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By The Betches on

After watching the thought provoking and completely necessary four hour special on Kim Kardashian's wedding, we found it was due time that the Kardashian family make it on The Betch List. We’d give them Betch of the Week but they’re so betchy all year round that they deserve a number.

Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kim and Khloe Take New York, Khloe and Lamar, blah blah blah are all great shows with amazing life lessons to be learned in every episode. It's like 7th Heaven but with more black people. Also, the only lesson they learn at the end of an episode is that one of them needs another cheek implant.

 

kardashians youngYou'd think Kourt's name was Kelly Kapoor

 

The Kardashians are like American royalty. I mean, on the one hand their fame and wealth is a testament to one of the most ridiculous phenomena in global history. Like they're insanely famous but no one knows the fuck why and they essentially do no work and just act like psychopaths for American amusement. It's like Ryan Seacrest created them in a crystal meth lab gone haywire that instead created the betchiest empire in existence.

Kim is the betchiest of them all because she’s actually pretty and makes the most money. She's also insanely self centered and and just looking at her makes you want to be her even if you're not sure why. Our only explanation as to why she’s marrying an ogre is because her mom pushed her into a corner with a knife to her neck threatening her that if she doesn’t marry a man whose name starts with a K she will take all of her money for another neck lift. Yup Kris, that one worked.

We used to have mixed feelings about Khloe but like after she balled out Kaveman Kris we totally had a new respect for her. She loves being a bitch, and that’s so betchy. She’s fucking hysterical, except when she uses that stupid ass baby voice. Like stop talking to Lamar like he’s one year old, he’s a giant black man. Oh and it’s sooo unlike us to have any feelings, but she’s totally not that fat. She’s just big boned! Lol.

 

kardashian familyThe Armenian mafia

 

Kourtney’s like this little monotone nugget with a baby that looks like it’s her brother’s. We love that she’s with the douchiest douche in Hollywood, but it’s not winning that she’s not married to him. No but seriously, we love Scott now. Who ACTUALLY says “suck me dry beautiful” to the mother of his child. His pastels and sweater vests are the reason we get up in the morning.

Then there’s the mother, Kris, running the show, like the fucking Wizard of Oz behind his fugly curtain. Kris acts like she's an idiot but she actually might be the smartest most exploitative businesswoman in the entire world. While most women would have extreme embarrassment at their daughter's sex tape and hide in their house for years to come, only Kris Jenner knows how to turn a sex scandal into the most lucrative franchise in reality TV history. Like you've managed to turn all your talentless children into rich, famous entrepreneurs and "fashion designers". Where do we sign up to marry Rob?

And finally, the wedding. Kim, your dresses were sick, your emotional break down was nauseating, and your wedding planner looks like Laverne or Shirley.

 

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38 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Krissy says:

    its Kourtney and Khloe take Miami, Kourtney and Kim take New York

    get yo shit right

    Posted on Reply
  2. Gross says:

    Kdashes are so NOT betchy. They are all fug little midgets (minus ogre Khloe) that need to wear in an insane amount of makeup to be even decent looking. They have the most white trash style, and sound like idiots. Hello!? Kim doesn’t even “like to drink”. Whatever the fuck that means. They totes don’t seem to like candy either. And lets face it, no matter how rich their daddy or mommy would be, these skanks would never get into a betchy college. They are dumber than fuckin’ rocks. Other than being rich, there is nothing betchy about them. And even then, only Kris Jenner gets credit for that.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Jen-Jen says:

    Kris Humphries made the only lucid comment in those entire 4 hours : “4 years ago you were selling clothes in the Valley, and now you act like a princess” These girls are classless money grubbing whores. Not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  4. AG says:

    I love this site n the betches but the k’s are a far cry from Royalty. Royal’s are from the lucky sperm times a billion ! The K’s are fab , just not royalty .

    Posted on Reply
  5. BETCH says:

    you are 100% incorrect.  Kourtney went to college.  They are ALL great business woman…get a life

    Posted on Reply
  6. sparklez says:

    Kourtney was the only one to go to college she went to Loyola Marymount University in LA then transferred to U of Arizona where she was an alpha phi….but u of A hardly counts as a college…

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Pretty sure being the kids of one of ojs attorneys and then having their mother marrying an Olympic decathlon winner (aka best athlete in the world) counts as royal sperm club. Hellooo Kim grew up with Paris Hilton.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Yes its 10:01 on a Sat and im fully dressed w/a db says:

    Im just saying….why the hell is Rachel Zoe not on the Betch List? She, much like the K’s def needs her own number not a measly Betch of the week spot. She is the ultimate Betth. She is suck a fucking rock star she had hair + make up done before giving birth to her child (ewww not betchy= giving birth). The Betch wears 6 inch Jimmy Choo’s while carrying a baby….C’mon. Oh and her kids “uncle” is Micheal Kors. She’s forever drinking Starbucks and had a slew of beautiful, skinny, gay minions at her side at all times. uhhh wheres my gay minion to do my dirty work?- just saying. Plus, she says shit like Ba-nan-as, major, this is everything, and talk to me. So let’s get it the fuck together and get this up soon. Ok, I have to get back to my text with with my bestie. She let me dance alone on the sidewalk to Lil Troys-Wanna be a baller. Thanks bitch, all her fault. Which, reminds me can you please add soemthing like “Dancing like a white girl but acting like your a hip hop dancing while pretending you know something about black culture whenever big black guys are around..but you really dont.” to the Betch list. We’ve all done it. Stop hating.  Love ya more Betches.

