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By The Betches on

All we have to say is that Revenge was sick last night, providing us with twists, turns, new Grayson family members, and a cliff hanger so exciting that we nearly made a facial expression. However, we did get confused as fuck by all the Amandas, Emilys, and Emandas on this show. Let's take a look into this tricky twisted family puzzle:

"Emily Thorne" the badass that she is, broke into Emanda's house, stole her box, and RSVP'd to her invitation. (Apparently US priority mail isn't hasty enough for her.) So, Emily Vancamp is Amanda Clarke who is playing Emily Thorne also known as Emanda. And Emily Thorne is taking Emanda's identity, happens to look like Shakira, and is acting (really poorly) as if she loves a guy who thinks she is Emanda. I hope Revenge was wearing a condom because we feel mind fucked. So who's the real Amanda Clarke again? Sean Connery?

Regardless of who is who, all we know is that there were definitely some moments worth revisiting. Let's start with the invitation.


The invitation came in a box? What is this, a Vanderpump shindig? However we weren't the only one's who didn't really care for it, Noly baby looked really pissed off when he got it. WTF is this cubic zirconia, I was expecting fucking Swarovski at least!!


revenge perceptionMMMmm You smell so good, just like my mom


More importantly, who makes their engagement theme fire and ice? Nothing screams everlasting love like a party theme based on erratic weather patterns.

Emanda sitting at her computer, as usual, but again wearing a white dress and white gloves? What is this, another episode of Cold Case?

Conrad's father does not look like an actor he looks the same age as Conrad and like they just pulled him from the camera crew. Quick, we need an old fucker with yellow dentures! And like, how old is Conrad that his dad is like alive and well, boppin' around?

Victoria puts her hair up when going to the Porters' bar...way to show you're roughing it're going to a bar this isn't the fucking Simple Life.

Ugh what's up with these poor people crashing these rich people parties all gross and bruised. First Tyler now Jack it's like, stop being so dramatic povo people.

What is it about the name Jack that just screams poor boy. Titanic? And Jill?

Charlotte and Declan have like the least chemistry out of any couple in the history of TV...probs bc EVW is gayyyyy.


revenge perceptionOh Emily, I didn't know you were still subscribed to J14!


Mad people lurk in this show.

Why does everyone on this show talk in lame generalizations? I'm not the girl you thought I was.....Won't let you throw away what we have....Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Daniel is so cute and naiive...and just stupid. MOM TELL HIM YOU'RE INNOCENT!!!! WAHHH. Instead of coming to the logical conclusion of the truth, his next reaction was probably like oh shit wait, so if mom wasn't raped, did mom rape David Clarke?? HUH? I'm an alcoholic! Where's my ginger friend? Oh that's right he tried to kill my fiance!! Who wants a shot?

Why does Emanda not have a fucking security system? Like, it's 2012 and you're formulating an evil plot against a family of psychopathic rich villains and you've already been in two encounters with two different people with guns and yet you don't have so much as a sign on your lawn for Slomin's Shield?

PREDICTION: The original Emily Thorne left the note and will be the one to kill Daniel, then Jack will try to cover it up, in a hoodie.


Find the lady with the dark hair! She loves him and he loves her! ....If you know her name is Victoria why wouldn't you just say that in the beginning, idiot young Emanda.

WHOA flashback to Daniel looking hot and wasted, while Emanda is diligently taking notes and looks like a total lesbian. Oh and we love Daniel's slightly combed over hair to signify the passage of time. Epic ABC.

Okay Emanda, way to add a cool trashy accent for the flash back. Did you and Katherine Heigl go to the same school for actors who are learning to use accents?

Charlotte: You're either with me or against me! As she takes one baby sip of some alcohol. Ahh the long awaited return from the dead of Marissa Cooper!

Emily Thorne is attending her own engagement party! Emanda must be enraged that whoever broke into her apartment took her most prized possession (red sharpie) and used it in a mildly evil warning against her.

Last Recap>>


21 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    i loved how the invitation was checked off with a red sharpie. kind of sad that daniel is going to die. i’ve grown to like him throughout the season, at least as fodder for the emanda-victoria tension

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    i’d rather say goodbye to daniel next episode than have abc try and introduce some terrible plot twist to keep him alive.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Miss says:

    Totally calling that Tyler broke into her house…signed it Emily Thorne and will be the one to shoot Daniel. He totally stepped on the board..but went for the gun instead when Emily walked in!

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    Totally calling that its TYLER that broke into her house…stole the box and signed it ‘Emily Thorne.’ he’s already broken in once AND knows there’s something up with that floorboard. And will be the one to kill Daniel.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    Did anyone else notice how creepy and sexual Victoria’s relationship was w/ Conrad’s dad. Fucking gross.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    puh-leez, def not; it was either real Emily or uhhh whats-her-name pet bird girl blackmailing her way up the social ladder

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Best recap yet.

    Posted on Reply
  8. drunk and about says:

    as a drunk person reading this i truely love your sense of humor and how you called out all the shots in the epi…alsoo i got class now which is equivient for fuck i have a test, let drink!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    for the betches like us that actually got into good schools

    Posted on Reply
  10. CBizzle says:

    prediction: Tyler broke into Emily’s house and left that invatation and will probs kill Daniel

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    HAHAHA stop. yes. i was waiting for someone to mention that. or how about the scene with ashley and conrad? i cannot be the only one that noticed how creepy he was looking at her…

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    Watch the beginning of the pilot again and look at the dead body. That’s unmistakeably fluffy fucking ginger hair. Fucking duh. TYLER is the one who dies. So don’t be sad about Daniel.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    did a new betch write this recap? doesn’t sound like the usual betches… too eager…. “boppin’ around,” Daniel’s reaction… like, what?

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    tots an lol moment when vic’s eyelids twitch like non stop when conrad spills it all…

    Posted on Reply
  15. lola says:

    Daniels dad is going to kill daniel so that he can remain the CEO of his fathers company. DUH

    Posted on Reply
  16. betch says:

    “Did you and Katherine Heigl go to the same school for actors who are learning to use accents?”

    its like you read my mind…..

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    what are you trying to say?
    were you, like, dropped on your head as a child?

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    already called it. betch.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    told ya betch.

    Posted on Reply
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