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By The Betches on

As Decembetch comes to an end betches everywhere begin to reflect on the year that's just passed. Who got a boyfriend this year? How much more fun was Spring Break this year than last? How weird was it when that girl from high school's porno went viral? While nice girls sit at home and order textbooks for next semester while planning their next family trip to Disney Land, betches prepare to end the year with a big blackout bang, on New Year's Eve.

Betches love NYE because it's like the world's biggest party. Some people say this night is usually a let down. We say they were just too sober.

This is a night to dress up like you're on the fucking Titanic and party hard with all of your friends. The reason this night is different than others is that people drink more champagne than usual and balls drop. Just like any episode of Teen Mom 2.



However there's always a downside. Like with Halloween, you can't avoid the freak shows that come out. For some reason December 31 rings some alarm for all nice girls to come out from behind their desks, drink a glass of Perrier-Jouet and cry because they didn't get a new year's kiss. Honestly, we blame Cinderella. Who goes out on New Year's looking for true love when what you really should be looking for is how to get more drunk? Anyway, as a betch the party you'll be attending will be so expensive that you won't have to see any of those poor nice people anyway.

What New Year's should represent is the circle of life, starting the new year in the same fashion in which you were born, not remembering anything. If it's true the way you celebrate New Year's Eve determines how you spend the rest of the year, then betches have no fear. Being blackout and well dressed is a perfect recipe for a great 2012.

A true betch plans her NYE night in advance as to make sure she has the most original and hottest dress and is celebrating at a place where girls who think it's acceptable to wear skirts up to their knees can't and won't get in.

snookiHow do we get on this?

Let's talk about resolutions and why they're fucking stupid. Here's the thing, people who suck should change, and those who have their lives in control shouldn't. Like fine, some of us may want to make a resolution to drink less this year because your habits are starting to impede your short term memory, but that can't be a NYE resolution if you tell yourself this all year round, fucking duh. When people try and draft New Year's resolutions, they're really making pledges to on how to be more like us, i.e. "Lose weight" "Be rich" "Care less." So like, resolutions out, celebrating being amazing in.


So betches, if you were good this year at not having sex with bros, give yourself this one night and do whatever the fuck you want, hook up, get drunk, and make fun of your bestie who chose to stay in to spend a "quiet night" with her boyfriends' parents.

And to all the younger betches, tell your parents that New Year's Eve is one of the safest nights for a betch to blackout because if lost, she'll always leave a trail of sequins that fell from her dress behind her.


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32 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. EmJem says:

    No shout outs to our BFF Molly? Love partying with that betch on NYE!

    Posted on Reply
  2. Megan says:

    NYE is also my bday. Talk about best night ever. Every party is for me, fucking duh!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Shanbetch says:

    Betches this post is perfect…like me. The best way to spend New Years Eve is to continue doing what you have been doing all year (aka. getting blacked and dressing AMAZE)

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    NYE ...a time when anyone who calls this site their “bible”, types out “fucking duh” while leaving a comment, or talks about themselves as betch ..obvi, needs to reevaluate themselves.
    whoever writes this shit has to laugh hard at the ridiculous comments on these posts. So props betches, you have created an army of skanks, who we will likely see on season 30 of the real housewives of some “betchy” city.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Betch says:

    Fucking duh you’ll see us on housewives. You can go shave your back now.

    Posted on Reply
  6. TheRealB says:

    its ok. we can’t all be fucking gorgeous

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    you’re that bitch that doesn’t get into any of the clubs on NYE….your resolution should be to talk less and work out more, FUCKING DUH

    Posted on Reply
  8. Julia says:

    its my bday too! NYE is totes the best birthday to have, fucking duh!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    getchyoself some prozac hun’

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    god if only we could all be so lucky.

    Posted on Reply
  11. anonymous says:

    if you don’t like this site then why the fck are you wasting your time complaing with your annoying ass comments. get a sense of humor or find somewhere else to be a debby downer. UGH.

    Posted on Reply
  12. betchlove says:

    Ew, you must be a fatty and totes jealous that the betches are hotter than you. Go play scrabble and eat tapioca with your grandma in the nursing home on NYE, loser. We’ll be blackout, fucking your boyfriend. Sorry bout it!

