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By The Betches on

Sometimes life gets out of control and there’s no one in the world we can turn to. Enter the little dog. For betches, little dogs are like an animal version of our #52 GBFFs. They always have our backs, fuck with our enemies for us, and understand the importance of being treated like a princess.

Besides, it’s hard to #1 talk shit about your besties to your besties, and sometimes a betch needs the therapeutic silence of their little munchkin muffin pie cutie face. Isn’t that right Peanut?


mickey rourkeMickey Rourke, what a betch.


Peanut always agrees.

Having a little dog gives betches a chance to create someone just like ourselves (betchy, fashionably dressed), without the weight gain inherent in childbirth.

Some people may say little dogs are disgusting. This is sometimes true. However, more often than not, the people who say this are fugly. So haters, when it comes down to it, you’re just someone who hates little innocent dogs and you have to live with the fact that it is less appealing to hang out with you than my “disgusting” dog.

We like any kind of dog that’s bred to be miniature. It’s like a designer bag, but still alive. You know your dog is betchy if you can bring it to a fancy brunch. Everyone knows a betchy dog is automatically classier than a poor person.

I mean, who would you rather be? A Walmart employee on food stamps, or Lisa Vanderpump's pomeranian?

Betches don’t have mutts or golden fucking retrievers. You think we want a family friendly dog? Uh, no. Betches want a dog who will be as unfriendly and give off as much of a fuck off vibe as we do. And ew, everyone knows cats are for smelly nice girls.

We know Paris Hilton had a Chihuahua, but she, and Elle Woods of course, are the only two who can pull this off without looking a girl who is trying too hard to look like a betch. The only thing a Chihuahua will get you is grossed out looks from your friends and maybe a free burrito from Taco Bell.

So betches, appreciate the one friend of yours who can literally bark at anyone who fucks with them. And remember, betches love bitches.



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15 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    I wish our dorms let us have little dogs! I so like having that fuck off vibe, especially among freshmen!! A little dog would just make it AMAZING! Also, you’ve been awarded a 7×7 Link Award! I just found out about it myself when I got awarded. Anyway, spread this around to your betchiest blogs!

    Stay sweet, betch!

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    Never kiss anything or anyone who can lick their ass …

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    This may the first time anyone’s ever called me a smelly nice girl, but you’re betch enough to pull it off.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Leslie Blair says:

    “And ew, everyone knows cats are for smelly nice girls.” too fucking funny and super accurate. totes describes this one girl i know who thinks she’s a betch but is clearly not because a) she’s practically a midget b) she looks like soo fucking mousey and c) she’s a huge slut who like banged all the guys in a philadelphia prep school that will remain unnamed (cough, st joes, cough). couldn’t agree more with this post. i lovee my little dog almost as much as i love myself, which as betches know, is a-fucking-lot. i hate the new site layout (sorry not sorry), but after reading this post, i totallyyyy forgive you betches. xoxo

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  5. Lidia says:

    Reasons why cats are more betchy:

    1. They are betches by nature. I’ve never heard the phrase he “followed me around like a cat.”

    2. They don’t smell bad.

    3. Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s has a cat.

    4. A cat just recently walked from Colorado to NYC just so she could be in the betchiest city in US. Fact.

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  6. Bromo Say What?! says:

    I really have to agree with Lidia. I want a cat because I want something that won’t just be trained to obey. I mean, yeah, I want a betch by my side at all times, but not one that will agree to be called “Fido.”
    But that’s why the post is called “Little Dogs”, cos little dogs are BOSS and they have SWAG. They’re closer to cats than dogs, really….

    Posted on Reply
  7. Purrrr says:

    AGREED. Cats don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. Unless you earn it.

    Oh, and you have to pick up a dog’s shit. Literally.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Leslie Blair says:

    A *dog* just recently *took a private jet* from *LA to NYC* because its owner is a celebrity/actress/singer/socialite ...just so she could be in the betchiest city in US. Unlike the abandoned cat that had to walk. Fact. #winning #dogsarebetter #sorrynotsorry

    oh and if you’re still not convinced then just watch this cat-loving fuck:

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  9. jen says:

    i had my little prince in my freshman year dorm—he pooped on pad things, its do-able

    Posted on Reply
  10. Ali says:

    Cats require less work & they train themselves.
    Most cats are betches by nature & dogs are too needy.
    Who wants to constantly go home to let the dog and pick up it’s droppings?

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  11. woof says:

    Big dogs are obviously more betchier

    1. they don’t annoyingly bark, meaning they care less and there for #winning

    2. they’re way lazier than little dogs, therefore do less work

    and if you piss off the wrong betch dog, it could just cut all the bullshit and bite your ear off or something…

    Remember the little dog in homeward bound? total dud.
    The big dog, Shadow, ran shit.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Big dogs agreed says:

    I’d rather have my 75lb, gorgeous as hell pitbull. She is the epitome of a betch. In my opinion a dog that can rip your head off if I want her to is ten times betchier than a little dog that I can punt if it gets in my way.
    What betchier than a betch? Her big ass dog.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Barky Betch says:

    We tot agree w/you on creating a little dog in our own betchy image - like, ew if you’re waltzing around town w/a naked, nice-girl, fatty pooch.

    To betch out your best bitch (*online shopping for your dog, thank gah): - our personal fav, “Shih-Tsu’s A Diva.”


    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    not that we would want that burrito from taco bell… VOM

    Posted on Reply
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