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By The Betches on

 

“Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo casual, but in some parts it’s considered cool to know what’s going on in the world.” – Josh from Clueless

Even though we loooove Clueless and totally think Josh is adorable, betches don’t live in that part of the universe. In betch world, lack of knowledge about what’s going on in the rest of the world allows us to remain in a cloud of ignorant betch bliss. But that’s not to say we don’t appreciate world tragedies! When our dad or some loser tells us about a national fiasco or natural disaster, we listen sympathetically and contribute our own two cents, adding that Kendra is moving back to L.A. and The Biebs’ Never Say Never got rave reviews. We definitely take advantage of these situations to get ideas for creative Halloween costumes, or maybe drop into conversation at a job interview. Last year everyone thought it was hysterical when we dressed up as Chilean miners, and that was only like, 10 days after they got rescued!

dashiansThis is who we keep up with. Sorry, not sorry.

It’s not that we don’t care about the world. It’s just that it’s so boring and who has time to worry about the situation in Egypt when Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are getting a divorce!!!! Oh my gahhhh!!!

See, we do know what’s going on in the world. This is because we get almost all of our information from a few of our fave news sources: Perez Hilton, TMZ, People Magazine and USWeekly, and E! News. We may not be like, all over the Wall Street Diary, but we’re not toooootally oblivious. Like for example, we were perfectly aware when the volcanic eruption in Europe interfered with our trip to Paris while we were #3 abroad, and we knew exactly how to book our flights around that ash cloud. What was that volcano called again? Whatever, thanks weather.com!

Living in a world without news actually makes us way more tolerant and accepting than those who are so-called “well-read.” Some people have long and deep-seeded hatred for others based on centuries of political turmoil and cultural distrust, but when my brother asked me if my Israeli and Iranian besties ever quarrel about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, it was so great to tell him that the only thing they ever fight about was who got a better tan! See, it’s easy to coexist when you don’t know what the fuck is going on. And they say that the person who cares the least has the most power, right?

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11 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    Hello writer betches…I have to admit that when I first stumbled upon this site, I was in shock at its accuracy in describing me. Obvi I myself am a betch–in fact, right now I’m studying abroad in Australia and OMG i love it, the bars and clubs are almost as amazing as in my hometown NYC. I’ve read almost every single betch post and am very happy I finally have a term to describe my way of life. This site is written in such a hysterical way, I loled just as much as when I read all of the Chelsea Handler books. (great choice for betch of the week–she IS the ultimate betch). HOWEVER betches, this post is the ONLY one that I think is very un-betchy. It is important for a real betch to know at least a little bit about the news, even if we learn it from reading all of our nice girl facebook friends statuses (ex. “omg praying for everyone who got affected by the tsunami in japan *sad face*) Betches always need to be either the center of conversation, or actively participating in it so the cute guy you are trying to get with, sees how outgoing and fun you are and loves that you can hold a convo with his bro friends. If a betch can contribute nothing to the convo but the latest news on kim kardashians ass (who isn’t even a real betch) than she looses out to the ugly ass smarter chick dominating the convo.. which is unacceptable for betches. So, I think that this post needs to be edited because betches need to know a little bit about what is going on with the world. If not, how can you trick your guy into thinking “Wow, shes hot, confident, and smart…total package” Cause we all know, they guys who want smarter betches are probably the smarter bros and will make the most money to support our shoe addiction, handbag addiction, jewelery addiction..ok you get it. Betches need to either appear to be sort of smart or downplay their actual smartness to the right level of hot-smart. No one likes a dumb betch, she is embarrassing.

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  2. The Betches says:

    i dont think you realize how dumb you sound in that comment. the website is meant to be satirical and a caricature.

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  3. The Betches says:

    Love ya betches. But Contempo Casual should be capitalized, no? #ilovethe90s

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  4. The Betches says:

    Chelsea is dead on. GF, sent me the link because I told her I’d never date a girl who had no clue what is going on in the world. Being a betch is on thing but being an ignorant, uneducated betch is another.

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  5. The Betches says:

    I am really hoping the comment left by “blah” is true.

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  6. The Betches says:

    I think your statement is dead on, due to the fact that being good at everything is important if you plan on being the ultimate betch. However, if you listen to the original post it states to be somewhat informed. Which is basically saying what you are restating. Got to know how to talk like a betch to be one, and you got to be able to hang with the best to beat the rest. Even if that includes holding a conversation on some boring topic that nobody really gives a darn fuck about !

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  7. Anonymous says:

    Having a clue about the world is essential to a central betch characteristic - being smarter, wittier and better than everyone else.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    You proofread your post.

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  9. Mary says:

    As I discovered the hard way, there’s only a few places in the world your boobs will go further than your brain. My motto is to stay informed and beat the norm. That way, you’ll end up working at a trendy and huge company such as Leo Burnett, like me. Stay betchy, not stupid.

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  10. Yummy says:

    HA! yea wait until the place where your living is under attack…care about the news now? Thats what I thought

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  11. Ivy says:

    Reading the headlines while you’re at Starbucks and then asking your favorite hottie what he thinks of blahbittyblahblah is a perfect way to separate the pros from the bros. plus it’s a great way to learn about shit you don’t actually care about.

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