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By The Betches on

So Revenge took a step back from the excitement of last week’s episode as there was way too much talking going on to keep us entertained for longer than five minutes. However, the return of the red sharpie gave us hope for a brighter tomorrow and the revelation (that we totally called) of Charlotte being Vic and David Clarke’s love child hopes to spice things up in weeks to come. We look forward to the Clarke sisters taking some double dates with the Porter boys a la The OC.

On a different note, who the fuck ever understands one word that Emanda says during her narrative? Whatever, we liked the statement this episode made that if you mess with a betch she will burn your fucking house down and somehow look hotter after doing so. We also enjoyed the throwback references. Like when Vic gave Mason some prized advice she learned after watching Meet the Parents, "You see Focker, this is the circle of trust, do you want to be in it?" Yeah, we kind of do.

revengeThat's how we do things in cell block D

Call Outs


Emanda and Daniel are like Barbie and Ken...if Ken had an Oedipus complex and Barbie had a very vast vocabulary.

THERE WERE NO BULLETS IN THE GUN!? Really Tyler? Are they joking? This further proves that gingers can't do anything.

I’m sorry but who the fuck would actually come to a book reading of Mason's personal memoirs just because he wrote a book about some terrorist 20 years ago. That's right, no one. No one would give a shit.

Also, why would Victoria host this? Why would she surround herself with so much David Clarke baggage? Like if I'm Casey Anthony am I signing up to hold a child wellness seminar? Probs not.

The scene in Vic's "boudoir" was so sexual I swear Daniel was one grasp away from going to 2nd base with mommy.

"People are fond of saying that you can't unring a bell." Um what people?

On Mason's house burning down from a cigarette - What year is this? 1982? Any idiot can tell you that cigarettes are all fire safe and you can’t burn a house down with one...we think.

Chill with the lesbian make out sessions. These are the Hamptons fake Amanda, not your former strip club or like, Queens.

These actors are just too good, whenever they're told they have to make an emotion they just blink slowly.

revengeI'd like to thank my bow tie

LOL Moments


When Charlotte finds EVW "studying" Paradise Lost because that’s what she needs to read for school - If I saw a guy trying to read a book I was supposed to read for school to better "fit into my world" I would break the fuck up with him. What a floser.

"I envy your ability to be a slut free spirit. I especially enjoy your bra showing through your shirt." Poor people are so cute with their fishbowls filled with money and their trips to the Ugly People's Vegas aka Atlantic City.

On Mason’s bow ties - was there a "flamboyant douche' sale at Brooks Brothers?

The music playing during Mason's gay breakdown after watching his house burn down was was watching him spaz violently as if he was Jan Brady.


18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Nicole says:

    “Also, why would Victoria host this? Why would she surround herself with so much David Clarke baggage? Like if I’m Casey Anthony am I signing up to hold a child wellness seminar? Probs not.”


    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    *** it was actually emanda gun that tyler had previously so obv there were no bullets in it. Emanda is a betch and always prepares for the worst.

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Anyone notice that mason is the pharmacist from an old season of desperate? The one that killed bree’s first hubby? Really brought me back

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  4. betch says:

    How the fuck did that 9 year old get ahold of matches in an orphanage…? None of the workers noticed/cared she was casually setting trashcans on fire in the middle of the night?

    Posted on Reply
  5. betch says:

    Victoria “no more bandage dresses” thank god for chilling on the herve

    also we knew there was no bullets in the gun last week, so did emanda since it was her gun, conniving betch

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    betches, come the fuck on. this show is SO great (ignoring the acting and most of the writing) and you are TOTALLY dropping the ball with these recaps.
    Go back and read your first few recaps. they were LAUGH OUT LOUD funny the entire way thru…and now you only have a few spot-on quips. you betches are WAY TOO LEGIT to throw out mediocre, or even good work (fucking duh)

    step it up betches, you’re better than this.

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  7. Anonymous says:

    These recaps are one of my fave reasons for watching Revenge…. but ugh what a bore this was.. but then again, so was the epi. tear.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    really disappointed that wasn’t called out here. Where does she get a box of matches?! Do they hand them out to mentally unstable 9-year-olds? Do they ignore subsequent fires??

    Also- yeah right that she has a cell/room that is the size of a small gym. This isn’t daddy’s double infinity beach paradise, it’s a kiddie jail.

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  9. 2creepy2be forgotten says:

    YES i was thinking about that the whole time…it made his character on revenge even more psychotic

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  10. Anonymous says:

    welcome back, sharpie

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    She didn’t get the matches in the orphanage and thus scene was in her foster home, remember mason interviewing her he mentioned her former foster home was burned in a “tragic fire” duh

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  12. yesss says:

    I was thinking the saaame thing, betches don’t know what’s uppp

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  13. love it says:

    This further proves that gingers can’t do anything. sooooo funny

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  14. kbetch says:

    Betches, you were spot on about Charlotte being David Clarke’s daughter.  Thank you for continuing to prove that betches are the smartest people in the universe.

    I’m soooo bummed you didn’t mention the biggest LOL moment for me: Nolan trying to shoot a gun.

    Also, eww that writer guy is so creepy. Not to mention he was Bree’s Tyler-level psycho lover like four years ago in Desperate Housewives. Can ABC please find actors that don’t have baggage?

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  15. betch says:

    Emanda is also from that depressing CW11 show Everwood back in like 2000. LOL.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anon says:

    you’re boring

    Posted on Reply
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