    Posted on Reply
  9. you're the mistake says:

    you stupid bitch, stop talking like a black person and watch E!  the next installment to the series is Kim and Khloe take New York.  Obviously the betches are smarter than you, and clearly they aren’t sucking down crack rocks like yourself!

    Posted on Reply
  10. WaitButReally says:

    Wait, really though… Kourtney’s the pretty one… Not only is she super skinny, gorg and the best dressed Kardashian, but she’s tots betchy and always telling everyone how it is. Love you betches even though you’ve denied her of her natural betch-hood.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    1. yes, kourtney is obvi the pretty one. kim is pretty…in a special drag queen kind of way.
    2. WAYY to forget the betchiest of the kdash/jenners…kendall and kylie! have you seen those two, especially their super fierce modeling work? they are total betches in training and once then get into their later teens will be unarguably the prettiest of all of the sisters and will completely upstage them. plus they’ve basically been born into it their whole life…the others had to wait until they were in theirs 20s to get their own tv shows etc. kendall and kylie are starting right off the bat, love it

    Posted on Reply
  12. selinnaa says:

    beyonce should be betch of the week. this shot is boring.

    Posted on Reply
  13. alanna says:

    hahaha how do you know she’s not black?!

    Posted on Reply
  14. eff says:

    shut the fuck up you moronic dumbass. she was right the first time, it’s KOURTNEY and kim take new york. please refrain next time you feel like sounding like a hysterical troll.

    Posted on Reply
  15. kbetch says:

    ummm obviously the head betches are the smartiest people in the world.  They know the name of the show! They just don’t care to get it right and are making the point that these shows are so ridiculous the name is not relevant. 

    don’t question the head betches, bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  16. kbetch says:

    jealousss…...

    Posted on Reply
  17. betchybetch says:

    Actually Rob went to college to, he went to USC

    Posted on Reply
  18. Lisa says:

    I laughed my ass off at this post… loved it!

    “Like stop talking to Lamar like he’s one year old, he’s a giant black man.”

    Posted on Reply
  19. hahahaha says:

    it IS kim and kourtney. there is no kim and khloe show. stupid fuck

    Posted on Reply
  20. Juanita says:

    In the fourth paragraph you have “and” twice.

    Posted on Reply
  21. betchez says:

    ur so not betchy
    just get off this site
    like seers (#21 abbrevs- seriously)
    k.

    Posted on Reply
  22. J says:

    Hahahaha “stop talking to lamar like he’s one year old, he’s a giant black man” I just loled in class. Great.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Madison says:

    I literally LOL’ed the entire time i read this, definitely one of my favorites!

    Posted on Reply
  24. Seriously says:

    Why is it that so many people that comment on this site take everything so damn seriously?! This is hands down one of the most entertaining sites out there, everyone just needs to enjoy it. Clearly these writer betches are fucking with all of us. Relax people. It isn’t ACTUALLY the bible.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Rachel says:

    I’ve never laughed out loud from reading something more than I did with this post. Amazing.

    Posted on Reply
  26. no says:

    Rachel Zoe, as entertaining as her stupid ass show is, IS NOT a betch.  She, like the Kardashians, might be a great business woman and also a money grubbing ho bag, but that’s about it.  She might act like a betch but she is NOT pretty enough.  I’m sorry but she did not have enough plastic surgery yet on that pruny face of hers to be allowed on this site.  Rodge is more of a betch than Rach!

    Posted on Reply
  27. loves it says:

    Mason is hands down my favorite member of this family.

    Posted on Reply
  28. allie says:

    Actually, it’s Kim and Kourtney take New York. So, you’re wrong.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    Thank you! Such trash.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Jdefili says:

    That post thought they were Persian. This post equals Scott’s cane in awesomeness.

    Posted on Reply
  31. betch says:

    I never laugh out loud at a computer screen… its the kind of thing i only do when its in someone’s face or about someone. I dropped my computer from my bed I laughed so hard at the part about Scott. Congratulations betches, this is the best site on the internet.

    Posted on Reply
  32. ueveqv says:

    ummmmm no….it’s definitely Kourtney and Kim Take New York
    next time think before you call someone a stupid betch, stupid betch.

    Posted on Reply
  33. biggest bech says:

    Instead of wasting your time telling them where they put the second “and” or if they got the name of the most pathetic tv show right go take a shot.. maybe your ugly attitude and pretentious grammar skills will eventually come out of your hair ass the next morning when you take an alcohol dump.
    xoxo

    Posted on Reply
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