me of my earlier, newbie days of fuck-buddying. they had me wrapped around their fingers! too bad karma’s the biggest betch and now i have all the power….

    Posted on Reply
  16. hay says:

    This is my life.  Glad to know I’m the betchiest betch of all.

    Posted on Reply
  17. CaliBetch says:

    When they say, “Just do you. I gotta do me.”

    Posted on Reply
  18. Sasha says:

    You should add another item to the list of classic shady moves:

    #12: Mysteriously racks up 1-5 brand new female Facebook friends the morning after his “bros night out”

    Love ya betches

    Posted on Reply
  19. Man's view says:

    So by “betch” do you mean super guarded, over complicating, hater? Or am I missing something. Dudette’s, men want to build something with their lives and they want to open doors for you. I’m not talking about waiting on your hand and foot. I get the lack of attraction to nice guys. I’m talking about being a source of power FOR our women. But I’ve had chicks get “betchy” on me and it always put me in a position where giving them what they wanted would’ve been a complete disrespect of myself. And the stupid thing was that before the obvious pathetic attempts to control me by hurting me, I wanted to open those doors. But when our feelings for women become something that’s going to sink us, we run, and you really shouldn’t blame us for it. Just use your judgement and stop being such a bunch of pansies

    Posted on Reply
  20. Gamzy says:

    Yeah.Totally for betches shady is sneakily hooking up with that bro all your friends think is just sooo…

    Hahaha takes me back to#SingleLadies

    Posted on Reply
  21. xoxo says:

    i have a privacy screen on my iphone… does that make me shady?

    Posted on Reply
  22. IonlydateSABs says:

    WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS POST WHERE IS IT??

    Posted on Reply
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