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    “you can go shave your back now.” hahahah classic. laughed out loud on that one, props.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Sarah says:

    I will certainly be partying partying with that betch on NYE while listening to lots of 58 House Music.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Queen Betch says:

    This post was disappointing, Betches. Whomever you have writing your posts these days needs to take a trip to Barneys and have a few edibles to reevaluate their betchiness. Get it together. I’m getting bored.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Gretchen Weiners says:

    All this post told me is that NYE is celebrated by betches. No shit. Where are all the classic betchy one-liners and hilarious comparisons? I agree that these posts are going downhill….. quality over quantity, betches. it’s just like screwing bros.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Real betch answer says:

    Real vetches don’t fuck your betches boyfriend. And if you do, step down betch!

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    my birthday too mothafuckasss happy birthday to us!! take some shots/say hello to that betch Molly for me

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    couldn’t have said it better myself

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    This was a good one. Get an ap for iPhone cause this site sucks tot read on one. Need app!

    Posted on Reply
  21. Cole Haans says:

    Clubs are for fucking white trash. Enjoy being an upper-middle class guido piece of shit.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    everyone and their fucking mothers know about betches love this. too mainstream now. deuces.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    I can almost guarantee that the “betch” writing this is the biggest DUFF ever.

    Posted on Reply
  24. brovechkin says:

    u skanks talk a big game until half of you are puking over the railing after 2 glasses of wine. bro or die

    Posted on Reply
  25. Christina says:

    I don’t think white trash can afford a $25,000 table at the club. Nice try though.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Baby New Year says:

    This year NYE was my 21st birthday. Fucking yes. I was the best dressed and most blackout betch on earth

    Posted on Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    See: Every spray-tanned whore residing in the Norheast.

    Flashing money = New Money

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    Double fisting (and no not fist pumping) and like chilling on a gurny in the fbleau security office is totally acceptable on NYE. Espesh when you wake up the next day and realize you’ve gotten free fbleau accessories. Beat that suckas.

    Totally over the Miami NYE scene, the tickets are the price of the loub shoes you’d rather be wearing and like everyone you’ve already been mucho slutastic with is there and a real cunt would never recycle. Unless you’re dating the poor promoter and receive a bazill NYE invites on fcbk from B&M, NYE in MIA is so soph year betches.

    Yes,  NYE is overrated and if you’re disagreeing you’re pathetic and are obv a fat girl who waits all year until NYE so you can find a comatose douche to incoherently MO with you at midnight. In which case, You suck.

    So it’s time to venture to another city for NYE where you can get slipped a roof, or pretend and MO with some douche who works for a hedge fund. Because to be honest every male in NYC works for a hedgfund. And if you don’t, well its time to start. Otherwise you can’t sound like every other douche and say “Hi I’m blah blah, I work for a hedgefund.” Try it, its fun.

    And betches enjoy getting banged out on NYE by your college douches because once they hit the real world they think 69 means they’re on top shoving their 5 incher down your mouth while head diving into your vag. Just because you’re a lawyer does not mean you can face bang me, everyone wants to be a lawyer. You have to be a doc if you expect to be on top during 69 without me calling you out.

    Another reason to celebrate in NYC, everyone who lives in Miami only lives there because they can’t afford the City. Sucks to sucks. But it’s time to travel to NYC where the cunts move because being cunty anywhere else is frowned upon. VOM, who frowns upon being a see you next Tuesday? Not me.

    As a cunt, you’re now stuck with doing some actual work and figuring out where the best place in NYC would be to ensure you get roofd so you can blame fucking that hedge fund douche on something. Where or where shall you embarrass yourself? Well fuck you’re basically cooler than anyone that isn’t in your sosh circle so like just throw an apartment party and get super fucked up on the remainder of that molly girl you purchased for Afro.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      what the fuck is this psycho on. omg. i am so embarrassed for you. i cringed to my stomach while reading this.

      Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    ^Used to being double fisted

    Posted on Reply
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